The chalet in the middle of nowhere, his safe haven. It’s big and empty, cold and quiet. Too quiet. The silence has always been most welcomed, helped with the deep thinking. But now it’s eerie. 

No wind is blowing, no birds are chirping, no trees are hissing. Nothing. As if all life ceased to exist in this particular day. As if all nature and existence is waiting for that moment to happen, for that person to arrive, for Brian to face his destiny. 

 

There’s no sign of time inside of the room, whatever is left of both his phone and the wall clock lay among the debris covering the wooden floor. His only connection with the outside world is the small window on the opposite wall, the faintest rays of sunlight creeping through the thick curtains. It still daytime, it seems. 

 

Absent-minded, Brian swirls the liquor around in his glass, his eyes unblinking and unseeing, his mind thinking and thinking, going around in circles. That’s how he’s been since the previous night, a drink after another, a back and forth walk in the small space, and the search of something more to break once it gets too much. 

 

There’s no hiding, no running away. It’s too late. So Brian awaits. He’s accepted his faith since the beginning, accepted the deal with its good and bad, and sealed it. Today, it’s judgment day. 

 

A door clicks open, then closes. The elegant sound of dress shoes against the wooden floor gets louder with each step, and the louder it gets, the faster Brian’s heartbeat gets. 

 

He is here. 

 

One person. Exactly one person knew about this chalet besides Brian. Of course that person needed to know about it, though. It’s their safe heaven. Or was. After this night, it will become a depressing place.

 

The steady footsteps finally reach the door of the study, and there, clad in his tailored suit and wearing that hard, but confident expression, Jae stands tall in the doorstep. Majestic and perfect, he looks no less breathtaking than he did on the first time they met. 

 

His fancy suit didn’t belong in that shady bar Brian used to work at, and most of all, Jae was sitting with some lousy drug dealer. There was no way Brian could ignore such strong presence, and he spent most of the night watching that certain corner, and that certain good-looking guy. The latter noticed, and didn’t hesitate to come talk to him as soon as he finished his business. After some small talk and a few drinks later, Brian found himself laying in the stranger’s arms in a hotel room, sated and happy. And that cycle repeated itself for too many nights afterwards, Brian becoming hooked. 

 

Just how he looked out of place in that bar five years ago, Jae still looks out of place right now, standing in the middle of too much mess. The smashed furniture, the teared papers, the shattered glass, and one broken Brian.  

 

Still, he doesn’t give his surroundings any attention, only tries not to step on anything when he walks inside. It’s as if he’s expected this, and it only breaks Brian further. 

 

“I knew I’d find you here,” he says calmly, leaning on the only piece of furniture that’s still intact, the desk. His voice is gentle and sweet when he talks to Brian, like always. 

 

Brian scoffs sarcastically. He downs what’s left in his glass in one go to wet his dry mouth, and maybe swallow down some of the lump clogging his throat. 

 

“I was waiting for you, actually,” he speaks up, relived that it came out steady. Encouraged by his unexpected composure, he adds, “You came here to talk?” 

 

“Yes actually.” 

 

“If it’s about your true identity then don’t bother.”

 

For a fleeting second, Brian could see the surprise on Jae’s face, before he settles for an unimpressed expression, “You knew,” he states rather than asks, “Of course you did.” 

 

Jae lets out a defeated, long sigh, “For how long?”

 

Not thinking that he can have this talk without more alcohol in his system, Brian stands up to pour himself more liquor. It gives him a chance to turn his back on Jae when he answers.

 

“Since that time Boss got caught.” 

 

Another long sigh leaves Jae, “That was three years ago.” 

 

 

Brian can’t blame Jae for not being surprised or irritated by such revelation. They both hide a lot from each other, intentionally and unintentionally. And Brian happens to be a coward. He never faces Jae with whatever he uncovers about him, until it’s really needed. 

