The music begins to play, like it has a thousand times before, her feet move on their own because they know where they need to go and she feels the tears beginning to fall silently without control. The slightest breeze caresses her cheeks, cooling the hot tears and attempting to dry the ones that fall; this is the happiest moment of her life, every moment had brought her here so, of course, a tear will be shed.

His hair shines a soft, chocolate brown as the sun blesses them with a beautiful day. There isn’t a cloud in the sky and it’s almost like the heavens themselves have given their blessings for the union, allowed them to share another lifetime together. When he turns, skin a shimmering gold as a smile spreads across his lips, she feels the air in her lungs leave her in one shaky breath. He feels the same way, seeing her dressed in white and walking down the aisle in time with the music – he couldn’t think of a sight that he’d compare to her beauty.

The mountains with a snow blanket, the ocean bathed in the silver moonlight or even the sunrise peeking in through the curtains, couldn’t compare to the beauty that she is in this moment.

When she stands in front of him, Jongin holds her hands so delicately in his own, tears welling up in his shining brown eyes while hers fall silently. This is a moment that they have shared over many lifetimes, a love that has blossomed and blazed through every moment in time and to share it again, whether knowingly or not, is like finding home once more.

The vows are shared, the words almost written on their hearts and memorised like their names. A kiss on the lips is followed by them pressing their foreheads together, their little bubble drowning out the noise that tries and penetrates their happiness. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where loving her wasn’t an option, she couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone but Jongin and for a moment, as short as it may have been – they were at peace.

A peace that was ended too quickly when the alarm blared and evaporated the dream into a wisp of smoke. Jongin groans, stretching his arms out while she rolls over and buries her nose into the pillow, refusing to wake up. The alarm refuses to stop, repeating over and over and over until it’s turned off; Jongin opens his eyes, blinking away the sleep, the dream still dancing in the back of his mind, and she rubs a hand over her face, yawning before rolling out of bed and fighting the urge to crawl back into the warmth.

The sun shines, another day to start so beautifully over this long weekend, but with the dream hanging on the fringe of reality; the emotions still stirring up everything that each life has once felt so fully before Jongin looks at the body still in the bed and sighs. She looks into the mirror, a clenching in her heart beginning to replace the happiness that she woke up feeling; another day to get through, another day to pretend that every second she sees him isn’t completely ripping her heart out and shattering it into a thousand pieces.

Where did they go wrong?

They are two souls who have lived a thousand lifetimes together become star-crossed lovers, forced to dream and feel everything that once had before having to live with the fact that this time – fate had a different path for them. A punishment maybe, a lesson to learn as they wake up every morning, knowing they are so close but so far away and Jongin wonders when the pain will end. She knows there is nothing to stop this, this constant longing to be held by him once more, to have his scent envelop her when he pulls her close and kisses her crown like he’s done many times before. Life is often cruel and even though they found each other, like they have done more times than they can recall, things are different this time – he’s engaged to her cousin.

She had heard the news, never thinking anything of it because how was she meant to know it was him, her Jongin. When he saw her name on the guest list, Jongin never fathomed that his love, his soulmate, was going to be attending his wedding to someone else.

She hears her name being called, recognising the voice as if it was her own. Jongin walks into the kitchen, silence surrounding them as they are the only two there and her heart begins to race; her fight or flight reflex kicking in because she knows what will happen if she remains here too long. “Please,” his voice breaks as he reaches for her, fingers igniting fire where they touch and burning her alive. “Don’t go.”

“Jongin,” hearing his name fall off his lips, the plea for him to stop before it’s too late. “We can’t do this.”

“Why not?” He presses, her resistance failing when his fingers intertwine with hers. “Why can’t it be you tomorrow?”

Tears begin to fall, the need to be comforted by him overwhelming her as Jongin gently encourages her into his arms. “You know why,” she buries her face into his chest, inhaling deeply to try and remember it. “It’s too late.”

“It’s not too late.”

“Where would we go? What would we do?” She fights back, tears already falling as she looks up and sees his own eyes b with tears. “It’s your wedding tomorrow, you’re marrying her.” She didn’t mean for it to sound so jealous but it fell off her tongue, lathered in venom. “How would it look if you broke everything off, only for us to be together?”

“I don’t care.”

She pushes away then, frustrated at him, at herself, and at this entire situation. “Well, I do!” She tries not to shout the house down. “This isn’t some random, this is my cousin – she deserves happiness, too.”

“It’s always been us.” Jongin reaches for her again, “I belong to you, I always have.”

“Then, why are you marrying her?”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair and giving her a pleading look, one that begs her to understand. “You know that it all came flooding back the moment you got out of the car. Seeing you, smiling as the sun hit your face and causing you to radiate brighter than a hundred sun, it was like I had finally woken up from a dream.”

“And that’s why we can’t, Jongin. They won’t understand.”

“They don’t need to understand. What could they know about love that has found each other throughout the ages? Who are they to tell us that we can’t be happy, that we can’t be together?” He grits his teeth, angry that she doesn’t want this as badly as he does. “We’ve found each other again, why won’t you let us be happy?”

“Because doing so would break her heart!” She raises her voice, realising her mistake when she hears movement coming down the hall. Not wanting to have to explain what had happened, she makes her exit, a cowardly one without a second glance at Jongin – not sure where she was running to, only knowing it’s away from him.

A dream that seems so blissful and pure soon becomes her living nightmare as she waits for the music to start. This time, it isn’t her walking down the aisle. This time, it isn’t her that Jongin smiles at when he sees her. This time, it isn’t her who he promises to hold and cherish until his dying breath.

No, this time, she has to watch. She has to force a smile as she watches the man she’s been with since the beginning of time, promise himself to another. She has to clap even as her heart remains shattered and dying on the ground. Instead of being the one who he now calls his wife – she is just a bystander, looking in through the window at the happiness that was once hers.

“I’m happy for you,” the words feel like gravel as they push their way out of . Jongin doesn’t look convinced but he doesn’t say a word as she hugs her cousin; the newlywed couple are about to get into their car, to drive off to begin their new life. “I wish you both a long and loving life together.”

Her eyes meet Jongin’s, the connection pulling them together as they embrace for the last time. There’s too much left unsaid, too much that he wishes he could do to change their fate but she’s made her choice and with the wedding finished and another on his arm – she isn’t going to take that back any time soon.

Or, at all.

“I love you,” he whispers, low enough that nobody but her hears it and that’s the final nail in the coffin for her heart. “I will find you in the next life, I will never let you go.”

“You say that every time,” she mutters back, squeezing one last time before pulling away. “Maybe we will, maybe we won’t.” Once, she had been so certain, absolutely positive that Jongin was made for her and she him but now – she’s not so sure. “We won’t ever know.”