It looks like even the New York city is crying for the small baby boy who died only few days ago. The sky is grey and the sun is nowhere to be seen, only drops of cold rain are falling down. Siwon and Heechul are sitting in the almost empty church where is a priest speaking above tiny coffin. Heechul is crying in a napkin which he is pressing to his mouth to silence his sobs while Siwon is only staring on the cross behind the priest. He was a good Christian. He was. Now he is sure that there is no God. Their son was only two months old, he was pure and innocent so why did he die?

 

Heechul is leaning on his husband and cries more while watching how is the coffin dissapearing in the freshly digged hole. On the grey tombstone is written name of their son, his birthdate and date of death. Two months. Two months which were full of happiness and laugh. Suddenly he can’t take it anymore and when the first clay hit the coffin, his eyes rolled in back of his head and he collapsed. Siwon caught him just in time before he could have fallen on the wet ground and pulled limp body of his husband closer to him. Heechul has aged ten years since their baby died and his skin has unhealthy grey color. But they both look older and ruined. Siwon is holding Heechul while their fathers hold umbrellas above their heads. The funeral is over and Siwon got Heechul in the waiting car. They drive home, to their cold house with 10 bedrooms. Heechul is slightly awake so Siwon drags him in their bedroom and gave him pill of Xanax before tucking him in the bed. He himself isn’t tired, just dull like a chocolate figure. Siwon closed door of their bedroom and then went in the room which is right across the hallway. The door is locked but the key is in the lock. Siwon entered and breaths in the faint scent of baby powder and milk. He looked around the baby blue walls and white furniture before his eyes landed on the empty crib. The room itself shows very well how they panicked when they found their son unmoving. A blanket is laying on the floor, a pacifier is tossed under the crib and the closet is still opened. Siwon is masochist when it comes to their dead son. The wounds are still fresh and Siwon doesn’t have an intention to stop going in this room to open them again. He takes few steps toward the  crib and picked up the tiny ivory hat. He pressed the soft fabric to his nose and let his brain to recall the happiest weeks of his life. A thunder roaring outside disturbed him and called him back in the cruel reality where their baby don’t longer exist. Siwon dropped the hat back in the crib and left the nursery. He locked the door with a long sigh and then pressed his forehead to the door. He is trying to calm down a bit and then the white wood for last time before walking away through the long hallway.

 

︎ ◼︎◼︎◼︎  

It has been two months since funeral of their child and their marriage is crumbling. Heechul went in pit of his dark depressions while Siwon is trying to find help in a bottle of alcohol. They don’t speak together, don’t eat together or have . Their lives are now like two trains which are going on two different tracks. 

 

Heechul is spending days in bed in their enormous house and Siwon is working like a maniac. He spends at least 15 hours working in his office every day and then he comes home only to find Heechul curled into a small ball in their bed. Siwon is watching him for few minutes and then goes go take a shower. Then he heads in the locked nursery and collapsed in the rocking chair and watches how is moonlight illuminating the empty crib. He started to rock a bit, imagining how it could feel to have his son in his arms again. But his son is gone. Their little baby is rotting in his grave. 

 

Siwon abruptly got up and pulled a bottle of vodka from its hiding place. He takes a long gulp while watching the black sky and he is yelling on God in his head. He used to go in church with his family, every Sunday. Now he is sure that nothing like God exists, otherwise his son would be still here. What did a two months old baby do? He was pure, innocent and then he died. Maybe that he was too good for this ugly world.

 

Siwon and Heechul are buried too deep in their grief to realize that middle of autumn is here when a wake up call came. Heechul doesn’t know why he woke up so early but here he is. It is four in the morning and he knows that he is alone in their bed. Suddenly he feels some sixth sense and it is telling him to go and find Siwon. Heechul shakily got up and called out name of his husband. No answer came and Heechul opened door of their bedroom and peeked on the dark hallway. He called Siwon again and again it is silent. Suddenly he noticed that door of the nursery is slightly ajar.

 

“Siwon?”

 

Heechul opened the door and gasped. On the floor is laying his husband in puddle of his own vomits. Heechul is screaming in fear and kneeled down next to him. He spotted Siwon’s Blackberry laying close so he quickly grabs it and calls help. The lady on the emergency line is nice and tries to calm him down while also trying to help to Siwon but Heechul cant really focus on her. All he can think about is that his husband is going to die. In few minutes the ambulance is here and they loaded unconscious Siwon inside. Heechul is watching them and in the last second jumped inside the ambulance. He doesn’t care that he is wearing only satin pajamas and slippers, now he needs to be with Siwon no matter what.

 

The ambulance is driving through almost empty New York and soon stopped in front of a luxury hospital. Heechul knows a doctor here and knows that this hospital is the best so he insisted on going here. Doctors are immediately paying attention to the VIP patient and Heechul is alone in the sickly white waiting room. He sat down and his fingers are anxiously drumming against armrests of his chair. Heechul is counting seconds in his head until a nurse came and showed him where is Siwon. There is already waiting a doctor who silently put his hand on Heechul’s back and showed him to sit down.

 

“Your husband was choking on his vomits. He is intoxicated, very seriously.”

