chaewon stood still. her heart feels like it was about to jump out of her chest and her mind suddenly went blank. she didn't expect what she has to say. no, not on this particular day. 

 

she expected an argument, but it didn't quite happen. she expected goodbyes, but that also didn't happened. did she expect this? no, certainly not.

 

she thought she'll have to leave the younger girl's life forever.

 

but here we are.

 

 

-----

 

 

ugh. why do my parents always have to drag me to this ? it’s almost as boring as law school. i don’t give a toss about any of these people. 

 

chaewon rolled her eyes and pouted, muzzling the joint of her elbow leaning on the railing. the weather was drab in front of her home. she wished to have worn a jacket or something of the like, but her meddling parents made her wear this stupid dress. i don’t feel like a princess or a damsel on top of a tower screaming for the knight in armor—i’m gay!

 

and as she thought her hair fluttered along with the wind. it was a night of dark and cold, and a lot more things are colder than that. some things were utterly hopeless to try and help, though how hope can seem to render any situation fruitful. she leaned deeper into the railing and her thoughts. closing her eyes, she imagined.

 

it’s not fair; she has all the opportunity in the world to make music and interact with the people who could help her with that. what ever have i gotten? she did know why they were doing this, and in her mind was the rhetorical answer to her wailings.

 

“ off,” she muttered to particularly no one at all—maybe to herself, even. all she ever wanted to wish in that slice of time was for the whole world to off, for herself, for this to off.

 

“i’m sorry.”

 

chaewon turned her head. minjoo was by her side, hands casual in the way they leaned against the railing. she gave a sad smile. “it’s pretty sad,” the younger girl admitted.

 

the older girl nodded her head and slouched. “i don’t really know what to say.” and with that they had both admitted to each other, and it was as if the air became a tad less lighter.

 

“i’m… kind of meh about it,” minjoo said nonchalantly, “but it looks like you’re not taking it so well.”

 

chaewon chanced a glance to her, and the cogs of her head started to turn at what this means. “it’s cool, really. it’s cool that we’re getting married, even if that may not be in our minds.” 

 

i just want to make music, minjoo. like you. 

 

“is there… anything in your mind?” it was as if she had read her mind. 

 

“no. not really.”

 

minjoo smiled. “well, don’t let the wedding get into your nerves too much, ok?” there was something sad in her eyes, chaewon knew it—how they reflected under the moonlight more than it should. 

 

“um… ok. sure.”

 

minjoo took her shoulder and suddenly wrapped her arms around chaewon, and the beat of each other’s hearts made it seem as if their two bodies were one, the lubs and dubs too coming together. and they found themselves trapped under their gazes.

 

 

-----

 

 

(

 

 

the birds’ chirping was annoying. it was the falling of the leaves, from the autumn wind harking the winter that made chaewon freeze a tad. it didn’t help that the figurative cold took a toll on her either. she wasn’t sure why, even though she ought to. maybe she’d let it slip off her mind.

 

“minjoo-ssi, i need to tell you something.”

 

“hm?” the younger girl perked from a gaze away. and the calm shock spread through her body, a virus that paralyzed her fingers and hands—as it somehow had.

 

now, chaewon didn’t know what to say. well, she did know, but the fact is that it was if she didn’t. it was plain easy, but it wasn’t really. and she was about to break a sweat in the cool.

 

“i know that we’re supposed to have a shared apartment together, but...”

 

“yes?”

 

there was a hesitant aeroir. “i know we’re supposed to be in the same apartment, though i’d like to stay in my... friends’ house still.” her shoulders were heavy yet the weights on them lifted as minjoo had that comforting smile.

 

“i don’t have a problem with that.” chaewon’s steps were a bit less tense, and the chirps of the birds and the rattle of leaves on high trees were a bit less tense.

 

)

 

“damn, i hate this .” under her breath she cursed. the door slammed shut as the girl set her bag down on the counter—haste in her tone. half grunting and half sighing sadly, chaewon collapsed herself on the couch. “why is this happening? did i do something ty in my past life?” she sighed.

 

she buried her cheek on the plump pillow, her gaze wandering randomly darting around the quiet room, looking for something that she knew wasn’t there. chaewon’s eyes darted to the back of the room, where the entrance of her studio presented itself as if it longed for her.

 

and it didn’t take long before she was in it, and with no time wasted, she picked up her guitar and it was if her life didn’t matter. maybe that’s ok for now. the strings of her guitar and her fingers met with a comfortable fit—it belonged, they belonged. and she knew the words and the chords in her head, in her heart.

 

as the ticks of the clock counted a second each, adding and adding, chaewon found herself in her "place." where she went to play, sing. her shoulders sagged and that sweat dripping from her forehead faded away. she just played, and that was all. it worked.

 

chaewon wasn’t stressed from work, she realized, as the end of the song neared. that’s a part of it, but not the whole. am i? am i stressed from work or from my marriage? the only thing she knew was certain was that she felt like her parents—a lawyer going through a complicated marriage.

 

wait.

 

“did i forget my laptop?”

 

 

-

 

 

minjoo didn’t know what to do with the other girl. 

 

should she ask her how she is? should she ask how the merging is going? wait, no. that’s the source of her stress.

 

if it wasn’t obvious, minjoo was extremely nervous. it’s not that she doesn’t know how to comfort people– it’s just that she didn’t know how to act around the older girl. she feels as if she has to be careful whenever she has to say something to chaewon.

 

she’s scared she might hurt the older girl.

 

just barely 40 minutes ago, the older girl’s father called her.

 

 

(

 

 

“hello?”

 

“minjoo?” a familiar deep voice resonated on her phone.

 

“mr. kim?” minjoo asked, a little bit confused as to why the older man called.

 

“yes, yes. i’m just calling to ask how chaewon is feeling?”

 

 

)

 

 

when mr. kim said that the said girl was having a hard time with the merging process made minjoo become extremely worried. she heard from yujin that the older girl doesn’t usually tell what’s on her mind. opting to just stay silent, hiding whatever it is that she is feeling. this information made minjoo a tad more worried for the girl, but she didn’t think it’ll be a problem. 

 

not until now. 

 

yujin called minjoo 10 minutes after chaewon’s father did. that’s when she realized that the girl hiding herself away from everyone was a problem. that bottling whatever she was feeling was a problem.

 

 

(

 

 

“she has resorted to locking herself in her room with a sour mood.” minjoo frowned, yujin was finally telling her what is happening with the older girl.

 

“can you please come over to check up on her? yena’s not around and i’m also not home. hitomi called saying that she and nako ran into chaewon before leaving the house. she doesn’t look too okay, she said.” the pink haired beauty was already finding her car keys, she wanted to comfort chaewon in some sort of way. although, she thinks that the older girl didn’t really like her because of the circumstances of their marriage.

“i don’t like her being alone.”

 

i don’t like it, too.

 

 

)

 

 

so, she did what the younger girl asked her to do. she immediately drove over the house near a lake, where her wife was probably silently consoling herself. minjoo didn’t like the idea of that, so she hastily made her way through the house. up the stairs and in front of her wife’s bedroom.

 

she knocked, but no one answered. she knocked again. still, no one came to the door. minjoo’s hands started to feel a bit clammy.

 

why is chaewon not fetching the door?

 

it sounded a bit ridiculous that she is worried for someone she had never spent a day with. their first meeting is invalid because their parents were always around. her hand came in contact with the doorknob and twisted it, popping her head in the room while only opening the door slightly.

 

“chaewon?” she spoke nervously, but she didn’t see the brunette around the room. she scrambled in the room as her heart was racing. 

 

i mean– it’s normal to be worried about your wife, right? so, where is she? 

 

the question was quickly dismissed when she was near the door beside the bed. she heard soft singing from inside and the sound of guitar strings plucking, playing a beautiful sound. she softly opened the door and– ah, there she is. chaewon’s back was facing her as she played a song that minjoo wasn’t familiar with (she later learned that it was be my mistake by the 1975). she listened closely as she felt her heart squeeze with every word chaewon sung with every chord she played. 

