Final

Jennie is a fool.

A fool with a big heart that loves everything and everyone unconditionally. Every little space in her big soft heart is filled with everything but herself, and that might be the only problem she has. Does she acknowledges this? No, instead she pushes this thought far away to the farthest corner of her mind together with everything she chose to ignore.

Like that time when she was ten years old and broke her arm, a pretty pink cast making her remember the accident. Instead of asking her friends to carry her tray with food she carried it by herself in one hand, the milk carton sliding closer to the edge with each step she took. It ended with her food everywhere on the floor and half of the school's cafeteria laughing at her sitting covered in milk and some questionably colored mashed potatoes.

And yet this memory was nowhere near as pushed back as her 'heart too big, might burst' problem, even when she claimed it to be the most embarrassing thing that happened in her 24 years of living on this earth.

Jennie just couldn't help to have a special place in her heart for pretty much everything. The night skies she loved so much, her cute dog Kuma, the smell of freshly washed sheets, milk ice-cream and even how the coffee shop owner would smile at her when she thanked him for the coffee. So what if she hated the bitter taste it left in after drinking it? Nothing could repay the smile the old man had when she came every morning to order. So what if her money was suffering from buying the expensive drink everyday? She just liked to make other people smile even when she had to go another unnecessary mile to see it.

Just like now, giving all the money she had in her pocket to the man sitting on the side of her apartment complex. She saw him every now and then. His clothes were dirty and tattered making her heart ache. Another small room popped up in her already full heart and placed the poor man inside, squeezing him next to the old lady that lived under her and couldn't walk properly so she always delivered groceries to her door leaving a small note with a happy smile.

Once she saw the smile on the mans face she knew she did the right thing. She just had to wait till dinner to get something to eat. She wasn't hungry anyway. At least that was what she told herself and ignored the quiet grumbling in her stomach as she went on with her day.

—————

The sky was getting darker, big grey clouds replacing the sun that was shining brightly just seconds ago. Big raindrops started to hit the ground, creating a background sound for Jennie that was walking home.

Her headphones were barely holding together with tape, a few wires poking through. Jennie's clothes were getting wet. She gave her umbrella to a young kid walking from school last week and wasn't able to get a new one. The ink on the front side of her notebook was seeping through the page making her grumble a bit, but who she was to get mad at the rain. Lot of farmers must've been very happy, the nature was getting a well deserved drink and here she was, mad at such a beautiful thing. She was being pretty selfish. The drawing wasn't even that good to begin with, maybe it was better for it to disappear by the hands of rain.

—————

The cold wind was making Jennie shiver. The small window in her equally small apartment had a hole in the right top corner, letting the already freezing apartment get even colder. Jennie should call the caretaker to fix it, but he probably had problems on his own and didn't have time to fix such a small thing. Jennie opted on blocking it with a piece of cardboard instead. It worked pretty well and plus she didn't have to bother anyone with her pathetic problems.

Her phone started to ring, the sound of Yerin Baek filling the cramped room. The cracked screen lit up, a familiar name appearing making the girl smile.

Rosie

Rosie was Jennie's safe place. The taller girl always made her laugh and smile. She was quite sure the bright girl occupied the biggest part of her heart. She was her girlfriend after all. She met Chaeyoung, or Rosé as she goes by now, when they were both in college. Rosé helped her reach a book in the library she couldn't reach and they immediately clicked. They bonded over living in english speaking countries for for a long time and each day found new things in common.

Jennie helped her get over the fear of liking a woman, having homophobic parents herself. Rosé haven't told anyone about their relationship in fear of being kicked out like Jennie and she completely respected that. As long as she could spend time with her, she was happy.

"Hello Rosie! How are you doing baby?"

"They found out."

"What? What are you talking about Rosie?"

"Mom and dad found out. I left my phone downstairs and they saw your messages."

"Oh no, I'm so sorry baby, we can make this through together, trust me."

"No, they're going to kick me out and It's all your fault!"

"M-my fault?"

"Yes! You're fault! I was stupid to think I ever even loved you, I just liked the attention. I never liked you and never will. We're breaking up. Bye."

-Beep Beep-

"C-Chaeyoungie? Are you there? Chaeng!"

Silence. The already cracked phone fell out of her hands. A low thud resonating in the room. The beeping of the phone and a robotic voice signaling that the other hanged up still lingered in her ears as if it was taunting her.

Her fault. Rosie said it was her fault and she never lies right? Jennie was even more selfish that she originally thought.

—————

Jennie's heart wasn't able to let go, to kick the current resident of the biggest part in her out and let someone else in. Something kept the Australian girl with such a sweet smile locked inside. Perhaps it was Jennie herself or her heart had a mind of it's own.

