Oh wow.

See, when that stupid man left the company, Jinsoul thought it’d signify the end of their careers because of the damage done to their albums and prerecorded content. She couldn’t think of a single positive side to his departure, except that her scalp wouldn’t have to hurt and her hair would stop being so damaged.

There was no way she could have known this would replace that.

“Jinsoul?”

“Jinsoul-unnie!”

“JINSOUL-UNNIE!!”

The now black-haired girl quite literally jumps at the loud form of endearment, albeit taken aback at the volume of it. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she completely missed the members calling for her. Her eyes scan the younger ones carefully – some of them are too sharp for their own good, and Jinsoul cannot afford to let out her secret. A secret that's big enough to ruin not only her own career, but the group's reputation eventually. It’s unfortunate enough that she feels the need to hide her uality, for fear that her members might despise her for it. If she were to choose whether debuting in this group is the best choice, however, she’d do it in a heartbeat all over again. The journey is tiring, relentless and constantly full of the unknown but it is also these eleven special girls that make Jinsoul want to continue. Let’s not forget that one very, very unique girl that stands out from the rest in an all too lovely manner.

Just like that, Jungeun, who has been sitting in front of Jinsoul with a slice of pizza in her hand, managed to break the latter out of her deeply rooted thoughts again.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Jungie… I….”

Jinsoul stops herself short of her words, feeling her eyes begin to hurt with a familiar stinging sensation. She doesn’t know what’s with the sudden rise in emotions but it’s happening, and in front of Jungeun at that. She doesn’t mind getting teased or made fun of but this issue is serious and God forbid, if anyone finds out… what would they think of her?

“Unnie?” Jungeun frowns and puts her plate down. She has been observing the older girl for weeks now, but Jinsoul didn’t approach anyone to open up to. “Do you want to go to our room instead? We can talk there if you’re afraid of doing it here…”

Despite being teased by Jungeun all the time, Jinsoul must admit that her motherly instincts are out of this world. She always seemed to know when Jinsoul needed to speak to someone, or have some alone time. The radio show they had gone on much earlier into the year proved to be a turning point for their friendship. Jinsoul had spoken about how Jungeun makes fun of her even with the two year and subsequently, the younger girl puts in effort to explain that it’s how she shows she cares.

“Come on.”

The pair of eyes that follow the two friends doesn’t move, eyebrows furrowing in worry when she sees the taller girl brush away something from her eye.

|

Jinsoul’s POV

I don't know if it is a good idea.

I can barely learn to cope with my overflowing emotions – God, I truly have the emotional range of a bottomless pit. As if crying during concerts all the time isn’t proof of me being a complete loser, I actually almost let myself go in the living room. In the freaking living room, where all the girls were having fun and spending quality time together.

“Unnie, spill.”

Oh, right.

Jungeun is here.

My palms begin to sweat incessantly, thoughts just going in all directions at how badly this conversation could turn out. It’s also obvious that Jungeun’s curiosity is beginning to peak because of how nervous I am. She has always been a curious one, not believing in the phrase that curiosity could kill the cat. This brings me to my next problem also; what if Jungeun eventually feels the need for the other members to know about how I truly feel? What if there's a possible confrontation and considerable disbandment plans to be made? Do I want to be the cause of multiple crushed dreams and irreversible damage; pain that I could never make up for? Certainly not. Not to mention that I could be potentially ruining my own dream girl's life indirectly... dream girl, hah. A likely story that would be.

Why does life have to be so darn complicated?

Or better yet, why do I have to feel like this?

“Jungie… I think you should sit down for this,” I barely force myself to say without stuttering. I watch carefully as she sits on my bed this time, one hand gently rubbing mine in an attempt to provide me comfort. “W-Whatever I’m about to t-tell you, I… no one else knows about it so p-please…”

The flash of worry and panic in Jungeun’s eyes only heighten when she sees my distress – I don’t think she’s ever seen me like this before. I don’t usually get worked up about anything in particular, except during concerts where we meet our fans for such a grand event. Now here’s the part where it terrifies me: Jungeun has a twinkle in her eye, and it only happens when an idea pops into her head. Great – something else to worry about now.

“Wait, I think I know.”

“No, Jungeun---”

“YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOO---”

“SHUSSSHHHHH!”

Jungeun’s eyes are the size of our bowls in the kitchen – hardly an exaggeration – when she realizes how hard I’m shaking. She quickly nods in acknowledgement to my worries, grabbing my trembling hands with her warm ones.

