Anyone who’s ever gotten the pleasure of meeting Yerim would tell you the same thing. The young girl is a bright and shining beacon of light, something necessary in this dark and hopeless world. 

She has a smile so warm and radiant, so sincere, that it could’ve replaced the sun and no one would be the wiser. It never fails to touch everyone who sees it, passing along that warmth and making everyone unable to stop themselves from smiling in return.

Light. That was how everyone described her. And it fit perfectly.

Yeojin remembers the first time someone compared Yerim to light. It was Hyejoo, because of course it was, and Yeojin remembers the bitter feeling in her chest when Yerim giggled and kissed Hyejoo's cheek in thanks.

But to Yeojin, she was more like a flower. Beautiful, yes, that was undoubtable, but it was a delicate sort of beauty. One that - if handled too roughly - could all come apart in a mess of petals and leaves, with no trace of its previous beauty left. One that was sadly often overlooked in a garden of other pretty flowers.

A rose, maybe, considering the thorns that could come out once Yeojin annoyed her a little too much and angry Yerim came out to play. A red rose the same colour as her lips. But unlike Hyejoo, Yeojin has never told her. Today, she plans to change that.

Yeojin loved her. Loves her. 

But so did Hyejoo. And Hyejoo was the one who got to take Yerim out on fancy candle-lit dates, Hyejoo was the one who got to hold her hand as they walked together side-by-side, got to receive her cheery good morning and goodnight texts, who got to kiss and hold her.

Once upon a time, Yeojin had resented her for that. 

And so now, as Yeojin finds herself standing in front of Hyejoo, tears in both of their eyes, she doesn’t know what to say.

“Thanks for coming, Yeojin,” Chaewon says from her spot beside Hyejoo. 

“Of course.” Yeojin looks around, seeing all the vividly colourful flower arrangements littering the small area, smiling at how beautiful it all was. How fitting. “Hey, where’s Yerim?”

“Over there,” Chaewon tells her, pointing at the old oak tree - one of Yerim’s favourite places. 

Ah, Yeojin thinks, makes sense that she’d be there. Of course she’d want to be under the shade.

“Say hi to her for me,” Hyejoo says, weakly smiling at Yeojin.

“Yeah, alright.”

There are a couple of days that Yeojin remembered like the back of her hand. The day Hyejoo met Yerim was one of those days.

Yeojin had been showing Yerim around their small town, and had reached their final destination by the late afternoon. It was the playground. Small, but still fun - with swings, monkey bars, a couple slides, and a seesaw. Pretty much everything kids needed.

Yerim seemed most interested in the big oak tree in the middle of the park which contained the playground, and was ecstatic at Yeojin’s suggestion that they go over to the swings and try to reach as high as possible on them - to get the best view of the oak tree as possible.

“Race you there!”

“Hey!” Yerim yelled after her, indignant. “That’s not fair - I wasn’t ready!”

She sprinted as fast as possible, with Yerim hot on her heels. Still, she reached the swings long before her - all thanks to her head start. Before Yerim reached the swings, however, Hyejoo appeared.

“I knew Yeojin would bring you here,” she said to Yerim, “I’m Hyejoo, by the way. Yeojin talks about you, like, way too much.” 

Yeojin gaped, a blush rising to her cheeks. “Shuddup, no I don’t!”

“Yerim, right?” she asked, which Yerim only nodded at.

Hyejoo flopped down on the unoccupied swing, leaving Yerim standing between the two, pouting. Yeojin decided then and there that frowns didn’t belong on a face as pretty and as sweet as Yerim’s. It felt almost unnatural, as if no other expression deserved to be there save for a smile. 

“Let’s go somewhere else,” Yeojin suggested, mind already buzzing with thoughts of activities that all three of them could do together. 

Letting go of the metal chains of the swing, Yeojin unceremoniously hopped off the swing and looked around the playground.

The seesaw defeated the purpose of moving - since it also only had two seats. Sure, someone could just stand in the middle, but both Yeojin and Hyejoo had a secret fear of falling, so that was off the table. The slide was a bit boring, and Yeojin avoided going there after the infamous ‘puddle incident’. (She fell into a muddy puddle and she had to walk around with an unfortunately-located stain, which made it look like she had herself, and Hyejoo made fun of her for the entire day)

Luckily, the monkey bars were free. Hyejoo always loved being up there and bragging about how she wasn’t afraid of heights (but for some reason feared falling?). And maybe Yerim would be impressed by how quickly Yeojin could reach the other end!

Before she could suggest going over there, Hyejoo cut her off. “What, why?”

