---

 

 

I don’t have much to give, but I don’t care for gold. What use is money, when you need someone to hold?

 

“What do you want to eat?” Yohan asks, taking out his wallet.

 

“Mm…” she tapped her chin thoughtfully, her eyes grazing at every desert lined up inside the glass.

 

He just stood there, watching her twinkling eyes.

 

“Wait,” she paused in her thinking, standing up straight and facing him.

 

“Can we go eat somewhere cheaper? I don’t have much with me" she whispered to him.

 

He merely laughed in amusement, gently shaking his head.

 

“You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m buying today" he told her, waving his wallet in the air to show off.

 

She snickered in response. “You think I don’t know you got fired for goofing around during your job?”

 

He raised his chin to feign arrogance “And you think just because I got fired, means I have no money?”

 

“Yes” she imitated his stance but tip toeing a little to reach his height.

 

He chuckled at her attempt and tapped her nose with a finger.

 

“Ofcourse I have money, silly. Why else would I be offering to treat you?”

 

Ofcourse. It was a total lie. After he got fired, and not because he goofed around, but because the business was losing money, he didn’t even get his advance payment for the month he was working. 

 

But he couldn’t resist lying, however. He knew she was upset. And he knew just what to do to cheer her up.

 

“C’mon pick something to eat already, I’m getting hungry" he urged.

 

She pursed her lips in thought, her eyes glowing sadly despite the smile she showed in her face.

 

“Thank you" she tells him.

 

“For what?”

 

“This. I know you know what’s wrong. There probably isn’t anything we don’t know about each other. So why bother hiding it right?” she smiles up at him. A smile that makes him weak he could collapse on the floor right at that moment.

 

For her, he would give anything to make her happy.

 

“Are you getting all sappy on me right now?” Yohan raises an eyebrow playfully to cover up his strongly beating heart.

 

“Can’t I be sentimental for a moment?” she scoffs and slaps his arm.

 

“Ow! I’m sorry! Sheesh” Yohan chuckles.

 

‘And you don’t have to thank me, I’m more thankful that I’m able to stay beside you like this’

 

 

 

Don’t have direction. I’m just rolling down this road. Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold.

 

“Kim Yohan! Get out from there I know you’re in here!”

 

Loud consecutive bangs on the door, stirred Yohan awake.

 

He grabs his phone first to check the time, and notices the amount of notifs he had from her.

 

He immediately sat up, his head turning to the door to wait for another knock (more like bang) on the door to make sure he wasn’t just hallucinating.

 

As soon as he heard another bang on the door, he bolted straight away to the door.

 

“Yohan! I swear to God if you don’t answer the door I’m going to knock this down!”

 

He doesn’t open the door immediately. Instead, he takes his time to compose himself and not look like he had just woken up. He took a sniff of his breath, and scrunched his nose because of the smell.

 

“1! 2!--" 

 

He panics and opens the door, not exactly because he was scared she would really break down the door, but because the neighbors might get bothered with the noise.

 

He sees her with a fist raised above her head, and snickers. Seeing his reaction, she immediately walks into his apartment, closing the door behind her, and crosses her arms over her chest.

 

“I’ve been trying to contact you since--" she pauses, just to glance at her watch.

 

“An hour ago! Have you forgotten?” she huffs.

 

“A-Ah… I was just… uhm" Yohan swallows the growing lump in his throat, and suddenly became aware of the soreness of his eyes from the previous night.

 

“I-I forgot to set an alarm…” he trails off, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish chuckle.

 

But she doesn't buy it.

 

Her expression slowly softens into concern.

 

“Is there something wrong?” she asks softly, approaching Yohan with careful steps.

 

There it goes again, the drumming of his heart. He wants to step back and to avoid the feeling, but he already came so near to the fire that he couldn't escape.

 

"Don't come closer! I haven't brushed my teeth yet!" He covers his mouth and leans back.

