Before I begin, I just wanted to say that I didn't read every chapter of your story. However, I read enough chapters to give a thorough review:)

 

STORY TITLE
— 4/5

I like this title. Definitely made me want to read more. The reason why I took off .5 points though is because the title gave me a fluff/comedy vibe when the story is actually romance/drama. Otherwise, great job!

 

DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD
— 5/5

Great description/foreword that drew me into your story. I loved it!

 

LAYOUT
— 4/5

Layout was simple and neat: easy to read and understand. As a result, I really liked it.

 

The only suggestion I have is to clarify the change in POV between the different characters. Sometimes, I'm confused who's thinking or talking.

 

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
— 12/20

Your characters are the embodiment of the stereotypical play boy and headstrong girl. There's nothing bad about this if the author portrays it correctly and you just did it just right! However, there are some points that I would like to point out.

 

Jiyeong: At first, this character wasn't the strongest, especially when she was reduced into a flushing and mumbling mess in front of Taehyung. However, as I kept on reading, this character was developed pretty well except for the pace of her development was so quick, I was a little taken aback. I would separate Jiyeong into the girl before Taehyung kissed her and after Taehyung kissed her for the first time. Before, she was always stammering and acting like a cute, clumsy girl who needs the man. However, immediately after the kiss, her attraction and embarrassment in front of Taehyung disappears in a flash and suddenly, she's a lion in front of him --  able to snap at him and stand up for herself. That development isn't bad; in fact, I love watching characters grow. I just feel like she grew so fast, it's not believable anymore. She changed so fast it felt like someone replaced her previous personality. 

 

Another point is that I feel like she's a little whiny. This could be all my opinion, but the parts where she was fighting with Taehyung (ex: snapping and then puffing out her cheeks), it felt like a child trying to be tough, but not succeeding. 

 

Otherwise, a great character with amazing development potential!!!

 

Taehyung: Out of all your characters, Taehyung is the most consistent, which is awesome! He sticks with his ideals and even when he wants to win over Jiyeong, it is for his "play boy" personality. Of course, this will change over the course of the story, but I really like how you didn't write a boy who's heart wavers at the sight of a girl when his motto is "only have ".  However, like before, the transition between his intense dislike and sudden interest of Jiyeong seems so quick with only his personality as an explanation. Maybe elaborate more on these aspects. Also, be sure not to make him seem like an arrogant jerk because then, that's not a likeable character anymore.

 

Jungkook: Hmmm... Jungkook. Although a predictable character, definitely is interesting. Jungkook is sweet and takes care of Jiyeong and along the way, makes the mistake of falling for her. He's the person we all sympathize for and you have portrayed it nicely. 

 

Other characters: I grouped the other characters together because overall, they act as the side kicks who help the progress of the story. There's nothing wrong about that, but you can definitely add some details about their role in Taehyung's life.

 

PLOT
— 15/25

Although your plot is used by a lot of people, I think the way you write it makes your story really great! 

 

The biggest problem I have with your plot is the super slow pace. Here is a brief outline for the first few chapters:

 

Chapter 1 - Taehyung reflects on why he went to the party. He complains about the girl who has too much makeup. When Jiyeong arrives, he thinks the new girl is going to be clingy, too.

 

Chapter 2 - Jiyeong talks about her shyness, but her need to talk to Taehyung. Then, Taehyung, tired of everything, leaves.

 

 Chapter 3 - Jiyeong talks to her friend, Minji, about her converstation -- or lack thereof -- with Taehyung, who decides that he's going to get Jiyeong into his bed.

 

Chapter 4 - Suddenly, Taehyung and Jiyeong have their first kiss.

 

Chapter 5 - Two days later, Jiyeong and Sumin talk for a while before deciding to go to the mall.

 

 Chapter 6 - While eating ice cream, they meet a girl called Hana who Taehyung yells at and Jiyeong gets mad.

 

In the span of six chapters, only a few significant events have happened. Most of the content are converstations between Jiyeong and different people that doesn't really serve a purpose to the overall plot. Because of this, the plot is moving very slowly and as a result, this can lose potential readers. Also, I suggest writing events that lead or foreshadow to another event. For example, Hana showing up was so random and out of nowhere. Except for Jiyeong's thought of seeing a weird girl looking at them, the readers get no warning. As a result, it feels like these events happen for no reason except to get Taehyung and Jiyeong together. 

 

Overall, beside the slow pace, the flow is great. The plot is choppy and although there's some plot holes, it doesn't affect the readers understanding of the story. Nice job!! 

 

USE OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE
— 10/15

 

Your story's structure is very simple. There's not much descriptions of the setting/mood/emotion beside a few words that describe it and the converstations between the different characters. Try to emphasize what Jiyeong is feeling, such as when she got kissed by Taehyung and when she left Taehyung. Did she feel strong indignation or heart shattering agony?

 

Otherwise, although your word choices/sentence structures are simple, it effectively conveys your idea and your verb tenses agree with each other, so great job!

 

GRAMMAR/SPELLING
— 11/15

You have virtually no grammar/spelling errors, but the points are low in this section is because of my first impression of your story. In the first paragraph, you already have a lot of errors, which messed my view up.

 

 

"Right when in the..." doesn't make sense. "had waltz right up..." and "because they'd still stand" is not the correct usage of the verb tense. 

 

The first parts of the story usually make a lasting impression (which is why we use hooks), so it's important to make this part error free.

 

PERSONAL ENJOYMENTS/COMMENTS
— 3/5

I'm going to be honest here. This story isn't my favorite nor do I think it will ever be one of my favorites, but that doesn't mean I didn't have fun reading nor does my opinion encompass the rest of the people out there. When I read your story, I was actually rooting for Jungkook and Jiyeong haha^^ 

 

Overall, a story that wouldn't on the top of my head, but will definitely finish once I have time. Keep up the great work! I love it:)