*there are curse words

I was told that I had the ability to make everyone falls out of love for me. And that was fine because I had to admit it, those harsh words are the truth. My alcoholic mother abandoned me with my grandma when I was just five years old. She didn't love me enough to stay ing sober for just at least one day. My grandma was a saint who had to clean up after her ty daughter. But you also must consider this fact that a retired woman in her late sixty didn't have the ability to support another human being. So we were dirt poor, but I was fine with that. I didn't mind being poor, I didn't mind wearing clothes that grandma got from charity. I didn't mind wearing worn out shoes because the most important thing, rather most important human being was my grandma.

And...she passed away. She passed away when I was in my last year of high school. And that was also the year when I stopped believing in deities. Those omnipotent beings don't exist. If they do, would they have let me suffer through this? Would they have let a girl who had barely managed to live again to go through another wave of torment?

I ed up my exams, no surprise there. After all, my grandma, who painted my whole world in vibrant colours, was gone. I couldn't get into a university, and even if I scored well, I wouldn't be able to go there. I didn't have money. 

Unlike my classmates, who were eager to go to college, I had to search for part-time jobs. And I took up many exhausting jobs from being a cashier at a family restaurant, to a delivery girl and to a part-timer at a convenience store.

Was I jealous of my classmates' lives? Definitely. I really was. I just wished to live in their lives for at least one day. Just one day, and that was all I am asking for.

And in order to make my miserable a tad better, I tried dating a few guys but that didn't go well either. No one liked a girl from a broken family, no one liked a girl who had no pennies on her, and no one liked a girl whose life was just grey.

A few were willing to date me at first, and tried to cheer me up by saying that they would make me happy for the rest of their lives. But one month into the relationship, they told me that they couldn't love me, they told me that they didn't have any sparks left with me. Just like what my mother did, they abandoned me. On someday, I liked to go to their social media accounts and see what they are up to, and I would see them dating girls. Girls whom I envy. Girls who are scintillating. 

And now you may be asking, do you still believe in love?

And my answer to you would be--

No.

I ing don't. 

"Boss, my pay should have been $700 but you only paid me $650." I told the bulky man standing in front of me. He was busy counting his dollar bills and he looked up at me in annoyance.

", can't you see that I am counting bills here? Now because of your stupid , I have to count all over again." He slammed his fist down, and glared at me.

Great. The verbal abuses were back. He was such a big , a big that someday I wished I could just punch him in his face, if only he wasn't my boss that paid the highest hourly wage.

"I can count for you." I offered my help.

He stared at me and scoffed, "As if I could trust you with my ing money, es like you would just steal a note and act all innocent when confronted. And I would be the bad guy."