 

She scoffs in response. "Okay, then we'll talk while you brush your teeth. Come on" she says as she pushes Yohan to the bathroom.

 

She grabs his toothbrush and puts toothpaste on it herself, before putting the toothbrush in Yohan's hand.

 

"What? You expect me to brush and talk at the same time?" He laughs.

 

"Well, make it work I guess" she shrugs her shoulders.

 

"Oh look at the time we're running late!" He says pushing her out of the bathroom.

 

"Whose fault is it?" She grumbles before reluctantly leaving the bathroom.

 

"Tell me after you get ready!" She shouts from outside the bathroom door.

 

Yohan chuckles to himself. As if she'll remember.

 

You’ll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain.

 

"You idiot, you know I'm not allowed to do that!" she whispers harshly at Yohan, who seems to find entertainment in her panic.

 

"Come on, loosen up a bit. And besides, it'll just be us. No one will see you" he responds cheekily.

 

"I swear if I get in trouble, I'm beating your up" she finally settles in her seat, looking out of the train window.

 

It was 4am at that time, wherein almost two hours ago, they were just in their respective homes texting about random things in the middle of the night. Suddenly, she began to talk about the things she wanted to do but wasn't allowed to, sparking an idea in Yohan's head.

 

He hurriedly texted her to get ready and bring a few essentials before jumping off of his bed and dressing up. After that, making sure that she really got ready to go somewhere, he rushed to her place and dragged her out.

 

"We're only going out for a while, he said. And now we're on a train that's not on the way back" she mumbled.

 

"Well technically, you doubted none of my intentions before we were on the train" Yohan defended.

 

"Well technically, you said that we're only going sight seeing for a few hours and return right after, not getting on another train and getting even farther from home." She turns to Yohan with a huff.

 

Yohan sighs, "I swear no one will know. Trust me." 

 

Her gaze softens at the sincerity in Yohan's voice, finding herself nodding in agreement.

 

"Be glad I actually trust you enough for you to pull stunts like this"

 

Yohan grins from ear to ear "You won't regret it, I promise."

 

When they alighted the train, they immediately headed to the nearest local food stall that was still open. Her eyes twinkled at the sight of the various food she's been wanting to eat for so long, but couldn't because she always got scolded when she did.

 

"You swear you won't tell" she points at Yohan, who gestures towards the food in response.

 

"I don't really get why you get scolded for eating street food. It's not like you buy from stalls that aren't clean." Yohan scrunches his nose in distaste while she began to stuff .

 

"Well, that's just part of it." She says shortly, chewing the food in and swallowing it, before continuing. "He says I should be eating food from known places and not these. I guess he's somehow scared that I'll get sick from it and/or my weight will blow up from eating too much of it" 

 

"I think you're fine the way you are, no matter how much weight you lose or gain. You'll still be you anyways" Yohan scoffs before starting to dig in as well.

 

She pauses to look at Yohan, touched at his words.

 

"Thanks," she tells Yohan, making him look at her.

 

"But I like to think he's just looking out for me, you know?" She says, with a hint of sadness in her smile.

 

Yohan stopped himself from huffing. He shouldn't have even expected she would finally give in and admit she wasn't happy with how things were. By the way she wasn't admitting it is probably the best confirmation he can get that nothing is bound to change anytime soon.

 

"Are you finished?" Yohan asks as they finally finished eating.

 

"Yeah, I'm done" she smiled happily.

 

"You look happy" Yohan points out.

 

She shrugs in response "I am, and besides, I don't know when I'll be able to eat this again"

 

There goes another ache in Yohan's heart.

 

"Well, don't be too happy yet. We still have something more to do" 

 

Yohan takes her to the nearby sea, as the sky was slowly lighting up.

 

They take a seat by the sidewalk, where the sea splashes on the wall below. 

 

"I don't know if he took you to see the sunrise yet, but I heard the sunrise looks best here" Yohan tells her as they both looked ahead, waiting for the sun to slowly peek over the sea.

