-fin.

Spolier Alert: Trigger Warnings for Implied Character death, nothing graphic but yeah.

In the end, I didn't solve a thing at all.

A faint curve to the lips, portrays a melancholic smile restraining the endless thoughts plaguing the mind of the lone girl sitting on the bench. Her fingers softly run across the faded surface of the once rosy brown cedar wood; widely spread stains and barely noticeable deformities on its painting, evidently shows the poor quality of maintenace the bench has received over the years. (Or, lack thereof.) Cupid's Sanctuary, formerly known as Revel University's famous confession spot, has not been spared from time's cruelty. The cheerful bright paint has long turned sombre, devoid of its glory from the past. Students used to say that confessing on front of the aforementioned bench would bring fortune to someone's love life, supposedly giving lovers a good start to their romantic endeavors.

It undeniably sounds childish, cringey even; yet people believed in it. Of course, people love those type of stories. It doesn't matter whether it's just a baseless rumor, as long as it sounds fun and it includes a mysterious magical factor that could benefit them.

Basically, like how urban legends and odd beliefs usually start. If anything, instead of actual sorcery, the existense of Cupid's Sanctuary has just given students the courage to profess their love. It gives them the will to do it, not a guaranteed positive result. If it succeeds, the legend continues. If it fails, they could simply keep quiet about it; thus preserving the university's legend.

It has always been as simple as that, no one just cared enough to even bother thinking about it - except maybe for a certain girl.

At a young age, Bae Joohyun has experienced a lot of things she would rather not talk about. She also had her fair share of high school dramas which has taught her the importance of knowing how to remain at a safe distance from others. Joohyun has always been good at learning, so she understands - certainly, being alone has its limitations. She understands that being a plain bystander does not guarantee a peaceful life, it could lead to being completely casted away which could later on pose some problems. On the same manner, she understands that being too close to people's center of attention would attract irrational hate from people that Joohyun fondly dubs as, "imbeciles". Again, she's remarkable at learning, so she has opted to being conveniently close to others, yet not close enough to actually form bonds with them. A bond requires time, effort, sincerity, and other more deep words that Joohyun deems nonsense - things that are just too high-maintenance for her liking.

She has chosen to put on a facade wherein she says everything about nothing, and nothing about everything.

Everyone regards Joohyun as the typical perfect straight A student; every professor adores her, and every student wishes to be at least half as intelligent as her. Adults would always encourage kids to study by saying that, "hardwork beats talent when talent doesn't work hard", but that would not work in explaining Joohyun's case. It has nothing to do with hard work, or maybe it does, but it is not like anyone would ever be curious nor care enough to actually find out.

When humans see something they can't comprehend, there are likely two types of response. (1) First, they get curious. (2) Second, they despise it.

The latter would seem like an overstatement, but it's the more frequent response between the two. When toddlers see unfamiliar persons, they fear them. When kids see unusual kids, they bully them. When adults come across persons who are inexplicably great at something - way better than them - they despise them.

College is filled with various kinds of people. Some are on the process of maturing and properly turning into decent young adults, while some are still mere children hidden inside the bodies of grownups. Fortunately, there's still an established unspoken rule throughout this challenging phase of life.

Mind your own business.

In college, everyone has their own lives. They are living inside their respective bubbles, not caring about anyone who doesn't directly concern them. Even if students continuously skip classes, no one would care; not even their professors. Of course, it would surely result into bad grades; but then again, no one would care.

In other words, even if some people despise Joohyun's significantly above-average level of intelligence, they just wouldn't care to bother doing nor saying anything about it. Sure, they might start gossiping about her; but Joohyun being Joohyun, entertaining those baseless rumors is beneath her. Without hesitations, she embarks her mundane college life.

Revel University, being the typical private institution it is - Joohyun did not expect much from it. After all, it's a university which has accepted her despite of her late admission. The university's management would insist that they've only allowed the consideration because of her excellent grades from High School, but she wouldn't count much on that excuse. Inevitably, she thinks lowly of the institution's system.

Everyday has always been the same old boring routine for her. They always say that time flows really fast, making it difficult for humans to catch up with it - but not for Joohyun. For her, it has always been painstakingly slow. Every tick of the clock appears slower, every second felt like a minute. Maybe it's due to the fact that she gets things a bit faster than others, understands lessons a bit quicker, thus boring her out just as quick. She really thinks it's a waste of time, but staying at home is just as much of a waste, so she willingly attends her classes - hoping that maybe her time would pass faster even just by a few more seconds.

Until she has met her.

Kang Seulgi, the girl who loves to wear yellow sweater at winter accompanied by her signature neatly knitted red scarf, opposing her clumsy and laid-back nature.

"Hey," Joohyun directs her gaze to the person beside her as she heard the soft whisper.