 

her voice sounds angelic.

 

after minjoo ghosted around the door and chaewon finally stopped playing. she was about to enter when the older girl spoke up. 

 

“did i forget my laptop?” the brunette asked to no one in particular, groaning right after the realization. her hands came in contact with her hair as she softly ruffled it in frustration. “why am i such an idiot.” chaewon growled. minjoo thought that this was the perfect time to enter. 

 

the door squeaked opened, making minjoo flinch a little. the older girl removed her head from her hands, turning her chair around to see who entered her mini studio. to her surprise, it was her wife. she blankly stared at her as she was feeling nervous. the guitar was still neatly placed on her lap as her hair was a mess after ruffling it. how much did she hear?

 

“from the first chorus ‘till end…”

 

“i said that out loud?”

 

“yeah. i-i didn’t mean to intrude.” chaewon dismissed minjoo’s statement with a wave of her hand.

 

“it’s fine.” chaewon said nonchalantly as minjoo closed the door behind her. the next set of words that the younger slipped made chaewon freeze, her heart fluttered as she felt her ears burning up.

 

“for what it’s worth, you sound beautiful.”

 

chaewon didn’t know if it was just her, but minjoo had a tint of pink scattered all over her face. maybe it’s just a trick of the light. 

 

 

-

 

 

“chaewon, can i ask you a favor?”

 

“hm? what may i do for you, minjoo?”

 

“well, it’s not so much a favor as a request.” she played with her fingers. “i heard how you played the guitar and your voice and how the two seemed to fit really well,” minjoo explained. “and i’d like for us to know each other and—i’m asking if you would like to come over to the studio.”

 

“you really want me to come over to your studio?” chaewon’s heart was soaring from the question. it was sort of rhetoric. who couldn’t say no? 

 

no… i mean, i want to go. it’d be cool to, i guess. 

 

“i guess i could find some time to go.” oh, i will make some time for the two of us.

 

 

-----

 

 

the tapping of keys was the only thing heard throughout the whole room. well, except for the ticking wall clock. other than that, it was extremely quiet in kim chaewon’s office room. the said girl was just silently finishing her emails, already having thoughts of going home. it’s finally the weekends, i can somehow relax for now. 

 

it was still silent for the next 30 minutes, until it wasn’t. 

 

“miss kim?” the young heiress’ assistant, shin yuna, entered the room as she softly called out for chaewon’s attention. the said girl hummed, letting her know that she was listening while her eyes didn’t leave the computer screen. “miss ahn yujin wants to come meet you.” chaewon stopped typing the fifth email down as her eyes redirected itself to yuna.

 

“don’t let her–”

 

“okay, don’t even try to not letting me in because i already followed her here.” chaewon groaned as her posture slumped down. “thanks, yuna.” yujin sent the young woman a warm smile as yuna left the office room quietly. 

 

“what do you need?” chaewon asked as she wrapped up the email and sent it. she focused her attention on the tall puppy that entered the room. i don’t think i’ll finish any work with her annoying me. 

 

“ouch. just because i came around doesn’t mean i need something.” chaewon rolled her eyes as she stood up from her chair, it rolling back a bit as she went to sit down on one of the couches. 

 

“walk the talk, ahn.” yujin pouted as she sat on the couch opposite of chaewon.

 

“i was just gonna ask when is your sister free from modelling.” chaewon raised a brow at this. what is this kid planning now?

 

“why? are you gonna take her out on a date?” she hits bullseye as yujin started stuttering out her response. she chuckled at the sight.

 

“wh-what? n-no! i-i just wanna ask when she’s free! she’s always flying around the world, jumping from country to country– i-i just–” 

 

“you just what?” chaewon looked at yujin that looks like a kicked puppy.

 

“okay, maybe i wanna take her out on a date.” the younger girl sighed in defeat as chaewon laughed softly. 

 

“wonyoung’s taking a vacation next week.” chaewon revealed in which yujin beamed up at the information.

 

“thank you!” yujin smiled brightly, her dimples being displayed. chaewon chuckled as she was thinking of going back to work. “how about you? have you ever thought of taking minjoo out on a date?” 

 

this made chaewon freeze and look back at the younger girl like she was crazy. yujin just laughed it off as she looked at chaewon with a teasing smile.

 

“what? may i remind you that she is your wife. also, minjoo’s a hopeless romantic. If you actually want the marriage to work i suggest you to start being disgustingly sweet to your wife.”

 

“you know, i don’t know if i should be grateful that my wife’s best friend is also my friend or curse you because of your annoying .” yujin laughed at this as chaewon’s ears felt warm. thank god her hair was covering her ears, or else she won’t hear the last of yujin’s teasing. 

 

“by the way, have you came over your shared apartment?” chaewon looked up at yujin, frowning as she couldn’t remember the last time she went over the apartment. she wracked her brain and only remembered going over just to help minjoo move in.

 

“no... not after the day i helped her moved in.”

 

“that was damn 4 months ago.” chaewon’s frown deepened as she slumped back on the couch. “minjoo feels lonely at the apartment too, you know.”

 

chaewon felt bad. the younger girl comforted her at her worst, yet she wasn’t there when minjoo felt lonely. the younger girl has been calling her over her studio to so-called “hang”, but minjoo has always been asking for her opinions whenever she makes new songs. chaewon felt happy with this because maybe minjoo observed how passionate she was with music. now, she felt like a ty wife— and maybe she is. 

 

“you should visit her sometimes.” before she feels more like crap, she took a deep breath. the following actions and decisions she made are impulsive, but she doesn’t mind. she kept her face blank as she nodded to herself.

 

“maybe i should.”

 

 

-

 

 

minjoo was tired. she just came back from her studio and it was already 1 am. she sometimes asks herself why she goes back to the apartment so late. because i am a night owl and i feel more productive at midnight.

 

minjoo sighed as she remembered that she will have another lonely night. oh, yeah. that also. chaewon never came back to visit after she helped her move and settle in here. she actually felt kind of disappointed that chaewon is not staying with her. she does not like living alone in one big apartment. but who was she to ask for the older girl to stay?

 

she opened the front door and— whose shoes are these? 

 

she can’t remember having a pair of black heels. she’s a music producer for god’s sake, she can wear sneakers or even slippers if she wants to. she never liked having anything other than sneakers or running shoes anyway. so, who owns these?

 

deep down she was wishing it was chaewon’s, so she immediately removed her shoes and neatly placed them beside the pair of heels. she then went over to the living room and— oh god.

 

the scene made her heart flip. a smile was already threatening to spill, warmth was spread throughout her whole chest. she removed her purse and placed them on the coffee table near the couch, where chaewon was sleeping soundly. honestly, her position looked uncomfortable. she was just sitting down with her head placed on top of the couch’s backrest. her left arm was unmoving as it just casually rests beside her leg while her right arm was placed on her stomach. 

 

minjoo looked around to see a big backpack placed on the floor. beside it was a purse and a laptop bag. minjoo didn’t wanna assume, but her mind already beat her to it. 

 

is she planning on staying over in the weekends?

 

minjoo couldn’t contain her smile anymore. a small, soft smile was displayed on the younger’s face when she saw chaewon cutely scrunch her nose up. she wanted to boop the older’s nose, but she was scared she might wake her up. so, she just went and picked up the young heiress’ things and proceeded to enter their supposedly shared bedroom. but as of now it is only minoo who has slept in their room. maybe she can finally call it theirs because chaewon’s here?

 

after placing all the older girl’s clothes in the closet, she also changed into a pair of black shorts and an oversized hoodie. she carefully placed the laptop bag on the desk near the door and the purse was left on their bed. 