 

Heechul gulped and he glanced on Siwon’s sleeping figure. The doctor is silent because this is something what is only between them. He leaves and Heechul moved next to the hospital bed. His heart is still beating really fast but at least he knows that Siwon isn't in danger. He is sitting there for few hours before Siwon groaned and woke up. He is confused for a while but then realized what probably happened. Their eyes locked and they are staring on each other for few quiet minute before a nurse walked inside to check on Siwon.

 

They both know that what happened cant be fixed, their suffering wont bring their son back. They need to start living again, no matter how much it hurts that they are only two again. Their son is gone but they are still here and together, it is going to be a long process but together they can be happy again.

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

It has been some time since last time when Siwon drank an alcohol. He also stopped working so much and Heechul is trying to live like before. It is extra hard for him, Heechul was the one who was carrying the baby under his heart, he was sick and felt their son kicking inside his body. He was left ripped open and infertile after giving birth to him. 

 

Today he spent the whole day cooking a huge dinner for them. They did this before and with their son. They had a big breakfast or dinner together like one happy family and Heechul is bringing this tradition back. Also he has one thing which he needs to discuss with his husband. 

 

Siwon arrived home and they started to eat. Siwon doesn’t want to touch any alcohol ever again so Heechul also stopped drinking his usual glass of wine every day and now they are both drinking an ice tea. Heechul waits for a moment when Siwon has full mouth of chicken and then put down his cutlery.

 

“I want to adopt a baby!”

 

He had to say it very quickly because otherwise he would lose his bravery. Siwon choked and quickly drinks half of his glass. He is only staring on his husband. 

 

“I want to have a baby, i cant but there are people who are willing to give you their baby.”

 

Siwon slowly shakes his head no and then got up from the dining table. Heechul is watching him going upstairs in their bedroom and cries for few minutes before following him.

 

Siwon is thinking about the idea for the whole night. He is imagining a kid running around their house, him teaching their son how to swim or ride a bicycle. No one says that their second child is going to die too but the chance is still present. Siwon is thinking and then suddenly it is morning again. Heechul next to him started to wake up and Siwon turned to him.

 

“I think that we can give it a try.”

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

They head in an adoption agency which will help them to find a baby. Heechul doesn’t like the idea that this place is like some market but then realized that they can say their requests. Siwon is looking on the pictures of kids who were adopted thanks to this agency and thinks if this is a good idea. After short waiting they can go inside one of the offices where a young woman greeted them. They sit down and she smiled while watching them.

 

“Adoption process is long and hard but I am sure that nothing will be standing in way of such extraordinary couple. You should except few visits from me so i can make sure that you are going to take good care of a baby.”

 

Heechul squeezed Siwon’s hand and they nodded. Now it is their turn to speak.

 

“We would like to adopt Korean child, a boy would be perfect.”

 

The girl nodded and then turned to her computer. She typed something and then frowned.

 

“Right now we don’t have any Korean child but as soon as we get one, i will immediately call you.”

 

She handed them few documents which needs to be filled and then they can leave. Heechul and Siwon have already taken classes about parenting but they are going to refresh their knowledges before the actual arrival of their new baby. 

 

They arrived home and try to avoid the elephant in the room, more precisely in the house. They don’t know if the nursery should stay or go. For now they aren’t ready to let go of the memory of their baby. Luckily they have tons of space so they went in the room which is right next to their bedroom. 

 

“I was thinking about pastel blue walls with some stickers. And wooden floor.”

 

Siwon is watching Heechul who is walking around the empty room and speaks about what they should do with this blank space. Siwon is sure that their bank account is going to suffer but after all they can afford it.

 

Next day they went in a store with luxury furniture for kids. There is everything for room for your kids since baby to teenager. Heechul chose a white wooden crib and then spent long time choosing the best mattress and pillow. Meanwhile Siwon finds wall stickers with cute polar bears and then goes to find some perfect night light. He found one which is shaped like a penguin and also takes it before going to find Heechul. Heechul is looking on the many crib mobiles before he chose a simple white one with small stars. They spend more time in the shop filled with cute things and then went back home. Siwon decided to paint the walls and Heechul comes to help him. He loves when his husband turns into this handy man and watches Siwon who finished painting the walls in few hours. Then they started to built the crib together and it is evening when they look around the room which is ready for their new baby. Heechul folded a fleece blanket with silver stars and put it inside the crib while smiling. Soon their tiny angel is going to sleep here.

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

In one of New York’s park is sitting a young woman. It is snowing again, very little but the sharp wind does everything worse. The young woman is sitting on a bench and doesn’t mind that it is covered with thin layer of snow. Next to her is sitting her son, two and half year old Yesung.

 

The little boy is huddling in a big coat with many stains and white snowflakes are falling on his black hair. The boy is watching tip of his sneaker which are completely soaked. Snow is melting on tips of his shoes and his toes are freezing. Also he is hungry, cold and his home made diaper is wet again. The boy looked up on the grey sky and sticked out his little tongue to catch a snowflake.

 

“Mommy, look!”

 

He tugs on a jacket of his mother who is too drunk and high to answer. She doesn’t even hear him, her brain is far away from reality. Yesung hopped off the bench and decided to go to the shops which are in the street right across the park.