"I know your secret, but don't worry... I won't tell a single soul." The other girl grins knowingly, Joohyun simply raises her eyebrows as she waits for the stranger to continue.

"I'm Seulgi. Kang Seulgi." Worried that Joohyun might not be able to hear her, she briefly writes her name on her notebook, drawing a cute bear beside it.

"I know, I mean I could read." Joohyun answers with a slight smile; the other girl tilts her head, looking surprised and dumbfounded.

"But I've never said you couldn't read. Did I offend-" Seulgi couldn't finish her sentence, because their other classmates stood up as the professor dismisses their class.

Seulgi is confused, but decides to just forget about it for now. They only share one class together, but it doesn't matter anyway. Seulgi might not know the other girl's name yet, but she knows her secret - and that's more than enough for now.

As a gentle wind tousles her hair, Joohyun stares at the well-known 'Cupid's Sanctuary' with visible disdain. She leans at the railings, she tries pounding on the additional barrier above it as if she didn't know that it's impossible to remove. Of course, the safety barrier couldn't be removed - it's properly doing its job of stopping anyone from jumping down. Well, Joohyun is at the rooftop of a nine (9) storey building; so it makes sense that a barrier would be there to prevent anyone from making a stupid impulsive decision. (Which Joohyun may or may not have thought of several times.) Roofdecks are locked for a reason, they are restricted places. Yeah, Joohyun doesn't care much about more 'boring' stuff like rules or something.

"Lovebirds," Joohyun grimaces at the scene of a couple sitting at the bench on Cupid's Sanctuary. Itt's a bit far from where she is, so she could not recognize the faces of the couple; and she does not exactly care anyway.

"You're here again, Ms. Trespasser." Seulgi utters with a playful tone, Joohyun simply blinks back at her.

"I've seen you sneak into here before. Don't worry, I'll be your accomplice." Seulgi attempts to wink, which didn't end up well. Apparently, the girl couldn't wink at all - Joohyun laughs at the ridiculous gesture.

"Sure, Kang Seulgi. Sure." Joohyun chuckles, she slightly shakes her head, making fun of the other girl's failed attempt at winking.

"Ya! Don't make fun of me! How'd you even know my name?" Seulgi pouts, Joohyun thinks that the girl resembles a cute bear - the corner of her lips unconciously tug upwards at the thought.

"Seulgi, we have a name tag on that subject. And by the way, you' re still wearing yours." Joohyun points at Seulgi's unusually big name tag - with lots of cute cartoon drawings - perfectly showcasing the other girl's personality.

"Oh, but I don't know yours?"

"Bae Joohyun." Joohyun answers as she walks closer to the door leading to the staircase downwards, leaving Seulgi behind.

"Hey! Can I call you Hyun?" Seulgi shouts, Joohyun pretends to not hear her and just kept on walking.

"Okay, I'll call you Hyun then. See you tomorrow!" Seulgi blatantly ignores Joohyun's lack of response and just pushed through the idea of calling her "Hyun".

That particular day was still as slow as usual for Joohyun, but it was at least still something worth remembering. It's her first time seeing someone hilariously fail at winking, of course she's bound to remember that silly scene.

Joohyun is good at studying, maybe that's the reason why she sometimes finds herself studying the other girl. She has a very short attention span, she couldn't even last listening to their professor for at least fifteen minutes. Upon meeting Seulgi, she thinks it has further shortened. These days, it doesn't even take five minutes before her attention redirects to the girl beside her. Focusing on how she diligently writes her notes, and cutely scratches her head when she couldn't uderstand the lesson, (which means - alwayas) and her habit of cracking her knuckles - which Joohyun dislikes, so she stops her.

"That's not a nice habit." Bearing a serious expression, Joohyun sternly scolds Seulgi. The other girl simply zones out, taking a few seconds before understanding what Joohyun has said.

"Hyun, not listening to classes and just staring at me isn't a nice habit either," Seulgi brightly smiles and maybe Joohyun's heart just made a 'random flip'. Joohyun thinks that she must have drank too much coffee, thus giving her palpitations. Yeah, it's definitely the coffee. Not Kang Seulgi, not at all.

As years passed by, Joohyun slowly gets to know Seulgi better. It's unusual for her, but maybe she wouldn't mind forming a bond this time - may it be friendship or something more. Joohyun has always dreaded the agonizingly slow time, but nowadays, she finds herself appreciating it a bit - moments spent with Seulgi has always been enjoyable. They talk about nothing and everything, it has felt like finding someone whom she's just naturally comfortable with. Sometimes, they would just bask under the rays of sunlight on hot summer afternoons at the roof top. It's still boring, but Joohyun thinks she's starting to like 'boring' now.

She has come to like the type of 'boring' Seulgi brings her.

