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metanoia

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          ' ' Jinhwan chanted repeatedly in his mind.

          'Dear God'

          'I'm homeless'


          'They're getting rid of me, they've done it'


          Jinhwan stared helplessly at his things scattering around, outside the stark building he used to call home. Even though he knew this day would eventually come, knowing he now have 5 months of stack-up unpaid rent. It still came to surprise him how early they are trying to get rid of him. A month more would be enough, he sighed.
          He could have find ways to have alternative solution with his rental problems, he could have—but he run out of time and being new to this region and not knowing a single soul to asked help, he was left with no choice.
         Sure, he wasn't trying to blame anyone, of course not. But if only his publisher were kind enough not to completely reject his works and made him re-write it for the nth time then maybe, just maybe he could now have the cents to pay his rent.
         Looking at his landlady, who is giving him a nasty look for the last time before slamming the door close, he huffed and slide down to sit on a curb just in front of the main door. Brushing his hair up in frustration he heaved another long sighed before he decided to gather his remaining things and walk to the nearest café he used to visit in those nights he needed a shot of caffeine to work on his system.
In his situation it was better not to worry about anything, really. He should not worry about the fact that most of his things is now in possession of his landlady as a force settlement nor the fact that he was left with almost no money, he shouldn't, but he do. Especially now that he was basically, well, a stray.
          "Ugh, I hate this" he mumbled in vexation. Stomping his foot at the slabs outside the shop, he proceed inside. He set his things at a table beside a huge purple framed mirror at the far end side of the café before placing his orders at the counter. Upon returning on his table he then took out his laptop, organized his things and stuffs his clothes more neatly on his duffle bag. He couldn't care less about the weird stares other customers were throwing at him, he was homeless, he might end up on a much worst situation, what else would bother him more than that?
          Finding a temporary place to live is his main objective, typing a website on his laptop after connecting on the net. He then started scrolling post ad after post.
          'This will be temporarily' he convinced himself 'then you'll find a better pace to stay in' he nodded in enthusiasm.
          After some time though, his cup almost empty, people almost gone and the waitress already looking annoyed at him, Jinhwan still couldn’t fine anything, it wasn't the other factors that affected his choices, he doesn't have any to begin with, but the place would always be too expensive than what he could afford at the moment and he grew and grew more desperate.           ‘I don’t care if I'll end up in a squatter, I need a place!' He cried in silent desperation.
         It might be some sort of a coincidence but a few more scrolls and Jinhwan saw a rent ad that is perfectly fit for his budget. The place is just a few walks away from his old apartment and a few blocks away from his work as well. It was perfect, disregarding the fact that the ad clearly states that he would be living with 6 more people and that the food and rent would be rationed out. 'At least it's cheaper that way' the following description states and Jinhwan can't help but laugh. I mean, it was all true.
          'This will be temporary' he said to himself yet again, before sending a messaged stating that he was interested to take the place. It didn't take that long when he received a reply and Jinhwan can't help but to laugh out loud once again. It might be an automatic reply or something but the fact that it rhymes make it funny. They talk some more before Jinhwan and who ever is the handler (who, he was very comfortable talking to, surprisingly ignoring the fact that the man was switching from a formal talker to a drunken-like-man which he find rather odd) agreed that he could move as soon as he wanted to.
          Without wasting any time Jinhwan immediately hailed a cab, fishing his phone out from his pockets, he instructed the driver the place as he emailed his information to his new roommates along side one of his selcas, not that it was necessary. No one really asked him for it but he thought it was polite to let them know what he looks like.
          Arriving wasn't that bad, it wasn't awkward nor it was uncomfortable. The place was an old modest house of course, but it was better than what he expected. Jinhwan was exhilarated and comfortable for an unknown reason and the very moment he arrived, he was immediately greeted by someone.  The mans arms tatted up but a warm smile is plastered on the his face. Sure, Jinhwan was a er for charming guys so he reallyg can't and won't deny that he find this one specifically charming.
          "Oh. that was fast, Hi~" he greeted him waving an awkward hand at Jinhwan, Jinhwan answered the waved as he answered him a soft yeah. "Come, come inside" he invited him in, motioning his hand towards the door as he smiled wildly at him scratching the top of his head with his free hand. Jinhwan followed him inside when he entered slinging his bag as he went.
         "GUYS Jeawan arrived!" The man suddenly screamed that startled Jinhwan, it was loud and well, obnoxious. But then not really. Not to mentioned as well that he had his named wrong. Jinhwan wanted to burst out laughing. 'Cute'
         "Jinhwan, Jin-Hwan" he said trying to correct it
         "Huh?" The man turned at him confuse, almost mouthing out his uncertainty, but then someone smacked him in the head "Idiot he said his name is JinHun" That someone said. This time he was a charismatic kind of guy, intimidating but comes off as cute to Jinhwan.
          "Huh...?" The first guy asked even more confused. His gazed was shifting back and forth to Jinhwan and the newly arrived guy.