“There’s only two seats. Now, come on, we can go over to the-” Yeojin her heel, and was surprised to see two boys playing on the monkey bars when she could have sworn no one was there earlier, “-monkey bars.” She frowned. “I’ll make them leave.”

“Ah, don’t bother.” Hyejoo motioned for Yerim to come over and sit on her lap. “We can fit on one, and you can just take the other one.”

“What if you two don’t fit?”

“It’ll be fine,” Yerim said, her usual megawatt smile already back on her face. “Thanks, Hyejoo.”

At that, Yeojin sat back down on the other swing begrudgingly, watching the two of them through the corners of her eyes, paying careful attention to Yerim. She watched as Yerim took a seat on Hyejoo’s legs with a smile, and Yeojin bitterly wondered how her two friends got so close without her knowing.

Yeojin had her doubts about it working, but sure enough, Yerim and Hyejoo end up swinging through the air without a care in the world, laughing all the while. 

Whenever Yeojin went to the playground with Hyejoo, she was always left frustrated that she couldn’t go quite as high as the older girl. But now - watching Hyejoo laughing with Yerim, watching how Hyejoo’s hands were basically on top of Yerim’s - Yeojin was frustrated for a whole other reason. 

Rather than using her legs to push her up, Yeojin kicked the bark - which didn’t exactly take her that far off the ground. She should’ve thought of that. She was a little angry with herself that she didn’t and thus didn’t have Yerim close to her.

Hyejoo and Yerim spent the rest of the day stuck together like glue. Yeojin didn’t like it one bit, especially when the footpath narrowed and she had to trail behind them. Seeing Hyejoo next to Yerim was just like seeing Yerim frowning - wrong in a way Yeojin couldn’t quite explain - murmuring to herself that Yerim was her friend first.
 

The grumpy old man across the street was cross with Yeojin again. He had yelled and cussed at her, threatening to call the cops on her the next time she stepped foot on his property. Y’know, same old same old. Something about her trampling on his vegetable garden for the umpteenth time. 

If you asked Yeojin about it, she would vehemently argue that it wasn’t her fault - she was late to class one day, and taking a shortcut which just so happened to veer into his cabbage patch was necessary! Just like how her practising her scooter tricks was necessary, like how she borrowed a few of his flowers (the most beautiful of his roses, because their deep red reminded Yeojin of Yerim’s lips, of her captivating smile) to make a bouquet for Yerim’s 16th birthday present was necessary.

Yerim, being the warm-hearted person she was, suggested going over to his house to apologise to him.

“Yerim,” Yeojin said, with both a voice and face too serious considering her usual playful nature. “Apologising is admitting you’re wrong. Apologising is defeat.”

“But it’s the right thing to do!” Yerim argued, because she was Yerim, and doing the right thing mattered to her for some reason Yeojin couldn’t fathom. “Come on, please, for me?”

Yerim softened her eyes and knitted her eyebrows together - a move that always resulted in a K.O when it came to Yeojin. The dreaded puppy eyes. She even put her hands together in a faux-praying/pleading motion, which made her all the harder to deny.

“No,” said Yeojin, determined to stand her ground regardless. “Why do you even care anyway? You’ve never met him, and you’re my friend! You’re meant to be on my side!”

“I just-- feel bad since that bouquet you gave me was so beautiful. I loved it so much that I felt so sad when the very last one withered away.” Yerim wrung her hands, obviously feeling a little guilty. “I can only imagine how sad he was when he saw his rose bushes all cut up like that. And since you only did it for me, it’s sort of my fault.”

“Well, I’m not taking one step near that crazy old man!” Yeojin insisted, showing no signs of moving from her position. “And I’m definitely not apologising.”

“Please?”

---

That was how Yeojin found herself, standing out on the old man’s porch at 1 in the morning, shivering from the winter cold. Her teeth were chattering and she was beginning to regret her proclamation that a scarf was all she needed as they left the warmth Yeojin’s house.

“I told you to bring a jacket,” Yerim said, smug behind her layers of a long-sleeved shirt, two sweaters, and a puffy jacket over it all. She peeled off the jacket with practiced ease and held it out. “Here. Take it.”

“But then, you’ll be cold!”

“Take it,” Yerim repeated, practically shoving it into Yeojin’s hand.

Yeojin did eventually take it, the cold winning over her stubbornness (though she did know that Yerim was the more stubborn out of the two of them). While she did feel a lot warmer, she knew it had a lot more to do with the girl beside her than anything else.

“You look good in it,” Yerim told her, gaze as soft as her voice.

Yep, this warmth was definitely Yerim’s fault.

---

The second he opened the door and saw Yeojin’s scowling face, he shut it.

