Part One

 

song featured: official hige dandism - pretender

---

5 minutes.

 

Chaewon exhaled a breath. For some reason, she’s more nervous then than she had ever been. It wasn’t even her first time on stage. Maybe it’s because it’ll be her last.

 

“Here, I got you some water.”

 

Oh who was she kidding, she knew why. The reason she was more nervous than ever all day.

 

She gave a small grateful smile towards the other girl, one hand already reaching over to the cup. “Thanks, Minjoo.”

 

Minjoo beamed at her. “Of course!”

 

She emptied the cup in one go.

 

Minjoo watched her in amusement. “Nervous?”

 

“Not at all.” They both knew it was a lie.

 

Chaewon sighed, leaning her body onto Minjoo’s side.

 

4 minutes.

 

“I’m gonna miss you, you know.” Chaewon stated, voice merely above a whisper. In the hustle and bustle behind the stage, stage hands and everyone else busy with their own thing, Minjoo still heard her over every other noise there.

 

Minjoo hummed in reply. “Maybe if you didn’t suddenly decide to go on that STEM exchange programme in Japan, maybe we would still go to the same school everyday together next year.”

 

3 minutes.

 

Chaewon could just feel the taller girl pouting. She let out a laugh. “Like I said-”

 

“It’s a once in a lifetime chance.” Minjoo cut off, her voice still sounding sulky. “I get it.” She whined. “It’s just so crazy! We’ve been going to the same school and seating besides each other since the first grade!”

 

“And next year, we won’t be.”

 

“You’re a terrible person.”

 

Chaewon hummed in response. “But you still love me?”

 

“That I do.” Minjoo sighed in mock defeat.

 

2 minutes.

 

“Chaewon, let’s go.” A guy with a guitar hanging on his back called out to her. “We’re on standby.”

 

She nodded at the guitarist, removing her weight from Minjoo. “I’ll get going now then.”

 

“Do your best.” The younger had both her fists up in front of her, shaking it once with an encouraging smile. “Leave the school with a bang!”

 

Chaewon chuckled before turning around, walking over towards her band mates at the side of the stage.

 

1 minute.

 

“Finally!” A voice greeted her. The girl in an orange cardigan puffed up one cheek. “Why’re you taking so long? We’re going to head up anytime now! You should tell your soulmate to wait up after the performance to talk to you.”

 

“You’re grumpy today.” Chaewon exclaimed instead. “Is it because of Yena unnie’s graduation? Are you sad you’re not going to see her next year?”

 

Yuri made a protesting noise to that.

 

“Hey now, no fighting.” Another one of her band mate - the drummer with the super long bangs Chaewon couldn’t see his eyes - said. “We’re up.”

 

This is it.

 

The walk up the stage was no more terrifying than it usually was, with everyone in the audience staring at them. Chaewon headed straight for the microphone. Up front and centre. While her friends set up at their own place, her eyes roamed over the sea of students.

 

At the front rows were the graduating students, with their robes and hats and their newly acquired certificate. Yena, her band’s keyboardist’s girlfriend, was in the middle of it, looking past Chaewon. She shook her head ever so slightly. Of course her eyes won’t leave Yuri. They were so in love. At such a young age.

 

Chaewon sighed inwardly. There was a slight ache in her chest, one she simply ignored. It wasn’t anything new.

 

Her eyes continued its exploration until she finally saw the girl she was looking for.

 

Minjoo was smiling at her, as always, waving her hand from side to side, most likely disturbing those around her. Chaewon let out a laugh. The girl most likely didn’t notice.

 

Minjoo didn’t notice a lot of things. She returned the smile in gratitude. It always brings Chaewon warmth to know how much the former supports her.

 

“Psst.” A voice hissed behind her. “Chaewon, we’re ready.” She nodded to Yuri before grabbing the mic on the stand and plastered her usual award winning smile.

 

“HELLO GRADUATES!” The front rows students all hollered enthusiastically, claps and cheers going all around. She grinned. Those never gets old. “First of all, good morning. I just want to congratulate our former seniors for completing their studies here.” She waited until the polite clapping ceased.

 

“If you don’t already know us, we’re Peace After Sunrise, the winners of the school’s talent show,” she paused and lowered her voice conspiratorially into the mic as she added, “3 years in a row.” The students cheered once more while Chaewon pretended to be bashful. No one ever accused her of being modest.

 

“As per tradition, we’ll be performing a few songs for all our graduates today. So before we get to any introductions, we’ll warm up with a song as a starter. Enjoy!”

