Saturday evening, Soojin watches as the sun starts to set from her window. Her tired limbs fall over her body, one hand grasping the sheets blindly to search for her phone. She hasn't left her bed since yesterday, with her warm and heavy duvet draping over her comfortably, she doesn't see the need to.

 

Especially not when she opens her phone, just to see a hundred of text messages, flooding and overwhelming her. She quickly turns the device off without even checking who it is from or what the matter is. She already knows anyway. Leaving the screen black as she puts her phone on her nightstand, she sinks deeper into her comfortable mattress, blanket covering her body safely.

 

She feels great as she closes her eyes, consciousness slowly slipping away.

 

…

 

This time, her room is flooded by darkness. It's probably dawn. She blinks but she can't make sense of her surroundings. Her hand wanders once again as she reaches her nightstand. She feels the edges of her phone from the tip of her careful fingers. Turning on her device, while flinching a bit when her screen turns bright, she finally checks on the overbearing notifications.

 

'JinJin, are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Please answer. I'm worried.'

 

Is what the last text says.

 

Does she feel bad? Maybe.

 

She considers what to do for a moment, fingers hovering aimlessly over her screen.

 

There's a heavy tug gnawing at the edge of her heart that she can't ignore. She heaves a sigh, putting her phone back on the nightstand, screen facing down. She can certainly wait another day, just to let her have this sacred freedom for a little bit more.

 

Maybe she will reply later this afternoon, or evening. Or maybe she will meet her tomorrow.

 

…

 

Her body feels even more tired because of the amount of time she spent fruitlessly, laying down for days under her comfortable blanket. She finally leaves her haven now, dressed casually in a red and black checkered flannel shirt, front tucked inside her ripped jeans. She fixes her light make-up, lips confidently red, while the blue in her hair starts to fade into a lighter shade.

 

Her phone is now inside her pocket, still hasn't been opened since yesterday.

 

She brings with her a black leather handbag, filled with a little bit of make-up, books, and pens. She checks her appearance once more in front of a full body mirror in her bedroom, before heading out for class.

 

Ah she forgets to reply to the texts in her phone.

 

She will do it later.

 

…

 

Arriving at her University, she finds the crowded hallway to be quite irritating. With her sour mood, she makes her way to the first class of the day.

 

When she steps inside, the room is already half filled with people she doesn't even bother to remember. She would probably sulk if she hasn't caught the sight of a short haired girl waving from the middle row. Relieved, as the girl points at the empty seat beside her.

 

You look really tired. Is what the girl says to her when she sits down.

 

She only shrugs.

 

Because she is.

 

…

 

It's already Thursday. The meaningless days have passed away really quickly, yet also slowly for her, she can't actually decide. Keeping her eyes focused at the gibberish words written on the board in front, she fights the urge to yawn.

 

You sure you okay, Soo?

 

She must have looked really horrible for the black haired girl beside her to ask. Soyeon is never the type of person who pries, which is one of the reasons why she befriended her in the first place. But now the visibly concerned look, with eyebrows furrowed deeply on the girl's face, makes her wonder about the image she is seeing right now.

 

She tries to shrug it off, but her friend doesn't falter.

 

You haven't been fine since Monday. I don't like to pry, but you really look like you're struggling.

 

Does she really? Soojin wonders.

 

But, she feels fine. Maybe. So she assures her colleague that she is.

 

Soyeon doesn't look convinced, but she stops asking.

 

…

 

The last class of the week has ended. Usually she would feel at least a little bit happy about it, because she can spend her weekend relaxing.

 

But today seems a bit different.

 

Walking to her apartment, she feels nothing. Just like an empty shell in between the moving crowds of emotions.

 

Even cooking and eating her favorite foods doesn't give her joy anymore. Everything feels bland, like a dish that hasn't been seasoned well, cold and abandoned.

 

Maybe there is something wrong with me after all. Is what she thinks.

 

But she doesn't really want to delve into it.

 

So she ignores the warning signs inside her head.

 

She will be fine.

 

Maybe.

 

…

 

She feels horrible.

 

It hits her, just like that. As she opens her eyes to another darkness, she suddenly feels really awful. She doesn't know what exactly it is, but she really needs to get rid of this annoyance.

 

She quickly reaches for her phone, first checking the words written on her lock screen.

 

It's already Saturday? She is surprised to find out.

 

Her phone is quiet. Oddly.

 

She wonders what's missing.

 

Her social media is just as usual, she hasn't been active for a week or so, but that doesn't seem to be a problem. Her parents called her the other day, as well as her younger sister. They didn't sound like they cared, but that's just how they usually are.

 

So what exactly is not quite right? She wonders.