Even when the pretty bartender gave her a number. Instead, she created another place for the tall girl to live in. The big doe eyes that reminded her of a doll made their way to the front of her mind whenever she tried to think of something else. Yet she still felt the flower perfume that Rosie loved. But now it was accompanied by the smell of coffee beans and lemon. It was Lisa, the newest resident of her heart. She was a bartender in the coffee shop she always bought her coffee only to throw it out after three sips. Jennie had to admit she was charming. Her talk statue made her feel safe and she gave the best cuddles you could imagine, leaving Jennie blushing every time. She also had two adorable cats that made their way to her heart as well, squeezed right beside Lisa and her hugs.

Turns out someone loved her hugs as well. And they did even sooner than her.

She found out about four months into their relationship. She planed to surprise Lisa on their anniversary. She bought a new camera with her last money. She knew how much the younger loved snapping pictures of everything. It was the newest model and Lisa talked about buying it several times, complaining about the high price.

Jennie could imagine the smile Lisa would have once she would see the present. She made sure to wrap it prettily, hoping to make the the Thai happy.

Her feet carried her towards the apartment she already knew well. She had spent countless nights there, talking with Lisa about everything and nothing. They had their photoshoots there, Jennie posing for Lisa, both laughing at the exaggerated gestures and poses Jennie did. Every little memory had a small pocket in her heart and she held them all close dearly.

She couldn't help but smile thinking about what would Lisa give her. She could see the big smile Lisa would give her together with the poorly wrapped gift since she had no idea how to properly wrap something.

Jennie turned left and raised her hand to ring the bell on the dark wooden door. She heard steps nearing closer to her. The door swung open and Jennie was met with a slightly shorter girl with blonde hair that almost matched with Lisa's. This confused her, she turned her head and checked the name on the door. Lisa's name was written on the piece of paper, but the girl standing in-front of her definitely wasn't Lisa.

"Hello, can I help you?"

The girl asked Jennie, she turned her head back to her. This girl obviously didn't know who she was. 'Maybe it's Lisa's roommate and she didn't told her about our relationship yet.' Jennie though and shook off her surprise.

"Is Lisa here?"

"Ah, yes she's here. Let me call her."

The shorter girl disappear inside the apartment and Jennie could hear her call out Lisa's name, what surprised her once again was the next thing she heard.

"Yeah? What's up honey?"

"There's a girl at the door, she's asking about you."

"What does she looks like?"

"Taller than me, black hair, cat like eyes, she has a gift in her hands."

Jennie stood frozen and ignored the quiet '' Lisa uttered before hurrying to the door as fast as she could. The other girl walking next to her.

"Uhh, hey Jennie. What are you doing here?"

Jennie blinked a few times, looking at Lisa's panicked face. The situation clicking in. That girl was Lisa's girlfriend. She was just a fling, a side chick.

"Hey Lisa, I just came here to give you this."

She shoved the present in her hands. A forced smile setteling on her lips, twitching every few seconds.

"You didn't tell me that you had a korean friends already."

Jennie could clearly see that Lisa was nervous. She could see steam coming from her ears as she tried to think about a excuse that would sound believable enough.

"Y-yeah, I met Jennie at the coffee shop I work at."

"Really? Well, It's nice to meet you Jennie! I'm Sorn, Lisa's girlfriend."

If Jennie had any doubts, they were completely crushed by these words. She was indeed a bother once again.

"Nice to meet you. I just wanted to give this to Lisa before I left."

Lisa's eyes widened, clearly taken aback by Jennie. Sorn furrowed her eyebrows.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm moving to...New Zealand! Yes, to New Zealand. I'll be leaving tomorrow so I just stopped to say goodbye. So...bye Lisa."

Before anyone could reply to her, she turned around on her heel, quickly walking away from the house. She just wanted to get away from there as fast as she could. Away from Lisa's surprised face and Sorn's sweet smile. She almost ruined their relationship.

Sorn seemed like such a sweet girl and she tried to take Lisa away from her. How could she know that Lisa was already in a relationship? Yet she still felt like it was her fault. It always was after all. Even now she couldn't help but squeeze the bright smile Sorn possessed right beside all Lisa's pockets occupying her heart, stretching it a bit more, making it harder and harder to keep everything together.

—————

Every day seemed a bit more black and white. Jennie still continued to give all and more to everything beside her. Small pockets of different people and things appearing in her heart every now and then. The small and big smiles all mattered to her. It was her fuel to keep going, to hold her head high, knowing she had some meaning in the world.

The bigger smile, the bigger place in her heart. And the biggest heart belonged to Jisoo. The girl across the street. She saw her trough the window everyday. She had this child like innocence even when she was older than Jennie. Her smile shined brighter that the start on the sky she loved so much.