 

she walked back to the living room, carefully closing the bedroom door. she didn’t want to wake the other up. her feet softly pitter patters as she carefully walks back to the couch. she sat beside chaewon, inspecting every part of the older girl’s face. 

 

minjoo would be lying if she said she didn’t find chaewon attractive. the older girl had a cute nose and a small face. big bright eyes and a small stature that makes her look even cuter. minjoo carefully runs her hand through chaewon’s hair, brushing her bangs to the side. minjoo smiled in content before yawning, the weight of today was dawning on her. 

 

chaewon was still in her work clothes, her blazer was actually placed on the armrest. but minjoo didn’t know how to wake the girl up. so, she just softly put her head on the older’s lap. soon after, she succumbed to sleep. 

 

 

-

 

 

truly, she never knew what time it is she wakes, even though it was mostly the same time in mostly the same days. hell, she felt like she shouldn’t be used to that because she would wake up erratically in the absurdist of times: mainly because of her parents. chaewon didn’t want to feel like a bunch of lawyers, but her parents raised her as if she were the highest of white collar. she sighed at that. what she would give to have a mere day... her parents must’ve regretted at least some choices, right? the girl placed her hand on hair, to her surprise. 

 

that exasperation turned into the startled gasp, and the epiphany struck her like a blasted rat! her fingers laced with the soft pink hair and- oh... she’s here... i must’ve slept for some while for minjoo to be sleeping on my lap.

 

with her chest fluttering, as if the flaps of butterfly wings reached her heart and made it soar, her hand laid frozen on her hair. she didn’t it, but she didn’t pull away. 

 

a lapse of chaewon’s adrenaline rush forced her hand deeper into her strands—how soft they were, like she had always wanted to believe how her own hair was. heaving her breath, the girl gingerly started to comb her wife’s hair, a sheepish, grimacing smile plastered on that rose tinted face. 

 

minjoo was fast asleep, and it was as if the entire world stopped in the pluck of that heartstring.

 

chaewon fiddled with the tips of her fingers as her wife’s posture turned, and her own hands scratched her drowsy eyes. they blinked furiously, gaze straight at chaewon. 

 

“erm, hello.”

 

“morning.”

 

chaewon sniffled. “how was your sleep?”

 

“it was good, yes.”

 

“yeah. that’s... some soft hair. your hair.”

 

“ah. i guess it’s kinda soft.” chaewon didn’t know if that remark flustered her wife or not.

 

“mhmmm.”

 

“my head’s kinda aching. i must’ve slept for long, no?”

 

“would you like some breakfast?”

 

she blinked. “what? breakfast? we have food?”

 

“yeah. in the kitchen we have some... i don’t know: what do we have, even?”

 

“i’ve... no idea. guess there’s only one way to find out.”

 

-----

 

“here you go, minjoo. bacon. you like bacon, yeah?”

 

“i guess i do.” the older girl sat down abreast the younger girl, and she offered her the plate of bacon. chaewon took a sip of water—just a sip. she wasn’t thirsty. the girl took another sip from the glass once more, drawing circles ‘round the condensation.

 

minjoo quietly chewed on her breakfast. the girl looked out into the window of the apartment, with her face resting on the palm of her hand. it was raining outside, and the pitter-patter of the shower from the roof put some ease in the rather tight tension in the air. drab, grey, and blue were the plethora of colors that painted the image out the window. 

 

“would you like some?” minjoo held the fork with a piece of bacon stuck to it.

 

“um… i guess i would.”

 

for a split second, minjoo instinctively ed the fork forward to chaewon’s mouth. 

 

“s-sorry! i-”

 

“no, it’s alright. just- yeah. give me the fork.”

 

“um.”

 

“i-i can feed myself,” chaewon sputered, with rosy cheeks. she quickly swallowed the bit. she sighed. she twirled the fork around with her soft fingers. and her gaze returned to the floor, noting the patterns that continue down the floor. that was really dumb of me to do. a tap was felt on her shoulder.

 

minjoo pointed at the fork.

 

“are you still gonna use that?”

 

 

-----

 

 

a year has passed since kim chaewon and kim minjoo’s marriage. the merging process was almost done, a few paperworks were only left for chaewon to sign. by this point, chaewon has officially inherited her father’s company. she doesn't like it, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

 

it was another wednesday, chaewon has been finding herself waking up to the same, familiar ceiling. she sat up while rubbing her eyes a bit. looking over to her right, she saw minjoo still sleeping peacefully on the bed. there was a couch inside their shared room, chaewon suggested that she should sleep on it as she thought the younger wasn’t comfortable with sharing the bed (but little did she know minjoo felt a tad bit disappointed because they weren’t sharing the same bed). she removed the blanket off her legs and walked over to the side of the bed. she smiled as she looked at her peaceful wife. 

 

even when sleeping, she looked ethereal. sometimes, chaewon couldn’t believe that she married minjoo (even if the circumstances were whack). she sighed darkly, suddenly remembered that they were not a real couple. she didn’t want her mood to be down in the dumps today, so she just softly ran her hand through minjoo’s hair. shortly after, she left for her morning run.

 

 

-

 

 

to her surprise, she went back at the apartment to find it empty. i guess she has plans. chaewon thought, but it didn’t make the feeling of disappointment go away. 

 

she often comes home to their shared apartment now since that day yujin told her. she didn’t want to make minjoo feel more lonely than she should. their relationship progressed from “strangers” to “friends”. it’s funny how they have to go through the phase of being friends when they are literally married. 

 

but then again, their parents set up two literal strangers for marriage also.

 

chaewon proceeded to go to the kitchen, to find a wrapped up plate neatly placed on the island top. instinctively, chaewon smiled when she saw the small note directly beside the plate. she already knows the handwriting by heart. it was written by minjoo. 

 

i woke up with you gone. morning run? 

 

bacon and eggs, eat something before you go to work. there’s also orange juice in the fridge, i know you don’t like coffee that much. 

 

i hope you have a great and well-spent day, chaewon.

 

don’t stress too much at work! :D

your wife, minjoo

 

maybe she felt her heart skip a beat, but she ignored it. a smile graced her lips as she went over the fridge to check the juice out. with everything set, she happily ate the food her wife made. she was glad minjoo can cook like a god. or else, they’d be having takeouts everyday (it’s not that chaewon can’t cook, but she only knows the basics like frying stuff). 

 

with a bounce in her step, she got ready for work. her usual attire would be slacks, a crisp white shirt and a blazer. paired with black heels, but she was never fond of them. preferring to wear sneakers than an uncomfortable pair of shoes. but what can she do? 

 

fixing her collar, she wore a coat and was ready to leave. her honda accord 2018 was black and new. her dad bought this for her just a few months ago. her father would call it a “birthday gift”, but she begs to differ. she’s glad though–that he bought her a simple car than an overpriced car that she only uses to drive to work. 

 

a soft tune was playing on the radio. today was expected to be the first day of snow and it was not a disappointment. a soft downfall of snow was roaming around the atmosphere, slowly forming a thin layer of it on some parts of the road. it was a peaceful morning for the heiress.

 

though, that thought was immediately dismissed with what she saw next. 

 

she saw minjoo. with another girl that she was not aware of. it’s not that she is refraining the girl from having other friends, it’s just that the way they act towards each other was… a bit intimate. 

 

chaewon doesn’t want to believe that she’s the jealous type, but now she is questioning that. maybe the start of her day wasn’t that peaceful. she started frowning when she saw her wife smiling widely at the girl beside her. she never saw her smile as wide as that. 

 

she was quick to pick up at what the girl looked like. a bit shorter than minjoo, pitch black hair that runs down to her shoulders, and undeniably stunning. chaewon does not want to believe that she was feeling a bit jealous. 

 

but the way minjoo was smiling and looking at the nameless woman never left her mind.

 

 

-

 

 

“minjoo.”

 

chaewon rolled the pasta, wrapped it in her fork. her fingers were twirling as the tip of it clanged sometimes on her plate.

