[Prologue]

When twenty-five-year-old Oh Sehun had envisioned their last moments together, it hadn’t been this.

He had imagined an old Korean stylized house, two chairs out front on the decking, and the two of them. Even well into their eighties, even when they forgot everyone else, they’d still remember each other, remember each of their little quirks, remember the love that could never be ruined by any pain or mistake. 

Sehun would never have put his fantasy out in the open, it had been Lu Han that had done that. He always had been the more sensitive one in their relationship.

Either way, their last days were to be together, not like this.

The clock in the corridors seemed to tick loudly almost deafening in the quiet recesses of the waiting area as if it were announcing what was to come as if announcing, exactly what Lu Han and Sehun’s fate was to be.

The nails of his right hand had almost been completely bitten down to the bed, his knee bounced up and down in anxious waves. He’d been sitting here for hours, so long in fact that he had lost track of time, and his back was aching. Only, he was afraid to move from his spot even to go to the bathroom, if Lu Han – if Lu Han came out of surgery and he wasn’t there, he’d never shake the guilt. After all, the days leading up to this point in time had been nothing more than struggles. He knew he was to blame for it, and as soon as he was out of the OR and once he regained consciousness, Sehun would apologize a thousand times over, and swear to the older male that he would never leave his side again.

Deep down though, in Sehun’s heart, he had a feeling, he knew they would never get that chance. But even so, he would remain in denial, just a moment longer. He was certain that if he gave into what he knew, there was no way that he would be able to handle it.

The ‘what if’s’ and ‘why’s’ were buzzing around in his head, so loudly, it was giving him a headache. He was a selfish bastard, he had ruined Lu Han’s life, just because he wanted to prove a pathetic point. He should have known – no, he had known, that even a day apart from Lu Han, was excruciating for the Chinese man. He already suffered from severe relationship anxiety and had always been so afraid that he could never be loved without having to change everything about himself to do so. Sehun had been – was