hi its been a hot minute since ive posted smth :| sorry school . anyway this was inspired from a conversation my roommate/best friend had one day....this was originally supposed to be funny but turns out im Not funny and I can only be sad. 

Anyway, TW// 

death, very subtle homophobia, small references to , alcohol, swearing, religion

im not religious myself, but im most familiar with christianity so while the religious topics touched (such as god, heaven, and afterlife) isn't supposed to represent a specific religion, there are influences from christanity there. 

most of these TWs are not very large topics (minus death lmao) but im still including them so i don't make anyone uncomfortable. 

 

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Hitomi lost her life exactly two years ago today. She stayed on this world as a spirit, walking wherever she deemed. She has seen much of the world, like the alive her wanted. It was all she dreamed of when she was young and breathing, and when she visited the last country she needed, she thought she would finally be able to move on to the afterlife or be reincarnated or whatever the hell happens. After two years of wandering traveling, she came back to where it all ended. Right in front of her girlfriend’s apartment. It was moments after a big fight, the pain from Chaewon’s words still stung to this day.

 

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“Hitoma, what about my plans? What about my future?” Chaewon cried, pointing her thumb back at herself. Tears threatened to spill, and Hitomi instantly felt the guilt seep in. 

“But Chaewon, this is a huge opportunity for us. This is a once in a lifetime job opportunity that will secure us for life.” Hitomi tried to explain, her voice cracked as she attempted to get cl­­­oser to Chaewon to comfort her. 

“Do you not care about me? This move would take us out of Korea.” Chaewon started to cry, as she clenched her teeth and tightened her fists. 

“Y-yeah, but we’d be in Japan. It’s not that far from Korea and we’d have enough money to travel back.” Hitomi stuttered. In the 5 years they’ve dated, she has never seen Chaewon get so angry that she cried. Mad Chaewon was scary enough, but this was on a whole new level. 

 

 

“Honda Hitomi, you are so selfish.” 

Chaewon never calls Hitomi by her full name. Hitomi finally snapped. 

 

“Me? Selfish? Are you ING kidding me, Chaewon?” She yelled, slamming her fist into the wall. “I tried to find a new job to better support us. And now that I found one—with one of the most prestigious companies, may I add—you have the audacity to call me SELFISH?” Hitomi’s breath was ragged as she stomped around the house, grabbing her coat and purse. 

“Where are you going?” Chaewon asked, her voice surprisingly meek. 

“Wonyoung and Yujin’s. I’ll call you when I calm down.” Hitomi said over her shoulder before closing the door shut behind her.

 

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Hitomi never had the chance to call Chaewon. Maybe that’s why she is here, on her doorsteps, staring at the familiar entrance. The golden hour gave the outside a warm glow, contrasting the darkness inside. Hitomi figured Chaewon was out shopping for groceries. She always did prefer shopping in the early morning to avoid the busy hours. As she reached for the handle, a random being appeared in front of her. Hitomi jumped back and let out a yelp, her heart jumping in her chest.

“Hello, Ms. Honda Hitomi.” The being said. She was short, shorter than Hitomi (and that’s impressive considering Hitomi is far from tall herself). Hitomi would find her cute if she didn’t scare the ever-living hell out of her.

“Have you ever heard of personal space?” Hitomi asked, glaring at the figure in front of her. “So, what are you?” Hitomi looked her up and down. “God?”

The shorter girl scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Do you think God has time to deal with somebody like you? He runs this whole universe he has much more important things to attend to.”

Hitomi winced. “That was unnecessary. I’m already dead, can’t you spare me any more pain? Who are you anyway?”

“I’m just a messenger and I’ve been forced to sit here for two entire years, waiting for you to come back.” She replies, pointing an accusatory finger at Hitomi.

“Why didn’t you leave? Don’t you have powers to teleport back here magically—”

“Because I was assigned here, and I would have been smitten down if I disobeyed. So, I sat here for two years, waiting for you to deliver this message.” The messenger’s eyebrow twitched, clearly agitated from the bombardment of questions. “Quite frankly, I’m tired of sitting here so I’m just going to say it and leave.” She pulled out a scroll of paper from her back pocket and unraveled it, clearing before continuing. “Honda Hitomi, to give you some closure, we have allowed you the opportunity to interact with Kim Chaewon.”

“Really?” Hitomi shouted, elated at the thought of seeing the love of her life again. She missed her more than anything. Every new place she visited in her travels reminded her of the girl she left behind. She missed her lips, the softness of her curves, her warmth, but most importantly, she missed holding Chaewon as she talked about her day while the TV played a random drama in the background.

“Hush.” The messenger commanded, interrupting Hitomi’s stream of thought. “But there is a catch, you are allowed to only possess objects within the house. If you possess something that happens to leave the premise, you automatically disqualify from any more possessions. You are allowed three possessions, and if you possess something like a pencil or keyboard, you are forbidden from writing or typing any letters.” She paused. “Damn, the big man upstairs isn’t making it easy for you.”

Hitomi’s smile dropped. “That’s okay. I still appreciate the chance.”

“There’s still some more to go.” The messenger said, adjusting the paper. “Should Kim Chaewon decipher a message or understand that Honda Hitomi is among her, something shall occur.”

“Something?” Hitomi interrupted. “What does that mean? Is God going to hurt Chaewon?”

The short girl ignored Hitomi’s questions. “You have 24 hours. Fail or succeed, your soul will be transferred to where it belongs in the afterlife. Good luck, signed God.” She rolled up the paper and placed it back into her pocket.

“Thank you, uh…” Hitomi paused, realizing she never got the name of the messenger.

“Nako.” She completed.

“Thank you, Nako.”

Nako nodded and began to walk off. Hitomi reached for the doorknob but stopped. “Do you think she even wants to see me?” Hitomi asked. She turned around, only to see that Nako has disappeared. A sigh escaped from her lips as she turned the knob, entering the building. “I’ll take that as a no.” She mumbled.