I don’t realize it, probably because I feel more numb than usual but there are tears making their way down my cheeks. Well, that’s likely to be the reason why my face is cupped in Jungeun’s hands within a blink of an eye, her fingers wiping them away. All this time, I wondered if I was the only one feeling this way for a girl… but I’m starting to doubt that. Jungeun wouldn’t have that for a first choice if she never thought about it previously. Wow, I really should be more observant of her next time she tries to be slick around the members. Speaking of which, not only did Jungeun guess the topic of their conversation correctly, she also got the person in question correct.

“Unnie… what are you so afraid of?” Jungeun mumbles, the gaze in her eyes softening as she tries to ask in a courteous manner. Normally, she would talk to me in her straightforward ways, which often disguises the fact that she’s younger than me by two years. “Does anyone else know about this? Or did you try to open the topic?”

“Because it’s not normal, Jungeun…”

The look of offence which crossed Jungeun’s face almost makes me wonder if I had said something wrong, though I barely said anything at all. Well, it’s a fairly positive reaction from where I stand, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re still idols with a huge dating ban. Of course, the dating ban was bound to be presented in the contract because we’re still considered rookies – so imagine how bad the consequences will be if I’m found to be dating and worse, dating someone of the same at that.

“Look, Unnie…”

Oh, the mom tone is here.

“No offence, but you can’t seriously be thinking that! Why do you care whether people will see it as normal or not? Since when did you let other people’s thoughts and opinions bother you? Since we were introduced to each other as trainees, I admired the way you could ignore the negative comments and move on with what makes you happy. Why is this time any different from before?”

Jungeun has a strong, extremely valid point there.

When we first got to know each other, I had just convinced my parents to let me train to become a singer and was approaching my graduation ceremony with the rest of my peers. I entered with a faux confidence that I myself couldn’t recognize after rehearsing my introduction repeatedly in the mirror; it obviously did the trick though because it only added to the reason why I was accepted as a trainee. Junguen had become a trainee just three months before me but she carried an aura, one that was not too approachable – well, other trainees would refer to her as the cold and chic one that didn’t talk too much. Of course, I never told her I was too scared to even say hi for fear she'd stare me down and judge me for my actions.

I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of her; always talking and laughing at absolutely the smallest things possible. Despite that, our friendship soon blossomed when we found out that we would be in the same sub-unit. It was also then that Jungeun admitted she looked up to me for my phony confidence and faith.

“It’s different… Jungie, what if the members don’t support this? Or what if they can’t s-support me and my choices? I don’t want to force that on them, and I would never do that…”

She’s clearly not having any of my explanation, because I can see her patience fizzle out. “Jinsoul, listen to me. If someone as dense as me can see that you’re having a crush, what makes you think the others haven’t?”

Oh, dear God.

The day is here.

The day that their final hair colours and hair styles are going to be decided for the new album.

Well, Jinsoul didn't need to contemplate her next choice of style. She is most definitely not dyeing her hair this comeback; her scalp is already pretty damaged as it is. Although she's grateful for the attention she received because of that cursed blonde hair as well, it truly didn't prove to be a long-lasting option for her. Her interest, however, is peaked after seeing the different styles printed in the book.

“Jiwoo-unnie, are you not getting rid of your bangs yet?” Hyejoo asks, resting her chin on her fist.

“No! I love them!”

Bangs?

It’s the haircut the stylists told Jiwoo to stick with as long as it could blend in with the concept. They agreed with that statement whole-heartedly of course, because it emphasized Jiwoo’s looks and framed her face very nicely. No words could express Jinsoul’s envy when the latter got to keep her hairstyle and hair the way she wanted; she had been stuck with blonde hair ever since debut up till now. Lately, though, Jinsoul noticed how much attention Jiwoo got from her, apparently because bangs made her look much cuter. No, jealousy isn't the correct connotation. Jinsoul is hardly jealous of Jiwoo or her hairstyle, but she wants to receive the same attention from her too.

“I think Jinsoul-unnie should try bangs too,” Chaewon raises her hand, speaking in her signature crunchy voice they all (secretly) love and adore. “After getting her scalp damaged and her hair fried for more than two years, I think she needs bangs to cover up the remains of her bird nest.”

“PARK CHAEWON!!”

Watching Jinsoul lunge at the younger blonde was a sight indeed; according to Chaewon’s words all the time, Jinsoul makes sure to treat her like a princess and an actual younger sister. The two blonde girls were often called the blonde baby unit among their fanbase, which isn’t unknown to the girls.

