needless to say, the house is silent for a while after that. irene putters about the kitchen, mindlessly organizing and reorganizing their kitchen shelves, studiously avoiding even looking in the direction of her bedroom door, where seulgi resides. 

 

of course, they’ve shared a bed before. she remembers their trainee days, when they were both exhausted from hours of dance practice. seulgi would look at the clock - always past midnight - then turn back to her, puppy eyes in full effect.

 

they’d wriggle into that tiny twin bed, seulgi curling up towards her, eyes bright as she’d whisper excitedly about sleepovers and the dorm and ‘this is so cool unnie, I can’t wait till we live together!”. 

 

then their group is finally finalized and the others move in, seulgi’s eyes wide as she lugs her suitcase behind her despite having visited numerous times. it’s just their luck that there’s a thunderstorm that night and irene commemorates seulgi’s first official night there with her, seulgi’s gaze exasperatedly fond as she opens up the blanket with a dramatic snap, cooing as irene sheepishly slid in. 

 

but it’s been years since, and irene is the leader now. no matter how loud the lightning snaps and the thunder crackles, she’d flinch alone from under the blanket, hands clamped over her ears as she tried to go to sleep. 

 

so to have seulgi be volunteered back into her room, back to sprawling across the bed, her bed, one arm suspended over the edge, the other under irene’s body, her warmth and scent lingering on her sheets? she was going to avoid that for as long as possible, thank you very much.

 

and now, sumin. 

 

the teenager is everything and nothing like she’d imagine her kid to be. because yes, when she’s bored and lonely and tired enough, she’s imagined kids with her features; soft, rounded eyes and big ears, smiling toothily. she’s never gotten as far as them being teenagers, but she doesn’t have to now with living, breathing proof meters away from her. 

 

she’s fiery in a way irene hadn’t expected - whipsnap smart and snarky, completely unlike she herself had been in her youth. her long, still gangly limbs belied a grace that irene has seen beside her in the practice room for a decade. her entire being emanated a self-assurance that screamed of love and care growing up. even as irene had ripped into her, no doubt striking a nerve or ten, sumin had remained resolute, meeting her gaze till she’d closed the door, eyes defiant despite the faint shimmer of unshed tears - like she knew something irene didn’t. 

 

and maybe that’s why staring at her from up close in seulgi’s room had been one of the most terrifying moments she’d ever experienced. to have seulgi’s eyes curve into crescents from what was undoubtedly a face shaped like her own? a brow that jumped up ever so slightly when irene had sat down, like she’d seen in countless gifs of herself on the internet? and the hand that had covered hers as she’d moved away, warm and all-encompassing in a way that was all too familiar. to know that she did know something - something irene was too scared to face.

 

maybe it’s that combination of fear and familiarity, this manifestation of the uncanny valley that was her being happy with seulgi  anyone that causes her to lash out, cold and biting. it wasn’t hard to guess why a young child would want to return to her younger parents given the opportunity. even as she spoke, she’d felt a stab of guilt at the look in sumin’s eyes, but pressed on. cruel or not, there was too much at stake, and the teen had to understand that.

 

she’s halfway through reorganizing their cutlery by size when a hand lands on her shoulder and she jumps, hand already raising to slap whoever it was. she stops when she turns to see seulgi, who’s smiling gently despite irene’s suspended hand. 

 

“hi. why’re you abusing our kitchen?” 

 

“I’m not abusing it, I’m just-” she pauses at seulgi’s reproachful look. her hand falls and she says lamely, “I’m… cleaning.” 

 

“I see.” seulgi surveys the kitchen, and irene follows her gaze to the numerous stacks of plates, pots, and pans she’s rearranged across their counters. she can feel her cheeks warm as seulgi looks back to her, lips quirked in a teasing smile.

 

“well, we can’t ruin your masterpiece. wanna order takeout?” 

 

“uhm… sure. isn’t it a bit early- oh.” she checks her phone to see ‘19:47’ staring up at her, “oh no. you guys must be so hungry! I’m sorry, I wasn’t keeping track of time-”

 

seulgi gives an easy smile, patting her shoulder, “it’s fine, unnie. I was craving vietnamese anyway. want to ask the girls what they want? I’ll go ask sumin.”

 

“right. yeah. I’ll do that.” 

 

seulgi’s brows furrow minisculely, catching onto her hesitance. “unnie? you okay?”

 

“yeah. just a little distracted.” 

 

“clearly.” seulgi keeps watching her, her thoughtful gaze heavy on irene’s reddening face. irene turns to return everything back to their original place, avoiding seulgi’s eyes.

 

“how’s sumin? did you talk to her?” 

 

“mmhmm.”

 

“...and?”

 

“she’s fine. settling in.”

 

there’s a pause. then seulgi slides into view, blocking irene from reaching the plates behind her on the corner counter. seulgi leans sideways, propping her arm on the counter as she meets her eyes at eye-level, lips turned in a disappointed frown. 