 

As much as Chaewon tried acting relaxed, her anxiety kept creeping up on her as the show went on. Everyone was having fun. She was having fun. But she knew as the show came closer to the end, it won’t just be the show that ends.

 

Her eyes kept going to that one person the whole time.

 

When they finished the 3^rd song, her heartbeat was racing so much she thought she couldn’t breath. Her hands kept clenching and unclenching. The sweat running down her neck seemed too cold.

 

“Hey Chae?” She turned to her side and met Yuri’s sympathetic eyes. She knew too. Chaewon wasn’t sure if Yena told her or Yuri figured it out herself, but she’s sure Yuri knew. “It’s almost over.” You can do this.

 

Chaewon let out a huge breath and nodded. She was right. It was almost over. Just one song left.

 

“Have you enjoyed yourselves so far?!” The affirmative shouts filled the gymnasium. “Well I’m glad. However, we only have one song left in the set.” She scanned the group of students in red robes at the front. “The last song for all of us.”

 

She turned to meet the eyes of her band mates, nodding at her in encouragement. No one held her responsible and she knew it, grateful at them. She still couldn’t help but feel sorry that she had to be the one to break the group up with her decision to transfer.

 

She turned back to the front, meeting Minjoo’s own gleaming eyes.

 

“Thank you for your attention so far.” Chaewon said, her eyes not leaving the stunning brown orbs. “Please enjoy.”

 

The guitar started playing and Chaewon had to force her eyes close, gulping down the nerve. You can do this.

 

 

My love story with you, just as expected,

 

 

She opened her eyes, and what a perfect moment that was to do so. Instead of brown gleaming orbs staring right back at her, Minjoo was welcoming another person with a hug, eyes beaming with fondness.

 

 

Was a one-man show as soon as it began,

 

 

She watched as Yujin took the previously empty seat beside the brunette. Chaewon felt the familiar drop in her chest.

 

 

Even though I’m always by your side, I’m just your audience,

 

 

Minjoo turned back to the stage, motioning at them to the younger girl. Chaewon could only imagine she was explaining what the later missed. Her eyes met Chaewon’s again and then widened in shock, smiling sheepishly in apology. She remembered complaining to Minjoo how she didn’t like people doing other things while she was performing. It was a petty complaint. An immature one.

 

 

The sorry’s that you don’t mean, just like always,

Are not so bad once you get used to them,

 

 

The sheepish smile faded, and her eyebrows furrowed. There was clear confusion in those brown eyes now. Chaewon quickly looked away, but that didn’t last long.

 

 

My romance with you is just how life goes,

These things don’t last, I know

 

 

She closed her eyes, swimming in the images behind them.

 

 

---

 

 

They were in 7^th grade. Minjoo was lying down on her stomach, the credits of the romantic movie they had just watched rolling on the TV. Minjoo was dabbing away the last of the tears from her eyes. “I wish I can meet my fated person in a grandiose romantic way too,” she had said, a dreamy sigh accompanying that statement.

 

Chaewon remembered throwing her pillow at the girl. “There’s no way that’s gonna happen. The most you’re gonna get is the person sitting next to you.” She picked the pillow back up. “That’s as romantic as any.”

 

Minjoo had spluttered at that. “That’s unacceptable!” She pushed herself off the carpeted floor. “That’s boring and flavourless! Like vanilla!”

 

Chaewon tried and failed to keep from turning up. “You love vanilla.”

 

“I know.” Minjoo cried, covering her face with both hands. “I’m a hypocrite that is terrible at analogies.”

 

“That you are.” Chaewon laughed, throwing the pillow again. This time, Minjoo caught it and squeezed the pillow in her arms, resting her chin atop. She was adorable. “So, how would you like it to be?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe something adventurous like a pistachio. But not too adventurous, like mint chocolate. No offence.”

 

Chaewon raised her eyebrows in amusement. “First, you have such a weird definition of adventurous. Second, I wasn’t talking about ice cream you idiot. I was talking about your idea of a grandiose romantic meeting you were talking about.” She took another pillow from her bed for herself. “And third, full offence.” She added.

 

Minjoo smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.” Chaewon knew she wasn’t and rolled her eyes playfully. “And well,” Minjoo sighed, the dreaminess now gone. “I’m not really sure. But it will be romantic, that’s for sure!”

 

Chaewon remembered smiling fondly while the younger listed off all the possible ‘meet-cute’s she wanted to have with that fated person.

 

They were in 7^th grade. Chaewon hadn’t understood why her smile dimmed at the thought that Minjoo didn’t even consider that she had already met that fated person.

