It's three months before graduation for your master degree, and you still have tons of thesis writing to get done. You have all the materials ready, all you need to do is writing them down into pages and pages of academic paper that you at least hope will be decent enough not to cause you any embarassment in front of your professor.

Which is hard.

Writing has never been your strongest suit. Doing presentation in front of hundreds of people, that you can do. But, turning what you have in your brain into written words?

"Just kill me...." you whispered to no one but yourself.

The backspace key on your keyboard has been your best friend again today, helping you erase nonsensical words as you type. Type, erase, type, erase. An hour passes since you started writing, but you're still at zero. The new chapter of your paper is still stuck on title.

Giving up, you lift your fingers from the keyboard and rest your back on the coffee shop fluffy couch. You managed to finish a chapter yesterday, but maybe today you won't get another piece of such achievement. You are thinking to rest your brain for a while so you take out your earphone from inside your bag. After plugging it on your phone, you soon scroll through your playlist to find some songs that will hopefully motivate you again.

Right when you press play on the song of your choice, on the corner of your eyes you can see someone standing besides your table. Thinking that maybe the person needs any assistance, you pull out your earphone and look up.

"Can I hel—" your words are cut off when you see who it is standing less than a meter away from you, "Changwook-ah.."

"Aya, it's been a while.." the corner of his mouth rises to form his signature smile, along with his deep set of eyes that now curves like a crescent-moon. His smile is contagious, as it always has. You soon reply to his warm greeting with your own welcoming smile.

Although you are not sure how you are able to smile like that.

Changwook is not someone you should be glad to see again. The story—or history—between the two of you is not something to celebrate.

***

"Changwook. Ji Changwook." he offered his hand and introduced himself as the new guy at the advertising agency you were working at. You took his hand in a handshake and welcomed him as a team member of a project you were working on. You had only been working there for less than a year, but Changwook was still your junior so you always made sure to spend time to get him used to things. You never expected that those endless hours of overtime works together would make the two of you more than mere coworkers.

You two had effortlessly became some sort of a couple.

You talked about everything with him. Movies, songs, books, and also more personal things about each other. He knew your fears and dreams in life better than anyone else, just like you knew his. Hours with him felt like seconds, while minutes without him felt forever. Things were perfect.

Except for one important fact: you both were not single.

You were in a long term relationship with a boyfriend studying abroad, and Changwook had a girlfriend back in his hometown. You both knew what you were getting into but neither one of you could stop. Some affairs start when couples are involved in fights, arguments, or distrust—topped with a third person coming along the way. At that time, however, there were nothing like such. 

The relationship between you and boyfriend had gone stale, the only thing remained was the commitment you both made some years ago to get married. But lately you hadn't been sure about whether the two of you still hung on to that commitment, with your boyfriend's intention to look for a job abroad rather than coming home to you. As affectionate and caring words lessened, your relationship with him had became suffocating.

With Changwook, it was so easy. His clear in vision in life and his ruthlessness in achieving his goals made him as someone you looked up to. Despite that, he was the warmest, soft hearted, and funniest guy you've ever met. Ultimately, his way of showing affection to you got you stuck with nowhere to hide but in his arms.

As for Changwook, his girlfriend was someone matched for him by his parents. You laughed when he first told you about the arrangement between his and the girl's family back home, you found it hilarious that such thing still existed in this modern time. He thought the same, and said he only saw the girl as a dear younger sister. You believed him—you wanted to believe it.

The thing with you and Changwook went on without any clear definition, until it came to the point where you and Changwook talked about being officially together. At the cost of hurting each other's partner.

"Your phone's ringing," you said to him during another session of late night work at the office. Changwook was so focused in reviewing some project notes that he didn't realize his blaring ringtone or even you talking to him, so you stood up from your chair and grabbed his phone to give it to him. You stopped after seeing the caller ID on his phone screen, brightly displaying the name of his girlfriend. Taking a deep breath and tried to ignore your irrational jealousy—as you also just got off the phone with your boyfriend—you placed the phone in front of his eyes. "I think you should answer this,"

"Oh." Changwook grabbed the phone and looked at you with worry, "Mian,"

He soon involved in a long talk with his girlfriend, you could hear words you didn't want to hear coming out of his mouth to another woman but you. Despite trying to hide the hurt you felt, your feet involuntary rushed outside the office room. You felt like going crazy. Everything started to feel wrong.

