The white clock ticked—tolling once again as its finger reached another quarter, but Hitomi was still unable to muster up any intention to get up from her bed. Her comfortable bed. It was as if all of her energy was seeped out every time the smallest bit of intention was formed—or is it because how her gaze always lands on the door, every time she moved her body sideways to get out of her bed?

 

Hitomi sighed, groaning a little as she sunk her body back to her bed at yet another failed attempt to get up. Her right forearm was covering half of her face, while the other was fiddling frantically with the hem of her t-shirt.

 

Her intention to just get up was—gone. Just a glance toward the door and… she just couldn’t do it. Her body felt weak, all of her energy—gone. She was quickly reminded of her physic lecture a few days prior, to how energy is eternal and thus, Hitomi’s current predicament was scientifically incorrect.

 

But they didn’t disappear, of course not. The energy produced for her muscles was all transported into her brain and heart. Her heartbeat sped up in response to her brain acting up—several scenarios of what-ifs that might happen in an hour or two. Her energy—all of it, that she initially mustered up to not become a coward, became a nasty boomerang for her, making her succumb into a bottomless abyss of her paranoia.

 

The clock tolls again.

 

This time, the brunette sighed, hardening her resolve to get up and face whatever it is coming for her. She took her time to sit on the edge of her bed, her eyes fondly settled on the picture sticking on her weathered wooden door. A picture of her and Minjoo—her best friend—her soulmate—and unfortunately, someone who will break her heart in less than an hour from now on.

 

Her phone suddenly rang, a notification coming from her Nako—her other soulmate—quickly put her reverie to an end. Which was good, Hitomi supposed, she couldn’t waste any more time. She swiftly took her phone right under her pillow after searching for its being for several minutes.

 

She expected spam of stickers and silly quotes, but not this time. Nako sent her two messages and the lack of Nako style of Japanese emoticons, Hitomi had all the right to be worried.

 

 

Hii-chan, are you serious?

about today?

 

 

A sigh.

 

(Hardening of a supposedly crumbling resolve.)

 

I do.

 

 

There was a pregnant silence afterward. Nako was taking her time. Hitomi decided to spend her time to dress up. Once she was done, she quickly reached for her phone. Her chest felt tight, the lump on felt more painful than it should be.

 

Don’t be reckless.

But

Good luck

 

A small smile.

 

 

 

(her resolve, crumbling)

 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

She was there fifteen minutes before the appointed time, feeling nothing but a strange chill on all over her body. The way her principle of “early is on time” is thick within Hitomi is quite intimidating for everyone who wanted to meet her, even when it was just a casual meeting. She usually didn’t tolerate any sort of tardiness, but even Minjoo was late by half an hour by now and Hitomi was still waiting patiently for her appearance.

 

Favoritism.

 

At exactly 4 o’clock, forty minutes past the appointed time, Hitomi’s eyes vaguely caught Minjoo’s figure from a distance. She was dressed neatly and simply, but for Hitomi, she still looked very beautiful and elegant.

 

For a moment she forgot how to breathe, too amazed at Minjoo’s beauty that seems to rival the beauty of the Goddess of Beauty, Aphrodite, herself.

 

 

(In fact, according to Hitomi, Aphrodite is nothing compared to this goddess in front of her.)

 

 

“Tomi-ya!” Minjoo greeted her intimately, lean arms quickly pulling Hitomi’s smaller figure into her warm embrace and for a moment, Hitomi felt pain. Pain and comfort, swirling into one.

 

Pain, because this might become the last time.

 

Hitomi tried to control her emotions. Her lips curved upward, forcing a smile as she wrapped her arms back, intimately wrapping Minjoo in a hug. She clawed Minjoo’s top a little, an attempt to tighten her hug, at the same time she buried her face to the crook of Minjoo’s neck.

 

Minjoo giggled, amused by Hitomi’s clinginess, unaware. “Sorry, I’m late… Something urgent came up.” She withdrew from their hug, once again unaware of the dejected sigh escaping from Hitomi’s lips. Minjoo moved to stand beside Hitomi, fingers inching closer until they link themselves with Hitomi’s slender fingers. “You have waited for a long time, right?”

 

“Not really,” lied Hitomi, her lips twitching painfully, trying to force out a smile. Her fingers weren’t letting go, but they didn’t even try to reciprocate Minjoo’s action. “Minjoo, there is something I want to talk about…”

 

She just wanted to get on with it, damn it.

 

But of course, Minjoo wasn’t making it easy.

 

“Later, later! We have to have fun first, then eat, and then we will talk! It’s been a while since we hang out, Tomi, so please let’s enjoy the day first?”

 

If Minjoo looked at her like that, how could Hitomi refuse?

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

(she was fighting a losing battle.)

 

(and she knew it.)

 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

They sat facing each other, now; after a day full of shopping and other fun activities they could do in the bustling district. It had been a long time, them spending time together with just the two of them. Only Hitomi and Minjoo. Minjoo and Hitomi. As if the world only revolved around them. As if the world was theirs.

 

But that wasn’t reality.

 

The reality was, Hitomi had to confront her own feeling, to Minjoo who sat in front of her, expectant.

 

"Okay, Tomi. What do you want to talk about? "

 

It's now or never, Hitomi.

 

"Minjoo ..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I like you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"... Are you really dating Chaewon unnie?"

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

She should have known.

 

She was a coward then and a coward now. She preferred to hide her feelings. Would rather die carrying this hurtful unrequited love rather than risk losing Minjoo—her everything but a lover.

 

At the last second, she changed her question. At the last split second, she realized something.

 

Minjoo was already happy.

 

She was happy—and Hitomi wasn’t the main factor of her happiness.

 

And who is Hitomi to ruin her happiness?

 

For Minjoo, Hitomi was her precious best friend. A platonic soulmate.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

That is all.