          "What I mean is—" Jinhwan said cutting through, but he was immediately cut off by another person, again.
          "es you didn't clearly hear it, did you? He said his name is Jin-Hwa, Jin-Hwa"
          "It was Jeawan!"
          "You didn't get it do you Junhoe? It was JinHun"
          "Bin, stop it. you're embarrassing yourself. It was JinHwa"
          "He introduced himself to me! He said Jea-Wan"
          "Oh ghad what an idiot. It was Jin-Hwa"
          "Bobby, you waren't here how'd you know, huh? It was Jin-Hun"
          "Jeawan!"
          "JINHUN"
          "JIN-HWAAAAAA"
          "It was Jinhwan…" Jinhwan said trailing off, voice suddenly small and weirden out yet the three didn't hear him
          "OK! ok ok ok I'll bet my dog, it was Jeawan" Junhoe offered
          "Sold! I'll bet my mattress it was Jinhwa"
          "Huh? Uhm. AH! I'LL BET BOBBY IT WAS JIN-HUN" the guy shouted as an awkward silence followed.
           The three men started looking at each other weirdly and Jinhwan suddenly started feeling out of place, not that he wasn't at the first place. Although he must admit he find everything quite amusing.
           The first guy, who he made out to be named as Junhoe let out a muffled laughed as he turned to Jinhwan "lets scram away for a moment? the guys need time." He asked him and Jinhwan just found himself nodding. Junhoe grab Jinhwan's hand as he lead them in, Jinhwan tensed up wanting to pulled away from his hands, overwhelmed. He balled his other fist and shoved his hand in his pocket, but the warmth wasn't the same.
          "Oh, by the way. I'm Junhoe"
          "And I'm Jinhwan. JIN-HWAN" he finally said emphasizing it.
          "Huh? Oh…" the man said sharp eyes slightly went round as well as his mouth as realization hit him, he then let out a "ahhh… jin…hwan…" he said repeating the name while nodding his head up in down steadily. He then laugh out loud all of the sudden. "It was Jinhwan pfft. Jeawan HAHAHAHA" he said in between laughs. "Jin-hun pfft." "Jin-hwa—" he said bursting out of laughter even more. Jinhwan look at him amused as he waited him to cool down from his laughter. Maybe it was his contiguous laugh that made Jinhwan laughed along, or maybe it was the look on his face. Either way he laughed out loud with him. It was weird and too sudden but Jinhwan felt weird, he felt a sudden euphoria, a flash of succeeding affair he used to just dream, beacuse damn he is clearly with a very attractive man and his laugh is something Jinhwan wanted to always hear, a laughter he could only see matches a very well faced. But unknown to him his laugh is music to Junhoe as well.
          When both laughter died down, both of them are already on the floor. Jinhwan heaved a steady breath as he tried to even his breathing, Junhoe did the same. He can't quite tell when was the last time he felt so relaxed, not to mentioned he was with a stranger he just meet a few minutes ago that can't even pronounce his name right.
          "Ok," Junhoe let out a deep breath again "I'll lead you to your room now, Jesus that was hilarious" he said and Jinhwan nodded yet again
          "You'll be here downstairs next to my room. Bobby, you met him earlier right? the bunny guy?" Junhoe asked Jinhwan as he brought his forefinger and middle finger in-front his mouth to signed a bunny tooth indicating Bobby. Jinhwan nodded, understanding who he meant from the three, but he didn't missed the point that his room would be just right next to him. fate.
          "Him and Donghyuk, our Dancer/Choreographer will be with us here, downstairs" he explained.
           "Really? Dancer/Choreographer? Wow. I dance too"
          "Oh? That's great! You could join us." Junhoe exclaimed and Jinhwan can't help but to smile, because this is much more interesting than he could ever foretold.
          "So anyway, the upstairs is occupied by Hanbin, the other guy from earlier? He is with the twin monsters. Yunhyeong-hyung and Chanwoo is out now tho, filming or something." Junhoe explained further more.
          He continued on telling him about them and their hobbies as well as himself beacuse the guys is, in fact loves to talk about himself a lot, and Jinhwan find his details interesting, he found himself leaning to know more information, specifically Junhoe's.
         "Wow yall some talented . I'm a writer by profession but I love singing and dancing too" Jinhwan said. "You should really let me see some of your peoms too... and Hanbin's compositions…" it wouldn't take a genius that at this point he was just finding ways not to be obvious, in which doesn't really helped.
          "Of course, I'll show you some other time. Anyway hyung. Hyung right? You're older?" He asked and Jinhwan simply hummed an answered, it came as a surprise to them when Jinhwan mentioned his aged, but it didn't really matter.
          "So I guess Bobby and Hanbin hyung are out at the moment, Donghyuk is too and we are alone, wanna sit down for a movie and beer?" He questioned him.
           And Jinhwan couldn't be more enthusiastic about anything but a good movie and a good beer, and if he will be honest, drinking with Junhoe while getting to know him more sounds way pleasing too "Sure!"
           Setting up the table and drinks, Junhoe proceed on taking out the stacks of cds on a drawer "What do you wanna watch hyung?" He asked.
           "Anything, surprise me" He replied distinctly interesting into a whole other thing. Hearing what had been said, Junhoe proceed on taking the first cd he saw, he was lazy and he couldn't really care less about what they are going to watch because he was with someone who he find cute, and is clearly interested. He wouldn't just let something like this, someone rather, just slide.
            Sitting down at the couch, both men laid their head on the back cushion completely disregarding the poor movie as a comfortable silence engulfed them
           "Liked the place so far?"
           "Uhm. It's better than I anticipated"
           "You'll liked it here, the guys are all nice"
           "I think I had my own reason to stay" Jinhwan said smiling at Junhoe.