 

“yes, chaewon?” she put a paper towel on and wiped . there was some lipstick that smeared, red as a cherry, across the napkin.

 

odd.

 

“how was your day?” the older girl stuck some white pasta in , chewing rather loudly for her standards. did she care about that?

 

“it was alright. did some chores here and there. now that you ask me, i apparently bumped into hyewon today. you probably don’t know her but there we are.” minjoo helped herself to a bite of garlic bread.

 

huh. “hyewon?”

 

“yup. we had a rather interesting day together.”

 

the birds were chirping. chaewon heard them outside, playing with each other. she lifted her plate with her left, picking her fork with the right, and tapped the two together curiously. an interesting day you two had together, eh? with hyewon.

 

-

 

“i’ve seen faster moving icebergs than you,” yujin noted, probably due to chaewon’s pace in the way she plucked the strings on her guitar. or maybe it was the fact that she took her time in making the notes seem to work together rather swell.

 

“you know it takes time, right?”

 

“i don’t know if that’s supposed to be endearing or not.”

 

“tsk tsk. i just remembered something interesting that minjoo told me while back.”

 

“oh yeah?”

 

“yeah. i saw minjoo with this girl she was walking with and i asked her who she was and it turns out she was walking with a girl named hyewon, is that right?”

 

“she was walking with hyewon?” yujin intoned rather rasply.

 

“i guess so.”

 

“oh… well, hyewon is minjoo’s first love. they met before you knew them, obviously, and they’re still together while your parents where sorting out your marriage with minjoo.”

 

“i didn’t know minjoo was already in a relationship,” chaewon said quite sadly. “she never seemed to tell me about her. i’m only learning about this now.”

 

“she never told you? that’s weird.”

 

“i have no idea why she hasn’t told me.” her tone sounded a tad off. 

 

yujin shrugged and picked her glass of chateau margaux and downed a large gulp. 

 

“i was wondering where you two went off and then i heard voices coming from the studio.” yena closed the door behind her and set her bag down on the nearest couch by the corner.

 

“you seem to have a lot in your bag. and you’re drizzling wet! didn’t i tell you to buy some wellingtons?” yujin pointed, infantile in the way she did and squeaked.

 

“that’s a nice greeting, yujin. what are you even doing in chaewon’s studio?”

 

“i was helping her with her music but then we started talking about minjoo and hyewon.”

 

“you guys were talking about minjoo and hyewon, huh?” she scrunched her nose. “you’re staring again, chaewon. at a corner of a room.”

 

chaewon chanced a small glance to yena. “oh.”

 

yena then concerningly asked, “are you concerned about minjoo? do you even like her in a... non-friendish way?”

 

chaewon didn’t quite answer that. or maybe she couldn’t.

 

-----

 

a snake around her body, weights on her shoulders, sweating up a storm, as if the clamminess of her hands were enough to make her collapse. her fingers hovered above the door knob. she was frozen in place, but time was ticking—ticking fast. she knew that her parents weren’t so nice when they have to wait, and admittedly, neither was she.

 

but now was different. now won’t be the same. 

she clasped the knob, opening the door.

 

-

 

only the sound of autumn’s rustle was in the air. save for that, all was quiet.

 

“we’ll accept it.” he nodded to her mother after a moment. dare chaewon meet his stare made her want to do anything but it. the girl still did, though.

 

“it’s already been a year, so you have four years left,” her mother noted. “what do you think?”

 

her father furrowed his brow. “i’ll accept it only if you drop anything related to music.”

 

 

-----

 

 

“what?”

 

“five years.” minjoo felt uncertain. she squirmed uncomfortably on the stool. the older girl suddenly called her over to discuss something with her. though, she already felt that there was something wrong. chaewon’s tone of voice when she called wasn’t the same gentle one whenever she talks with her. 

 

it was too… monotonous. 

 

“technically, we have 4 years left.” minjoo couldn’t help but frown more. 

 

“and how did you convince your parents?” she mumbled. she didn’t like this ordeal very much. it was making her heart ache and her stomach twisting in a bad way. she didn’t want to get a divorce. (but she'll never admit that.)

 

minjoo was too caught up in her own mind to catch the way chaewon’s eyes flickered nervously. she was too busy with the questions in her head to catch the way chaewon fidgeted her fingers. she missed how chaewon suddenly gulped as her hands were shaking a bit.

 

“ah, well you know. pulled some strings here and there.” her frown deepens as she still didn’t like how this conversation went. she expected bad news, but certainly not this bad. “doesn’t matter. at least you’re not gonna get tied down because of me, right?”

 

“i guess.” minjoo mumbled as she didn’t know what to say. she didn’t even know what to think, but her mind had a lot of questions. does she hate me that much? why does this feel so sudden? how did she convince her parents? does she have someone else like i do?

 

the younger shook her head with the last question. impossible, i never saw her with anyone else. she clenched her fists as she felt her chest aching, it feels like her heart was getting squeezed. but that’s the thing, i never saw her with anyone else. how can i be so sure? ugh, why am i even worrying about it so much? 

 

minjoo knew it was odd that she didn't like the idea of divorce. hell, she should be happy that she'll be able to be with hyewon now. she just doesn't understand why the older made a decision without her consent. what's messing her even more up is why does she still want to be with chaewon. (maybe she does, but she isn't ready to deal with that yet.)

 

"hello? earth to minjoo?" the younger snapped out of her reverie. looking up at the older girl, chaewon was leaning on the island top as the sleeves of her sweater now rolled up. a cup of tea was placed down in front of her, but minjoo wasn't in the mood to drink one. "you should stop clenching your fists. your palms will bleed soon." 

 

"oh." minjoo looked down to her hands, unclenching it as she sighed out a shaky breath. crescents were present as her fingernails marked her palm. she didn't even realize that she has been squeezing her hand tighter. she frowned a bit as she gulped down the lump in .

 

"are you ok?" chaewon asked with worry laced in her tone. the cup of tea was getting cold, along with minjoo that felt a tad bit colder because of the conversation.

 

minjoo wanted to say no. 

 

"i-"

 

i don't want to see you go.

 

"i have errands to run. see you at the apartment."

 

but she didn't have the heart to tell her. 

 

chaewon didn't follow her out, opting to watch her leave. the younger wanted to cry, but she held it in. she didn't know where to go. she doesn't want to go back at their shared apartment. 

 

it's too painful.

 

so, she went to a place where she knows she'll be welcomed with open arms. 

 

(minjoo missed the way chaewon's hands were still trembling. as the older took in a shaky breath, silent tears were rolling down her cheeks. she saw the younger's figure disappear through the house's hallway. her knees finally gave in when she heard a loud slam from the front door.)

 

 

-

 

 

"wait really?!" hyewon exclaimed as she jumped up from the couch.

 

"y-yeah." minjoo cringed a bit when she stuttered. she gave the older girl a strained smile as hyewon jumps around happily. 

 

"that means you're finally coming back to me, right?" hyewon looked at her with hopeful eyes. she tried to give her a more genuine smile. key point, tried.

 

"i never even left." she was just glad the older didn't notice.

 

"i know, but- oh my god. we can be together. again! without snooping around anymore! like official!" the older abruptly pulled minjoo up, making the younger squeal a bit. she let hyewon do anything as she knew the older is happy. she is trying to figure out if she's happy about this, also. "i love you so much, kim minjoo."

 

hyewon held her face endearingly. she stared at eyes overflowing with affection and love. she gulped slightly as she didn't quite like how her heart ached. 

 

she wanted to see a certain pair of big brown eyes overflowing with the same amount of love and affection hyewon was sending her way. she wanted to hear those words from a certain girl that has a minty scent. has brown hair and a soft smile. wears oversized sweaters and shares sweet mornings with her.