 

The boy pressed his tiny button nose to the shop window and watches the train which is riding in circles. Next to the train track is a silver tricycle and a big teddy bear is sitting on it. There is also huge bright pink doll house, some more stuffed animals and X-box. 

 

All the kids are dragging their parents to shops where they are excitedly pointing on things and hope that their wishes will be fulfilled. Yesung would also like to get some toy from the shining shop but he knows that he is a bad boy and Santa has nothing for bad boys like his mother explained to him yesterday after she beat him. The small toddler who is roaming around completely lonely caught attention of a near cop. The man looked around and sees that no one is looking on the dirty boy whose grimmy hands are playing with the cold snow.

 

“Hi buddy.”

 

The policeman kneeled down next to the boy and smiled on him.

 

“Where is your mommy?”

 

Yesung is only staring on the cop who has no idea that the toddler doesn’t understand him. Yesung speaks only Korean so he turned away from the weird person and heads back to the bench where is his mother. The cop goes behind him and cursed after seeing the obviously intoxicated woman. Yesung climbed on the bench next to her and started to eat the snow while whining something to her in Korean. The man tries to wake her up but then gave up.

 

“Lets go little guy.”

 

The kind police man grabbed the child while his partner started to drag the woman to their car. They drive in a hospital where are doctors taking care of the unresponsive mother. In few minutes a social worker arrived and speaks with the police men. They explained the situation and showed her the boy. They are trying to speak with him but the boy only asks them something in Korean and then when no one answered he started to cry. Later a nurse figured out that the boy is speaking only Korean and his mother was yelling name Yesung so at least they know something.

 

The social worker is desperate before remembering that recently there were two Korean men in her office. They said that they want a baby but at least she can try this.

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

Heechul cant believe it. Only three weeks and they have already received a call from the adoption agency? Yes, they were visited two times and the visits went well but he wasn’t expecting to get a baby so soon. Siwon and Heechul are hurrying in the hospital and think that they are going to get a newborn. 

 

They arrived and their caseworker is already waiting for them. She is leading them in some hallway where she stopped. Their eyes immediately landed on the grimmy toddler who is sleeping on the uncomfortable chair.

 

“This is Yesung, the reason why I called you.”

 

Siwon and Heechul are staring on the boy and she gently shakes his tiny shoulder to wake him up.

 

“We figured out that he speaks only Korean. His mother was arrested and he has no family.”

 

She is pleading them with her eyes to take him. Heechul kneeled down in front of the small boy and grabs his tiny hand.

 

“Hello.”

 

Yesung perked up after hearing his mother tongue.

 

“Where is mommy?”

 

Heechul turned to the caseworker and translated his question. 

 

“It is complicated. She was arrested few times for shop lifting, child abuse and neglect, dealing and using drugs. This time it doesn’t look good for her. Doctors saved her from overdosing but police found few stolen wallets in her coat. With all her crimes she is going in prison for few years.”

 

Heechul realized that there is a bruise around Yesung’s tiny neck, as if someone choked him. 

 

“Doctors tried to examine him but it isn’t possible when he cant speak English and we don’t speak Korean.”

 

Siwon knows that Heechul wanted a baby but this toddler is in deep s. His mother is a junkie who is heading in jail and he was abused and neglected. Siwon knows that Yesung needs them but does Heechul knows it too?

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

They are sitting on the uncomfortable chairs for God knows how long. Siwon bought a cup of hot chocolate for Yesung who was looking on it as on the biggest treasure in his life. Heechul is frowning on the dirty and worn out clothes of the toddler which don’t make good job in keeping him warm.

 

“Does he have some belongings?”

 

The caseworker shakes her head no. They have already seen the place where he lived with his mother and it was a hovel full of junkies. It is a miracle that Yesung is still alive. 

 

Heechul sighed and watches Yesung who is slowly sipping the chocolate while Siwon is holding the cup for him. 

 

“Okay.”

 

Heechul cant stand to be here. He hates that the boy is so dirty, they haven’t even washed him only for the tiniest bit. Maybe that they see him as an Asian trash. Heechul knows that people can be cruel even to a kid who doesn’t know that it is bad to not being white. Heechul has met many racist ers after moving in New York with Siwon but he is an adult who can send them to themself. While Yesung is only a tiny kid who doesn’t speak English.

 

“Lets go.”

 

Heechul grabs Yesung under armpits and places him on his hip. Siwon threw out the paper cup with rest of the chocolate and hurries behind his husband who is striding toward their car. 

 

“I will visit you tomorrow with all the documents!”

 

The caseworker sighed happily because now she can finally go home too.

 

Heechul sat Yesung in the rear-facing car seat and fastened the safety straps around his tiny body.

 

“Appa is going to sit here with you.”

 

Yesung is silently watching how Heechul got behind the steering wheel and Siwon sat down next to him. He placed his warm palm on Yesung’s tiny tummy and tries to not wince after feeling every Yesung’s rib. They are heading home and they realized that their abandoned dinner is now completely cold. They go upstairs in their huge bathroom and Siwon the lights. The big chandelier with Swarovski crystals is shining and Yesung is staring on it in awe. Heechul ran a warm bath with only few inches of water while Siwon started to undress the boy. Heechul is looking on his collection of bath products but then he hears his husband gasp. 