 

 

 _______________________________

 

         Jinhwan almost couldn't remember that he used to just considered temporarily living here, he almost couldn't remember that if he did he should have already been living in a much better place at this point, and things could have been totally different.
         But he doesn't want that, at least not anymore.
Its's been months, Almost a year and Jinhwan could swore to God that there is no other place he would ever wanted to live.
         Maybe perhaps it was because of the talented dudes he learned to considered as his brother. Maybe it was because of Hanbin's genius mind and clingy antics that he learned to love, maybe it was his usual quarrel and brawl with Bobby that he already familiarized with and liked, it could perhaps also be Yunhyeong's cooking or Donghyuk's contiguous laugh and comfortable atmosphere or it could be as simple as him enjoying playing with their maknae with some of those computer games he thought him. It could be be all those.
          Maybe it could also be all those other factors. Like the room he find cozy, the kitchen he find wide and clean, or the view of the metropolitan city just there behind the curtains of his window. There's a lot of things he like here, he love,
          But when a warm hands engulfed Jinhwan's hands only then it hit him the very reason of everything. Sure, he love all of those other things but this, this is what he love the most.
          "Having deep those?" Junhoe asked him as he pulled Jinhwan in his embrace, he rested his hands at the older's waist as he placed his chin at top of Jinhwan's head, he brought their intertwined hands at his back, this move lead Jinhwan to hug him back, he inch him closer smiling trough his chest, Jinhwan started drawing circles at the taller's back as he breathed a comforting sighed.
          "Hmm. I think moving here is the best decision I ever made" he answered Junhoe, thoughts wondering to the first time he arrived here, to their first talk, first movie, first drink, first cooking, first hang out, first fight even up to their first make out, fight confessions till now. Jinhwan drawn in a deep breathe, he then felt the youngers hold getting tighter. "I'm so glad I have you, I chose you"
          "Glad that you did babe" Junhoe chuckled "You could have missed my handsome face" he joked. But really. He was always been the kind of a breaker when Jinhwan started being all emotional about them. But for Junhoe it was in fact the best thing that ever happened to him as well
          Jinhwan pulled him closer as he laughed. "Wouldn't argue on you with that" he replied. It was always been this great with the younger at his side. He always been in love with the little things they do, because the most random things Junhoe made could be the mkst anusing things for Jinhwan.
          "Imagine not meeting me?" He snorts
          "You're really unbelievable"
          "And imagine not meeting each other? Man that's tragic" Junhoe said voice laced with levity and Jinhwan laughed at that. "indeed" he said pulling out of Junhoe's embrace as he look at him, he smiled warmly as he whispers as soft 'i love you'
          Junhoe then held both of Jinhwan cheeks, pinch it ever so slightly as he peck his lovers lips "Want a date?" he asked the older guy in which Jinhwan answered with a nod. Junhoe smile grew huge as he planted a kiss at Jinhwan's forehead. "Damn, I love you so much" he whispered as he slightly part his lips not fully living the other's forehead, sniffing his invigorating fragrance. "I love you the most tho" Jinhwan answered heart full of contentment as he slide into his arms once again. They stayed like that for a while.
          "Lets go, we need to go. We should enjoy this date, at least. I mean, you're pretty much busy these days"
          Both of them were now slumped in a threadbare cushion. Junhoe's arm slung around Jinhwan. "I've been pretty much edging you for minutes now."
         "I changed my mind. I like it here better in your warmth" Jinhwan said with a pout, Junhoe rolled his eyes
         "Hey why are you looking so pissed off? You wanna date me so bad?"
         "Of course, but that is besides the point"
         "But I just wanna cuddle you"
         "You sleep in my room and have my cuddles every single night, what do you mean" Junhoe stated matter-of-factly
Jinhwan smack his arms, as heat rise up to his cheeks, burning. "Why do you have to say that out loud"
         "Stop acting like you are bothered we both know you aren't" Junhoe said as he stole another peck on Jinhwan's lips.
         Jinhwan smacked him yet again "You are being too much, Junhoe" He growl. "That is like your 15th peck already"
         Junhoe chuckled "May it be my hundredth or thousandth I know you would still let me" He said as he pinch Jinhwan nose "Common, we will have the bestest date ever that Hanbin and Yunhyeong would be jealous their man's a loser" He said as he lifted a giggling Jinhwan up. "I'll make this a day to be remembered, this is our day Jinan. Ours alone"

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