 

the air was knocked out of her lungs as she realized she was longing for someone else. she was longing for someone else when she was with her first love. she was longing for a girl that seemingly hates her (she doesn't) when a girl that loves her is right in front of her. 

 

"i love you too." she replied, but it didn't quite settle well within her. it tasted bitter when she let those words slip. it felt like she didn't even mean it.

 

 

-----

 

 

another year has passed. the married couple has been closer than ever. studio sessions became frequent, mornings shared numbered, dinners together became often, and sleeping on the same bed became normal. bonus to that new adaption was cuddling. 

 

and minjoo is currently hugging a small ball of fluff. chaewon's head was buried in her chest as her arms were wrapped around the younger's waist. minjoo smiled as she carefully tucks chaewon's hair behind her ear. she stared at her wife, looking at her as if she's the most precious thing in the world (she probably is). she stared as she softly chuckles as she remembered their first night sleeping on the same bed.

 

 

(

 

 

by now, chaewon is practically living in their shared apartment. ecstatic is an understatement for minjoo. she feels this overpowering joy whenever she sees chaewon enter the front door for dinner. she hopes it'll stay like that for awhile. 

 

"why didn't you tell me this earlier?" but right now, chaewon was arguing with someone over the phone. probably one of her employees as work was–again–stressing her out lately. "well, details are details. you can't just leave something out when it comes to updates and meetings."

 

minjoo carefully entered their bedroom. she just finished doing the dishes and is about to go to bed. chaewon was sitting on the bed with her phone pressed against her right ear. her eyebrows were furrowed and her left fist was clenched.

 

the younger walked over to her frustrated wife, stopping just right in front of her. her right hand reached out to her hair to it. she comforted her as chaewon was gradually becoming calmer.

 

"just, fix this by tomorrow morning. i'll also would like to have a talk with you so come straight to my office. 10am sharp. got it?" chaewon felt her body relax as she released a sigh. the younger smiled, feeling proud that she has calmed the other down. minjoo's fingers raked through her brown hair. 

 

"you should go to your mini studio tomorrow. you seem more stressed than usual." minjoo softly spoke as she watched chaewon end the call. the older huffed as she carelessly dropped her phone on the bed. 

 

"i'll be fine. you'll be alone here again. i don't like that." the older looked up at minjoo as the younger felt flustered. the older has been more… vocal about her concerns. they sometimes take minjoo by surprise, she never knows what the older would say. 

 

"still, you should unwind." minjoo pulled the older's head to her stomach. understanding what this meant, chaewon hugged minjoo's waist as she pulled her closer. burying her head further into minjoo's stomach. inhaling vanilla as she hugged her tighter.

 

"i'll think about it." chaewon's voice was muffled by minjoo's hoodie. the younger one chuckled as she ruffles chaewon's hair. an idea popped into her head, but she felt embarrassed to say it out loud. though, she thinks it's a great idea, she doesn't want to cross any boundaries.

 

that thought flew out the window as she started to realize that the older girl was slowly falling asleep. "chaewon." the older hummed, minjoo still her hair as she asked her question in a very soft tone. "sleep with me tonight?"

 

and that's how minjoo ended up with a mouthful of brown hair, a body flushed into hers and the smell of mint becoming ubiquitous in the next morning.

 

 

) 

 

 

-

 

 

ok who the ? despite her beautiful morning, she isn't quite sure who this woman is that chaewon had the time and energy to post in her sns. minjoo furrowed her eyebrows as she held onto her phone tighter. the woman had her arms wrapped around chaewon’s shoulder. both girls are smiling widely as chaewon captioned it with “long time no see, old friend.” she knew that this was just taken today. her wife was still wearing the same clothes she wore for work this morning.

 

honestly, this is what minjoo questioned (and probably feared). she questioned whether the older girl had another person trapped inside her heart. it’s fine, she guesses (it’s not). she also has someone else anyway, but lately minjoo was also questioning if that’s still the case. 

 

“stalking? really, unnie?” minjoo flinched as yujin laughed at her. 

 

“i’m not.” glaring at the younger girl, she only laughed harder.

 

“sure.” yujin said with a knowing tone, drinking her glass of water with a smirk graced on her lips. “aren’t you gonna ask me who she is?” minjoo pouted as she looked back at her phone. she doesn’t know if she wanted to know more about the woman. she can’t deny that she was a pretty one, she’s actually worried that chaewon finds her more attractive than her.

 

yujin chuckled as she watched the older girl sulk. she didn’t know the (newly dyed) red-haired beauty was the jealous type. she never saw her like this with hyewon and maybe– just maybe that minjoo likes chaewon a lot more than she expected her to be. the younger smiled softly as she sat beside minjoo on the couch.

 

“miyawaki sakura. a model, also chaewon’s only ex.” yujin couldn’t help it, her smile widened when minjoo became more sulky. so, she continued giving more information about the said model. “high school sweethearts, by the way. chaewon’s firsts also. first kiss, first girlfriend, first–”

 

“first love? i got it, yuj.” yujin found this whole conversation amusing. minjoo pouted more as her whole body slumped down. 

 

“yeah, first love.” the younger of the two chuckled as minjoo still felt a bit sulky. “didn’t catch you to be the jealous type, unnie.” 

 

“shut up.” minjoo said through gritted teeth, but her pout was back on display when she saw that 39saku_chan replied to chaewon’s post.

 

“you’ve been hanging around with chaewon-unnie too much.” yujin watched minjoo for awhile as the older girl kept sulking. she smiled at her softly as she relaxed her body on the couch. “you should stop worrying, you know.”

 

“i’m not worrying.”

 

“and i have a 20/20 vision.” minjoo huffed as yujin chuckled once again. “chaewon told me this one time, as my first love messed me up so much before.”

 

the older girl just raised her brows, a signal for yujin to continue.

 

“i told her first love never dies,

 

"and she answered me with with: 

 

"they do, true love kills it.”

 

 

-

 

 

chaewon was supposedly going home to her shared house with her friends, and minjoo was sad as her mood just felt sour the whole day. so, hearing the front door open took her by surprise. her wife came back home to her with a soft smile and a bag of chinese takeouts. 

 

they are currently eating the said takeouts, and minjoo felt her heart flutter as she watched the older girl eat. her cheeks were moving up and down as her lips was in a pout. this was how she looked while chewing. the younger found her so cute that she giggled quietly to herself. the older girl swallowed her food as she looked up at the other girl. 

 

“what?” chaewon questioned as she saw the younger girl having a smile gracing her lips. minjoo went back to eating as she avoided chaewon’s gaze.

 

“you look cute while eating.”

 

“oh.” chaewon felt flustered. her ears felt warm as she tried to collect herself by focusing back on her food. “th-thanks.” 

 

minjoo smiled softly as she looked back up at the other girl. she was suddenly reminded of miyawaki sakura. she contemplated on whether to ask her or not. she sighed as she ignored the bitter feeling that was filling her up again. 

 

they were just silently eating and each second passed didn’t make the jealous feeling go away. alas, kim minjoo’s last string of patience was plucked off as she gripped on the chopsticks she’s holding a tad bit harder.

 

“hey, may i ask who miyawaki sakura is?”

 

“hm?” chaewon stared at her with raised brows. a smirk lightly graced the older girl’s lips as she observed her slightly (not so slightly) frustrated wife. “why’d you ask?” 

 

“n-nothing. i– uh– saw your post earlier?”

 

“why does that feel like a question?” chaewon smiled amusingly. she saw how minjoo visibly gulped as the younger girl avoided her gaze. 

 

“fine, i saw it and i’m curious on who she is…” chaewon felt ecstatic to know that her wife was feeling jealous. for most people, it shouldn’t be something to be happy about. but this just made chaewon hopeful that the younger girl feels something for her also. 

 

she knows it’s an empty wish. 

 

“jealous are we?” chaewon chuckled as minjoo froze. giggled when the younger’s face became red, her face a shade darker than her own hair.