 

Siwon is staring on the tiny boy whose body is covered with bruises and scratches. He feels sick when his eyes landed on the toddler’s back where is a huge purple bruise. Only the diaper which a nurse forcefully put on him is clean because the clothes are dirty and simply disgusting. Siwon threw them on a small pile and later he is going to throw them out. Heechul carefully grabbed the toddler under armpits and took off the diaper. Yesung is staring on them while sitting in the warm water. He is tired but this weird place doesn’t let him to fall asleep. His old home was cold and dirty, but this place has so many nice things.

 

Heechul smiled on his new son and grabs a washcloth. He ran a bar of soap over Yesung’s dirty body and then scrubs his skin with the washcloth. There is something weird between his cheeks, it looks like a hemorrhoid but can a kid so small have a hemorrhoid? Heechul is gentle because of the bruises so it takes a while before he can rinse Yesung for the second time and finally sees that he is clean. The boy is now almost asleep and Siwon wrapped a soft towel around him. His new daddy is cradling him in his strong arms while Heechul is using a hairdryer to dry his black hair. Yesung is melting because of the warmness and gentle of the comb so he fell asleep without his parents even knowing about it. They found out that Yesung is fast asleep in moment when they go in the nursery and Heechul prepared a clean diaper on the changing table. Siwon looked down on the tiny bundle in his arms and cooed silently.

 

“Heechul.”

 

He whispers and his husband quickly hurries to him, scared that something is wrong with Yesung. Then his eyes landed on the sleeping boy who is on his thumb and Heechul’s heart is melting. They carefully diapered him and dressed him in a cute pajama with tiny bees on it. Yesung is very small and petite so the clothes meant for a younger kid still suit him. 

 

Siwon and Heechul tucked him in the crib and Heechul goes to wash a pacifier. Then he slowly replaced Yesung’s tiny thumb with the pacifier and they silently left. After very long time they are still laying in their bed without being able to sleep. It feels so amazing. They have a baby in their house and Heechul feels alive again. 

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

Next morning Siwon woke up and the first thing he does is running in the nursery. He sneaks inside and stands next to the crib where is sleeping their son. Yesung is really tiny, his limbs are like sticks and his body is only bones. Siwon peeked in the diaper and sees something weird between his cheeks. They don’t need to worry for now, their best friend Leeteuk is a pediatrician and they have already sent him a message that they need him this morning. For now Siwon needs to worry about cooking the best breakfast for his son. 

 

Siwon goes in the kitchen and prepared mix for pancakes. Meanwhile Heechul upstairs woke up too in empty bed. He also goes right in the nursery and picked up his son. He changed Yesung’s wet diaper and then goes downstairs. 

 

“Look who is here!”

 

Heechul bounces Yesung on his hip and points on Siwon who is ready to show his cooking skills. Siwon attempted to flip the pancake in the air. The beginning is good, the pancake is in the air but then the stupid piece of food missed the pan. Heechul smirked and sat Yesung in the white highchair.

 

“This one is yours.”

 

Siwon murmured something and picked up the pancake while Heechul opened the fridge and takes out some fruit, chocolate topping and whipped cream. Siwon put the most perfect, fluffy and round pancake and put it on a plastic plate with bunnies. He put the plate in front of Yesung and added some chocolate on top. 

 

“I hope that you will like it.”

 

Yesung has no idea what is this food. His tiny finger hesitantly touched it. Heechul is eating his pancake and smiles on his son who looks scared.

 

“It is really good.”

 

Heechul feeds him a piece and Yesung’s eyes widened. It is warm, sweet and so tasty. Yesung immediately opened his mouth again for another bite. Heechul is feeding him and then checked the time. Yesung looks sleepy again but there is no time for sleep, they need to visit Leeteuk. Heechul takes him upstairs and dressed him in a red sweater and blue denim jeans with cute grey mouse appliqués on the knees. Siwon changed into a black suit because he needs to work. He kissed cheek of his husband and then forehead of his cute son. Heechul put the boy down and goes to wash the dishes while Yesung is sitting on the soft carpet in the living room. This place is so weird. His mommy was always yelling on him when he asked for food but they gave him the delicious food. And also the warm clothes he has, nothing is dirty or stinky. Yesung got up on his scrawny legs and hesitantly walks around the living room. He has no idea who is the huge black thing on the wall, it is shiny and there are some buttons on it. Yesung doesn’t know what it is because his old house had no TV, actually there weren’t even real beds.

 

Heechul finished doing the dishes and takes a bag of yoghurt snack with strawberry flavor. Now he needs to get his son in car so they can head to Leeteuk’s office.

 

“Yesung!”

 

Heechul is walking from the kitchen to the living room and calls the boy’s name to make sure that he is in that room. He had no bad intentions but his loud voice scared the poor boy so much that he tripped and fell down. During the fall his knee hit edge of the glass coffee table and Heechul gasped. He is ready that Yesung will scream but nothing. The boy is only clutching his knee while Heechul is standing above him. 