Their shared apartment was just as she remembered it, everything in the exact same place two years ago. The couch was in front of their bedroom, two tables on either side, with a lamp on one. In front, was a small table. Across from it, was their TV. The dining room was attached to the living room. Hitomi remembers the two of them used to turn the TV so they could watch it while they ate in the dining room. The kitchen was separated from the other rooms by large walls. Hitomi always thought it was poorly designed. Being in a familiar atmosphere overwhelmed Hitomi with a sense of warmth she hasn’t felt for two entire years. And while this warmth brought her joy, it was missing one last key piece to make it truly feel like home. Before checking anything else out, she checked the time. It was 7:21 AM. She assumed her 24 hours started now.

 Upon stepping further into the living room, she noticed Chaewon left on one of the lamps. “She always was bad about turning off the lights. I wonder how much the electricity bill went up once I died.” She reached to turn off the lamp, but the moment she made contact she found herself no longer able to move. She had taken possession of the lamp. “Well, isn’t that just great. I wasted one of my possessions.” Hitomi huffed. “There were no instructions for this. Nako please come back.” She pleaded.

She waited, the silence accompanied in her praying for Nako to magically reappear and explain things or for another messenger to be her saving grace. Unsurprisingly, no one came and Hitomi was forced to be stuck to a lamp and figure out the ability on her own. “So, I can’t move, that much is clear. But, can I move the lamp?” She pondered. She began to think about the lamp tilting backward and immediately the object mimicked her thoughts.

That moment of pure panic when you’re leaning back in a chair and it starts to go too far back perfectly encapsulates what Hitomi felt. “STOP!” She screamed, as she immediately commanded the lamp to lean forward back into an upright position. Hitomi let out a deep sigh, the stress from almost tipping the lamp over removing 5 years from her life. Well—it would have if she had any years left. Hitomi laughed bitterly at the thought. “Okay, never moving the lamp again.”

             If she can’t move the lamp, then what can she do? She thought and thought but came up with no solution. “Truly a waste of a possession. Maybe if I break the lamp, it’ll get Chaewon’s attention and I can move to a different object.” She mumbled. Hitomi squinted. Being so near a light constantly was beginning to cause her a headache. “This light is so annoying.” She complained, glaring at the lightbulb. She averted her gaze downwards, continuing her brainstorm idea.

 

Hitomi paused. How could she be so dumb and not notice the lightbulb above her head? Hitomi thought to turn the light off and the room darkened. For choosing such a light object, she was acting pretty dim. She could use light Morse code and try to communicate a message to Chaewon. Hitomi felt bad for her moment of weakness of wanting to destroy the lamp.

Now, all she had to do was play the waiting game.

 

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After 30 minutes of sitting in complete darkness, trapped to a lamp, she heard the front door click open and in came Chaewon with a paper bag filled to the brim with groceries. She passed straight through the living room into the kitchen.

When she finished with her task in there, she came back into the living room and stopped in her tracks. For the first time in two years, Hitomi got a good look at Chaewon. Her hair was black now, much different than the pink Hitomi loved. She wore the Balenciaga cap Hitomi bought her for her 21st birthday, as well as a simple sweater and skirt.

Chaewon approached the lamp, bending over to turn it back on. Her brows were furrowed as she removed her mask covering the bottom half of her face, a subtle frown upon her lips. Time slowed down for Hitomi as she soaked in every minimal detail. Hitomi noted that she wore no make-up. She was as effortlessly beautiful as Hitomi remembered.

All Hitomi wanted to do was cry and hold onto Chaewon and never let her go, bury her face into her chest and drown herself into the smell she loves the most. Her perfume was alluring, but Chaewon’s personal scent was what was addicting.

While Hitomi would have loved to stay in this moment for the next 23 hours, nothing lasts forever. When Chaewon pulls away, Hitomi is reminded what she came in here to do. She quickly flickered the lamp a few times.

“What the hell…?” Chaewon wondered, turning her attention back to the lamp.

Hitomi kept the light in the off position to reset everything. “Please understand Chaewon.” Hitomi pleaded before beginning. “Short, Short. Pause. Short, long, short, short…” Hitomi commanded, giving off her message to Chaewon via light. “I love—”

Chaewon pulled the plug from the lamp, interrupting Hitomi’s message. “Am I being haunted or something?”

“Yes! You are!” Hitomi screamed. “I am haunting you, Chaewon!” She groaned as she has now officially run out of things she could do with the lamp. She contemplated possessing the cable and plugging it back in, but that would require her to use up the rest of her possessions and Hitomi wasn’t sure if she was ready to take that gamble. Besides, she had no idea how to transfer to a different object.

Hitomi accepted her fate, deciding to just enjoy being near Chaewon for the time being. This enjoyment was short-lived once Chaewon retreated into the bedroom. Hitomi was left alone with a lamp and her thoughts. While she was bummed the Morse code failed, maybe it was better if Hitomi never did talk to Chaewon. For all she knows, Chaewon could still hate her for that fateful night. Hell, Hitomi still hates herself for that night. She shouldn’t have walked out on Chaewon. She should have stayed and talked it out. But Hitomi was scared. They never fought like that before and it was over something so important like their future.

Hitomi did her best to not think about it after she died and wandered the lands as a spirit, but it was hard not to think that she wouldn’t have been dead if she didn’t let her anger control her. Hitomi truly believed it was all her fault, and that while Chaewon provoked her, her concerns were valid.

 

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After a tortuous 3 hours with no spotting of Chaewon, she finally appears from her room only to disappear back into the kitchen. A few moments pass and Hitomi smells the familiar scent of eggs. Chaewon soon after came out of the kitchen with eggs and rice. Seeing Chaewon made Hitomi so excited, like a dog welcoming their owner home after they went on vacation for a week.