When he learned about the other’s secret, he was shocked and devastated, but didn’t know how to react, how to tell him that he knew. He was scared it will make him lose Jae. So, he decided to ignore the truth, to pretend to be oblivious, just so he could have Jae for a while longer. He wishes he could ignore the truth a little bit longer right now. He’s not ready to face the reality yet.

 

 

“Do you want a drink?” Brian offers abruptly, trying helplessly to change the course of the conversation. But he’s surprised by Jae’s hand yanking the glass from his hand and angrily putting it back on the table. 

 

“I think you drank enough. I rather have this conversation with you sober,” he orders, his patience obviously thinning, but Brian is already at his breaking point.

 

“And I’d rather not have it all!” He snaps, a long moment of silent anger hanging between them, their eyes having a fight on their own. However, Brian is not that strong enough, and he’s the first to break the fierce eye contact. He retreats, masking his rage by indifference.

 

He takes his glass, nevertheless, and walks back to his seat, “Okay, talk if you want,” he airily says, gesturing for Jae to do as said. The other just purses his lips together, giving him a hard look.

 

“Why don’t you tell me how you’ve been fooling me all these years?” Brian keeps on talking, not holding back anymore, but keeping his casual tone whatsoever, “Tell me that you’re an undercover agent and that you’re here today to arrest me. Or maybe that was your plan from the beginning?” He quirks an eyebrow, giving him a crooked smirk. 

 

He’s about to take another gulp of his drink when Jae strides furiously towards him and tears the glass away from his lips, this time sending it crashing to the ground. 

 

“I have nothing to explain to you,” he harshly says, “I’m giving no excuses and no apologies.” 

 

Brian tries to keep his cold facade when he replies with a distant, “Of course you won’t. It’s you after all.” 

 

Jae’s expression softens a little, and he seems to calm down a little after taking a deep breath. 

 

“Listen Brian, I have a deal for you. Are you willing to listen or not?” He cuts straight to the point, in his usual business manner. Brian hates it. 

 

He watches carefully as Jae gets a small envelope and a phone from his inside pockets. He then pushes them into his hands.

 

“I got you a fake passport, and a flight ticket to China. I still haven’t told them about this place, so you still have about three to four hours. That’s more than enough to get on that plane.”

 

Maybe Jae’s explanation wasn’t clear enough, or maybe the alcohol is finally affecting his brain, but Brian can’t process the offer at all. He sees Jae’s lips moving, hear words, but nothing makes sense. 

 

“Are you-” he speaks, but his voice fails him on the first try, so he tries again, “Are you suggesting that I run away?” He dumbly asks.

 

Jae nods firmly.

 

“And when do I get to come back? Or are you going to join me afterwards?” 

 

“You don’t.”

 

“What?”

 

“You stay there, or move somewhere else, whatever country you like, but not here. You have all that money you sent away, use it to start a new life, away from here.”

 

Brian frowns slightly, absorbing the meaning behind Jae’s words, before finally, he gets it. He throws the phone and envelope to the ground and stands up, to be in the same level as the other when he confronts him.

 

“And what about us Jae? What happens to us?” He means for the question to be demanding, yet it comes out as desperate. He stops talking, not to breakdown, but Jae’s silence is unbearable. Suffocating even. 

 

“We can’t just let everything go, like this, so easily,” he chokes out, “We can run away, together, and start anew, you and I.” 

 

He grasps Jae’s hand between his, as he keeps talking in a hopeful manner, eyes bright, “We can get a small house anywhere, wherever you like, and we can live there alone, together, away from all of this ed up world. We can live off the money I have abroad, it’s plenty!” he knows he’s starting to sound manic, but imagining a normal life with Jae has always been his dream, his fantasy. 

 

Jae, however, doesn’t look as half as excited as he is. His expression is unreadable, stoic and cold, the same as his tone when he utters his next words. 

 

“I can’t go with you. I still have my job and duties. And life is not a fairy tail, Brian. We can’t keep this lifestyle for the rest of our lives.”

 

Brian’s expression falls instantly, “I’ve never said it is! I’ve never asked for all of this in the first place!” He protests, arms flying around, to gesture to the chalet they’re in, “All I’ve ever did, I did to stay by your side. I don’t care how we live, as long as I have you.”

