Mina's heart was a desolate snowstorm that matched the chilling winter of Osaka: dull, empty, and cold.

 

It wasn't always this way. The smiles she showed used to radiate genuine happiness and her laughter rang with joy rather than hollowness.

 

But lately, she's been having the same dream every night. She would be sitting alone on a train that was speeding through a blizzard. The lights in her car were a dim yellow and she would always be staring out the window. The ride seemed to never end. Just when her train is about to reach its final destination, Mina spot the backside of a blonde woman facing a vending machine.

 

Mina knew who the woman was and she always sprinted to the nearest door. She wanted to run out the moment the train stopped at the station. She wanted to call out the woman's name. She wanted to run into the woman's arms and hold her and never let go.

 

But the moment the doors opened, Mina would wake up from her dream.

 

And every time she woke up, she woke up crying.

 

~~~

 

"Aaaah! Finally the day is over!" Sayaka cheered after shutting down her computer, stretching her arms upwards in a satisfying stretch that was accompanied by the soft "pop" of the joints.

 

"You said it. We had a lot of customers come in today. Nonstop business," Naho added while packing her belongings into her purse.

 

"It can't be helped. Winter brings in a lot of sick pets. It doesn't help that it's been snowing almost every day for the past three weeks," Sana put in.

 

"You all did great today. Thank you for your hard work," Mina praised, grabbing her coat from the rack and slipping it on. "I'm lucky to have such a wonderful team at my clinic.

 

"Aw, Mina-chan! And we're lucky to have such an amazing and beautiful boss!" Sana giggled while wrapping her arms around Mina, hugging her tightly.

 

"Speaking of our beautiful boss, Naho and I are going to a gōkon tonight," Sayaka chirped. "Any chance you might actually join us this time? You're ridiculously attractive, Mina-chan. You can't let that beauty go to waste."

 

Mina laughed softly and offered an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I have no interests in gōkon. You know that."

 

"You're no fun," Sayaka whined with a pout.

 

"We should be lucky that Mina-chan doesn't join us. She'd steal all the cute guys just by sitting there," Naho joked.

 

"It would still be fun though," Sayaka sighed then turned to Sana. "What about you? You wanna join?"

 

"I think I'll pass this time. Sorry, girls!" Sana apologized and stuck out her tongue cutely.

 

"Suit yourself. I guess it will mean more guys for us," Naho laughed.

 

Mina and Sana waved goodbye to Sayaka and Eriko as they left the clinic. Sana quietly watched Mina gathering her belongings before speaking up. "They mean well, you know. When they want to invite you out."

 

Mina kept her back turned to Sana and slung her purse across her body. "I know."

 

Sana tentatively bit down on her lip. "You've never considered trying to go on a date with someone? Even a one-time, casual date?"

 

"Never crossed my mind," Mina answered and turned to Sana, gently smiling at her.

 

Sana sighed and scratched the side of her head. "I know it isn't my place to say this but Mina-chan… You deserve happiness. You're one of the sweetest, kindest, hardworking, and all-around wonderful person I have ever met. But happiness won't come to you if you won't open your heart."

 

Mina face fell and looked away.

 

"I only want you to be happy, Mina-chan. That's all I want for you."

 

 

 

Sana's words continuously rang inside Mina's head the entire train ride home. Her section was full of people who got off work, much like herself but luckily, she managed to stand right in front of the doors than in the middle of the train like a packed sardine. Even with the train's speed, Mina could see the slow snowfall coming down from the sky and covering the city in a blanket of white.

 

Mina remembered when she was younger, she loved the snow and how it painted her surroundings like a dreamy, magical fairytale. There was something so mystical about the snow and how pure white and beautiful it looked. She never minded the cold and would always take the opportunity to rush out to play in the snow.

 

Now, staring outside the train, the only thing that crossed Mina's mind was how the snow took away the color and life of the city, and how the snow settled in her heart and turned it cold.

 

~~~

 

The dream was slightly different from other nights, but the end was all the same.

 

Mina was still alone on the train, staring out the window with nothing to gaze besides the winter wonderland that existed beyond the train that seemed so small in comparison. The rickety roar of the train tracks and the low hum of the of the heater seemed louder than usual. Somewhere within her consciousness, she was aware this was all a dream, but a dream that felt too real.

 

She was cold and alone.

 

Once again, the train was preparing to stop. However, unlike previous times, the blonde woman wasn't in front of the vending machine like she usually was. Confusion crossed Mina's face but she rushed for the nearest door nonetheless.

 

She whipped her head around searching even for a glimpse of gold. From the corner of her eye to the right, she spotted the woman leaving the platform and walking up the flight of stairs. Her body felt heavy as she ran after the other. Why was she so slow when she was so close?