Chaewon turned the TV on, settling on the news to watch as she ate her meal. They sat in silence together as they watched the newscasters report on some new political scandal. “I swear, it’s like a new politician is being exposed every week. Why do we vote for these people?” Chaewon mumbles

“They’re manipulative,” Hitomi responds. But of course, Chaewon can’t hear her.

Chaewon let out a deep sigh and rolled her eyes. “I have got to stop talking like there’s someone there.” She picked up her dishes and moved to the kitchen.

 

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Another few hours have passed, and Chaewon was nowhere to be seen. Hitomi was tired of possessing this lamp, tired of wasting her time trying to talk to Chaewon, tired of feeling like Chaewon doesn’t care that it’s the anniversary of her death. What did God expect with this opportunity from her? From them?

Chaewon’s phone buzzing took her attention. “I wonder how my parents are.” Hitomi wondered. If she knew she had only 24 hours left, she would have liked to pay them a visit. She really wanted to possess Chaewon’s phone and check to Facebook, to see how they were doing.

Before she even had the opportunity to finish the thought, Hitomi felt herself ripped from her place and thrown across the room. The velocity at which she was tossed would have been enough to give her whiplash.

She tried to move, thinking that maybe she was finally free from that wretched lamp. But she was stuck in place. Hitomi let out a soft sigh. At least she wasn’t attached to that lamp. She noticed now that she was instead attached to Chaewon’s iPhone. It’s different than she remembers. She must have upgraded.

Hitomi powered the phone on and was met with a password blocking her access. Her lock screen used to be a picture of them at a Christmas dinner hosted by Chaewon’s parents. Hitomi remembers that day as if it was yesterday.

 

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Hitomi and Chaewon have been dating for almost 6 months by the time Christmas rolled around. Hitomi was joining Chaewon when she visited her family since she couldn’t leave to go back to Japan to spend it with her own family. They agreed to go as friends, as to not put Chaewon in any risk and to have a drama-free visit. 

The day was going as Hitomi expected, meeting family members. Every time Chaewon introduced Hitomi to a new person, she wore this proud smile. It was endearing, and it took all 206 bones in Hitomi’s body to keep her from going on her toes and planting a chaste kiss on her lips. 

Dinner came around and Chaewon’s entire family, plus some of her extended family, Chaewon, and Hitomi all sat around the table. Hitomi sat on Chaewon’s right as she engaged in a conversation with her grandma. 

From the corner of her eye, she notices Chaewon shift her utensils from her dominant to non-dominant hand. Without missing a beat, Chaewon slid her hand underneath Hitomi’s and intertwined their fingers together. Hitomi did her best to hide her smile behind her hand, but nothing escapes the watchful eye of Chaewon’s grandma. 

“What’s got you smiling, Hitomi?” She asked, leaning forward. “Perhaps, a boy?” Her teasing grin attracted the attention of the other women at the table. They all began pestering Hitomi about the person whose got Hitomi all smiley. All eyes were on Hitomi as she repeatedly denied their claims. 

“Really! I don’t have a boyfriend!” Hitomi insisted, waving her hands dismissively. 

“You’re really cute, Hitomi.” The grandmother said. 

“And polite too!” Chaewon’s mother chimed in and her grandmother nodded in agreement. Hitomi’s ears turned pink from all the compliments. Hearing good things coming from her girlfriend’s family meant the world to her. 

“Whoever ends up with you, will be quite lucky.” She looked past Hitomi’s shoulder. “Don’t you agree, Chaewon?” 

Hitomi turned her attention to her girlfriend. She was resting her cheek against her fist, a gentle smile upon her lips. Their eyes met and Hitomi felt a warmth envelope her entire body. Chaewon’s eyes were filled with pure, unadulterated love. 

“Yeah, I am lucky, aren’t I?” 

Chaewon’s response shocked the room into silence, the sound of chopsticks against the plate and drinks clinking dissipated into thin air. Hitomi’s blood ran cold, her eyes darting from Chaewon to one of her family members and back. While worry was evident on Chaewon’s face, her gaze never once left Hitomi. 

Chaewon squeezing her hand was the only thing reminding her that she was still there. Hitomi straightened in her chair, ready to stand her ground and proclaim her love for Chaewon. 

The rest of the dinner was spent in complete silence. Chaewon and Hitomi left with only giving curt goodbyes.

But throughout the awkward silence and goodbyes, Hitomi and Chaewon’s hands never separated, leaving behind a message that this was real, and this is who Chaewon loved. 

 

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It took another few months for her family to come around to the idea, and when they did, they accepted Hitomi into her family as if she shared their blood. That picture was her favorite, she really wished to see it again.

Hitomi entered Chaewon’s old phone password, unsurprised that she was able to get in with her first attempt. Really, this girl needed to change it up. She immediately opened the photos app and scrolled all the way down, trying to find the Christmas picture. Yet, there was nothing there. While she had pictures from the same month and year, the pictures they took together were gone. Hitomi scrolled frantically scrolled through her photos. There were pictures of Yuri and Yena, her family, some random dog, and random photos of food taken right in their kitchen. Curiously, the new recent photos had pictures of Wonyoung without Yujin, but Hitomi paid little mind to them as she looked for a glimpse of anything that relates to her. She looked and looked but they were all gone. Empty, as if she was trying to erase any trace of Hitomi from her life.

She felt defeated, like there was no point in her even trying to gain Chaewon’s attention in the last 24—Hitomi glanced at the clock and corrected herself—16 hours she has left. Hitomi was ready to grab streamers, balloons, a noisemaker, and some tissues to throw herself a pity party.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a notification from Tinder.

 

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It was their 2nd anniversary, but they were unable to spend it together due to Chaewon’s work. Sure, Hitomi was disappointed, but they agreed to celebrate at a later time. She was getting ready for bed when she heard a knock on her door. 

She wasn’t expecting anyone, especially at an hour this late, so she opened the door with caution. On the other side stood Chaewon, her hair freshly dyed and curled. She wore a nice blouse and jeans, earrings Hitomi made for her on their first anniversary, and finally a necklace her mother gave her. 