 

She groans in frustration, throwing her phone carelessly.

 

Maybe she will feel better in the morning.

 

…

 

Wednesday, Soojin is starting to think there's something extremely wrong with her. She's feeling even more horrible than ever, that even Soyeon doesn't dare to comment on it anymore. Everything is irritating, even the way the professor writes noisily with his marker hitting against the white board is infuriating.

 

She feels like a ticking bomb that will snap anytime soon.

 

She has never felt this way before, not even on her period.

 

The frustration of not knowing what it is exactly that makes her like this, is probably the core reason for them all. She chews on her lower lip roughly, hoping the pain would compensate for the horrible emptiness inside her chest.

 

…

 

Friday, she finally understands.

 

As she walks out of class with her still terrible mood, she spots a familiar black haired girl, who is leaning her back against the wall a few feet away from her. Her pale white skin and doe-like eyes stand out in the crowd, her black tight turtle-neck top with light blue jeans complement her skin color, making her look even more goddess-like. Some even glance at her like she's an ethereal being from folklore. But the girl doesn't pay mind to it, focusing her attention on the phone in her hand.

 

Soojin wonders how long she has been standing in her spot without moving, just staring dumbly at her, that the girl herself finally notices and looks her way.

 

Their eyes meet.

 

Shuhua.

 

It suddenly makes sense.

 

…

 

Soojin stays mum while watching the girl beside her swing her legs back and forth. They both have been quiet after the younger girl invited her to her dorm room to talk. She finds it quite new for the black haired girl to be this silent.

 

It seems to stay that way for another minute, before finally, the girl starts to speak.

 

Jinjin. The younger girl merely calls, head turning slowly as she sneaks an uncertain glance at her.

 

When their eyes meet again briefly, this time with only one arm away distancing them, maybe she finally snaps.

 

Lips pressing against each other, Soojin hears herself sighing in relief. The weight of all the horrible feelings she has felt the past week suddenly evaporates just like that.

 

Shuhua is frozen in surprise, but that doesn't really bother her. Soojin scoots closer, arm sneaking around the girl's waist, tugging her slightly closer against her body.

 

She nibbles on the younger girl's lower lip as she feels Shuhua's body loosening up, and actually now responding to her kiss. They both move, with the slightly shorter girl straddling her lap, her delicate fingers on her neck and through her blue hair. The girl doesn't protest when Soojin runs her hand against her waist, a small voice muffled against her lips, before the blue haired girl eventually pulls her even closer, hugging her body possessively.

 

It takes them minutes. Shuhua pulls away first from the heated kiss, resting her forehead against hers with both of her eyes closed. Her chest heaves up and down while her warm breaths dance around her lips.

 

So, very, undeniably beautiful.

 

Soojin's chest clenches at the sight. In the most pleasurable way possible.

 

Soojin… the girl whispers in amidst her ragged breathing. Still with her eyes closed, she delicately runs her fingers through her blue hair absentmindedly, as she usually does.

 

I missed you. She has said.

 

Soojin understands. She really does now.

 

Carefully, she plants a gentle, brief kiss on the girl's quivering lips.

 

I know. I missed you too, Shu. I'm sorry.

 

She says, and she really means it. Soojin brings her hand up, cupping the girl's soft cheek as she brushes her thumb gently, wiping the tears dripping from the girl's eyes.

 

I was so scared… the girl sobs.

 

I'm sorry. Is all that she could say. Because she is, and she doesn't deserve to be forgiven. But she is a selfish person, and she knows she can't live without the younger girl being by her side.

 

Soojin gently lays the girl down as she also lays next to her. With her arm wrapped around the girl's waist safely, she watches and whispers a hundred apologies as Shuhua pours all of her feelings into her falling tears.

 

I'm here now, I am. She can only whisper reassuring words.

 

Please, don't leave.

 

It's such a simple request. Such a genuine, passionate feeling. Even with the glistening tears flooding her eyes and her reddened nose, she still looks as beautiful and as adorable as ever.

 

I won't.

 

Soojin plants a kiss on the girl's forehead as she snuggles closer.

 

Shuhua has always been the honest one, direct, loud, proud, loving, passionate and always knows what she wants.

 

She is not like her in any aspect. She's not as direct, not as honest, and not as loving. She gets tired when she is being suffocated and pressured, and she doesn't understand what makes her happy.

 

But as she tucks her chin on top of the younger girl's head, and as their bodies press closely together, there's an undeniable warmth seeping inside her chest. A content, warm, and fuzzy feeling, something she finally feels right about.

 

She's certain, it's not maybe this time.

 

It's simple.

 

It's Shuhua.

 

She just needs her to be complete.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...

Thankyou for reading!