 

“i’m not jealous.”

 

“then, can i visit sakura tomorrow?” chaewon cackled when she saw the younger’s horrified expression. she heard minjoo groan as the younger slumped back on her seat. “i’m kidding. it’s a saturday, i’ll stay by your side.” 

 

“you better. i might just be a music producer–and your ex is a model–i’m still the one you married.” minjoo mumbled under her breath. hearing that, chaewon’s smile grew wider.

 

“ah, did you ask yujin if she's my ex? a nosy and possessive wife. wouldn’t want it in any other way.” the younger groaned again as her head drops into her two hands. her red hair falling down and her face feels like it’s burning. chaewon smiled softly as she continued eating. “she might be a model, but i also have a beautiful music producer for a wife. i’d always choose the latter, no matter what.” 

 

“ugh, shut up.” minjoo felt embarrassed, she wanted the ground to eat her whole right now. her face was positively as red as a tomato, and she didn’t know what to feel with what the older girl said. so, she just kicked her leg under the table that resulted to a groaning chaewon.

 

“you’re mean.”

 

“i’m your wife.”

 

“well, i’ll be stuck with you then.”

 

 

-----

 

 

along the hangang, one could rent a bicycle from several vendors peppered about. typically reserved by the hour, any biker who rents these bikes would have to keep mind and aware of the time they travelled, because the price they pay also includes the way back. the han river’s biking trail is one of the largest in korea, and many markers were laid down on roads to separate car and cyclist. grass hugged earth and the pavements were smooth: it was sort of a dream waiting to happen.

 

midday. a chill, with water’s edge dissipating and agreeing to the motion of the wind; the sun beating down on the buildings and the trees and the flowers that bloom to be yellow and red and orange.

 

the dongjak bridge, park island, the banpo and faintly in the distance the hannam. they would come by these bridges as time would go by.

 

it really makes me feel weird. i don’t usually compliment on how good of a day it is outside. chaewon pedalled and the cogs on her bike went round. the younger girl was behind her, just. she would sometimes look over her shoulder to see how far away she was—the clouds were dancing and the sea whispered, shushing. and the times she heard the little jingle of a bell by her shoulder made chaewon feel more comfortable on her seat of her bike.

 

today was the day, and she had reached it with minjoo without her knowing of the ramifications that would result from it. she doesn’t have a clue. here they were, riding around seoul like no one hadn’t known. even chaewon thought the feat would be impossible.

 

the quaintness of the leaves tumbling slowly from branches made her thoughts subside a tad, and brought in a sort of confidence in her. how they waltzed their downward spirals. it was a sight to be in, not just to see. she agreed with that. she felt the rustle of them, though they may be mere sounds. the trickle of the susurrations marked a tingle on her skin, and a straw on the camel’s back—the solemn of seorae island behind the two as they pushed on to the horizon.

 

chaewon felt a happy melancholy.

 

“chaewon, can we stop? my legs are a bit weary.”

 

“oh, of course, minjoo.”

 

they set up shop under the shadow of a tree, their bikes leaning against the bark of it. minjoo and chaewon sat abreast each other, the former holding her arms together as she unravelled her legs on the pulpy grass.

 

and minjoo seemed to direct her view away from chaewon—that was rather pessimistic of a conjecture.

 

“chaewon, i haven’t told you,” she muttered. her head perked up. it was as if her eyes couldn’t meet her.

 

“what haven’t you told me?”

 

“i haven’t been completely honest,” she admitted. “i tried to hide things i thought you needn’t know.”

 

chaewon’s curiosity and concern grew ablaze. “what is it?”

 

minjoo rocked her arms as if a baby were on her arms, and the soothing uneasiness of her tone made heavy the atmosphere and make the tree seemingly collapse on the two right then and there. minjoo snuffled.

 

“it’s a bit odd. i don’t know how to explain it. it’s like the world’s stopping, but for what?”

 

a car wooshed past them politely, and in response the leaves lifted off all around them, circling round in their random meanders.

 

chaewon seemingly excused herself. “hm. i guess i know too.”

 

“huh.”

 

and the older girl fiddled with her fingers.

 

minjoo chanced her looks to her. was she expecting her to say something? was that even wrong.

 

am i even wrong for saying that? who knows. the planet keeps moving ‘round and ‘round and yet the things on it seem to stay in place. everything’s moving around.

 

“hm, i guess so, minjoo.”

 

the birds were chirping again, and they fluttered about in groups. a lone one could be seen ofttimes, and they never seemed to chirp. sometimes they did. they always seem louder when they have another bird to chirp to, though, and the wandering of the river welcomed a lot of birds.

 

“i’ve been seeing hyewon,” minjoo declared, although obtusely. “i’ve been seeing her and i haven’t... told you.”

 

she buried her face on the two palms of her hands. “i should’ve told you sooner or later, but i haven’t a clue as to why i haven’t. i... i understand if you’re upset with me for that.”

 

chaewon gave her sad smile. “i saw you two walk together once on my way to work,” the girl confessed. “i know.”

 

and minjoo’s breath was taken away, the girl’s exhales and inhales seemingly clashing. “you... do know.”

 

“yeah, i do know.”

 

minjoo d her chest with her own hand. “i’m sorry, chaewon. i know you’d kind of be upset by it.”

 

chaewon shook her head erratically. “no! i’m not upset by it. things like these... sort of happen, you know. and either way you’d have to accept the way this plays out. i don’t want to be the kind who clings onto little things so petulantly... like a child wondering still of that toy he was never able to get from the shop.

 

“it’s alright, ok? don’t think much of it.”

 

minjoo’s shoulders sagged a tad less, though her glance was still wandering the street.

 

chaewon stood, picking up her bike. “...come... let’s just enjoy this bike ride, yeah?”

 

so the girl stood as well, took her bike, and the two continued to bike on the road. chaewon, behind minjoo this time, couldn’t help but stare at her wife as her hair rode down her head and beat to the rhythm of the wind.

 

she then looked at the ring on her finger, touched it with the tip of her thumb, and couldn’t explain the sadness in her.

 

 

-----

 

 

 

the following day, the news spread like wildfire. everyone was aware that the couple was getting divorced. they didn’t know why, but they expected them to last. even though they knew that the marriage was political. it’s just that they seemed quite happy with each other, and they thought– maybe not.

 

but really, they were happy. very happy being together. it’s just that the deal chaewon made seemed irreversible. unless, one of them didn’t want to sign the papers.

 

minjoo thought about it. not signing it, but hyewon already expected her to sign it since the papers were filed. it will only take a day to finish the divorce and finally cut ties. 

 

but as minjoo silently watched chaewon converse with their lawyer, she didn’t immediately pick up the pen to sign the papers that was given to her.

 

 

-

 

 

the flowers bloomed a pink and white. they seemed to be from cotton candy, or fold from satin or cotton as the fragile edges collapsed on themselves—on top of each other. the blades of grass rubbing against the soil, hugging the branches. 

 

chaewon didn’t quite like it when space is wasted to the brutalism of concrete and rock and not, at least, to the fall of autumn’s leaves or the blossom of roses and orchids. The cataclysmic shift of the country to the city saddened her a tad. 

 

“why didn’t you sign the papers yet, minjoo? when are you gonna sign them?”

 

minjoo looked at her and with a mere shrug, glanced at the buildings.

 

“I just hope we get to spend some more time together, chaewon.” minjoo seemed to lean on a railing that wasn’t actually there. chaewon didn’t know how she did that precisely, but she knew exactly when she was doing it. 

 

chaewon gave her a strained smile. it seemed to come from a good place, but she wasn’t exactly sure why. but she knew she did. 

 

the older girl crossed her legs with a foot and twirled her fingers. “i would be happy to, minjoo. there’s nothing i look forward to more spending time with you in the studio.” chaewon noted how the green of the grass made bright the house, just a bit.