 

“unnie. what did you do?”

 

“what makes you think I did anything?” irene avoids her gaze, reaching around her. seulgi raises a hand, gently pushing her back.

 

“because you’re not meeting my eyes. and your forehead scrunch.” she extends a finger, poking in between her brows. 

 

“hey.” seulgi pretends to wince at her light slap on her arm, “I have no forehead scrunch.”

 

“yeah, you do. and you’re avoiding the question. what did you do?”

 

“I just talked to her.”

 

“about?”

 

“you know.” she waves a hand aimlessly, “stuff. us. house rules.”

 

seulgi’s eyes narrow at that, and she stands to her full height. “unnie. you didn’t.”

 

“didn’t what?”

 

“you scared her, didn’t you? gave her the bae joohyun talk.” 

 

“I don’t have a bae joohyun talk, what are you on about? move.” she takes a step half-heartedly, but seulgi stays standing.

 

“unnie. you didn’t seriously try to intimidate a 16 year old, right? tell me you didn’t.”

 

irene sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, “she overstepped.”

 

“of course she did! she’s 16!”

 

“that doesn’t excuse anything! even children know about boundaries.” 

 

seulgi sighs, and irene swallows at the irritated furrow of her brow, “joohyun unnie. even if she rationally knows we aren’t her parents, she still sees you as her mother. don’t you think we would be open about things with her?”

 

we. her parents. the words ring in her ears, and she shakes them away. 

 

“still…” it sounds whiny, even to her. she clears , straightening her back, “still, we aren’t. I reminded her of that. that’s all.”

 

seulgi’s exasperated stare stabs her with guilt, twisting in her stomach. then a door creaks, and their eyes follow the sound, towards the hallway, where seulgi’s door lies half open. sumin almost shrinks at the attention, body still half-hidden behind the door. the knife twists deeper when irene sees her expression, eyes wide and sorrowful, shoulders hunched in.

 

“please don’t fight.” her voice is a fraction of the loud, boisterous one she’d heard just hours earlier, “not over me.” 

 

irene feels seulgi’s gaze flit over to her, but she feels rooted in place, unable to move. a second passes, then seulgi starts walking over towards her, cooing.

 

“hey, don’t worry! your ma and I were just fighting over takeout menus. how does vietnamese sound?” she ushers sumin into the room, closing the door behind them - but not before giving irene a meaningful stare, mouthing “apologize” before shutting the door with a final click. 

 

irene slumps onto the counter next to her, head falling back as she looks skyward.

 

“.”

 

---

 

it’s almost an hour later before she sees either of them. she sits at the dining table, phone sitting in front of her as she waits for their delivery alone. she’d texted her members for their orders, and still feels the sting of seulgi’s curt, emoji-less answer and wendy’s ‘need to talk?’.

 

the delivery finally arrives at 20:42, and they all mill out at the smell of phở bò and bánh xèo, congregating around the table. sooyoung and yerim take their usual places next to each other, bickering over the sauces. wendy acquiesces her spot next to seulgi, taking an end of the table. as seulgi and sumin take another side, irene eyes her end of the table, carefully maneouvering into her seat. sumin gives her a half-hearted grin from her left, and irene can feel seulgi’s warning gaze warming her cheek.

 

“eat up. you’re still growing.” she slides a pair of chopsticks over as smoothly as she can, avoiding seulgi’s eyes. she looks up to meet sumin’s, and gives her the best smile she can, given the circumstances, “need to grow taller than sooyoung, right?”

 

ignoring joy’s indignant, “hey!”, irene watches for sumin’s response. she seems to take the olive branch happily, eyes curving up into crescent moons as she grins. 

 

“yes, ma’am!” she gives her a little salute, putting on a show of rolling her shoulders back and rolling up her sleeves. 

 

irene glances at seulgi, who’s watching sumin dig voraciously into her bowl with a fond smile. seulgi feels her stare and looks up, quirking an eyebrow. at irene’s expectant expression, she gives a small shake. you didn’t apologize.

 

she sighs through her nostrils, hands itching in her lap. she closes her eyes for a pause, then opens them, catching sumin’s ever-moving hand with hers. sumin startles, flinching identically to the many videos she’s seen sooyoung and yerim laugh at over their shoulders. she pushes past it, voice pitching low.

 

“and… I’m sorry about what I said. I was too harsh.”

 

sumin gives a lopsided grin at that, “it’s okay, ma’am. it was rude of me to presume.” 

 

ma’am, huh? her heart sinks a bit at that, but she clears and asks, “no hard feelings?”

 

sumin nods, “no hard feelings.”

 

she goes right back to inhaling her phở, and when irene looks up again, seulgi nods approvingly.

 

“that’ll do, donkey”, she mouths, “that’ll do.”

 

irene throws a peanut at her.