 

“Baby, can you show me your knee?”

 

Heechul kneeled down next to him and Yesung flinched away from him. Heechul feels stabbing pain in his heart but he knows that it is going to take much more time before Yesung will start to trust them. Heechul softly his bony back and Yesung slowly stood up and walked away from him. Heechul prepared the stroller and diaper bag and then sat Yesung inside his car seat. He put the stroller in the car and started to drive. Leeteuk isn’t in his office yet so Heechul sat down in the waiting room and watches his son who is on a pacifier while falling asleep. 

 

Suddenly Leeteuk stormed inside with his five years old twins Donghae and Hyukjae hanging on his arms.

 

“Sorry for being late.”

 

Leeteuk’s sons are loud monkeys who don’t respect their father. These two listen only their mother Ryeowook who is today unfortunately busy with his mother who came from Seoul.  Leeteuk forced his son to sit down and gave them some papers and pens to keep them busy. Leeteuk sighed and turned to his friend. Leeteuk carefully took him and Heechul undressed him. The doctor is checking the small body which is covered with bruises and wounds. He is always sad when he sees that some kid was abused by parents but at least he is gentle and calm to show that he is no harm. Leeteuk is checking every inch of Yesung’s body but found nothing serious. The boy has lots of bruises all over his body and he is malnourished but his life isn’t in danger. Leeteuk told Heechul to hold the boy while he prepared to take sample of his blood. Yesung is crying while the needle stabbed his flesh. Leeteuk put the blood sample aside and now it is time for some vaccination before he is free to go. Heechul asked about the hemorrhoid and Leeteuk took off the clean diaper. Heechul was right so Leeteuk gave him few tips for treatment. They should give him warm baths few times per days and also change his diet. Heechul is sure that he is going to do everything to cure his baby but there is still one thing he wants to know.

 

“I don’t know why but he fell down this morning, hit his knee and didn’t scream. Not even the tiniest bit. It was quite a hard fall and he didn’t make any sound.”

 

Leeteuk sighed and handed the boy back to Heechul who started to rock him in his arms. Donghae and Hyukjae came to see who is crying so much. They are looking on the small boy and lost their interest after seeing the tiny toddler. 

“Abused kids are scared. They are like small terrified animals who have few basic instincts, they adapted to their life under hands off their abusers. He was probably beaten if he did something against rules of his mother.”

 

Leeteuk handed him a prescription for vitamins. Heechul thanked to him and then sat Yesung back in the stroller. He pushed the stroller out of the office and then on the busy street. It is middle of November so the weather is cold. Heechul looked in the stroller and sees that his son is okay.

 

“My most favorite restaurant is close. What about a nice warm pizza with lots of cheese?”

 

Yesung only looked at him and Heechul started to push the stroller. In few minutes they are standing in front of the restaurant and Heechul sees that there are only two people inside. Heechul walked inside the restaurant and immediately ordered two pizzas and some lemonade. He picked up Yesung from the stroller and spotted that in the corner is a small table for kids with few coloring books and pencils. Heechul takes Yesung there and started to color. After a while a tiny white hand slowly took a crayon. Yesung is slowly coloring and his eyes are glued to the black and white picture of a parrot. Yesung has never had toys so this is something new for him. Soon another new thing arrived - two big white plates with smoking hot pizza. Heechul sat Yesung in a plastic highchair and stabbed a piece of the pizza on a silver fork. He blows on the food to cool it down and then brings it to Yesung’s small lips. The boy doesn’t believe to him very much but it smells so good. Yesung is chewing on the delicious pizza and hesitantly opened his mouth for another bite. They are eating and Heechul sent a cute photo of Yesung falling asleep to his husband. He knows that Siwon is probably busy, after all he is leading his own company but at least this photo will help him to survive the day. 

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎

Siwon left the office earlier with a big smile on his face. He knows that Yesung isn’t really theirs, they still need to fill some documents but tonight they are going to fix that. The girl from adoption agency should arrive to their house soon so Siwon hurries to get there in time. He sees some unknown car in front of their house and walked inside. He hears voices coming from the living room so he goes there and found his husband, their case worker and some old grandma. Heechul is pale and looks sick. He explained that the old grandma is Yesung’s grandmother who wants to see him. 

 

“I am old and my time here is almost up. I just want to say goodbye to him.”

 

Siwon looked on Heechul who is playing with his hair and shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Where is Yesung?”

 

Heechul said that he is sleeping upstairs and this looks like a good opportunity to help to the old lady. They leaded her in the nursery and she slowly walks to the crib. Yesung is sleeping like a tiny angel and on his pacifier while hugging a stuffed bear. His grandmother leaned closer and gently kissed his small cheek. 

 

“I know that I should have help to you much sooner but I am not strong enough to take care of a child.”

 

The truth is that she also didn’t want to believe that her daughter could beat him. She is old and very sick so it wasn’t possible for her to take her grandson and now she can only regret it. Yesung had such a terrible of his life and she didn’t do anything. At least this pair looks really nice. They are obviously rich and she has a feeling that they are going to give Yesung big portion of love and money. She thanked to Heechul and Siwon and then went outside to wait until Heechul and Siwon signed the last documents. Yesung is officially their son and they go to say goodbye to their caseworker and Heechul sees the old broken lady with her walking stick.