 

 

---

 

 

If I were to be able to choose,

A different setting, a different situation,

A different world where I could meet you,

 

 

Chaewon would be standing on a stage just like this, and Minjoo would be one of the many people in the audience. Chaewon would be singing a love song, and their eyes would meet. There would be an immediate connection. A spark. It would feel like they’re the only two there. And Chaewon would be singing for her and her only. And afterwards they would get dinner and talk to each other.

 

How romantic is that? That in a sea full of people they would still find each other. Minjoo would like that story, wouldn’t she?

 

 

I wish I was able to express my feelings,

In a different style, a different way,

 

 

Chaewon would get a bouquet of flowers, white and pink in colour. She would get a box of chocolates wrapped with one of those big ribbons in the middle. They would be walking along the river at night, the sky littered with stars and the moon shining just bright enough.

 

That’s pretty romantic, isn’t it?

 

 

But wishing all these is pointless so,

 

 

She finally opened her eyes and met Minjoo’s wide ones. There was realisation dawning in them. If she wasn’t singing her heart out right now, Chaewon would totally laugh, alas bitterly. Always late to the party, that brunette.

 

 

Goodbye

 

 

---

 

 

They were in 10^th grade, and Chaewon had finally understood why exactly her smile dimmed.

 

“Chaewon! Chaewon!” Said girl turned around hastily, watching as her best friend skidded to a stop behind her. “Kim Chaewon!”

 

“Min? What the hell is up with you?”

 

Minjoo’s hands rested on both of her shoulders, her face directly in front of Chaewon’s. It took a lot of training, but Chaewon had mastered the art of not turning red while Minjoo does this kind of thing. Which is about 10 times a day, more or less. She gave up counting by lunch time

 

“You won’t believe it, but I think I just found my fated person.”

 

And just like that, she wouldn’t need those training anymore. She should have sign up for a class about not turning pale and not looking horrified instead.

 

She wasn’t prepared to have Minjoo smile like that - from ear to ear, even reaching her eyes and turning them into crescents, those Indian dimples clear as day - and hating just the sight of it.

 

“Your,” she gulped down the lump in . “Your fated person you say?”

 

“Yes!” The younger beamed, pulling her hands away from Chaewon’s shoulder before engulfing the older into a hug so fluffy and comfortable, one Chaewon loved so much usually. That time, she only felt suffocated. “It was magical! As soon as I could, I had to come find you and tell you everything.” She pulled back and met Chaewon’s eyes seriously. “And I do mean everything.” She beamed again. “Do you have time?”

 

No she didn’t. She have to do the history homework she procrastinated on. She have to clean her room. She have to feed the dog. She have to walk the lady across the street. Anything! She didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear anything.

 

“Yeah, I do.” She smiled, watching as those eyes light up even more. “Your place?”

 

“I love you!” Minjoo pulled her back into an embrace. “You’re the best! I know you’re my soulmate for a reason.”

 

In the safety of Minjoo’s neck, Chaewon had let her face fall. She felt tightening, holding the sob threatening to pour out. She returned the hug, her hands caressing the younger girl’s brown hair.

 

“That I am.” Just not the one Chaewon was hoping to be.

 

They were in 10^th grade, and Minjoo had broken her heart for the first time. The worst thing? Chaewon still couldn’t hate her for it.

 

 

---

 

 

I’m not your soulmate,

It hurts but I can’t deny it,

And it’s still hard to let you go,

Just touching your hair makes me ache,

It’s a sweet kind of pain,

 

 

Minjoo’s eyes glistened, and there were tears running down her cheek. They were still staring at each other, the whole time, neither making a move to break the contact. Yujin was beside Minjoo, looking both confused and concerned, both hands resting on Minjoo’s laps comfortingly. Chaewon finally looked away.

 

 

Goodbye

 

 

So what are you to me?

I don’t know the answer,

I don’t want to know,

 

 

If there’s just one thing I know that’s true,

 

 

She closed her eyes, picturing those familiar eyes not looking at her with horror. Instead, Minjoo was smiling at her, beaming. Her brown hair cascaded to her side. She was sitting on her bed with the worn out t-shirt she borrowed from Chaewon and never gave back.

 

 

It’s that

You’re beautiful

 

 

---

 

 

“Stop crying.”

 

“I’m an idiot.”

 

“You’re not, but you do look stupid right now.”

 

“You told me I’m a beautiful crier.”

 

“A little white lie here and there. No one looks beautiful crying. So stop.”

 

She didn’t. Minjoo was still crying in her arms. As soon as they went off stage, the younger had ambushed her into an embrace and crying into her shoulder ever since. There was probably a wet patch there.