 

 

-

 

 

it felt odd. how chaewon’s smile felt a bit off that day. 

 

they were still up for studio sessions, right?

 

currently, minjoo is having her last breakfast with chaewon’s parents. the older girl said that she has some errands to run, so she might not arrive. she did ask minjoo to meet up with her afterwards, though, and that made the younger smile. 

 

she did have questions of her own. questions on how chaewon seemingly convince her parents to divorce her. taking advantage as the older girl wasn’t around, she asked. 

 

“mr. kim, i was wondering something with chaewon. you see, back then i thought that the marriage would last, you know, indefinitely. but it seems as if that something must’ve happened that… may have lead us to where we are now. it seemed kinda odd to me how it seemingly came out of nowhere. i don’t know if something’s up with chaewon or what.”

 

“well, chaewon said to me and her mom that she would quit music so that you two could get divorced. she told me that four years ago, a year into your marriage.” minjoo gasped softly, her eyebrows rose as it felt harder to breathe.

 

“what? she said she would quit… music?”

 

“that’s what we agreed with.” mr. kim nodded to himself, remembering the conversation that happened 4 years ago. he tilted his head in confusion as he looked up at the young producer. “did she not tell you the consequences of this divorce?”

 

minjoo ignored his question and proceeded to furrowing her eyebrows as she felt anger rise in her. “this is not right. she’s in love with making music for some lawyers to swindle their way into her agreeing to such rubbish.”

 

“doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong; what is agreed on is agreed on.” chaewon’s father argued. it was a deal that his daughter humbly accepted. he didn't know why minjoo was acting hostile all of a sudden. he didn’t even understand why chaewon didn’t bother telling her the aftermath of all of this.

 

“i couldn’t care less of the bullcrap i’m hearing right now. chaewon wouldn’t agree to any of this…” minjoo growled as she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

 

“but she did. as far as i am concerned, chaewon did this for you.” mr. kim spoke carefully, suddenly realizing something with how everything is being laid out. at first, he thought that chaewon agreed because she hated the idea of being married. he now thinks that maybe his daughter agreed just to let minjoo free. 

 

“sweetheart, i know my daughter very well. she is extremely smitten with you. and i know she’d do anything just to make you happy.” mrs. kim finally spoke up. she smiled softly at minjoo as she tried to calm the younger girl down. 

 

minjoo did calm down, but some pieces of anger was left when she went home to meet chaewon at the apartment.

 

 

-

 

 

“oh, hey, minmi–”

 

“don’t you just hey me, chae.” minjoo spat as she slammed the front door shut.

 

the older frowned as she watched the girl walk closer to her. she stood up from the couch, now being face to face with a minjoo that was as red as a tomato. “what? are alri–”

 

“alright? chaewon, i should be the one asking you that! why would you agree getting a divorce but quitting music all in all?” chaewon froze when she heard that. . she knows. when she thought things would go smoothly as planned. maybe, her parents accidentally spilled some important details to minjoo–that she wasn’t supposed to know.

 

“wait, minjoo, please calm dow–” the older tried to reach out to the other girl, only to be harshly rejected as minjoo pulled away when she tried to hold her arm.

 

“calm down? chaewon, why? why would you do this to yourself?” chaewon took in a sharp inhale, gulping as she didn’t know the answer. no, she doesn’t have to know the real reason. “your mother said you did this for me. is that true?”

 

the truth was getting harder to keep. she wanted to spit it out, but that’ll mean the divorce won’t pull through. she doesn’t want minjoo to feel like she’s being imprisoned. so, she sighed as she closed her eyes.

 

“is it true, kim chaewon?”

 

she doesn’t have to know the truth. 

 

“it is not, i just didn’t like the idea of being tied down with someone i just see as my friend.” chaewon made sure there’s a bite to how she said it. it hurt, and she knows it hurt the younger too. but, she’ll do anything just to give the younger lifetime happiness with someone she actually loves than a marriage that seems to be falling apart.

 

“wow.” minjoo breathed out. she already felt tears gathering in her eyes. “just, wow. ok.” hurt is an understatement for minjoo.

 

she feels ing devastated. 

 

she just closed her eyes as a tear slipped past it. rolling down her cheek as she sighed in complete sadness.

 

“i’ll sign the papers then.” she concluded. “what was even holding me back?” she spat with venom that pricked chaewon’s heart. the older girl just swallowed the lump in and walked past minjoo. walking towards the front door, she looked back at the younger’s figure one last time, before sighing sadly. she walked through and out the door, closing it shut.

 

minjoo’s knees finally gave in on her as she sobbed quietly to herself. chaewon just quietly exited the apartment complex and entered her car. resting her head on the steering wheel, silent tears came rolling down. the two girls felt broken, but this was the outcome of their unwise decisions in their marriage.

 

 

-

 

 

hyewon scruffily scratched her eyelids with the back of her hand. she was awoken by the sound of a grunt, and a quite hard jab on her side as she realized that the blanket was ajar and that someone in particular was not on her side. 

 

the girl in question waltzed her way out of the room, a slam of the door coming right after. 

 

“what, minjoo…?”

 

she hastily left her bed and chased after her, leaving even her socks and slippers behind as her feet touched the carpet. hyewon stopped when she saw minjoo on the floor of a hallway, her back on the wall with her hair covering most of her face. 

 

hyewon, with the grace she wanted to compare to that of a lovely dove, sat by minjoo and cupped the whole of her with her arms. “minjoo, what’s wrong?” 

 

minjoo was breathing heavily, in and out, with her hands and arms crossed to each other as she shook her head preposterously. 

 

“i... don’t know. i’m not sure.” hyewon chuckled lightly. 

 

“how is that even possible?” she saw the way the younger girl clenched her left fist tightly. a gold ring was still on her ring finger that made her frown a bit. “min, you’re getting a divorce. why are you still wearing that?” 

 

minjoo finally looked up. looking at the shiny ring on her finger she sighed sadly. hyewon didn’t like the way minjoo’s eyes showed nothing but longing. 

 

she was right there, why is she feeling like this? 

 

minjoo’s eyes blurred with tears as she hugged her left hand dearly. tears started streaming down her face as a realization dawned on the older girl.

 

“minjoo, don’t tell me…”

 

“i-i’m sorry, hye.” hyewon closed her eyes as she took in deep breaths. scooting away from the girl, she tried to calm herself down. 

 

“y-you–” hyewon felt anger rise in her. why is it that everything feels so unfortunate for her? “why, min? why? you said you’d never fall in love with her. hell, you said you’ll never even start considering her as your wife?!”

 

“h-hye, please, calm d-do–”

 

“how? minjoo, tell me how?! i waited for you!” the older girl shouted. 

 

frustrated, sad, heartbroken. 

 

she didn’t know what to think. her mind went blank as she didn't realize that the younger girl was slowly lifting herself off the ground. falling down on her knees, she gripped onto minjoo's hands. holding them tightly as she begged for her to stay. 

 

“m-min, please. please, don’t leave me. i’ll be better, be better than whatever kim chaewon is– just, please, don’t leave.” 

 

“i’m sorry, hye.” that was the last straw, hyewon’s heart broke into pieces as minjoo forcefully removed her hands from her hold. she just watched the younger girl take her things and walk away. she watched the girl slam her apartment door shut as she slumped down in her kneeling position. tears gathered behind her eyes as sadness filled her body whole. her eyes were blurry, 

 

but she could care less. the love of her life just walked out of hers to be with someone else.

 

 

-

 

 

6:30am. 

 

that was how early minjoo arrived at the house near the lake. the house where her wife of 5 years was living in for the past week. their shared apartment has been abandoned in that past week because it hurts minjoo to go back. all she can remember was soft breakfasts and calm dinners. movie nights and late night ventures. studio sessions and midday walks on weekends. a fluff ball curled next to her and brown hair all over the white pillow. she gets reminded of all the things her and chaewon did whenever she entered the apartment. the smell of mint became the scent of her home, and all she could remember was the older girl. 