 

"Actually, he doesn't really appreciate things like these. He's more of a 'take you out on an expensive date' kind of guy" she says.

 

"That " Yohan whispers, but doesn't go unheard.

 

To his surprise, she chuckles. "Yeah, it does . But maybe if I take him to see the sunrise often from now on, he'll begin to find his appreciation for small and simple like things like this."

 

"Without having to pay much" she scrunches her nose with a laugh.

 

Yohan finds himself staring at her again. He's aware of the pain he's causing himself to feel. But somehow he really couldn't bring himself to stop.

 

Not when she looks so beautiful each time he looks at her. Even with her flaws and inabilities, he still looked at her as if she was the most perfect person in the whole world.

 

Even when he knew he could never have her.

 

Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name.

 

Yohan taps his feet against the carpeted floor of his apartment, wondering why she still hasn't replied to his messages, despite agreeing on meeting today.

 

Yohan leans back on his bed thinking of all the possible reasons why there was no reply from her. Yohan finds himself laughing at how hopeless he is. No matter how many times a day he thought of her, he knew that he was the only one who felt that way. He wasn't even sure if he was as important as she is to him. He can't compare, of course. He wasn't the one she loved, anyways.

 

His phone finally ding-ed, a sign that he received a message.

 

He opens the message in a hurry, wanting to know her response.

 

Hey, I'm sorry I can't make it today. He needs me today and I can't leave him. I'm really sorry, I'll make it up to you I swear! :(( you can go ahead and watch it still, then next time I'll go watch it with you again ^^ whatcha say?

 

Yohan's heart drops at the information. He tosses his phone on his bed. What was he supposed to do? Tell her no? He didn't have the right to.

 

He pulls the movie tickets from his pocket, thinking that it was such a shame to leave it unused.

 

He stands from his bed, grabbing his phone and heading out of his apartment.

 

He didn't have that many friends to ask to watch a movie with him. And now that she cancelled on him, he has no choice but to watch it alone.

 

He goes to the cinema to watch the movie, but he couldn't concentrate much on the story as his mind was only filled with the thoughts of her. He couldn't even be mad at her. Not even the slightest bit, though he desperately asked himself to feel mad, so he can finally push himself to move on.

 

Anything, just anything.

 

Anything to stop his heart from beating for a person who would never look at him.

 

He manages to stay through the whole movie, though he's sure he remembers none of the story nor any of the scenes.

 

He trudged his way out of the cinema, thinking of what else he could do for the day, and keep his mind away from her for once.

 

Suddenly, his phone rings, making him laugh at the irony. Just when he finally decided to keep her out of his mind, she calls.

 

He contemplates for a moment before swiping the green button across the screen.

 

"Hello? Han-ie?" he hears her voice on the other line.

 

"Hey, what's up?" he replies nonchalantly.

 

"You left me on read earlier. I thought you got mad at me for cancelling out on you" she says quietly, afraid he actually was mad.

 

"No, i'm not mad don't worry" he forces a laugh out.

 

"Is that why you called?" he asks.

 

"Yes. I mean, yes and no" she says.

 

"I uhm, I don't know how to tell you this but my boyfriend actually wants to finally meet you" 

 

He could already imagine her fidgeting on the other side.

 

"Now? So suddenly?" 

 

"Yeah, I'm surprised too. But why not right? Maybe you two will get along well and next time we can all go out together!" she says in such a bright voice that he already knows he wouldn't be able to say no to her.

 

Still he was torn. He knows deep inside he'd end up saying yes. But he also knows that doing so will result in more heartbreaks. What happens when he can't take it anymore?

 

He doesn't realize he was taking his time thinking until she called out.

 

"Hello? Han? You still there?" 

 

He's gonna say yes. At this point he should probably accept his fate. And maybe, being around them together will teach his heart a lesson.

 

That he should finally move on.

 

Pack up and leave everything. Don’t you see what I can bring.