Seulgi likes singing while playing the guitar and goofing around to make Joohyun smile. And as for Joohyun, she likes listening to Seulgi, she adores her voice - it never fails to give her the sense of peace she has always been longing for. She loves her voice, really. (And maybe, Seulgi too.)

As perfect as everything sounds, Seulgi is far from perfect. Both of the girls hate receiving their test results for opposite reasons - an established unspoken fact between the two. The girl isn't exactly the smartest out of the bunch, marking the most obvious difference between her and Joohyun.

"Of course," Joohyun listlesstly stares at her test paper with perfect score again, devoid of any emotion.

"Hyun, you're really amazing!" Seulgi happily shouts, smiling bright as she has always done.

"The questions were easy this time." Joohyun nonchalantly answers, folding her test paper as small as she could then stuffing it inside her pocket.

"Eh? But I've failed again, although I at least got a two-digit score this time." Seulgi shyly scratches her nape, looking down at the floor, with a small smile adorning her face.

"It's alright though. I'll study harder next time!" Seulgi energetically proclaims, her eyes resembling a crescent moon as she flashes a bright smile to Joohyun.

"You're too optimistic," Joohyun snickers, head slightly shaking in disapproval.

"You're just too pessimistic." Seulgi merely gives her a shrug as she carefully folds her test paper, giving life to another crane origami.

Joohyun loves that about Seulgi, she's everything Joohyun isn't. She tells Seulgi that she would help her study for their next exam, which makes the other girl instantly turns into a hyper kid again. Seulgi takes the crane she has created earlier and puts it in a random place again before they get up to leave the classroom. Joohyun asks her why she loves folding cranes, then just randomly leaving them - Seulgi answers vaguely, "Just because. Who knows, maybe someone is meant to find them."

Joohyun has tried several times asking Seulgi about the cranes, but the girl has never given her a clear response. The girl insists it's a secret; so despite Joohyun being curious, she decides to give up. (Maybe she shouldn't have.)

Time has always been painstakingly slow for Joohyun. Seulgi's existence makes it somehow bearable, but there are still days wherein she just questions everything.

Today, it is one of those days.

"Even if I die today, nothing would ever change. I could be easily replaced." Joohyun murmured to herself as she tightens her grip at the railing. She tears her test paper into small pieces and throws it off the ledge.

"That's a very Hyun-thing to say, but I would always disagree." Joohyun's eyes widens in surprised when she hears the familiar voice.

You're here again, you've found me.

"I know you are smart smart, is that even the right term? Anyway, I know I'm dumb and you're not, but you always say those foolish words." Seulgi gently wraps the red scarf she always carries around Joohyun's neck.

"Isn't that too sad? The world's much more fun! Hyun, if you say those foolish words a hundred times, I'd disagree with you a thousand more." Seulgi smiles, ruffling Joohyun's hair. She then purposely raises the scarf she has given the other girl, thus covering Joohyun's small face. So, Joohyun cries.

Joohyun dislikes showing weakness to others, Seulgi knows that. She even knows that Joohyun would rather keep everything inside until she breaks down rather than crying. In their four years of friendship, they have always remained within Joohyun's preffered "safe distance". Seulgi respects that, always saying that she understands. Joohyun can't comprehend what she means by that, because the other girl has always been cheerful - but as always, Joohyun doesn't bother poking further. (Maybe she knows, but she'd rather not address it for now.)

That's how they have always been. Throughout the years they have spent together and countless mundane conversations they have shared, tiny pieces of information about themselves would slip sometimes. Things that are weighting them down - their struggles, insecurities, worries or sometimes even family problems. They would sometimes let those things unintentionally slip, yet never really dwell on them. They both know they don't need words, their presence and constant support for each other is enough. (Or maybe, it isn't.)

Seulgi has never forced the other girl to talk, so Joohyun intends to do the same. (She shouldn't have.)

It has all started out of nowhere.

They have started talking less and less. Seulgi attends her classes less and less. She barely sees the other girl around campus nowadays. Joohyun is getting a bit worried, so she's undoubtedly delighted when she sees Seulgi again.

"Yah, where have you been?" Joohyun engulfs Seulgi in a tight embrace.

"Hyun, I've missed you too. I had to rest because of my new haircut." Seulgi jokes and she gestures to her hair which is now a few inches shorter than it used to be.

"Yeah, it suits you, but that's unrelated to your absences." Joohyun argues, but she stops and decided to just let her off the hook when she noticed that familiar gaze of Seulgi.

Once in a while, the cheerful and hyper kid Seulgi would stop smiling, her eyes devoid of any emotions. It only happens for a split second, but Joohyun would always notice whenever it happens. She takes it as a cue that Seulgi needs time to be alone and sort her mind. And so, she drops her case and opts to accepting Seulgi's excuse for her continuous absence: her new haircut.