It is a sight – yes, but even more so for Ha Sooyoung.

All she’s ever wanted, well, wanted more than their success, is to see Jinsoul finally be free of that blonde hell the agency had put her through. Some people don’t know how painful the process is, especially when she could never catch a break. Jinsoul had bust into her room one night, trying to keep her sniffling down to a low volume to prevent waking up the members. It’s weird, and also worrying because Jinsoul never had qualms about wailing like a baby. So imagine Sooyoung’s shock when she wakes up to that depressing sight… She had spent the entire night trying to calm Jinsoul down; whether it was using just words or actions, what mattered was how quick Jinsoul's tears had stopped flowing.

“I think, Jinsoul would pull it off well,” Sooyoung clears , her words gaining attention from the others.

It takes almost all the energy out of Jinsoul to keep her nerves down when she sees the way Sooyoung is smiling.

“BANGS IT IS!”

|

“I told you so! No one else flinched when that happened!”

“She just said bangs would suit me, nothing else…” Jinsoul pouts again, hugging her pillow with all four limbs. She hoped there was a meaning behind that sentence but there probably wasn’t. “And it’s not surprising, I’ve been blonde for years – it must be sickening for her too.”

Jungeun palms her face in frustration.

It’s so difficult to convince Jinsoul that she indeed has a shot with their main dancer. Honestly, she has no clue whether Sooyoung knows it too but her radar is beeping every single time she is in the same room as these two blockheads. Not to brag about it either, but Jungeun’s radar has proven to be pretty darn accurate when observing their classmates back in school. When there is someone remotely interested in the same , Jungeun seems to pick up on it quicker than the person themselves. She isn’t going to speak for everyone else; but there is absolutely no way that no one else among the remaining eleven members swing the other way too. It’s fairly easy to see why Jinsoul is afraid, because Sooyoung never expresses herself that much, not when it comes to her love life.

“If it makes you feel better,” Jungeun grins, hand coming up to neaten the girl’s freshly cut bangs. “You do look kind of cute, Unnie. You have a different kind of charm now that your hair is back to black and with those bangs... wow.”

A goofy smile just appears on Jinsoul’s face, cheeks turning a bit pink at that compliment. She has an insanely huge crush on their main dancer, but it doesn’t mean her other members aren’t attractive too. The leader of her subunit; also the one who constantly teases her for her fashion sense and abundance of tears; the one who keeps up her chic persona – of course, Jinsoul is going to get shy.

“Um, Jinsoul!”

The door flies open before the pair can react, revealing Sooyoung in the middle of the doorway. The toothy smile that Jinsoul adores fades when she sees Jungeun with her hand on Jinsoul’s face. If Jinsoul were to be frank with her description of what just happened, she would say there was a look of confusion and anguish that flashed across Sooyoung’s face. Nonetheless, the three of them seem to be stuck in a time loop where all they can do is stare at each other. Jinsoul is starstruck at how good Sooyoung looks in her boy shorts and tank top; Sooyoung is confused at what she had just interrupted and Jungeun, well, she just wants to get herself out of here.

“S-Sorry! I’ll just… I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Goodnight!”

Sooyoung doesn't even take the time to think about what just happened or could have if she didn't interrupt, rushing back to her shared room with Jiwoo immediately. She breathes heavily, leaning her back against her room door this time. It’s unexplainable, but the way Jinsoul looked after getting bangs and dyeing her back to jet black… Sooyoung just wanted to tell the younger that she looked amazing.

Why did she have to see that?

“Back so fast, Unnie?” Jiwoo looks up from her book, surprise written all over her face. She didn’t expect the latter back for another hour at least, judging by the amount of things she wanted to say. “Is Jinsoul-unnie asleep already?”

“No. She’s well awake.”

The sharp and concise tone told Jiwoo that their talk had obviously failed to happen, or didn’t turn out well enough. She wanted to tell Sooyoung that it’s because of her useless gay panic but could she really? Being roommates for years also means Jiwoo has to sit here and listen to Sooyoung go on and on about how pretty their bandmate is – well, she says nothing but facts, it still irritates Jiwoo at how much of a useless gay this one is. Yes, they’ve trained together for a long period of time and become even closer than they originally were but certain things are still kept out of the way – their uality is one of them. It doesn’t exactly take a genius to decipher which way Sooyoung swings though, for Jiwoo, one of the few, that is. Sleeping in the same room and having to be the bearer of all her good and bad news; Jiwoo should be paid for listening to her crushes and unrequited ‘love stories’ all the time.