 

she took in a deep breath as her hands started to sweat. knocking on the door twice, she waited for someone to fetch it. her nerves spiked as seconds passed, no one was still answering the door. 

 

alas, after what seems like hours–but really it has only been 3 minutes–the front door opened. she was met with brown eyes that seemed to be too dull. like the life was squeezed out of her as her aura suddenly felt gray. minjoo frowned at her wife. 

 

chaewon’s face suddenly contorted in surprise. she didn’t expect the younger to show up right now. the meeting was in 1 and a half hours, she expected the girl to be getting ready or at least eating breakfast by now. 

 

minjoo just wanted to hug her tightly (and preferably never let her go), but before she can even move on her spot–chaewon turned around, entering the house once again.

 

“close the door when you enter.” she voiced out softly as her feet pitter patters its way to the back door. minjoo realized that chaewon was probably having a peaceful morning in her backyard. so, she followed suit.

 

she spotted chaewon sitting down on one of the chairs near a fire pit. the older girl pulled her oversized cardigan tighter to her body as a cold breeze passed by. minjoo released a shaky breath as she walked over the chair next to the girl. sitting down as she inhaled the cold morning air.

 

“do you need something?” the older girl started. minjoo cringed as chaewon sounded cold. her heart was aching again as her shoulders sagged along with the heavy atmosphere. 

 

everything felt too cold and heavy for minjoo’s liking. she was not used to it, chaewon was always warm. 

 

“we need to talk.” minjoo said in a firm tone, she’s not letting her go that easily. 

 

“minjoo, are you gonna delay the signing again? i mean–”

 

“no! i mean– ugh.” minjoo groaned as her hands felt tense against the chairs' arms. her hands are formed into fists again as she felt frustrated with the other girl. “i just don’t understand. why did you make a deal? also, please. just please don’t stop making music.”

 

chaewon sighed, she folded her arms as she tried to not let the cold breeze freeze her small body. “a deal is a deal minjoo.” 

 

the younger couldn’t take it anymore. she didn’t mean to raise her voice, but it seems like the girl would just follow through whatever her parents would say. she also felt sad as it feels like chaewon didn’t treasure their time together, seeing how she still wants to pull through this stupid ordeal.

 

“why are you even pushing through this? why do you keep listening to your parents? chaewon, god damn it please don’t do this. do you hate me that much? that’s why you want to end this? or is there someone else in that caged heart of yours? why-”

 

“minjoo, why are you even still here?” the older snapped. glaring harshly at the other girl, eyes sharp and cold. minjoo wanted to cry, chaewon has never looked at her that way. she wanted to shed tears, so bad, but anger was overpowering her body.

 

“can’t you see? i don’t want to leave! you can't just give up on your dreams. your passion! chaewon, i care about you so much and i know this is hurting you. very, very much. so, why are you doing this?” by this point, minjoo is nearly shouting. nearly, as she still tried to keep her emotions at bay. 

 

chaewon’s already hurt, she doesn’t want to add more fuel to the fire by straight up shouting at her. but her voice was already higher and louder than usual.

 

“if you care about me, please leave.” chaewon released a shaky breath. unlike before, minjoo noticed the way her hands trembled. the way her body was slightly shivering and the younger felt worried as she didn’t know whether it is from the wind or from the panic attack that is seemingly rising from chaewon’s body. 

 

“leave, cause every time i look at you–it hurts. it hurts more than it should. my mind is clouded with pain because of you with this whole ordeal. not because of me forcefully removing music from my life, but you leaving.”

 

chaewon’s shoulders were tense as her whole body shivered along with the cold wind. she was gripping her upper arms so hard that her knuckles had turned white. lips quivering, air knocked out of her lungs. her uneven breathing was loud as she took sharp inhales and exhales. minjoo’s body relaxed as she softened at how vulnerable the older girl was. silence coated them for a while ‘till chaewon spoke up again.

 

“shouldn’t you be happy you’re not tied down to me anymore? i-i made this deal for you. you are the one who has someone else in that warm heart of yours. i d-don’t want to be a hindrance in your love story. an-and do you know what’s in this cold heart of mine? it’s you.”

 

air was also knocked out of minjoo’s lungs as she listened carefully to the older girl. she already felt her heart soaring and her stomach filling up with butterflies. “m-minjoo, y-you have my whole heart. it’s only you who could ruin me this much. a-a-and i just want you to be happy. i know your happiness isn’t with me. but i–” 

 

chaewon stopped mid-sentence, pausing as she tried to catch her breath. she wanted to tell minjoo how much she loved her. 

 

she really wanted to.

 

but her mind got clogged with a certain black haired girl. that was enough to send her over the edge and break her heart into pieces. 

 

she’s in love with someone else.

 

“i– i–” minjoo’s gaze stayed stuck on her as she frantically tried to gather herself together. it was still impressive that she hasn’t shed a tear, yet. but it was getting harder to breathe, as if the cold breeze was suffocating her whole being. “i can’t. i’m sorry, minjoo.” 

 

the older girl stood up and walked towards the entrance of the house. she has half a mind to run inside, but she just walked at a fast pace. climbing up the porch, she froze when she heard the younger girl speak. her eyes widened as she took in another shaky breath.

 

“chae, i love you too.”

 

chaewon stayed still. her heart feels like it was about to jump out of her chest and her mind suddenly went blank. she didn't expect what she has to say. no, not on this particular day. 

 

she expected an argument, but it didn't quite happen. she expected goodbyes, but that also didn't happened. did she expect this? no, certainly not.

 

she thought she'll have to leave the younger girl's life forever.

 

but here we are.

 

“i don’t know when i fell. all i knew is that i fell, hard. very hard for you.” chaewon felt stinging in her eyes as the first wave of tears have arrived. minjoo took this opportunity to walk closer to the older girl. “you did that for me? just so i can be with hyewon? just so i can be happy? god, how selfless and perfect do you even have to be? you are making it very hard to walk away from this, right now.” 

 

the older girl by now is full on crying. tears were streaming down her cheeks, her folded arms relaxed a bit as she felt warmth spread throughout her whole body. the temperature might be way too low right now, but she feels–oh, so warm with minjoo's sudden confession. minjoo was the only one who can make her feel this warm.

 

“chaewon, my happiness is you. i’m not letting you go that easily. you said you’d be stuck with me, right? well, i am too. i don’t mind it, though. as long as it is you who i’d come home to at the end of the day. 

 

“so, please, i am begging you. don’t continue the divorce. i hated the marriage at first, but i’ll stay.

 

“so, please also stay?”

 

the older girl finally turned around with tears in her eyes. her cheeks were wet, her shivering has lessened along with the trembling of her hands. minjoo walked closer, cupping chaewon’s face with both of her hands. “god, i love you so much.” she whispered as she wiped away the older’s tears. smiling softly as she gazed at her wife lovingly. 

 

“i love you, so, please, don’t leave.” she whispered again and chaewon, finally, uncrossed her arms. minjoo welcomed her with open arms as the older almost tackled her into an embrace. the brunette hugged her so tightly. as if she let go, the younger would suddenly disappear.

 

but now she is certain that she will not leave.

 

“i love you too.” chaewon’s voice was muffled, but minjoo heard. she couldn’t contain her smile as she was hugging her whole world, right now. her beloved fluff ball was now in her arms again, the scent of mint calming her down.

 

chaewon buried her head further into minjoo’s chest. warmth filling her own as her heart beats in content. she felt warm and happy. 

 

like a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day. 

 

a warm hoodie wrapped around your torso. 

 

a fluffy blanket to cover you on a rainy day. 

 

minjoo made her feel warm. very, very warm. so, she made a conclusion. that this time,

 

she’ll never let kim minjoo go. ever.