 

When Mina reached the top of the stairs, her eyes darted her surroundings rapidly but she saw that familiar backside. She pushed herself into a sprint and reached her hand out.

 

The blonde heard her footsteps and begin to turn her head.

 

Mina cried out her name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then she woke up.

 

Tears were streaming down the side of her face, staining her pillow beneath her.

 

Mina placed her arm over her eyes and cried harder.

 

"Momo…"

 

~~~

 

The next day at work, there was no hint of a smile on Mina's face. It was clear to everyone something was wrong but had enough sense not to press Mina the reason for her listless appearance. Only Sana was forward enough to show her concern but in subtle ways. During her lunch break, Sana went out to buy Mina's favorite brand of chips at the convenience store. Mina was grateful to Sana for not questioning the reason behind her behavior; she was too mentally exhausted after last night.

 

The snowy weather brought less customers into the clinic, which made sense. Traveling in the snow with a pet would be too troublesome unless it was an emergency and luckily there were no urgent drop-ins.

 

Before Mina knew it, it was time to close. She quickly packed up her things and left before everyone else. She could feel Sana's worried gaze on her until she walked out the door, and while she was genuinely feeling guilty for worrying her friends, she couldn't bring herself to explain why she was behaving the way she was.

 

How could she when the reason revolved around someone she once loved?

 

It was much easier to run away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After buying ingredients for a quick dinner at the nearest Family Mart, Mina splayed everything across the kitchen counter and began cooking. She made herself a small serving of mild beef curry over steamed rice, an assortment of pickled vegetables, and instant miso soup to warm herself up. The TV was to the news but its purpose was to serve as white noise while she ate to fill up the silence that would be present otherwise. It eased the loneliness in her apartment but only somewhat. However, it wasn't helping at all tonight.

 

Besides the couch and a few decorative pieces hanging on the wall, Mina's apartment remained the same over ten years ago. Memories from her university years flooded her mind with painful clarity that it was almost like yesterday she could feel what she felt in those moments with high, emotional potency.

 

She recalled the moments she and Momo would cook for each other and eat at this very table.

 

She remembered how Momo would sit beside her at her desk, testing her and encouraging her in her studies.

 

She recalled all those nights they would lay in her bed on warm summer nights, their bodies pressed against one another, and the way Momo would hold her in her arms and draw small circles on her back to lull her to sleep.

 

Their time together was short but her apartment held so many memories of them together.

 

 

 

Droplets fell from her eyes onto her curry. Mina started crying without realizing it.

 

Why did it have to hurt now?

 

She thought she had grown stronger.

 

She thought she could stand on her own.

 

But now, with these dreams and the ache lingering in her heart, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

 

~~~

 

Mina was standing on the train platform alone.

 

A strong wind was blowing the snow around in the air. The train tracks were completely buried. Mina hugged herself in hopes of keeping whatever heat she had within her from escaping. There was no one else around.

 

A faint whiff of peach made her turn around to the flight of stairs. She remembered how her last dream ended and darted up the stairs to the main hub of the train station. The place was completely empty, but Mina knew she wasn’t alone.

 

Mina caught a glimpse of golden hair leaving the station and ran in its direction. She tried to tell them to wait but it was as if something was caught in and she made no sound. When she exited the station, the snowstorm was raging harder than before. Mina squinted through the snow but she managed to see blonde hair blowing in the wind. Even though her screams would not sound, she continued to call for the woman while braving the snow storm. Snow was falling at a rapid rate, inching higher and higher. There was so much snow that it went up to Mina's knees. It was hard trudging through the snow and the storm but Mina refused to give up, not when she's so close.

 

 

But she was so cold.

 

So, very cold.

 

She couldn't feel her face anymore.

 

She couldn’t feel anything anymore.

 

 

The snowstorm roared and became so strong, Mina could no longer keep her eyes open. Her legs were burning while attempting to traverse the snow but she was barely making any progress. Her teeth chattered and every fiber of her being was shivering violently. She ended up tripping over something buried beneath the snow and fell face first into pure, white snow that chilled her to her core. She already could feel the snow beginning to bury her.

 

This was all a dream.

 

Why wouldn't she wake up?

 

Every time she was so close to catching the other person, she would wake up immediately. Yet now, she was lying on the ground, cold and helpless, stuck in some winter hell that held a vice grip on her consciousness and refused to let her go.

 

She hated this so much.

 

Mina stared out into the white, vast nothingness before she closed her eyes.

 

"Momo…"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A soft, distant voice called out to Mina.

 

A voice she hadn't heard in a long time.

 

 

 

 

"Mina."