 

“Would you like to get some photos?”

 

Siwon looked surprised on his husband and then on the old lady who smiled widely.

 

“Yes, that would be very generous from you.”

 

Heechul nodded and then they watch the car leaving. Siwon hugs Heechul and his back few times before kissing him.

 

“Ahh Siwon! I was so scared when she came. I thought that she is going to take him away.”

 

Heechul feels so happy and relieved that now no one can the son away. They can start live again with a clean slate. 

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎

Of course that this day would come. Siwon’s parents are impatient and want to meet their new grandson. Siwon’s father is a South Korean consul in New York and he doesn’t really like Heechul. At least Siwon’s mom likes her son in law and she is excited about meeting their new baby. Siwon and Heechul arrived early in the afternoon right after Yesung’s nap. Yesung is watching the new place around him while holding fist full of Heechul’s hair. Suddenly a hand touched his back and he flinched.

 

Siwon’s mother looks shocked from the reaction so she better doesn’t try to touch Yesung again, at least for now. Siwon’s father came and Heechul bowed to him. Mister Choi grabs, a bit roughly in Heechul’s eyes, Yesung under armpits and stares on the small boy. Yesung suddenly throws his head back and whined because he wants back to his daddy. 

 

“Daddy …”

 

He makes grabby hands toward Heechul who immediately takes him and he calmed down.

 

“Water, please.”

 

Everyone cooed because Yesung is so well mannered. Also his Korean is so cute.

 

“Ohh you are a true Korean. My own daughter doesn’t speak Korean so well.”

 

Siwon’s mom his cheeks and started to speak in Korean while following Heechul who goes to get the water for his baby. Yesung is drinking from his colorful sippy cup and adults have tea or coffee. He is sitting in Heechul’s lap and he is small back of his son while peeking down at him from time to time. After a while it is time to change his diaper and then Siwon’s mom came with a photo albums. She is showing him all the pictures of Siwon and his sister and then demands some cute photos of her new grandson. Of course that there are still pictures of her dead grandson because she can’t give up on them but it is nice to forget about the worst time of her life. 

 

Heechul is holding their little treasure and Yesung is playing with Heechul’s small earring with a diamond. His head is resting on Heechul’s shoulder and he is enjoying the nice scent. After a while Siwon’s sister came with bag of gifts for Yesung. There are some cute clothes, tiny shoes and toys. Yesung is on his pacifier and doesn’t know what to do with so many toys, he isn’t used to it. His mother never bought him toys or such nice clothes, he was wearing clothes which his mom found and his only toy was an almost ruined teddy bear. The little boy remembers what his mother told him - that he is a bad boy. Yesung is still waiting when will these people beat him like his mother did. His mind is trapped in the old circle of physical and psychological abuse and it isn’t easy to break it. Yesung hugs his daddy more tightly and hides his face in crook of his neck. Heechul is rubbing back off his baby and feels so sad that Yesung isn’t happy. 

 

They spend few hours with Siwon’s family and then can head home. They walked inside their house and Heechul carried Yesung in the living room. The room is huge but now it is mostly filled with Yesung’s toys. Stuffed animals, soft blocks, rocking horse, small wooden kitchen - there are so many toys but Yesung is mostly playing with a stuffed turtle. Siwon changed his clothes and sat down next to Yesung. He takes Peppa pig puzzle and started to play with it. After a while he feels that Yesung is watching him and soon the toddler shifted closer to him. Siwon pushed the puzzle to him and Yesung slowly started to put it together. His appa is smiling because with every day they are getting Yesung out of his shell, tiny bit every day and soon he will be a regular happy toddler. 

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎

Siwon’s mother wanted to spend some time with her grandson so Heechul gave his son to her and then goes to deal with few errands. Christmas is going to be here in few weeks and snow is pouring down on New York. Heechul is hurrying and he has already been in a pharmacy, picked up his wrist watch from repair shop and then it happened. The sidewalk is icy and suddenly Heechul’s foot slipped. He can’t stop the fall and his body hit the hard pavement. Sharp pain rushes through his body and Heechul feels that his ankle is weirdly twisted. He slowly sat up and few people are offering him help. Heechul called a taxi and heads in a hospital. The pain is now much worse and a doctor started to treat his already swollen ankle. He called Siwon and told him about what happened. Siwon is panicking and his mom also arrived with his son. 