Seeing her girlfriend, Hitomi ripped the door open, her jaw on the floor. “Chaewon…what are you doing here? I thought you had work.” 

Chaewon nodded. “I did. That’s why I’m here so late. May I come in?” Hitomi stepped aside, letting the other girl in. She removed her shoes and Hitomi closed and locked the door behind her. Chaewon pulled Hitomi into a tight hug, resting her cheek against Hitomi’s head. “But I couldn’t wait to see you. Plus, I had something I wanted to give you.”

“A present?” Hitomi’s eyes sparkles. 

Chaewon pats her head. “I guess you could call it that.” She took Hitomi’s hands and gently lead her to the couch where they both sat, legs folded and facing each other. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but the timing never felt right. But I realized, there never will be that perfect time to do this.” Chaewon shifted around, reaching into her back pocket, and pulling out a rectangular, blue, velvet box. 

Hitomi’s face dropped and her face went white. “Chaewon…” She started, never used to rejecting. She shifted nervously, figuring out the best way to let her down before she asked those big 3 words.

“What?” Chaewon asked, puzzled by Hitomi’s sudden change of attitude. She looked down at the box she had in hand, and realization washed over her face. “No! No! I’m not asking you to marry me! It’s just the box I put this in!” Chaewon rushed out, tripping over her words as she explained herself as best as she could. 

Hitomi laughed at Chaewon’s frantic expressions. “I’m sorry for assuming, but the box—” 

“Yes, I’m sorry. I realize now how it looks.” Chaewon said, rubbing the back of her neck. There was a pregnant smile before Hitomi spoke once again. 

“So…what is in it?” 

“Oh, right! Sorry, you have me so nervous I forgot everything I was going to say.” She handed her the box. Hitomi ran her thumb over the material. It was soft, softer than she expected. She popped open the top, and inside a silver key greeted her.

“It’s a key,” Chaewon said, wringing her hands together. “To my apartment.” Hitomi looked down in awe. She traced the unique bumps and grooves, choosing silence over words. “But It can be whatever you want it to be. A key to my apartment. Or, what I would like, is it’s a key to our apartment.” She paused. Hitomi looked up at Chaewon, tears welling in her eyes, before she looked back down in an attempt to hide them. “Or trash,” Chaewon said. 

“I would like that,” Hitomi responded. 

“What? Trash?” 

“No, silly.” Hitomi let out a light chuckle. “For it to be a key to our apartment.” 

“I don’t want to scare you, but Honda Hitomi, I love you.” She intertwined their fingers, her gaze stuck on a small stain on the floor. “I want to go further than this. Get married, have kids, get a dog. I mean, that’s further down the line, but I really truly want all of that with you.” Chaewon looked up and met Hitomi’s eyes. “I want this with you. You, and only you.” 

 

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I had fun last night <3 I’ll see you again, right? ;)

It was a message from a girl named Minju. She was pretty. Prettier than Hitomi could ever be. She had a slim figure, long legs, and a charming smile.

“A lie…” Hitomi mumbled, tears streaming down her cheeks. “All a lie!” Hitomi screamed, fists clutching at her hair and pulling. Being a spirit, she could no longer feel physical pain. But at that moment, Hitomi wished that she could feel her yanking at her scalp. The pain would have been distracted her from the betrayal she felt at that moment.

Anger taking over her, she went to Chaewon’s matches and swiped left on everyone who popped up. She didn’t want to think about Chaewon being with another girl. Anyone other than her. She moved to her messages next, and she hovered over the delete button. But something stopped her. The rational part of her brain came alive, and Hitomi realized what she was doing was wrong.

Hitomi had to face the facts. She has been dead for two years, and Chaewon had the rest of her life in front of her. Chaewon was going to find someone else, fall in love, get married, have kids, and get a dog. And maybe Minju was going to be this person for Chaewon. She closed the app and opened Facebook instead.

She went through Chaewon’s friends list and found her mother among them. She tapped on her profile and was greeted with pictures of her. Her and her family, her and her dog, but most importantly, her and Chaewon. Her mother had been through a frenzy, posting her favorite pictures of Hitomi on the anniversary of her death.

She clicked on one photo of her and Chaewon. It was a picture of a photo strip they took together. In it, they made a funny face, a cute face, and Hitomi made a surprised face as Chaewon kissed her cheek. Her mother posted it with the caption, “I miss my daughter in law as well. I swear, they were going to get married. We haven’t talked since the funeral. They dated for 5 years and knew each other for 7. Chaewon, if you’re reading this, can you call me? I miss you, and I no longer have your number.”

Hitomi wanted to read more, get an update on her life, as well as her brother and sister. She wonders if her brother got that job he was applying for before she died. Her sister was pregnant, and she has yet to see the baby. But all these thoughts she had were thrown out the window when Chaewon appeared from her room.

She shut the phone off and sat still, as if Chaewon would notice her chest rising up and down. She began to approach the phone, hand hovering above the phone. In her panic, Hitomi transferred from the phone to the TV. But Chaewon never picked up the phone. The doorbell went off and Chaewon went to answer it.

“I was about to call you. You’re late.” She heard Chaewon say.

“I’m sorry, this loser doesn’t know how to drive without almost getting in fistfights.” It was Yuri. Hitomi perked up hearing her old best friend’s voice.

“Yah!” Another voice yells, and Hitomi recognized it instantly. Choi Yena, Yuri’s girlfriend. Seeing they’re still together relieved Hitomi. “It’s not my fault other people cut me off.” She defends.

The couple comes into view, holding each other hands. Yena’s hair was a magenta now, and Yuri’s blonde. Hitomi decided she liked Yuri blonde. Despite the long time since she has seen the two of them, they still had their signature bangs.

Somehow, this scene reminds her of when she first met Chaewon. The three of them standing around a circle, small smiles.

 

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Hitomi was freshly 18 and she was invited to her first university party. A friend she made, Yuri, asked her to come. She wore the cutest outfit she had, and set off to the house where the party was taking place.