 

Yohan doesn't head straight to the place she told them to meet at. Instead, he takes a little more time wandering around thinking to himself.

 

It was the first time he was gonna meet her boyfriend, not that he was terrified though. He just knew deep inside, when he finally meets the guy, all he'll think about are the nights she called him because she was hurt over and over again.  

 

He thinks back on all the times he became her comfort when she was broken and came to find him. He was always her crying shoulder whenever she got hurt. Every tear that fell from her eyes angered him, thinking that she doesn't deserve to be hurt that way.

 

He'll need a lot of self restraint to not do anything rash around her. But how was he going to act around the guy who owned the heart of the girl he's been yearning for for so long?

 

He was confused too. He couldn't meet her today because she said her boyfriend needed her, so why was her boyfriend suddenly asking to meet him? Somehow he feels like this isn't going to turn out well.

 

Yohan ruffles his hair and thinks, 'The heck with it'.

 

He hails a cab and wills himself to be calm. He closes his eyes and lightly bumps the back of his head on the seat. 

 

Should he back out? 

 

He shakes his head at his own thoughts.

 

He opens his eyes with a sigh. He was going to do this for her, no matter how reluctant he feels.

 

Soon after, the cab stops in front of a fast food restaurant. Yohan hands his credit card to the driver, who quickly swipes and charges the card, before handing it back with a kind smile.

 

Yohan wants to smile back but he couldn't because he felt so tense. Instead, what he could only force out was a wince.

 

He gets out of the taxi and sees her inside the restaurant, smiling widely as she talked to her boyfriend.

 

Yohan takes a deep breath. 

 

'Don't snap, be nice, be calm' Yohan tells himself.

 

Can’t keep this beating heart at bay.

 

"Yohan! Over here!" She waves him over as soon as he entered the restaurant.

 

He raises a hand to wave at her, finally being able to muster a small smile.

 

But as his eyes set on the figure in front of her, it fades.

 

"You sit here." She says, standing from her seat, to move to the seat beside her boyfriend. Realizing that he was going to have to sit in front of the guy, he decides to sit on the chair across from her instead.

 

"Uhm, so you two haven't officially met yet, right?" She asks.

 

Her boyfriend doesn't respond as he was busy staring sharply at Yohan.

 

Yohan nods briefly, ignoring the looks he's getting from the other guy.

 

"Well, Yohan, this is my boyfriend--"

 

"Sejun" her boyfriend cuts her off rudely.

 

"Yohan" Yohan replies in the same tone.

 

She looks between the two with slight worry etched on her face.

 

"What would you two like to order?" She asks, trying to liven up the atmosphere.

 

"I'm good. I ate earlier when I was at the cinema" Yohan answers first.

 

"Good, because I'm paying" Sejun butts in once more.

 

Yohan bites his tongue to hold himself from talking back. He sees her put a hand on Sejun's arm, pleading with her eyes, but only getting a sigh in response.

 

"I'll go order" she says with a smile.

 

"You two talk or something while I'm gone, yeah?" She urges hopefully before standing from her seat to go order at the cashier.

 

Once she was gone, it was silent. Tensely silent.

 

Sejun kept his attention to his phone, not giving Yohan even the slightest glance but Yohan decides to step up.

 

"So, why'd you suddenly want to meet me?" Yohan boldly puts out.

 

Sejun scoffs, finally turning his attention to Yohan. "Don't flatter yourself. I didn't ask to meet because I wanted to," he pauses to lean forward on the table.

 

"But because I know how you've been around with my girlfriend" 

 

It was Yohan's turn to scoff. "And? I don't see why I'm not allowed to be around her when she's my best friend."

 

"Have you no shame? Taking my girlfriend on your midnight rendezvous without my knowledge, yet you act like you've done nothing wrong?" Sejun says with a scowl.