 

He grabs him by his shoulders, gaze searching for his eyes, “You can’t ask me to just let you go. I love you, Jae.”

 

Said guy uses both his hands, to release himself from Brian’s grasp, “This is not love,” he slowly replies, “It’s an obsession, and it needs to stop.” 

 

Brian feels like a bucket of ice cold water has been dropped over his head, his body freezing on its spot. After everything he’s done, bad and good, just for Jae’s sake or because Jae asked him to, and for what? For the only person he’s ever loved to degrade his feelings like it’s nothing. To step at his heart and pretend that it shouldn’t hurt, because it’s never been love in the first place. 

 

“Obsession? Is that how you see my feelings for you?” Brian questions, hurt but outraged.

 

 

Maybe he has never experienced what it feels like to be loved or how to love. He never had a family or friends, and Jae was the closest he had to a lover -because they never bothered labeling their relationship- but Brian has never had such powerful feelings towards anyone other than Jae, and it couldn’t possibly be anything else but love. 

 

Hopeless, helpless love. The kind that rendered him weak and vulnerable, that stole all reasonable thinking from him. The kind of love that took everything from him, but gave him everything, all the same. 

 

Brian’s heart and soul lay under the mercy of Jae, who’s silently watching him drown in misery, but doing literally nothing to try and save him.

 

 

“It was love, and it will always be,” Brian growls, finding it hard to hold down his frustration. 

 

“This is really not the time to discuss this, Brian, okay?” Jae dismisses him, like it’s nothing. Or maybe that’s what Brian means to him. Nothing.

 

“Just catch that airplane and don’t get caught. And I’ll go back to my job and my old life.”

 

Brian can’t hold his anger anymore so he grabs him by his collar, “Oh so you get your life back, but what about me? Why can’t I get my life back? You’re the one who dragged me into this mess so you take responsibility!” He furiously yells at him. 

 

“And that’s what I’m doing right now,” Jae coolly answers, “I’m giving you a chance to run away, it’s either that, or stay in prison for the rest of your life. You choose wisely.” 

 

His impassive expression and words tip Brian over the edge, and in a second, theres’s a gun pressed against Jae’s temple. 

 

“You can’t walk away like that! I won’t allow it!” He yells, hands trembling badly, the gun shaking with it. 

 

 

Brian’s hands has always been steady with guns, even on the first time he’s held one. That time, the dealer seemed angry, and at some point, his men were pointing their guns at Jae. The bar was deserted in seconds because of the upcoming fight, no one wanted to get shot by mistake. But Brian refused to leave Jae inside by himself. He was by no mean a good fighter or a brave guy, only driven by adrenaline and the sheer want to protect the man he loved. 

 

He broke a bottle on the head of one of the dealer’s men, then stabbed him with the sharp edges of it. The guy dropped dead on the spot, but Brian didn’t spare him a single look. He snatched the gun from the dead guy and pointed it at the dealer himself, and without hesitation, he shot him three times consecutively in the chest. 

That night, Brian killed two guys in less than a few minutes, without batting an eyelash. If asked why he did it, he’d simply, and genuinely answer that those guys tried to hurt Jae. 

 

Afterwards, Jae had to take him with him to protect him from the other gang members who’d seek revenge. Brian’s protection program lasted longer than needed, until it became a permanent stay. He easily gained Jae’s trust and became his right hand, doing deals for him and helping him with the other dirty tasks. Together, they rose in ranks, gained quite a reputation.

 

However, Brian wasn’t only famous for his mind games and negotiation skills. Everyone in their world knew how possessive he was of Jae, heard what happened to whoever tried to approach or hurt Jae, what Brian has done to them. No one wanted their endings to be at his hands, to be at the receiving end of his gun. But Jae is unmoving, not a glimpse of fear shows on his face. He doesn’t even demand for Brian to lower his weapon. 