Yeojin rung the doorbell again, and again, and even though she could hear his deep sigh and the low footfalls of him walking back to the front door, she rung it a few more times.

“Hello!” Yerim said, her sunshine smile paired with her cheery voice. 

“Leave.”

---

Within mere minutes of being in his too-large home, it was clear that the old man liked Yerim. Yeojin couldn’t blame him, Yerim was impossible to dislike. Whenever Yerim smiled her kind smile, he smiled back. Again, that wasn’t anything new. In fact, there was a phenomenon that Yeojin lovingly dubbed the ‘Yerim Effect’ - everyone who comes into direct contact with Yerim’s smile, had to smile back. It was, like, a law or something.

“That’s about it,” Yerim said, wrapping up the conversation. Even though it was technically Yeojin’s fault, she had done most of the talking. “Again, we’re really sorry.”

“Ah, I’m so glad that some kids-” he fixed a glare in Yeojin’s direction, “are still respectful.”

Yerim chuckled good-naturedly. 

“Yeojin’s a good kid too,” she insisted, defending Yeojin even though she didn’t have to. “she just needs a good influence.”

“And you’re that good influence, I assume?” he asked, with a quirk in his eyebrow as if he didn’t believe Yerim at all. “Well, good luck!” 

The two of them talking about Yeojin as if she wasn’t also in the room perturbed her, and she probably would’ve done something about it if it wasn’t for Yerim grabbing her hand. She squeezed it, a silent ‘it’s fine’ and ‘calm down’, in the hold, making Yeojin’s breathing slow.

“I already forgave you a long time ago for all those other things, anyway,” he said, finally addressing Yeojin. “And I admit, my reaction to the cabbages was a little… overboard. And knowing that you took those roses for such a lovely girl helps though.”

“Thank you,” Yerim said. She turned to Yeojin and raised her eyebrows.

“Thank you,” Yeojin droned, no amount of sincerity in her voice.

“Matter of fact,” he said, rising from the table to unlock the back door. He stepped out for a moment - just long enough for Yerim to whisper “see, it wasn’t that bad!”, which Yeojin grumbled at - and came back with a single red rose.

Yerim tried to take it, but he cut her off with a simple “no”, turning the stem over to Yeojin. Gingerly, Yeojin tried to take hold of the parts without thorns. He smiled, tilting his head to Yerim’s direction, making Yeojin squirm in her seat.

“I-- think he wants me to give this to you.”

Yeojin wondered if one of his lights were malfunctioning, emitting red light, one that made it seem like Yerim was blushing. After all, there was no way that Yerim - who had been her best friend for years - was getting flustered at Yeojin giving her a rose.

“Young love!”

No, that was definitely a blush. It matched the one that went across Yeojin’s cheeks.

---

“The Yerim Effect happened again,” Yeojin informed the girl beside her, as she hopped off the last step of his porch. 

Yerim laughed and rolled her eyes lovingly, the exact same way she did every time Yeojin brought it up. 

She had always denied the effect’s existence, though Yeojin’s extensive research could immediately prove her wrong. She denied it, Yeojin thought, because she didn’t understand. Yerim couldn’t see herself the way others did, the way Yeojin did. She didn’t know how wonderful that smile could make someone feel.

She just smiled because she was happy, and that just so happened to make others around her happy in response. That was one of the things many Yeojin liked about her, if she thought about it. 

The things that Yeojin liked about Yerim went as follows:

• The way she danced as if the rest of the world wasn’t there
• The way she wrapped her arms so tightly around Yeojin and how it made her feel so safe and secure
• How her voice sounded in late-night phone calls when Yeojin couldn’t sleep, and how she never got angry at Yeojin for waking her up for the dumbest things
• How she would keep mementos and keepsakes of every little thing she and Yeojin did together, even the things others might find insignificant and ridiculous (like a nail from when they made their first treehouse, or how she pressed the first flower Yeojin ever gave her into a bookmark so she’d always have it)
• How sincerely kind she was to everyone around her, even perfect strangers
• How Yeojin could tell her anything, even her deepest, darkest, worst thoughts yet she would never think any less of her
• How they could spend hours together without once getting bored
• How she always gave Yeojin food when she saw that she didn’t have any. Yerim never let Yeojin go without, and she was endlessly grateful for it
• The way she could finish Yeojin’s sentences and was often the only one who knew what the hell Yeojin was going on about
• How she could never lie or keep a secret, at least not from Yeojin

And everything, yes, absolutely everything else.

Another day that Yeojin could never forget was the day Yerim confessed to her.

It wasn’t some big special event - just a normal sleepover, the same kind they’d had dozens, if not hundreds of times before. 