 

"Don't even bother defending yourself. I saw both the pictures and the texts on her phone. I know you probably told her to keep it from me" Sejun states, leaning back on his chair, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

"I just wanted to do something for her. Because obviously, you weren't doing a great job at being her boyfriend" Yohan makes sure to bend the pronunciation on the last two words.

 

"Really? And what do you know?" Sejun cockily responds.

 

"I know that I'd treat her better than you" Yohan keeps his response brief.

 

Sejun's eyes momentarily grow colder at Yohan's answer, before it twists into something else.

 

"But she doesn't know how you feel." Sejun taunts with a smirk.

 

Yohan clenches his jaw. "Atleast I'm able to make her happy"

 

"As a best friend, that is" Sejun tilts his head.

 

"And that's the only light she sees you in doesn't she?"

 

Yohan turns his eyes away from Sejun, making the other chuckle.

 

"You don't make her happy like I do. Not the way you think you do" Sejun tells Yohan, before going back to using his phone.

 

At that moment, she finally returns, holding a tray of drinks.

 

"So what'd you talk about while I was gone?" She asks as she set down the tray.

 

"Nothing much" Sejun answers with a shrug, keeping his phone away.

 

"Why not?" She pouts in disappointment.

 

"We have plenty of time to get to know each other don't worry too much, hon" Sejun says in an underlying mocking tone.

 

Yohan clenches and unclenches his fist under the table for a few times to relieve his anger.

 

"Oh right, I got you a cola. Atleast have a drink" She says, placing the glass infront of Yohan.

 

"Thanks" he smiles at her, seeing Sejun scoff at the corner of his eyes.

 

"So what should we talk about?" She asks.

 

"I want to talk about Yohan ofcourse" Sejun says.

 

"And what about Yohan?" She asks.

 

"You're best friends right? For how long exactly?" Sejun asks towards Yohan.

 

"Was it highschool?" She asks Yohan.

 

"Yeah, since highschool. She was the class president and she helped me a lot back then" Yohan answers truthfully.

 

She nods in response, adding, "We became close because a lot of people bullied him before and I supported him when he said he wanted to start practicing Taekwondo".

 

"But why have I never met him before?" Sejun asks. 

 

"Well, it's roughly been two years since we got together. We've all been busy with college and Yohan had his own life to handle at the same time" she answers for Yohan again.

 

Sejun nods in understanding, eyes directed at Yohan.

 

"So Yohan, do you have a girlfriend? Doesn't she get uncomfortable that you hang out a lot with another girl?" Sejun asks another question.

 

Yohan looks towards Sejun, who covered a sly smirk with a fake smile, knowing exactly what the other guy was trying to do.

 

"No, I don't have a girlfriend" he answers shortly.

 

"How about someone you like? At least a crush?" Sejun pushes on.

 

Yohan sees her looking at him expectantly, suddenly making his heart beat faster.

 

He only shakes his head in response this time, not trusting his mouth to not speak the truth he was hiding.

 

"What a shame because it's my girlfriend you're always bringing along" Sejun comments.

 

"Sejun" she warns.

 

"What?" Sejun laughs "I'm saying the truth. Doesn't he have anything better to do?"

 

"Maybe if you actually had more time for her, she'd be spending her day with you instead" Yohan bites back.

 

"Yohan" her tone slightly rises.

 

"Why don't you try staying the away for once instead?" Sejun retaliates.

 

"Stop it. Don't do this here." She tells the both of them.

 

Sejun slightly backs down but Yohan found it difficult to calm down.

 

"I stay away then what? You make her cry again? You make her feel miserable and unwanted? You make her feel unloved?" Yohan spits out.

 

"Don't try to be brave with me, boy." Sejun chuckles.

 

"Do you want me to tell her? Right here, right now?" Sejun adds.

 

Yohan stands from his seat, making Sejun stand up as well.

 

"See? You're nothing but a pathetic coward" Sejun says sharply.

 

"I said stop it! The both of you!" She too stands up from her seat in anger.