 

---

they all retire quickly after dinner, as the excitement of the day seems to finally catch up on sumin. the teen’s yawns grow more and more frequent with each box of takeout stacked and thrown away. wendy ushers her into the bathroom with a toothbrush and cup, ignoring the maknaes’ protests and their early calltimes, citing ‘the kid travelled through time! you can stay prisoner to time’s linear flow for 5 more minutes!”. 

 

irene takes her sweet time sorting through the food waste, cleaning out the styrofoam packets before placing them in their assorted bin. she’s tied up the food waste and replaced the plastic bags when sumin waddles up to her, swimming in one of seulgi’s oversized hoodies. she bows, gravely pronouncing her “good night, ma’am” like irene might to her grandparents, before trudging into seulgi’s room for the night. 

 

irene delays the inevitable for maybe 10 more minutes, washing used cutlery and wiping the table down till it was sparkling. she flicks the lights off and finally pads towards her room. she knocks lightly, pausing for the “come in, unnie!” before opening the door.

 

seulgi sits cross-legged on the right of the bed, scrolling through her phone. she looks up, face still glowing from moisturising cream, hair up in her typical bun. her tie-dye shirt hangs loosely over her frame, a sliver of collarbone jutting out from underneath. irene looks quickly away from that.

 

“hi.” seulgi raises her hand in greeting, invoking that stupid bear image of hers. 

 

“hi.” she murmurs, shutting the door behind her.

 

“I put my toothbrush and stuff in your bathroom, by the way.” seulgi gestures over to the en suite, “hope you don’t mind?”

 

the image of two matching toothbrushes in a cup flashes in her head, and she shakes it away, voice slightly strained “yeah, of course.”

 

seulgi just nods, looking back down at what looks to be tomorrow’s schedule. irene takes the out, ducking into the en suite to wash up. seulgi was kind enough to her heart to have a separate cup and toothbrush, yet it still twinges in slight disappointment as she picks up her own to brush her teeth. 

 

she runs through her nighttime routine relatively quickly, on autopilot as she runs through the motions. before she knows it, she’s finished the last touches of her skin routine, and there’s nowhere else to run. 

 

“getting in?” 

 

she turns to seulgi’s expectant gaze, still sitting up but with her legs underneath the covers. 

 

irene nods, grateful that she had been the first to break the semi-awkward silence. she slips into her side of the bed, settling underneath the covers in one smooth motion. she stares up at the ceiling, silent as she hears the rustles of seulgi sliding down next to her. 

 

the bed is big enough that there’s a sizable gap between them, wide and gaping like a canyon. it’s strange to feel the dip in the mattress beside her; the weight and tangible warmth of another person’s body present. it almost reminds her of a swimming pool; every rustle and turn ripples like water, reaching the other person. 

 

minutes of agonising silence goes by before there’s an extended rustling as seulgi turns towards her. irene freezes, breath stopping as she waits. 

 

“joohyun unnie.”

 

she exhales, throat scratchy, “yeah?”

 

“c’mon, look at me.”

 

she takes a deep breath and turns on her side, looking over to see seulgi’s eyes glinting in the dark, steady and unreadable.

 

“how’re you feeling?”

 

she feels the sudden urge to cry, biting her lip in an effort to suppress the emotions welling up from inside her. she hums, stalling for time as she gathers herself.

 

“I should probably have asked you that first, huh? I’m sorry.”

 

“none of that.” seulgi inches closer, placing a hand deliberately between them, just within reach. she asks again. 

 

“how’re you feeling?”

 

“awful. thanks for asking.” 

 

“anytime.” seulgi’s tone is light, like they had finished a conversation about the weather. her eyes remain open, focused and watching almost expectantly.

 

so irene goes next. “how about you?”

 

“going through a mild quarter life crisis.” comes the chipper reply.

 

“you’re a lot better at it than I am.” irene admits to seulgi’s forehead, “I don’t know how you’re handling this so well.” 

 

“I’m not. I’m in my mind palace, screaming.”

 

“right. you do mindfulness. like a crazy person.”

 

even in the dark, she can recognise seulgi’s reproachful stare, “it’s the inflexible person’s yoga, unnie.”

 

“either way… how’re you so good with her?”

 

seulgi sighs, the puff of air reaching irene’s face “she’s not a stranger, unnie. she’s a young, impressionable, lost teenager surrounded by mortifyingly unprepared, irresponsible adults. context aside, there’s no reason to mistrust her or intentions. something tells me that what you see is what you get.” 

 

irene stares, mouth slightly agape. then: 

 

“when did you become so wise, seulgi?” 

 

she smirks, “my name is literally ‘wise’. I’m the embodiment of wisdom.”

 

there’s a slap, and an “ow! it’s literally the truth!” 

 

“maybe your parents should have named you humble instead.”

 

“‘irene, goddess of peace’, my .” 

 

“come over here right now-“ 

 

“you’ll never take me alive!”

 

joy sighs from next door, slipping airpods on as she lays in bed, the buds chirping as noise cancelling switches on.

 

“suddenly, I’m homophobic.”