Inside, there were scattered bottles of beer and other miscelaious liquors. Countless bodies grinded and danced against one another, the music so loud she could feel the bass in her chest. Finally, she came across Yuri. She wore a simple t-shirt and jeans. Beside her was Yena, one of Yuri’s good friends and the girl she had a massive crush on. That was why Yuri invited Hitomi in the first place, to be her wingwoman and win Yena’s affection.

“Hitomi!” Yuri had to yell in her ear in order to hear her over the music. “I’m glad you made it!”

Yena waved beside her. “It’s nice to see you again, Tomi. I actually brought a friend along too, if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” Hitomi nodded.

“Hey, sorry I took a while!” A girl came jogging up to them, impressively holding three full drinks with two hands without spilling a single drop. “They ran out of what you wanted, Yuri, so I had to wait for them to bring more.”

Hitomi’s mouth became dry, her palms sweating, and her knees began to shake. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the party and the unfamiliar atmosphere or that the prettiest girl she has ever seen was standing in front of her. Her vision blurred, the only clear thing in the room was this girl holding three drinks. Her nose, her eyes, her face, her figure, her hands, her lips, her everything was perfect to Hitomi. She felt like a 14-year-old boy going through puberty, eyes raking over her entire body.

“Hiichan, this is Yena’s friend, Kim Chaewon. She’s in the same year as Yena.”

Despite the loud EDM music shaking the house and her heart pounding in her ears, the whole world went silent when she spoke. “Hello, Hiichan.”

 

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 “So, how was your date with that girl. Minju, was it?” Yena asked, and all good feelings Hitomi had flown away. Yuri plopped onto the couch, and Yena followed lifting her legs and sitting under them.

Chaewon let out a long sigh. “She’s ok, I guess. She’s nice.” She paused. “She used to date Yujin, actually.”

“Really?”

“For 6 months. After Yujin and Wonyoung broke up.”

Yena let out a low whistle. “Long time.” Hitomi was lost. Wonyoung and Yujin dated for 10 years and knew each other since they were kids. They were the last couple she ever expected to break up. Yena let out a small sigh and spoke again. “I feel bad for Yujin—both of them really. It was such a rough end. After Hitomi’s death—” Yuri slapped Yena’s arm and glared at her. “I-I mean, after the accident.” Yena corrected, eyes wavering.

“You don’t have to tiptoe around me anymore. I’m—” Chaewon paused, as if the word she was going to use doesn’t quite fit her true feelings. “I’m better.”

Yena nodded and continued from where she left off, “I don’t know if you know the full story behind them, Chaewon.”

Chaewon shook her head. “I don’t. Only that there was a big fight.”

“They blamed each other, you know. Like how you blamed yourself. Yujin was supposed to pick Hitomi up but stopped to grab ice cream for her and ended up seeing the crash.” Chaewon winced. “So Wonyoung blamed Yujin for taking too long. But Yujin blamed Wonyoung because if she let Hitomi walk to their place then she never would have been hit.”  

“If anyone was to blame, it’s me,” Chaewon mumbled under her breath.

“What was that?”

“I said, ‘That’s very unfortunate’.” Chaewon lied. Yuri and Yena might not have heard her, but Hitomi did. Nothing escaped Hitomi’s ears when it came to Chaewon.

Her heart hurt, knowing that Chaewon blamed—still blames—herself. Chaewon wasn’t the one who was speeding in a residential area, Chaewon wasn’t the one behind the wheel, Chaewon wasn’t the one who crashed their car into a pedestrian on the sidewalk. Is that why God is giving her this chance? To tell Chaewon that it’s alright, and that Hitomi never blamed Chaewon and she shouldn’t either.

“I should start dinner,” Chaewon said before disappearing into the kitchen.

“Need help?”

“I’m good, thanks!” Chaewon yelled back from the kitchen.

Hitomi turned her attention towards Yuri and Yena, finally getting a good look at the couple. That’s when Hitomi noticed a shiny silver band on Yuri’s ring finger. For the first time in a while, Hitomi wanted to cry tears of joy. Her best friend and the person she loves are getting married. Married. Choi “I would never marry Yuri, just date her” Yena proposed to Yuri. She wished she was alive when it happened. She can imagine meeting Yuri for coffee, noticing the ring, and screaming and jumping around like a couple of teenagers at a boy band concert.

Hitomi wondered when Yena did it, how she did it, and how much of the wedding they have planned. She’ll probably never know for sure though.

“Do you think she’ll be upset when we ask her?” Yuri asked, fiddling with her ring. The smell of garlic and spices wafted from the kitchen.

“Honestly? Probably.” Yena pat Yuri’s head and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “But it’s what you want. And it’s your wedding day, you deserve to have everyone you love there—physically and in spirit.”

Yuri tapped her foot against the table. “You’re right. It’s better to ask now than later.” They sat in silence, fingers interlocked. A few more minutes passed and Chaewon stuck her head out from the kitchen.

“Dinner is ready. Take a seat at the table.” Chaewon said, bringing over plates and glasses, along with beer and sodas. Yuri and Yena sat next to each other, leaving a free seat for Chaewon next to Yena. Hitomi noted the spot she used to always sit at was left empty.

“What’s for dinner?”

“Tteokbokki and cheese hotdog.” She dug in and grabbed a large plateful. “It’s Hitomi’s favorite.”

Yuri and Yena didn’t move as they watched Chaewon eat. They shared a knowing look and Yena sighed. “Why do you do that to yourself?” Yuri asked, her voice cracking. Her teeth were clenched, a habit she does when she’s trying to hold back any emotion.

“Do what?” Chaewon asked.