 

Heechul’s ankle is broken and he needs to stay in the hospital for three days. It means only one thing - Siwon needs to take care of Yesung. He needs to work but he is sure that he can manage to look after him. For now Heechul needs to rest so his ankle can get better. After the visiting hours they leave and Heechul feels so lonely. The hospital room feels so cold without his husband and baby but at least he is sure that Yesung is in good hands. Siwon drives home and carried Yesung inside. He cooked a quick dinner and sat Yesung in his highchair. He feeds his son and then prepared a bath for him. Yesung is sitting in the warm water and splashes around while Siwon is washing him with a soap for extra sensitive skin. Then he wrapped him in a fluffy towel and applied the hemorrhoid cream. Yesung is biting on his toothbrush and his appa diapered him. Soon he dressed his son in pair of cute pajamas and brings him his evening bottle of formula. Yesung is on it and looks around. During the last two weeks Heechul always sang him a lullaby and now he isn’t here. Yesung is sad and confused what forced him to start to cry. Siwon quickly picked him up and bounces him on his hip while walking around the room. Poor Yesung is crying his little heart out and then Siwon started to sing. It is some old Korean lullaby which his mother used to sing to him and Yesung really calmed down. Siwon is cradling him in his arms and swings him a bit while Yesung’s eyelids are becoming heavier with every passing second. Soon he is asleep and on his now empty bottle. Siwon replaced the bottle with his pacifier and then laid him down in his crib and tucked him under blanket. Now it is time for the appa to drink one beer and then he heads in bed too.

 

Next morning he woke up earlier because Heechul isn’t here so he needs to prepare himself, his son and breakfast. Siwon packed diaper bag for his son and then cooked scrambled eggs and toasts. Then he needs to wake up Yesung who is still limp and tired. His appa dressed him in cute trousers and warm sweater. He is feeding Yesung while putting on his suit, piece after piece. They are ready and finally can head in his office. Yesung is falling asleep in his car seat and he doesn’t even realize that they have arrived. Siwon picked him up and got in the elevator. His hands are full. He is carrying his bag, diaper bag and also his son and baby carrier. His employees are staring on him and Siwon goes in his office. Soon his first today’s meeting is going to start so he put on the baby carrier and sat Yesung inside. His son’s ear is pressed on warm chest of his appa and his heartbeat calmed him down. Now Siwon can go in the meeting room where are people quickly gathering and sitting around a long table.

 

It is hilarious to see the big boss Choi Siwon with a baby carrier strapped to his body. More hilarious is that he is looking serious while explaining their plans for year 2020 and the baby on his chest is crazily giggling while kicking his short legs in the air. One of the employees can’t take it anymore and laughed shortly. Siwon frowned and stops talking.

 

“Is there something funny?”

 

The poor guy paled and nervously plays with his tie.

 

“I just … your son ….”

 

Suddenly Yesung’s pacifier slipped out of his mouth and stays hanging on the pacifier clip. Yesung angrily cries out and looked up on his appa who immediately pushed the pacifier teat back between his lips. Siwon Yesung’s small cheek and then turned back to his presentation while his son is calmly on his pacifier. Siwon finished speaking to his employees and then it is their turn to say their ideas. Siwon sat down and plays with Yesung’s tiny hand and listens. Their ideas aren’t very good but he isn’t even angry, his son makes everything better. After the meeting Siwon goes in his office and opened his laptop to read his new emails. Yesung is still sitting in the carrier and looks around. He doesn’t know where is his daddy and misses him. 

 

Heechul also misses his tiny son. His ankle is a bit better but he still can’t get up from the bed. The hospital is boring and Heechul realized that there is nothing good in the TV during forenoon. Heechul knows that Siwon is going to visit him after lunch but it is so many hours away. He stares on his broken ankle which is trapped in a white cast and rests on a pillow. He is sure that he isn’t going to hurry so much ever again. 

 

After a while Yesung started to whine. He is cranky so Siwon takes him out of the carrier and started to dictate emails to his assistant while cradling Yesung in his arms and walking around the office. The toddler is whining more but then fell asleep. Siwon is already tired and he needs to stay alone with Yesung for two more days. It is hard to be single parent but Heechul and his ankle need time to rest and heal properly. Yesung takes a nap and then they go to have a lunch in a luxurious restaurant. Siwon likes steaks which they make here but it probably isn’t the most baby friendly place. Luckily he found some food which is safe for Yesung and then slowly feeds him while also eating his lunch. Then they head back in the office and Yesung is running though the huge building in front of his appa. Everyone is moving away from way of their boss’s son and then Yesung found a small pond. There are few smaller fishes and even turtles. He immediately got an idea - he is going to swim with them. Before he can put his hands in the water a gentle arm wraps around his chest and someone picked him up. It is Siwon’s sister who saw her little nephew and transferred him in arms of his appa. Yesung got a bottle of warm formula and  chugs his drink while his aunt watches him. She doesn’t want to have kids but Yesung is really cute in her eyes. She is playing with him and doesn’t care that her pink Chanel suit got stained with Yesung’s slobbering. Siwon finally finished what he needed to done today and takes his son out of hands of his sister. He has a bag with some things which Heechul wanted and now drives at the hospital. Heechul is already waiting for them and happily clapped his hands. 

 

“Baby!”