 

Yujin had rubbed her neck bashfully, explaining to her that Minjoo had been down about Chaewon leaving for a while now and was guessing that the bottle had exploded. She left with the rest to give them privacy soon after.

 

It was quiet backstage, a contrast to when they were together here earlier. The speech from the principal was muffled back there, serving only as background noise.

 

She sat there in silence, caressing the brunette’s hair softly in comfort for a while before noticing Minjoo’s cry had began to cease.

 

“You okay now?”

 

“No.” Minjoo replied, pulling herself away and leaning back against the wall beside Chaewon. “How long has it been?”

 

“Since you started crying?”

 

“You know what I mean.” The sentence lacked the usual whine that came with it.

 

Chaewon hummed contemplatively. “I’m not sure exactly. I just know it’s been awhile.”

 

Minjoo went silent again, her eyes closed. They were puffed up from all the crying and Chaewon laughed at how adorable that looked.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was just above a whisper, almost drowned out by the sudden thunderous clap from the gymnasium.

 

“Because it wouldn’t change a thing, would it?” She tapped the empty space between them, and Minjoo obediently scooted closer, leaning her shoulder to Chaewon’s own. “You’re in love with Yujin, your amazing girlfriend that came out of the romcom movies, are you not?”

 

“I am.” Minjoo’s voice tightened again. “I do love her, and I love you too.”

 

Her smile was dim, already knowing what comes next. “But?”

 

“...but not in the same way.”

 

“...I know.” Chaewon closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears to disappear, the sharp pain to go away. “I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you. You’re just gonna feel guilty and that would be terrible, for all three of us.” This wasn't time to have a breakdown. She turned her head sideways to face the brunette. “And I love you too much, just as friends, to make that happen.”

 

“But you’re telling me now.” It was more of a statement than a question.

 

“Because I’m leaving soon, remember?”

 

Minjoo rolled her head, groaning, and rested it on Chaewon’s shoulders. “Don’t remind me.”

 

“What will you do once I’m gone?” The older girl chuckled.

 

“I’m gonna die. That’s what’s gonna happen.” Minjoo bit her lower lip. “…am I the reason you’re leaving?”

 

Chaewon took both of the brunette’s hands into hers. “No, you’re not. I really meant it when I said this is a great opportunity for me. If anything, it’s the only reason I’m telling you my feelings now.” She sighed. “I don’t wanna leave things the way it is. I needed some closure, or else I’m probably just gonna die in Japan alone.”

 

“That’ll be terrible.”

 

“I know right.”

 

“At least get a cat or something.”

 

“You suddenly forget they’re my enemy?”

 

“It was one time, Chae.”

 

“The scars on my face cry to sleep every night since.”

 

“They’re tiny and hard to see. Don’t go around telling people you won a brawl again. You’re just gonna embarrass yourself.”

 

“No promises.”

 

They shared a hearty laugh together before sitting there just enjoying the silence. Soon enough, they could hear footsteps starting to trickle out the make-shift event area.

 

“Chae?” Minjoo’s voice cut through, wobbly and tight. “Are you going to stop being my friend now?”

 

“Of course not! You’re crazy that you’d think so.” Chaewon squeezed the hands in hers. “I’m not gonna stop being your friend. I thought you’re gonna call me everyday while I’m in Japan?”

 

“I will! Definitely! Just,” Minjoo let out a shaky breath. “You sure we’re gonna be okay? I don’t wanna hurt you Chaewon.” She scrunched her eyebrows together. “I’ve hurt you enough.”

 

Chaewon smiled. Of course that’s what she was worried about. “I’ll be even more hurt if you stop being my friend because of this. It’s been a concern of mine, honestly, that you’ll distance yourself from me because of this. I’d still understand though.”

 

“You’re crazy that you’d think so.” The younger echoed her previous statement.

 

“I would rather die than have you hate me.”

 

“That you do.” Minjoo nodded. “Me too, by the way.”

 

“That you do.” Chaewon echoed this time.

 

So that was that. She was officially rejected. It felt like a weight have been lifted off her, and nothing had changed. This was the best situation she could have hoped for. There was still the familiar ache in her chest, but it was faint now after that sharp pain earlier. She felt like crying and laughing both.

 

She was going to be okay, she knew that. Because Minjoo is still there with her, right by her side.

 

She couldn’t have hoped for more, could she?

 

---

 

no no dont go yet i know youre thinking about it TT

dont be sad! this isnt the end! there will be more to come so stay tuned for that^^

there will only be 4 more chapters, plus an epilogue, yay

thanks for reading!

long live 2kim