 

 

“You think I won’t pull the trigger, don’t you?” Brian demands, becoming more on edge with each passing second.

 

“No,” Jae replies, not the least affected by the situation, “I’m certain that you won’t,” he adds, almost challengingly. 

 

Jae is confident that Brian won’t shoot him. He’s confident that Brian won’t hurt him, will never do, and it only maddens Brian more. Drives him insane. 

 

And that’s why he pulls the trigger.

 

It takes him a fraction of second to realize what he’s done, and to regret it. And another second to realize that no bullet came out, that Jae is safe and sound. Unharmed. 

 

All strength leaves his body and he drops to his knees, the gun slipping through his fingers and reaching the ground before him, clanking against the hard ground. Breathing becomes a hard task for Brian, and his whole body starts to tremble. He is unable to process what he’s done -or tried to do if the gun didn’t have any bullets in it. 

 

For the first time that day, Brian lets the defeat take over him. And the tears fall. 

 

In a moment of madness, Brian has tried to kill Jae, and that’s something he’ll never forgive himself for doing. Is it really obsession, just like Jae said? Is this love driving him insane to the extent of killing the man he loves? If their relationship continues, will he try to do it again? Will he keep doing it till he succeeds? Then, what happens to him? What’s the meaning behind his existence without Jae anyways? 

 

He’s engulfed in a familiar warmness when Jae hugs him, his hand patting his back comfortingly. Brian clutches to him like a lifeline, as his tears keep soaking his shirt. He’s always felt special while in Jae’s hold, even loved sometimes. Jae might not really love him, but Brian is certain he’s special for him. Or he likes to believe so at least.

 

How he wishes for that moment to last longer than a few minutes, but like everything sweet in Brian’s life, it was time for it to end, for Jae to go, and for him to make a decision. 

 

 

They stand facing each other, their final goodbye pending. Jae’s eyes are sad and concerned, and that’s the most emotions he’s shown since he’s came. Brian cups his face, a fond smile setting on his lips, regardless his blurry eyes, and tear-stained cheeks.

 

“A goodbye kiss, maybe?” He weakly suggests. 

 

Jae doesn’t give him a vocal response, instead he lowers his face a tad little, and let their lips meet in a one last, bittersweet kiss. They keep it short, however. Brian thinks that’s better. He doesn’t want to drag their parting any longer than that. It will only make it more painful. 

 

“Please choose wisely, okay?” Jae says when they pull away, now leaving a good distance between them. 

 

Brian smiles again, and nods, “Don’t worry.”

 

It was supposed to be reassuring, but Jae frowns slightly in concern, before he smiles back, albeit uneasy. He then drops a kiss on his forehead, “Be happy, Kang Brian.”

 

Brian grins back, “I will.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

The once peaceful chalet in the middle of the forest is now surrounded by dozens of police cars, the inside swamped with special agents. Jae goes around from a room to another, acting like he hasn’t been here in a while, like he wasn’t here just a few hours ago. He hates how such a special place for him, holding the only sweet memories he had in the last five years, is now no more a secret and no more theirs. 

 

Jae loves his job, but he hates how it has stolen from him everything special he’s ever possessed, the chalet included. Maybe that’s why he sent Brian away, so that he won’t be stolen from him. Jae could take saying goodbye to Brian and not see him again, but lock him down in a room and question him for days then send him to prison? That’s something he’ll never be able to do. Not for Brian. Never.

 

The chalet is perfectly intact as usual, except for one room. He intentionally let it be their last room to investigate. If they go inside and Brian is still inside, Jae will lose his last strand of self composure, which he’s done a great job holding after such a long day. Jae is sure Brian was convinced and that he’s most probably now on the plane. He breaths a sigh of relief when there’s no-one inside. Just the mess Brian left behind, the remnants of his breakdown and their goodbye. 

 

Jae enters the room with a heavier heart than he’s entered previously that day. The air inside still feels heavy and suffocating. 

 

“What the hell happened here?” 