“Don’t play dumb Chaewon. Why do you talk about Hitomi in the present tense?” Yena yelled, slamming her palms down. “You didn’t leave your house until earlier this year, you cook meals for her, you still buy her favorite foods,” As the list progressed, Yena’s voice got progressively louder and louder. “And that damn spot.” Yena pointed an accusatory finger towards the empty seat. “You care so much about a spot at a table. Remember when Yuri sat in it and you screamed at her until she cried? That was the line with us, Chaewon. You act like she’s still here but she’s not.” Yena paused, her chest rapidly rising and falling. The room was silent, save for Yena’s heavy breaths and Chaewon’s choked sobs, her hands clenching her pants. “She’s just not here anymore, Chaewon.”

“I miss her so much.” Chaewon wept. Her tears wetting her cheeks, pants, and fists. Hitomi felt instant remorse for ever doubting Chaewon’s love, for sabotaging her matches on tinder, and feeling as if she didn’t care. Hitomi should have known better.

Yuri got up and enveloped Chaewon in a hug. Yena followed soon after. “We all do, Chaewon.”

They sat that way for a while longer, enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, Yuri and Yena released Chaewon and went back to their respective seats. “It’s cold now,” Chaewon mumbled, taking a bite of tteokbokki.

“Hey, Chaewon…” Yuri started. When Chaewon looked up at her, she continued. “I actually wanted to ask your permission for something.” Chaewon nodded, wordlessly telling her to ask. “So, we have the wedding coming up soon. And while Yena asked you to be her maid of honor, I was wondering if Hitomi could be mine?” Hitomi wished Yuri could hear her shouts of acceptance.

“Why? We just had this talk that she’s gone.” Chaewon said, slightly irked.

“Yes, but she would have been my maid of honor anyway. And I want to honor her existence and impact on not only my life but my relationship with Yena.” Yuri explained, reaching across for Yena’s hand.

“Why are you asking me though?”

“Because we care about you, Chaewon. If it’s too much for you, we won’t go through with it.” Yena chimed in.

Chaewon sighed but nodded her head. “It’s fine with me. Besides, Hitomi would have been so excited. You know how much she loved that romantic stuff.” Chaewon chuckled, taking a long sip of her coke.

Hitomi nodded her head. “I do, I do love that stuff.”

Yena changed the topic to work, and the trio talked for hours. Complaining about work, hours, bosses, and payments. Hitomi learned Chaewon was working a regular office job, instead of picking up gigs as a musician like she used to. Hearing that Chaewon had to stop chasing her dreams hurt Hitomi. She loved Chaewon’s singing and singing made Chaewon happy.  

“She was so supportive of me.” Chaewon didn’t have to specify who she was talking about for Yuri and Yena to know. “She didn’t mind being the big breadwinner between us.” Chaewon smiled at the floor. “She used to always say, ‘One day, Chaewon, you’ll make it big. And when you do, I can quit my job and spend my life on the road with you.’” She pushed morsels of food around on her plate, leftovers she didn’t finish. “She’d be disappointed if she saw that it didn’t come true.”

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Hitomi was proud of Chaewon knowing she was doing her best. And she still believes in Chaewon. She always will.

Some more time passed and Yuri and Yena were ready to leave. “It’s 10:30 and Yuri has work tomorrow morning. We’ll see you, yeah?” Chaewon nodded. They said their final goodbyes, Yena tightly hugging Chaewon and Yuri planted a kiss on her cheek.

“Be sure to call us if you need us. You know we’ll come running if we can.” Yuri said before heading out the door.

“I will. Bye, love you guys.” Chaewon shut the door behind the couple and began cleaning the table and kitchen. As she worked, she hummed a small tune. Hitomi closed her eyes, letting Chaewon’s angelic voice overtake her and drown out all other thoughts.

When she finished, she flopped onto the couch and picked up her phone. As soon as she unlocked it, hurt washed over her and Hitomi instantly remembered that the last thing she had open was her mother’s Facebook page, specifically the picture of Chaewon and Hitomi. Chaewon took a deep breath in, dialed someone, and pressed the phone to her ear.

“Hi, Ms. Honda.” Hitomi held her breath. She really called her mom? Chaewon let out a small laugh. “You’re right. Sorry, mom.” Hitomi couldn’t hear her mom’s voice, but she could only assume she berated Chaewon for calling her by her last name. Her mom always liked Chaewon and wanted her to call her mom.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long since we last talked.” Chaewon let Hitomi’s mom respond. “I figured you’d understand.” The two of them talked for over an hour, but Hitomi found it hard to follow, only hearing one half of the conversation. She wished she could hear her mother’s voice but judging by Chaewon’s occasional laughter at something her mother said, she could guess she was doing ok. Chaewon and her mother always did like to gossip together. They got along so well, Hitomi found herself jealous at times. But now, she felt complete bliss, knowing two people she loved the most, were sharing laughs.

Laughter quickly turned to a frown. Hitomi strained her ears, trying to hear even a snippet of what her mother was saying. “I loved—” Chaewon paused. “I love her too. Did you know, mom, that I wanted to marry her? I was ready to buy a ring.” Chaewon smiled. “I figured you knew, Mom.” Chaewon sniffled and wiped a stray tear. “Alright, I’m going to let you go. You have my number now, so feel free to call whenever. Bye.”

Chaewon placed her phone back onto the table and stared at the ceiling, saying nothing, and not moving. After a few moments, she jumped up. “ it.” She mumbled, going into the kitchen, and returning with two beers.

She sat back down on the couch and turned the tv on, flipping through the channels. As she did so, Hitomi’s favorite show popped up. “Wait! Go back!” She exclaimed, forcing the TV to go back to that channel.

“What the hell?” Chaewon mumbled, smacking the remote twice, and going back to channel flipping. But Hitomi didn’t let her, forcing the channel back.

Chaewon watched for 30 seconds. “This was Hitomi’s favorite show.” She changed the channel and Hitomi turned it right back. “This is ridiculous. Whose torturing me like this?” Back and forth, Chaewon and Hitomi fought for control of the TV.

After a losing battle, Chaewon puffed up her cheeks. “This is some Hitomi would pull.” Hitomi’s heart raced in her chest.