What you were doing to your boyfriend, what Changwook was doing to his girlfriend, what the two of you had been doing behind their backs: Everything was a mistake.

"Aya, I'm sorry. You're okay?" you felt his hand grabbed you from walking further away into the darkness of your office building in the late hour. The sincere expression of concern he showed broke your walls. The hurt in your heart started to flood out of your body as tears ran down your cheeks.

"I think we should stop, Changwook-ah. They don't do anything wrong, we must stop this before we hurt them even more,"

Instead of agreeing with you, Changwook pulled you into his tight embrace. "No, I don't want to lose you," his deep voice echoed in your ear as he nuzzled his face on your neck in desperate need for comfort.

"Then, what should we do?" you asked between sobs.

"Break things up with your boyfriend," he kissed each of your tearful eyes, "I'll do the same,"

Words were easy to say. In reality, taking an action was far harder than coming up with the intention for it. Weeks went by without either one of you doing what you two had agreed to do. The situation was still as it had always been, being together in a lie that got bigger and bigger each day.

At some point, you realized something. You both were waiting for each other to take the step, but neither wanted to be the first. You both scared of letting go the relationships with your respective partners and jumped into uncertainty.

Indeed, why must bet on something that had only began a short while and didn't have a clear direction on where to go?

But you finally had enough of lying and moved on to take that first step. You broke your relationship off, dealing with your boyfriend's disappointment and his accusations on the reason why you called off the relationship. Accusations that you couldn't deny. You did cheated on him.

Changwook sighed in relief and kissed you in glee when he found out the news. But that was it. You still saw him receiving calls from his girlfriend, and looked guilty when you caught him being sweet to her. You spent weeks tried not to overthink things, and that you should take the time to focus on getting your life back on track first. Changwook must had some matters to figure out before he could do something, just like you did with your previous relationship.

But your heart couldn't lie. Changwook had disappointed you. You began to question his sincerity. So, you took the next step.

"Aya! What is it that I hear about you leaving?" Changwook barged into the meeting room where you were alone doing your last project before leaving the company. You had submitted your resignation letter to your boss two weeks ago, but you still had some responsibilities to complete.

"I quit." you shortly said.

"How come you didn't tell me? I heard it from the girls gossiping near the coffee machine, can you believe it?! Huh? Where are you going?"

"I quit, Changwook-ah. Both the company and us." you regretfully said and walked away.

"Aya! Yah! Let's talk things out, please.. don't leave me," he caught on to her and plead. 

His eyes bewildered and scared. You were tempted to hug him and say you would never leave him, but your determination was stronger.

"Please, Aya.. I love you. I know I haven't been doing my best, but I'm begging you to stay.." he clung to your arms, stopping you to walk further.

As you released his fingers one by one from your arm, you decided that things would not be better for the two of you. You should step back before things got out of your control. You needed to protect yourself from all of the uncertainty—and from a worse heartbreak.

"Let's not meet again."

***

Changwook is not someone you should be glad to see again.

But you do, and so does he—it's clear in his eyes.

"The seat is not taken, right?" he gestures to the chair across the table. You can only nod.

You see him puts his cup on the table, near yours, before sitting comfortably in front of you. It's been years since you last saw him, yet everything about him feels so familiar. Nothing seems to change.

His voice, his eyes, his habit of touching his nose from time to time while he talks to you—it is like it's only yesterday that his wide palms held yours ever so tightly as you bid him goodbye. His style also doesn't change, with straight cut trousers and nicely fitted casual shirt hugging his wide shoulders. A camel brown long coat provides a layer of warmth in this cold weather, although for him it also serves as another piece of clothing that adds to his signature look.

"You look good," he smiled at you.

You too, Changwook-ah.. you too, as always. You bitterly think.

"Well, I do, I always do," you lightly joked, earning the laugh you had longing for so much from him.

"How's life?" he shots a question. Figures, there will be nothing else to talk about with him other than personal things. Small talks doesn't exist in your world with him. Everything is personal.