Sometimes, Seulgi disappears. She would remain unreachable through phone calls or social media for days, then she would be back like nothing ever happened. Joohyun deems that what is currently happening is just another one of those random "no-Seulgi" days. She knows (hopes, rather) Seulgi would come back shortly.

Except, she doesn't.

Days of absences becomes weeks, eventually a month.

Joohyun thinks of visiting Seulgi, but she doesn't. Seulgi has always been patient for her, and she wants to be just as patient for the other girl. Joohyun distracts herself by investing all of her time into studying. She would never admit it, but her univ work loads is starting to take a toil on her. On top of it, everything has been too much for her lately.

Additionally, the "no-Seulgi" days have never lasted this long.

She remembers the last time she has seen the other girl. Joohyun wanted to jokingly ask her again and perhaps make fun of her haircut; but she couldn't even meet Seulgi's eyes. The girl just kept on walking, not sparing anyone a single glance.

Joohyun wanted to chase her, but again -- she didn't.

It has been a whole month without Seulgi.

Joohyun goes home, physically and emotionally tired. She hasn't slept for days now, so her body indulges itself with much needed sleep. The next day, she wakes up with her phone being continuously flooded by notifications from their class group chat. She worriedly opens it.

And it has confirmed all of her worries.

Joohyun spends hours asking everyone about it. She refuses to believe what they are saying. Making phone calls again and again, until it finally dawns her that she's gone. Seulgi is gone. At the back of her mind, she knows, yet could not bear to accept it.

She locks herself in her room the whole day - when she finally goes out the next day, her older sister asks her what happened. As if unable to hear anything, she simply passes by - not answering her sister - and continues on her morning routine.

At breakfast, her voice cracks as she tells her mom and sister about what happened. Joohyun barely speaks for she knows her words would be incoherent, not making any sense. Well, the whole situation makes no sense.

She remembers her older sister's words, "The living needs to keep living."

So, she goes to class as if nothing happened. As if she did not just lose one of the most important persons in her life.

A boquet of flowers placed on Seulgi's seat, upperclassmen crying. Joohyun trembles, her stomache churns, about to throw up the very little amount of food she managed to forcefully gulped down at breakfast.

People are crying, as if they have known Seulgi. The very same persons who only knew Seulgi as that clumsy kind idiot who is good at singing and dancing. They have probably already forgotten the shade of brown Seulgi regularly dyed her hair with. The way she fangirls over her favorite groups. Or, the way she smiles without a care, making Joohyun happy and smiling as well.

She closes her eyes as she feels anger rising from her chest. Before she could lash out to those people pretending to know Seulgi, she runs.

She runs, as she always did.

Joohyun goes to the roof deck, maybe irrationally expecting Seulgi to find her there. Seulgi always finds her, she always did. That is just how it is. (How it's supposed to be.)

Or, how it was.

Joohyun doesn't find Seulgi, but she finds a paper crane. She quickly unfolds the crane, hoping that maybe Seulgi has at least left her an explanation for whatever it is that has happened.

Her hand trembles upon seeing the content of the paper. The test paper she had previously ripped apart, is now carefully taped together, folded and creased neatly.

In the end, she didn't solve a thing at all.

It has been years, yet nothing has changed. Same old story, same old song, same old memories playing over and over inside her mind. Fleeting days have passed by, Joohyun just desperately seeks for their mundane days again.

If only she has been brave enough to get a little closer to the other girl.

Maybe, things would have ended differently.

Maybe, things would not have to end.

She has foolishly gotten too coped up with her own struggles, she has forgotten the other girl.

No, it would be better if she has forgotten, but she didn't. And maybe, that's the most difficult part to accept.

She knew, but she chose not to do anything about it. She was so used to being smart and keeping a safe distance, away from everyone.

They did not need words, their presence and constant support for each other is enough. (Or maybe, it isn't.)

No, they needed words of reassurance to keep them grounded. Their presence wasn't enough, it was never enough. She should have forced her to talk, then maybe Joohyun wouldn't be here, regretting everything and dreading over thousand unspoken words.

She has lost someone who understood and accepted her for who she is. Someone whom she could freely joke around. Someone who appreciates her favorite music as much as she does. She has lost someone who makes her happy, someone who makes her smile. She has lost her.

The cheerful girl has spoken about everything about nothing; and nothing about everything - of what's making her cry inside.

She couldn’t take it,

Living with a heart that only wants to disappear,

Keeping her feelings hid behind a smile that stretched from ear to ear,

Even when the smile had folded up and died from soaring from the window,

Even then, I don’t think that I’ll forget, such a pretty smile.

I would never forget, not even tomorrow.

-fin.

A/N: To anyone who reads this and somehow relates to it, I hope you're doing well. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. You are not alone, you are loved. Things will all eventually work out.