“Because it is me!” She screamed. “I’m doing this, Chaewon!” She yelled and yelled but Chaewon looked past her, never meeting her eyes. Once more, Chaewon switched the channel, and Hitomi flipped it back.

Instead of anger like before, a puzzled look appeared on Chaewon’s face. “Wait…” She said, glancing between the phone, the lamp, and the tv. “First, the flashing lamp, next Hitomi’s mom Facebook was pulled up, and now the TV going to Hitomi’s favorite show.” Chaewon was trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, making sense of everything that happened today. Hitomi nodded her head, encouraging Chaewon.

“Hitomi…” Chaewon whispered. “Hitomi are you here?” She stood up, and whipped her head around, checking every corner to see if Hitomi may be hiding.

“I’m here!” Hitomi yelled, tears swelling. But Chaewon went past her.

“Hitomi?” Chaewon called, once more.

“I’m here, Chaewon! To your left!” Chaewon looked to her right.

Chaewon sighed, smacking her head. “You’re pathetic, Kim Chaewon. Your stuff is only being weird today, just like you.” She sunk into the couch, head hanging, shoulders slouched.

“I’m here…” Hitomi mumbled once more, but she too, had given up.

 

 

 

 

“Hitomi?” Hitomi looked at Chaewon, and instead of the other girl looking past her, they met their eyes. Chaewon cautiously stood up, her knees and arms trembling as she approached the shorter girl. She put her palm out, and Hitomi felt Chaewon’s calloused fingertips trace her jawline. She placed both hands on her cheeks and roughly squeezed. “Hitomi? What?” She staggered.

“You can see me?” Hitomi was equally surprised. She placed her hands on top of Chaewon’s.

Chaewon nodded. “I can see you. Why can I see you?” She wrapped her arms around Hitomi’s small body and took in a deep breath. “You smell like I remember. You feel like I remember.” She pulled back slightly, enough to see Hitomi’s face. “Am I dreaming? Dream you never was this real.”

“You’re not dreaming. I’m really here, Chaewon.”

Chaewon grabbed Hitomi’s collar and smashed their lips together. Hitomi gasped, and Chaewon pushed them closer together. They haven’t kissed with this much passion since the first time they made love together, with Hitomi underneath and Chaewon pressing every sweet spot.

They matched perfectly, everything from tempo, rhythm, and fever. It was if Hitomi had never left. Chaewon moved her hands from Hitomi’s collar to the small of her back, pressing each other so close, Hitomi could feel the rise and fall of Chaewon’s chest. On Chaewon’s lips, Hitomi tasted the tteokbokki from earlier, beer, Chaewon’s chapstick, and their salty tears mixing together and becoming one. To Hitomi, at that moment, it was the greatest thing she had ever tasted. Hitomi’s knees grew weak, buckling beneath her and dragging not only herself, but Chaewon down with her.

They separated from their hungry kiss, panting as Chaewon ran her fingers through Hitomi’s hair, her fingers still trembling. “I thought you were dead,” she whispered.

“I am. But God gave me this chance. He said I could possess 3 items to try to get your attention.” Hitomi clarified. She swiped her thumb against Chaewon’s cheeks, wiping away a stray tear.

“Was that necrophilia then?” Chaewon asked, accompanied by a teasing smile. “You know, because I just made out with a dead person.” Hitomi smacked Chaewon’s shoulder and laughed. “I missed that laugh.” Hitomi’s ears turned pink as they shared a small smile.

They sat in silence, neither having the right words to say. “So, are you here to stay?” Chaewon’s eyes were filled with hope, and Hitomi hesitated to tell the truth.

“I’m not. I have 8 hours left with you.” Hitomi refused to meet Chaewon’s gaze.

“How cruel of God. He gives you back to me and takes you away only hours later.” Chaewon’s voice trembled. Chaewon traced her fingers from Hitomi’s temple all the way down to the corner of her jaw. Her other hand rested upon Hitomi’s outer thigh. “I’m afraid if I stop touching you, you’ll disappear.” She whispered, almost inaudibly. “I was a mess without you, Hitomi.”

“I heard.”

“You heard?”

Hitomi nodded her head. “I heard when Yuri and Yena visited. I heard everything.”

“Ah…so then you heard Yuri wants you to be her maid of honor?” Chaewon asked. “She’d be so happy to see you, you know. She missed you a lot too.” She swiped a finger across Hitomi’s brow. “You would have looked so pretty in the bridesmaid dress. You would have outshined the bride herself, even if she threw you in a plastic trash bag.”

“That would have been us, right? Getting married, I mean,” Hitomi teased, lightly bumping Chaewon’s shoulder.

The older girl groaned. “Oh right, you heard everything. But I was really going to do it! It wasn’t going to be a nice ring, since my gigs never brought in much money, but it was going to be a ring, nonetheless.” She took Hitomi’s left hand and brushed her fingers against Hitomi’s ring finger. “Although, truthfully, you deserve the nicest ring money can buy.”

“As long as it’s from you, it would have been the greatest ring in the world.”

Chaewon’s face softened and she let out a light chuckle. “Cheesy.” Suddenly, Chaewon’s mood shifted. “So, you heard everything, everything?” Chaewon asked. Hitomi nodded, confused since she thought she made it clear she has been in this room since morning. “No one will ever replace you. I want you to know that. There will never be another Honda Hitomi.” Chaewon declared, placing her hands on Hitomi’s shoulders, and staring into her eyes with an intense gaze. The lightbulb went off above Hitomi’s head, and she remembered Minju.

“I know Chaewon,” Hitomi placed a hand on Chaewon’s cheek. The older girl twisted her head, placing a soft kiss on her palm before nuzzling further into her hand. Hitomi noticed the clock behind Chaewon struck 1:00 AM. “We should go to bed. You have work in the morning, don’t you?”