Jennie and Jisoo were dog buddies. Every day they would walk their dogs together. Ending the day with a stop at a small ice-cream that had this weird poster with a dancing caterpillar that Jisoo loved to imitate while balancing the ice-cream cones in her hands. Resulting in the two dogs having their fare share of milk and cookie flavored ice-cream as well.

Jennie squeezed another thing inside her heart. Jisoo's big smile was placed right between Chaeyeong and Lisa. The three almost like three musketeers, trying to win over her heart by filling it with too much love. Yet she couldn't stop. Jennie tried many times to stop feeling, stop feeling to much. She just simply couldn't. She's been collecting good things inside of her body for her whole life and wasn't able to stop.

Jisoo made her way inside her heart no matter how much she tried to block her way. She couldn't help but like it. The sweet smiles Jisoo would have when she surprised her with chicken or visited her to watch some sappy love comedy that sometimes made her gag. She felt a bit hypocritical, gaging at a love story when she herself had too much to handle.

One day Jisoo didn't show up to their daily dog walk. Jennie thought it was weird as Jisoo always texted her if she wasn't able to go with her, but she didn't receive any kind of text or call. Jennie walked alone that day.

Jisoo never showed up again.

The only thing she left was her dog, Dalgom, and his dog bed. On his collar was a piece of paper with his favorite treats.

Jennie was confused. Why did Jisoo just disappeared? She couldn't help but wonder and ask around.

She wished she didn't.

She will always remember Jisoo's picture on the top of a grave. Turns out she had cancer. Jennie didn't saw the pain behind Jisoo's bright smile. After all, the once that smile the most are hurting the most. Jennie knew she shouldn't blame herself.

It wasn't her fault.

It wasn't

But she still gelt like it. She should've seen it. She could've helped her. But she didn't. She selfishly used Jisoo for her own happiness and completely ignored Jisoo's.

—————

Jennie was looking at her ceiling. The pressure on her chest getting worse each day. Every little pocket in her heart was slowly turning black and kept growing and growing. The small white flowers slowly rotting, petals turning black, falling to the ground with the last bit of elegance still left in them. Every smile turning upside down, hundreds upon hundreds frowns eating her inside out. Pieces of her own being disappearing in a huge black hole created in the middle of her chest. The three big smiles, Rosie, Lisa, Jisoo, turning in a deep and dark crater that slowly consumed her. Every small memory haunting her mind, making her fell like someone grabbed her heart and started filling it with everything bad, threatening to explode in every moment.

The moon shined through the window. The piece of cardboard barely holding in place. Somehow it made her smile. She felt the same. Barely trying to hold onto anything left inside her.

Jennie stood up, opening the door, not even bothering to close it. Grabbing Kuma in one hand and Dalgom in the other. The street was quiet, the only sound coming from her shoes on the sidewalk. Her short sleeved shirt barely protected her from the cold temperature, yet she didn't mind.

The two dogs left her hands. Both siting on the stairs as she tied them to the pole. A knock echoed throughout the empty street as Jennie walked away, both dogs looking at her back waiting for her to return and take them back home.

The door opened, a stripe of yellow light shines on the two dogs as a short lady emerges from the big house. A short gasp leaving as she quickly grabs the two dogs, untying them and taking them inside with her, both dogs still looking towards the disappearing back of Jennie.

The sign on the side of the house in emerged in a bright light as a lone car passes by.

'The animal shelter'

—————

The wind ruffles Jennies hair. The sky is pitch black, the stars shining through the clouds. The moon shines on her path as she walks to the hill she used to go to as a kid. Each step makes her heart ache. Maybe it's the steepness of the path she's taking or maybe it's each and every memory saved deep inside her threatening to burst at any moment.

She shivers as she stands on the top of the hill, kicking off her shoes, feeling the soft grass under her feet.

Jennie feels like if she reached enough, she could grab one shining star just for herself to keep. Her hands are trembling, hugging her own body, wanting to feel closeness for the last time. Her legs take her closer to the edge, the closer she gets the more her legs tremble, almost knowing what was about to happen and trying to stop on their own.

The sky clears, showing all the bright stars together with the moon, almost as if they were watching over Jennie. She looks up to the sky and bites her lips, a lonely tear escaping her eye, the moon reflecting in it as it rolls down her cheek, landing in the grass.

The tightness oh her chest dissolves for a moment and she feels peace for the first time after a long, very long time.

Every single memory plays in-front her eyes, a new tear leaving with each one, her white shirt absorbing all of them, leaving small sign that they were real.

And for the last time, Jennie smiles brightly, her eyes sparkling as she let's go of the three smiles on her mind. Leaving them and everything else behind her as she takes the last step towards freedom.

She's finally happy.

-THE END-