 

Sungjin, his co-worker, questions, frowning at the chaotic room. The room looks like a fight took place inside of it. A fight between Brian and his heart. 

Sungjin goes around lifting pieces of paper and studying them, so Jae does the same, pretending to do his job. He thinks he can do that much with the knowledge that Brian is now somewhere away from the police and danger. 

 

“Jae,” Sungjin suddenly calls his name, so he turns around with a questioning look. As soon as his eyes lay on the envelope in his friend’s hand, all blood in his veins runs cold, and a wave of fear struck him. 

   

He snatches the envelope from Sungjin and opens it, just to make sure. He feels his heart dropping when he finds it unopened, the passport and flight ticket inside. Jae has tried to keep his calm for so long, he really did, but it’s impossible now. He storms out of the chalet, Sungjin on his tail, calling his name in concern and other agents giving him suspicious looks. He doesn’t find it in him to care. All his brain is able to think of at this very moment is to find Brian before anyone else does. 

 

Jae is only a few feet away from his car when his phone starts ringing. It’s a blocked number, but his heart skips many beats because he knows who is it.

 

“Brian?” He asks as soon as he picks up.

 

There’s a long silence, the sound of the blowing wind is the only sign that the call hasn’t ended yet. 

 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to spend a day at the beach with you,” Brian finally speaks, tone calm and longing. 

 

“Brian, where are you?” Jae demands firmly, but the other ignore his question.

 

“We could’ve spent the day swimming, or tanning, not caring or thinking about anything else, just you and me, wearing shorts, tees, sunglasses, and weird looking hats,” Brian chuckles in amusement, “And at the end of the day, we would watch the sunset over the sea line, the beautiful oranges, reds and purple reflecting on the water. We’d kiss there, slowly, and it’d be hell of romantic and cliché,” he laughs again.

 

For a second, Jae lets himself drown in Brian’s words, imagine the scenery and their day together, and how dreamlike it sounds. Maybe they should’ve went when they had the chance. 

 

“I always imagine how it would be like to have you laying under the sun, carefree and smiling, your blond hair mixing with the sand, and shining brighter because of the sunlight,” Brian continues with his dreamy tone, love and remorse mixed in his words. 

 

Jae has never doubted Brian’s love for him. 

 

“But I think not every one can have their happy endings.” 

 

The sudden change in Brian’s voice alarms Jae and wakes him from his revery. Dread fills him up again, and the clock starts ticking in his brain. 

 

“Brian please, tell me where you are, and I’ll come find you,” he begs, as he gets in the car, and starts it.

 

“Then what Jae?” Brian asks, soberly and reasonably, “You were right. Everything was a dream, but our worlds can’t mix. Happiness was never meant to me anyways.”

 

“Brian-”

 

“But I’m glad I got to meet you. You made me steal some moments of happiness from this word. I was too greedy, but that’s okay. Anything for you, Jae. Anything.” 

 

This is worse than goodbye, Jae thinks. The heartache was bearable so far because Jae believed that Brian will be fine at the end. But this, this sounds bad, like Brian is saying his farewell to his world, to them.

 

“Please Brian don’t do anything stupid, I’ll come and find you. Please wait for me.”

 

Jae’s mind finally concludes where Brian could be, and it only scares him more. Brian’s thinking spot, a cliff at the edge of the sea, a one-hour-drive away from the chalet. One hour too far. 

He starts the car anyways, hoping for the distance separating them to magically shrink, or for the time to magically stop until he makes it there.

 

“The sunset looks so beautiful today,” Brian says, and Jae unconsciously lift his eyes to the sky. The rays of sun are slowly dissipating, swallowed by the darkness of the night sky. It’s nice and peaceful, but Jae can’t appreciate it. Not today. 

 

“I wish you were here to watch it with me,” Brian whispers, the sadness heaving every letter.

 

“If you could wait, just a little longer, I’ll be there, and we’ll have the chance to watch it again and again together, until the last days of our lives,” Jae promises desperately, “I’m almost there,” he adds, but that’s far from the truth. He still got a long way to go, no matter how much he speeds up. Suddenly, the car feel much smaller and staying inside is suffocating him, but he still drives. 