“Hello, Unnie? I’ve decided, I want to cut my hair too.”

“UNNIE?!”

“That’s Jiwoo, sorry. And yes, I’m very sure.”

“OH MY GOD? UNNIE!”

“Sooyoung-ah…”

“Sooyoung-unnie!”

Jinsoul’s jaw drops at the newly arrived member; she didn’t say anything at first because she couldn’t recognize the latter from her back view alone. She drops the protein bar onto her lap, eyes scanning Sooyoung shamelessly from head to toe. Their resident swan had just chopped off her luscious black locks that were once her charming point, now it sits nicely at shoulder length. This is not what she was expecting to see, because Sooyoung loves her hair. One time their stylist mentioned a bob cut in the middle of ‘Hi High’ promotions, Sooyoung nearly lost her composure in their waiting room.

Sooyoung giggles at the young members constantly touching her hair in disbelief. She doesn’t waste time in moving towards Jinsoul right away though, leaning against the shelf as she does smiles at the girl. “Well... Jindori, how do you think I look? Different enough from before?”

“U-Uh….”

“Uh… good?”

“U-Um…”

The way Jinsoul’s eyes had darted everywhere in the room for the past few seconds amused Sooyoung; the girl practically looked at every single surface and person in the room except herself. A delayed reaction like this would normally make Sooyoung insecure of herself and her confidence automatically takes a hit. It's just how it's been all her life; so nothing scares her more when she needs validation from the members. Thankfully, the terribly obvious blush on Jinsoul’s face proves that it is in fact a good look on her.

No one can tell, but Sooyoung's heart is ready to beat its way out of her chest just waiting for a response from Jinsoul. She can feel the way her blood is rushing through her veins and up to her neck; if anyone took a good and closer look, they'd also realise she's pretty flushed.

“Y-You look really a-amazing, Sooyoungie…” Jinsoul's voice turns into a whisper, eyes squeezed shut like a child afraid to face up to her own deeds. She has her hands clenched together behind her back, hoping her voice doesn’t crack because of how nervous she is.

“Thank you, Soulie…”

The members’ breaths hitch when they see Sooyoung reach out to lift Jinsoul’s chin slightly, successfully making the younger of the two open her eyes. This is a move often made by Jinsoul when she finds fun in teasing her members, touching or tickling their chins during their performances or on their v-lives. Some members enjoy it, but it's usually for her own amusement most of the time. Being greasy and extremely affectionate to the members is something Jinsoul would do, definitely not Sooyoung. To see someone who gets bashful from receiving compliments or getting the slightest praise being so bold in front of all eleven of them… it’s surprising. A delightful surprise for Jungeun, who has to listen to half of the gay panic. An even more surprising event for Jiwoo, who remembers how frustrated Sooyoung was last night.

Sooyoung gulps when she sees Jinsoul’s eyes dip down to her lips; she was not expecting that. “J-Jinsoul… I…” Sooyoung struggles to carry on with her words, her nerves getting jumbled up in knots. “I wanted to tell you this last night… but you look so, so cute with these bangs.”

“T-Thank you…”

The moment Jinsoul notices the gap between them begin to decrease, her senses kick in right away. She steps away and backs into a wall, a gasp leaving her lips at the hard impact. Why does this look like a scene out of an extremely rated movie with two useless lesbians panicking and not doing anything productive at all?

What the was she doing in front of the members?

“I… I need to shower! BYE!”

Everyone watches in amazement as Jinsoul bolts from her position against the wall and into the bathroom right away. They’ve never seen her become so red or nervous before – what more in front of one of their own members. Jinsoul had already showered, and it shows because there is already a towel around her neck. Plus, how did she even forget about that when Jinsoul literally asked to play rock, paper, scissors to decide who goes first?

What the hell was that?

“Useless lesbian…”

Haseul gasps at the bold choice of words, extremely taken aback at how straightforward and quick that came out. “Kim Jungeun! What in the world did you just say?”

Jungeun laughs nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. She didn't mean for her own opinions to come out in front of the members, but it's obvious all of them heard it loud and clear. It was supposed to be kept under wraps between Jinsoul and her alone, because it is not a topic to be taken lightly. How good of a person would she be if she outed Jinsoul without