“We can’t!” Chaewon yelled, pulling Hitomi closer. “I only have a few hours left with you! I don’t want to miss a single moment.”

“Chaewon, you know I want nothing more than to stay here with you forever, but you have other responsibilities.” She swiped her finger below Chaewon’s eyes, tracing where her tears once fell. “Besides, your eyes are so swollen from all that crying and sleep will help.” Hitomi teased.

“Fine…” Chaewon grumbled, standing up and pulling Hitomi up with her as well. “But we have to cuddle.” She pouted, puffing her cheeks.

“Of course.”

The two girls settled into their bed, Chaewon taking on the role of the big spoon. She wrapped her arms around Hitomi and pulled her as close as humanly possible, leaving a trail of kisses from above her ear to her jaw. “I love you,” she mumbled into her neck.

“I love you too,” Hitomi said, rubbing her hands up and down Chaewon’s arms.

“What time?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know…what time? Don’t make me say it, Hiichan.” Chaewon whined.

“8:00 AM.”

“Ok,” Chaewon kissed her hair. “Wake me up at 7:30, babe.” Behind her, Hitomi could hear Chaewon’s light snores, her breathing tickling the back of her neck.

 

 

7:00 AM, Hitomi got up from the bed, haven’t had even a wink of sleep. But that wasn’t an issue since she didn’t need to sleep. She looked down at Chaewon’s sleeping figure, reaching to touch her lips one last time, but decided against it. She didn’t want to risk waking her up when she looks so peaceful. Hitomi stole a piece of paper and a pen from Chaewon, sat at the desk and began to write.

 

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Chaewon awoke after having the best sleep she has had in her life. Never before, has she felt so content, so safe, as she slept. “Good morning, Hitomi.” Chaewon yawned, reaching for the other girl. But when she felt only sheets, she shot up. “Hitomi?” Her heart sped up, each second of silence making her more worried. “Hitomi, this isn’t funny.” She got up from the bed and began searching around the house, calling out Hitomi’s name. “Hitomi? Hitomi? Hitomi!” Each call getting increasingly frantic, her breathing erratic and Chaewon felt as if she was going to have a panic attack. “Please, give me a sign! Hitomi! Anything! Break something if you have to just let me know you’re there!” She turned every cushion, flipped every table, and opened every cupboard, looking for a sign from the girl she loves. She returned to her room, and checked her desk, noticing a piece of paper that wasn’t there from before. She sat down, and her heart instantly sank, seeing it was from Hitomi.

 

To Chaewon, 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied to you about when it was my time to leave. Goodbyes are just too painful, and I wanted to leave with the image of your peaceful face in my mind. I hope it doesn’t hurt. When he takes my body, I mean. It probably won’t, right? I mean, I already died. 

There are a million things I want to say to my parents, to Yuri, Yena, Yujin, Wonyoung, and to you. But I only have a few sheets of paper, and I don’t think I could ever fit everything I want to say in such a short amount of space. But I guess that’s one of the things about dying, isn’t it? You don’t get a chance to say the things you want to say. I was fortunate getting another chance to talk to you. Even with this chance, I didn’t get to say everything. 

Chaewon, I don’t blame you. I don’t blame Yujin. I don’t blame Wonyoung. I only blame the one whose recklessness drove me to the grave. But can I even blame them? I know nothing about their situation, or why they weren’t paying attention. Hell, maybe they just got a notification their wife went into labor, or that their kid was in the hospital. Or maybe I’m just being too nice. 

My rambling is causing me to run out of room. 

Thank you, Chaewon, for loving me and giving me a chance with someone as amazing as you even though I know I was a handful at times. I regret all of our fights, all the times I gave you the cold shoulder, and said things I didn’t mean. But that’s life, not being able to take back what you say.

I love my parents. I love my friends. I love you, Kim Chaewon. I know death hurts, trust me. It hurt me a lot too. But I don’t want this to hold you back. I want you to find a wife, have kids, watch them grow up and get married, and finally force them to take care of you when you reach an old age. I always imagined you as a grumpy old lady who sits in her rocking chair. I also imagined myself with you. I just want to see you have all of these things. I want you to live, Chaewon. Promise me, please?

We’ll see each other again. I wish I could be selfish and say I would want to see you sooner, rather than later but that just isn’t true. I hope I don’t see you again for a very, very long time so I know you lived.

Forever yours, 

Hitomi

 

A single tear fell from Chaewon’s eyes, landing next to a dry teardrop on the letter. Seeing this, Chaewon broke down into a violent sob.

 

She was real. She was here. And she still loved Chaewon.

 

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“Thank you for giving me that opportunity,” Hitomi said to the higher being.

“It felt like the right thing to do.” He said, leading Hitomi to where her soul can rest. “Can I spoil something to you?” He paused, looking down at her. “It won’t matter much since you’ll forget it soon. But I hope it’ll let your soul rest a little easier.”

Hitomi was skeptical but agreed anyway. “Sure, what could you spoil though? The meaning of life?”

God chuckled, shaking his head no. “The meaning of life is up to the individual. I play no part in that.” He and Hitomi walked a little further, beginning their ascent up a large flight of stairs. “Your souls are soulmates.”

“Are?” Hitomi questioned. “It wasn’t a one-time thing?”

He shook his head, looking down at Hitomi with a gentle smile. “You’ll meet each other again soon.” He pat Hitomi’s head. “This run just had to end a little early.”

Hitomi wanted to cry again, but she’s done enough of that in the last 24 hours. Instead, she focused on the newly learned information. She and Chaewon are soulmates. They’ll meet again, and they’ve been meeting in their past lifetimes. “We have a long trip ahead of us,” Hitomi said, looking up at the countless steps on the stairway to heaven. “Can I hear about our previous loves?”

“The life before, you two were idols in a KPOP group that was relatively famous during that time…”

 

 

 

 

 

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cheesy ending sorry but i thought it was cute,,,,

anyway i love ssambbang and dont forget to stream fiesta when it comes out <3