 

"Why did we come here in the first place, hm? To fight?" She tells the both of the boys.

 

"I thought you said you wanted to meet Yohan that's why I asked him to come here, but now you do this?" She turns to Sejun in disbelief.

 

"What? Me? I'm the one you're blaming?" Sejun scoffs.

 

"Your best friend is the one throwing all the insults at me. Why are you taking his side?" Sejun says pointing an accusing finger at Yohan.

 

"I'm not taking sides" she defended.

 

"Then choose. Is it me or him?" Sejun said, already huffing in anger.

 

"Why do I have to choose?" She asked incredulously.

 

"Because if you're not with him, you're always talking about the things you did with him or he's done for you! Do you know how that makes me feel?" Sejun begins to shout.

 

The people in the restaurant have come to a stand still, watching the commotion between the three. Yohan notices this and walks towards Sejun.

 

"Let's talk outside" Yohan tells Sejun lowly.

 

Sejun's gaze snaps towards Yohan, as the tension between them rose higher.

 

Sejun clenches his jaw before walking past Yohan, not missing the chance to bump his shoulder on the other's chest.

 

Yohan follows right after Sejun. But as he walks out of the restaurant, Sejun launches a punch on Yohan's jaw.

 

At the sight, she gasps in surprise, hurrying to Yohan who had fallen down on the concrete.

 

"And you. Stop acting like a know-it-all and oh so brave when you can't even bring yourself to confess" Sejun spat at Yohan.

 

"What confess are you even talking about?" She angrily asks Sejun as she was helping Yohan get up.

 

Yohan keeps his hand on his bruised lip as he got up, choosing not  to respond to any of Sejun's taunts.

 

"Choose. Either you stay here with him or you walk away with me right now" Sejun tells her.

 

"Please, don't make me choose--" she tries to tell Sejun but gets cut off by him.

 

"Fine, stay with that coward then" Sejun says coldly before turning to walk away.

 

Set my midnight sorrow free. I will give you all of me.

 

"Sejun wait--" before she could chase after Sejun, Yohan grips her wrist.

 

"Yohan, please, I have to go after him" she begs.

 

"No, please just-- please just listen to me for a short time" Yohan pleads, just as desperate. 

 

"I just-- I can't bear to see you get hurt over and over again" Yohan tells her. "I can't bear to see that when all I can think of is how I could make you happier if I was the one you loved and not him".

 

"I've endured all these years without telling you how I felt because I was afraid I'd lose you instead. But now, I really can't hold myself back from what I feel for you anymore." Yohan gazes into her eyes, his heart pounding against his chest with every word.

 

"I've been in love with you for the longest time and I hate to see some other guy with you in his arms but won't treat you the way you should be treated"

 

Yohan pauses to huff, trying not to get overwhelmed with tears before he continued.

 

"I hate seeing you waste your tears on him when he should be making you smile. Why do you continue to stay with him when he treats you this way? Why can't it be me? Why couldn't I be the one who has you when I'm always the one trying to make you happy?"

 

"I love you. I really do. You don't have to waste your heart on someone who doesn't care for you the same way you do for him. I'm here, you have me" Yohan was already holding her by her shoulders as he finished speaking.

 

Tears welled up in her eyes, hearing every word that came from the boy's mouth. She never knew he felt that way. Was she just too blind to see his feelings? Or has she just been selfishly receiving everything he gave all these times?

 

"Yohan, I love him" she says softly.

 

"I can't leave him." she shakes her head as tears poured from her eyes.

 

"And I'm sorry," she says, slowly unattaching Yohan's hands from her shoulders.

 

"but I can't love you the same way" she tells him before turning around and walking away from him. 

 

Yohan wanted to stop her again, to ask if that's how she really feels. But he doesn't. Instead, he watches her disappear from his sight. Each step away more painful than the one before. 

 

He knows he can't do more than what he's already done.

 

He can't have her. That's all there is now.

 

Just leave your lover. Leave him for me.