 

“Don’t come, ‘cause I won’t wait,” Brian’s broken words make his heart stop beating all together. 

 

“Just think of this as a goodnight, and we’ll meet again at sunrise,” he tries to sound light, but the last word does come out breathless and heartbroken, “Someday.”

 

“No Brian, listen, we can watch sunrise together tonight, doesn’t that sound better? Why wait for someday?” Jae can feel himself choking on the words, but he needs to try everything, to keep talking, to distract him a little longer.

 

Brian chuckles, and a hopeful part of Jae believes that he’s convinced him to wait. But what he says next is more than enough to prove him wrong, “Good night Jae,” he softly says.

 

“No no no no no no no,” Jae repeats, panic eating him alive, “Please don’t hang up, please don’t do anything stupid, please!” He begs and prays over the phone, but Brian doesn’t listen.

 

“Sweet dreams,” he says, before the line cuts off. 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Sungjin walks slowly through the familiar white corridors. Nothing has changed, no matter how many times he has visited. The building is still too white and too plain. He’s still not used to it, whatsoever. He stops in front of the last door in the corridor and takes a deep breath, before knocking thrice. No response comes from inside, as usual, so he invites himself in. 

 

“Hello,” he greets solemnly. He stopped trying to sound cheerful a long time ago. His greetings has became a force of habit by now. Just a few words he says to cut the sad silence. 

 

“How are you doing today?” Sungjin asks the figure sitting on the rocking chair by the window, while he changes the withering flowers in the vase by the fresh ones he brought with him. 

 

“The sunset was so beautiful.”

 

 

Sungjin should be happy that he’s at least getting some kind of response. But hearing the same exact phrase each time is downright depressing, especially since he knows the origin of it. He sits on the edge of the bed with a sigh. On top of the dresser, lay Jae’s certificates and rewards, covered in dust and negligence. Sungjin’s gaze moves to what used to be his friend and one of the best agents before. Now, he’s just a shell of a human being. 

 

All the suffering of staying undercover for years, all the effort spent pretending to be someone else just to get the bad guys, and the honor from such a big mission, proves to be meaningless. Jae wasn’t in his right mind to even appreciate what should’ve been the greatest achievement of his whole career. 

 

Sungjin remembers vividly how Jae disappeared from the chalet, and how he found him brokenly crying in his car in the middle of nowhere. Two days later, Brian’s body was found on the shore by local fishermen, and Jae was the one called in to identify his body. He’s been like this ever since. Unresponsive, living in his own daydream. 

 

Being the good friend he is, Sungjin never fails to visit once or twice a week, and he’s practically the only visitor Jae ever got. He brings him flowers and food, chatters a little while eating, but Jae almost never talks, his occasional sentences are about the sunset, regardless of what time of the day it is. Speaking to the doctors never leads to anything good. Jae’s case is hopeless, and Sungjin is sick of being reminded that his friend will live like that for the rest of his life. 

 

 

“I should go now,” he announces after spending almost two hours speaking about nonsense, mostly to himself, “But I’ll see you next week, okay?” He puts his hand on Jae’s shoulder, like he always does. 

 

Usually, Jae would barely spare him a look, but Sungjin is taken back by the sudden reaction. For the first time in so long, Jae is looking at him straight in the eyes, smiling. 

 

“Goodnight, Sungjin,” he says, even though it’s still daytime. But that’s the most sober thing he’s said in years, and it makes hope bloom inside of Sungjin. Maybe the doctors are wrong, and Jae will get better soon. He just needs time to recover, that’s all. 

 

Sungjin leaves with a hopeful smile after wishing his friend a good night. However, one morning, a few days later, he gets a call from the hospital.

 

Jae has passed away, leaving behind a single note,

 

‘I had a good night sleep, it’s time to go see the sunrise with him.’ 

 

-THE END-

 

---

 

My first time doing something dark. Hope you liked it guys :D