 

 

 

Mina felt something warm beginning to stir within her heart. It was a pleasant feeling, like gentle rays of sunshine on a spring day, and that feeling of warmth slowly spread throughout her body. She was no longer cold and no longer felt weighted down by snow.

 

 

 

 

"Mina. Open your eyes."

 

 

 

Mina mumbled and struggled to open her eyes. After a few moments, she finally able to and she was greeted with a completely different and beautiful sight. No longer was she in a desolate, snowy wasteland but she was now lying in a field of grass and flowers with a gentle warm breeze making the flora sway. When she sat up and sat on her knees, that's when she realized the blonde that was sitting before her, wearing a toothy grin that was all too familiar to Mina.

 

Tears immediately streamed down Mina's face.

 

"Momo…"

 

Momo's grin widened. "Hey, Mina. Long time no see-"

 

Mina interrupted Momo and lunged forward to capture Momo into a tight hug. She could feel Momo. She was right here. Right in front of her. So warm. So welcoming. She was really here. "Is… Is this real?" She felt Momo's arms envelop her. Memories flooded her mind in that moment, and she had to hold back her sobs. She didn't want to fall apart right now. Not when Momo was in her arms.

 

"I'm really here. I was able to meet you through your dreams," Momo murmured gently. Momo pulled back and cupped Mina's face to wipe away her tears using her thumbs. "You've grown up to be a beautiful woman…"

 

Mina sniffled and held back her tears and smiled. Momo looked the same as she did all those years ago, however, she looked far more radiant than before. She didn't age a single day, retaining her youthful glow and appearance. "How are you here? Where are we? A moment ago, I was surrounded by so much snow, I thought I was going to be completely engulfed…"

 

Momo's smile faltered somewhat, a sadness flickering in her eyes. Momo reached over to take Mina's hands into her own. "That place was a representation of your heart. Your heart was so cold, so isolated. So… lonely." Momo paused, a pensive expression crossing her face before she continued. "I know it's because you were dwelling on me. I'm aware of the dreams you've been having. You've been in pain."

 

Mina visibly winced and looked away. Momo squeezed her hand. "Mina, look at me. Talk to me. Why have you been missing me to such a severe degree?"

 

"Is it wrong to miss the person I love?!" Mina snapped, tears b her eyes once more. She immediately softened, her bottom lip quivering. "Is it wrong to wish to see the person I lost one more time…? You can't tell me it's wrong for me to wish to see you again, Momo…"

 

"That's not what I mean," Momo insisted gently, shaking her head. "Those feelings you have… I understand them completely. If our roles were reversed, I'd feel the exact same way. But what I was trying to ask is why has the longing to see me again consuming your heart? I know you don't need this reminder but I'm dead, Mina. You've been doing so well moving forward, but if you continue the way you are now, you're going to remain in place, or worse, remain in the past."

 

Momo's gaze softened. "I have to know the reason why because I'm responsible for burdening you with this impossible love that was fated to end in sorrow. I wouldn't be able to rest if I knew you'd forever be in pain because of me. I don't want my love to make the woman I love suffer for her entire life."

 

"It's not your fault at all!" Mina protested. She swallowed thickly and squeezed Momo's hands. "Not once have I regretted falling in love with you. You were the one that saved me from loneliness. You were the one that gave me hope when I thought there wasn't any. I am here I am today because of you. All those nights helping me study. All those times you encouraged me. All the days you loved me… I wouldn't trade any of those moments for the world…"

 

"Is your heart incapable of loving someone else?" Momo asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

Mina was baffled at Momo's question. "Why would you ask something like that…?"

 

"Do you remember the night after I told you the truth after you discovered my grave? I told you that unlike me, you're truly alive and that you shouldn't be held down by me, someone who no longer has a future." Momo gazed deeply into Mina's eyes, offering her the most sincere smile she could give. "I meant your heart as well."

 

Mina's throat felt dry suddenly She knew what Momo was hinting at but she questioned her regardless. "What are you trying to say, Momo?"

 

Momo squeezed Mina's hand again. "I'm saying that… if the moment is right and the pieces are in place… you can fall in love with someone else. It'd be unfair to demand you to stay loyal to me forever, especially under the circumstances when we fell for each other. Your heart is allowed to be open and allow others inside without having to feel guilty of thinking that you're betraying me. Because you wouldn't be if somewhere down the line you found someone who makes you happy and makes you feel safe. All I want is for you to be happy."

 

Momo's words hit Mina deeply. Her lip quivered, feeling tears welling up in the back of . Even after all these years, Momo was still the same: kind, caring, and selfless. However, Momo's selflessness has made Mina confront the fear that has been lingering in the back of her mind.