"This.." you turned your laptop facing him, showing him what you are working on, "...is life right now," you grin. He doesn't look surprised, just as expected. He knows that you have always planned to pursue your study, just like you know that what matters most for him is earning as much money as he can with endless working.

"I'm happy for you." he makes another smile as he sips his coffee, "Guess what I do now," he challenges.

"Hmm.. leading your own advertising agency?" you take a wild guess, but you almost sure you are right.

"Aish. You know me so well," he makes a face but clearly thrilled that you haven't forget about his dream, "Full score for you!"

The two of you moves from one topic to another as effortlessly as the chilly wind blows away the last leaf of a tree in the beginning of winter. Every facts about the life you and him currently leading are laid open on the table, except for one thing: what happened between you and him.

But you both know you're getting there.

"Anyway, where do you live?" he asks, and you notice him takes a peek at your fingers. Just as you already been doing since the moment he sat on your table. You are sure he's also been asking the same question in his mind.

"I'm not married. I live alone two blocks away," you said casually as you put your cup on your lips to hide the nervousness that suddenly grows.

He let out a short breathy laugh, a smile lingers on his face as he takes in the fact that you just revealed. His reaction gives you a sense of relief you cannot fathom.

Am I expecting something?

"Me too. Not attached to anything other than my job," he says in a single breath.

"Did I ask?" you grin teasing him.

"That sass, God I miss it," his sudden serious expression gives you chill, "I thought I lost you forever,"

You can only give a thin smile, as it was you the one who walked away. Although in your defense, that was the right thing to do for the sake of everyone. Changwook replies with similarly insincere smile, his eyes sends a message that he knows you will understand. You had hurt him bad.

"Don't stare at me like that," you begin, "We didn't really promise each other anything. What we had was selfish at best, nothing good would had come out of it."

Changwook shrugs, "I know. Maybe I was just expecting too much from you,"

"And you didn't think that I was expecting something too?" your tone rises. He wasn't the only one hurting, you were too. "You didn't do anything worth praising either, Changwook-ah."

"I was a coward, wasn't I?" he heaves a long deep sigh and fixes his position on the chair to narrow down the gap between the two of you. He carefully put his right palm on top of yours on the table surface. "You are right, I was selfish."

Slowly, he slipped his fingers into yours and tighten his grip on your hand. Indeed, some things never change, like the warmth his hand gives you just with the slightest touch. Your feeling for him also hasn't change, you realize.

"What about now? Is it still selfish of me for still wanting us to happen?" words coming out of his mouth seem to be more intended for himself than for you.

If you wanted to be honest, there is really nothing stopping you from being with him. Unlike back then, both of you are single. No one will get hurt.

The thing is, however, you are still uneasy. There must be a reason why you and him didn't work out at the first time. It can be unfavorable situation, wrong timing, selfish ego, or something else—maybe you two are not fated together to begin with.

"Things that are meant to be will surely be." you slowly say. Reading the meaning behind your words through the pair of your eyes, Changwook gasps.

"No, Aya, no. It is such a miracle to find you in this place after all these years. Don't run again,"

"I'm not running, I'm just figuring out if we really should be together."

"At least tell me your number so I can find you,"

"Changwook-ah, let's not hang on to this. Today can be just a mere coincidence."

"Or fate!"

"We don't know which one," you add, "we deserve to know. At least, I want to know for sure."

Changwook gulps down his coffee and slams the empty plastic cup with stronger force than he intended to. He gives up trying to win. "Fine. So, what do you want to do?"

You take your time to answer, because you want him to be able to hear what you have to say with a cool head. You glance at the table surface, two coffee cups sitting next to each other. One with your name on it, just like usual—and one scribbled with a name that you once thought never going to be written next to your coffee cup ever again.

J.C.W

"Nothing. Let's do nothing," you say after a while, "Let's live our life as usual. Pursue our dreams, achieve happiness with ourselves, be content with our life. Stop finding each other's traces, I also won't be coming here again. And if one day, despite everything, we meet again in the future.."

"You'll believe it's fate." he insists.

"I'll believe that 'us' is worth fighting for." you choose to say.