 

Heechul grabs his tiny son and tightly hugs him. He missed his cute baby so much and now they are finally together, at least for few hours. Heechul is asking him what he did with his appa what he ate and more while Siwon is sitting close, completely ignored and actually he doesn’t mind it at all. Three hours later they need to leave and Heechul kissed his sleeping son for the last time. Siwon drives back home and put sleeping Yesung in his crib and goes to cook dinner. Siwon cooked past with chicken parmesan meatball and tomato sauce and then he needs to do some work around the house. He put clothes in washing machine and vacuumed the living room but then Yesung woke up. Siwon sat him down in his highchair and started to feed him the dinner. Yesung is slowly chewing the pasta and keeps putting his little fingers in the sauce. His tiny fingers grabs the meatball and Siwon is staring in awe how his small son put the whole thing in his mouth. He chuckled because Yesung looks like a small hamster, they are so happy that their baby is eating so well. After dinner Siwon picked him up and carried him upstairs to take a bath. Siwon sat him down in the bathtub and takes a small plastic cup. He uses it to pour water over Yesung’s black hair and cooed. Yesung is perfect, his big eyes and tiny nose. His cute Korean, everything on him is amaze his new parents. Siwon blows on the orange blossom scented bubbles and laughed when a bit of them landed on his hair. The bruises on his body are now almost healed, only faint traces of abuse are still evident. After bath the clean toddler waddled down the stairs with Siwon’s hands under his armpits. The appa is ready to catch his son and then Siwon sat him down on the couch. He the TV and played Mulan. He isn’t sure if it is a movie for toddler but Yesung looks like he likes it. He is on his pacifier while the stuffed turtle is tightly hold in his arms. Siwon pulled Yesung in his lap and cuddles with him during the whole movie. He doesn’t even realized that Yesung is already asleep and then doesn’t want to let go of him. Siwon laid down in their bed and carefully put Yesung down next to him. It is hard without Heechul but his bond with Yesung is getting much more stronger like this. Siwon kissed Yesung on his cute cheek and pressed his nose to Yesung’s body. After their biological son died, Siwon believed that he isn’t going to be happy ever again but here he is. Siwon’s heart is swelled up with love and care toward this tiny boy who has him wrapped around his tiny fingers.

 

◼︎◼︎◼︎  

Few more days Heechul is out of the hospital and got in their car. He put aside his crutches and kissed his son who is clapping his hands in happiness. They are driving home and Heechul with Yesung watch the city which is preparing for Christmas. Heechul was bored in the hospital and prepared list of things which they need to buy and see. They missed the tree lighting ceremony at Rockefeller center but they are still going to see the beautiful Christmas tree. 

 

Yesung is warm and comfy in blue snowbag with padding. The warm hood is covering head and small ears and his hands are protected with mittens. Heechul strapped him in stroller because the city is busy and he is scared that they could lose him in crowd. Siwon is pushing the stroller and they stopped in front of the huge Christmas tree. Yesung is on a pacifier and stares on the shining lights which are reflecting in his big eyes. Heechul kneeled down next to the stroller and smiled on his son.

 

“We are going to have a Christmas tree too and they are going to be lots of presents, only for you.”

 

Yesung has never got a present and his mother never showed him what Christmas means. Luckily he got two men who are able to move heaven and earth to give and show everything to their baby. The happy parents are preparing for Yesung’s first Christmas with them because it has to be big. They have already ordered tons of gifts, a huge Christmas tree is on its way and Heechul spends lots of money for new decorations for their big house. Their Christmas is going to be a bit different, they will eat mostly Korean meals and also they will open the gifts on December 24. So their holiday will be a mix of few cultures. Heechul even tried to create a gingerbread house but it ended not very good. At least Yesung had fun while putting lots of icing and sprinkles on the gingerbread. Only one thing is making him sad. 

 

Their big Christmas tree arrived and now it is standing in the living room. Boxes covered with colorful wrapping paper are stocked under the tree and Yesung is sitting on the last step of the stairs. He is watching the tree with tiny lights and red ornaments and hugs his stuffed turtle. His daddy and appa see that their baby is sad and need to do something to help him. Heechul sat down next to him and hugs him around his shoulders.

 

“Yesung, you don’t like our tree?”

 

Heechul smiled on him and rubs his back. Yesung looked up at him and his sad eyes stare into Heechul’s.

 

“I am bad, Santa has no present for me.”

 

Heechul sighed and kissed Yesung on forehead.

 

“You are the best boy, believe to your daddy.”

 

Yesung sniffled and Heechul pulled him in his lap. 

 

“What if we unpack one gift right now before dinner. And later you can open the rest of them.”

 

Heechul picked him up and goes to the tree. He took one box and handed it to Yesung. His short chubby fingers are fighting with unwrapping it so Heechul helped him and Yesung pulled out Orange Tree Jemima Puddle Duck wooden Xylophone. Siwon and Heechul are in awe when Yesung started to play on the xylophone. It sounds to rhythmical and good! Their baby must be very talented. 

 

Soon they get ready for the Christmas dinner and sat around the dining table. Siwon says a short prayer and then started to eat. They are having dinner sooner because Yesung needs some energy to open his gifts. Siwon feels so rich right now. He is sitting there in a nice house with his family and they are eating delicious food. Siwon sighed happily and after food they lead Yesung in the living room. Yesung isn’t sure if the gifts are really for him so his daddy and appa are unboxing the toys with him until Yesung got more confident. Then they sat down on the carpet close to their baby and Heechul put his head on shoulder of his husband. Their son is so cute when he is discovering all the toys which he got. Heechul doesn’t even need a gift because he has everything what he needs. His husband and son are the biggest and valuable things in his whole universe. 

 

THE END