 

"It's not that easy, Momo… I can't open my heart to just anyone…" Mina whimpered, hanging her head. She could feel Momo's gaze on her, silently urging her to continue. Mina swallowed thickly and inhaled a shaky breath. "You know, I've kept my lockscreen the same all these years. The first and last photo we took together. It's a photo that's very near and dear to my heart. Not only because it's of us… but because it's proof that the time we spent together wasn't a dream."

 

Mina felt Momo scoot closer to her but said nothing. She continued.

 

"Lately, everyone has been wondering if I'm going to start dating. My friends. My coworkers. Even my mother has been wondering when I'm going to start seeing someone, always mentioning how I'm in my thirties with a successful career but no one to spend it with," Mina explained, clear exasperation in her voice. She took one of Momo's hands and played with the other's fingers as she continued on. "The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize. If I found someone new and we started to date, naturally I couldn't have the photo of us together as my lockscreen anymore. I'd change it to a photo of me and my new significant other. We'd create many memories together, and if everything works out, we'd continue to make many memories together for years." Mina paused, feeling herself trembling, and brought Momo's hand to her cheek, nuzzling her palm. "But what if I started to forget you? What if I started to forget the memories we shared together because they'd be buried under those new memories I'd create with someone else? My memories of that summer in my hardest year of university keep me connected to you, and I don't want to forget them… I don't want to forget you, Momo." A single teardrop streamed down her cheek and into Momo's hand. "I know you're gone. You've been gone for a very long time… At the very least, I want to keep you alive in my memories…"

 

Momo gently wiped her tear away and smiled lovingly at Mina. "You won't forget me, Mina. Even when you find someone else. The memories we shared aren't so easily forgotten when they're so embedded in your heart."

 

Mina lifted her head, still looking doubtful. "But how do you know for sure?"

 

"I just know," Momo answered simply.

 

The sound of a piercing train whistle in the distance reached their ears and broke through their conversation.

 

Momo stood up and wiped blades of grass from her legs. She extended a hand to Mina with grinned. "We have to go back to the station. Your train is here."

 

Mina blinked slowly but took Momo's hand and was back onto her feet. Their fingers intertwined seamlessly. "M-My train?"

 

"That's right," Momo said as she led Mina through the field of flowers and back to the station. "It's time for you to go home."

 

 

 

 

Mina was back on the train platform that she stood on in her dreams countless times. This time, the scenery around her was full of life. Lush green grass and trees surrounded the area, with glimpses of forests and mountain peaks in the distance. The sun was shining down on them with patches of clouds floating across a beautiful blue sky.

 

A single train was waiting with its doors open.

 

Mina stepped towards the train but stopped to turn and look at Momo, who standing with her hands behind her back and smiling. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted do yet time wasn't on their side once again. "I don't want to leave you…"

 

"I don't want you to go either," Momo answered truthfully. Mina could see the pain in Momo's eyes yet Momo kept smiling at her. "But you have to go. You don't belong in this plane. This isn't your home."

 

"Will we ever see each other again?" Mina asked softly.

 

"We will, but not for a long time."

 

Mina nodded her head numbly. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but she has accepted the reality.

 

Momo stepped forward and closed the gap between them and placed her hands on Mina's shoulders. She leaned forward just enough so their foreheads touched and closed her eyes. "This time… we can say goodbye properly. And I know you'll be okay.

 

Mina wrapped her arms around Momo's neck and closed her eyes as well. "Even though over ten years have passed, I still love you Hirai Momo…"

 

"And I still love you, Myoui Mina. I always will. And if you find someone else to love because they make you happy, I will still love you even then." Momo smiled and pulled away from the embrace.

 

Mina continued to look at Momo from the moment she stepped into the train and when the doors closed in front of her. The train whistled three times and began to move. Mina pressed her face against the glass window, watching with sadness yet renewed hope as Momo gradually disappeared from sight.

 

"Goodbye, Momo…"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Mina woke up, sunshine peeked through her blinds and colored her room in a soft glow. She blinked away the sleep from her eyes, focusing her vision, then walked to the window to lift up the blinds to look outside. The days of endless snow was over and the sun was shining down on the city.

 

Mina placed a hand over her heart and noticed how warm it was.

 

She smiled to herself.

 

It was still winter outside, but in her heart, spring has bloomed.

 

She wasn't sure what the future will hold for her, but she was certain her heart has opened for whatever possibilities will head her way.

 

Momo will continue to remain her heart and their memories will forever live on.

 

 

 

 

And someday, they will see each other again.

 

~~~

 

A/N: A reminder that the people who are unfortunately taken away from us will forever be in our hearts and never forgotten.