They had unwittingly put on a horror movie, having convinced themselves that they were mature enough to watch it after assurances from both Hyejoo and Chaewon that it wasn’t actually that scary. Yeojin knew that Chaewon had nightmares for weeks after she had watched it in the cinema with Hyejoo, but she knew that Chaewon was just trying to look cool in front of her crush, so she let it slide. So, naturally, Yerim and Yeojin were both scared out of their minds.

After the fifth or sixth jumpscare, Yeojin - still grimacing at the overuse of gore - indignantly proclaimed that she was bored with the movie, but Yerim was invested at this point so on it played. Thankfully, Yerim’s left hand ran through Yeojin’s hair over and over, a comforting gesture meant to distract both of them from the slaughter happening onscreen.

Halfway through the movie, Yeojin felt Yerim’s hand slowly still, her fingers still caught between the brunette tresses. Yeojin tilted her head up to gaze at her, causing her neck to ache slightly. The light coming from the television seemed to dance on Yerim’s face, making the devastation onscreen seem beautiful.

“Hey,” Yeojin whispered, “you asleep?”

“Nope. Just… thinking.”

“Uh oh,” Yeojin teased, “when did you learn to do that?”

Yerim scoffed, offended, giving Yeojin’s arm a light slap. “How dare you!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Yeojin put her hands up in defeat, laughing at the look on Yerim’s face. “What’re you thinking about?”

Yerim paused, as if considering her next words carefully. It was strange. She never hesitated when it came to telling Yeojin something, so it only made Yeojin more curious. Soon after, she apparently considered to finally say it. 

“Have you ever been in love, Yeojinnie?” Yerim asked, completely out of the blue.

“Yeah,” Yeojin finally answered. She hoped that Yerim wouldn’t look over at her because Yeojin’s intense stare was probably making it obvious as to who she was thinking about. 

“What does it feel like?”

“Good,” of course, any memory with Yerim was good, “and bad.”

“Very specific,” Yerim joked, giggling at Yeojin’s short response.

“I can’t explain it--” at least, not without you figuring out I’m talking about you “--it’s just a lot.”

“Hmm,” Yerim let out, obviously not satisfied with Yeojin trying to avoid the question.

Since Yeojin hated when she was disappointed, she tried again. “It’s not really a feeling all on its own. It just kinda just--” Yerim shifted against her and Yeojin’s breath hitched. She almost forgot that she was talking until Yerim looked up at her, waiting for her to continue. “It makes all the other feelings more intense.”

“How do you know then?” Yerim asked, curiosity piqued. “If you’re in love?” 

“It was sort of obvious for me. Kinda disappointed I didn’t figure it out sooner, actually.” Yeojin let out a laugh, remembering when she had pieced together all the confusing feelings she had for the girl beside her. How she was always so jealous of Hyejoo. How she even had a ing list of what she liked about her. “Being with them just made me feel… more.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

“What’s with all these questions anyway?” Yeojin said, trying to keep the conversation light. “Anyone in particular you’re keeping an eye on?”

“There is someone I really really like.” Her voice was quiet, muffled in the blanket. Yeojin tried not to let the way her words hurt like a dagger stabbing in her chest show. “She- she’s amazing, Yeojin.”

“Oh.”

Yerim’s hand in her hair continued and she smiled that dazzling smile down at Yeojin. “You’re amazing, Yeojin.”

“Oh.” What?

Yerim rolled her eyes good-naturedly, watching Yeojin freeze underneath her. “It’s you. I really really really like you, Yeojin.”

“Oh.”

Yeojin was ecstatic. Of course, she was! The girl of her dreams, the one she had harboured a crush on for years, just told her she felt the same way. She should have told her about how happy she was to hear that, should have broken the space between them and kissed Yerim the way she had always wanted to, should have held Yerim in her arms and never let her go.

Yerim went on and on, talking about the first time they met and how she felt, about every single nice thing Yeojin had ever done for her. She talked about everything, but Yeojin wasn't quite listening. Instead, she stayed perfectly still until Yerim had no more words to say.

Because-- well, because Yerim deserved better than her. Because of her sweet, splendid, shining smile. Because Yeojin was terrified of being the reason that it faded. Because where Yerim was delicate, Yeojin was rough - where Yerim was kind, Yeojin was rude, and Yerim needed someone who actually fit with her. Because Yeojin was so comfortable with being Yerim’s friend that she just knew that she would undoubtedly fail at being anything more. Because Yeojin just wouldn’t let herself believe that she could be loved.

So instead of saying I like you too like she should have, like she so desperately wanted to, Yeojin said “I’m sorry” and that was that.