May 24^th – the day before the worst day of my life.

I was lying in my bed unable to sleep even though it was the middle of the night. It’s not that I suffer from insomnia – it’s just my thoughts that won’t let me sleep. Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of my life and I just wish that I could fall asleep and wake up the day after tomorrow.

I’m seventeen now. Seventeen. I’ve been living with my father for 17 long years and we spend a lot of time together even though he’s the CEO of one of the biggest corporations in Korea. He knows me better than any other person, he knows me better than I know myself which means that he KNOWS me well; moreover,  he’s perfectly aware of the fact that I’m not very fond of spending time being surrounded by  people.

I found it hard to talk to people – a small talk is way beyond my abilities – my mind gets blank whenever I meet somebody new and I usually end up making a fool out of myself which in turn proves to me how awkward I am, which makes me lose the last traces of my confidence – to make the long story short - I just prefer to keep my distance from others.

To be honest I have no idea how it turned out like this. I wouldn’t call both my parents anti-social, no; in fact it is the other way round – our house is always full of people – my parents seem to be happy about it and I’m happy too – as long as the guests don’t pay attention to me which works because how can one pay attention to somebody who is not around? And I have found many ways how to stay invisible –I don’t want to boast about myself either but I think that through those seventeen years  I mastered in avoiding unnecessary contact with other human beings. Unfortunately there are some occasions when I must expose myself to the outside world and one of such occasions is scheduled for tomorrow.

flashback

The sun was dazzling and it was extremely hot. My favourite black t-shirt and black jeans were not helping me to survive through the hot weather and, on top of that, my phone battery died. I am usually glued to the stand but this time I wouldn’t survive without a cold drink; I was in the middle of my trip to the small cafe next to the golf field – let’s be honest I could have been sitting there [at a café]  all the time (with the air conditioning and a roof which would protect me from the sun)  but unfortunately the café was full of wives and screaming children – generally there were too many people there so that’s why I decided to suffer outside - in the end I prefer to sweat because of the temperature than because of being nervous.

So having bought my drink I decided to walk into the field to find my dad and to see how he’s doing – as much as I remember it was a somewhat important match - he made a bet with one of his colleagues but I didn’t care what the bet was about - as it was probably connected with some shares, stock exchange or generally similar stuff which I had no interest in. Why was I even here? Well, my mother made me go because she thinks that spending time at home all the time is not good for me and if I didn’t want to hear her constant nagging I had to leave the house.

It wasn’t difficult to spot my dad in the field and so I rushed towards him. It was weird -  he was usually accompanied by a caddy although he didn’t have one of his loyal caddies – they changed all the time because usually they were working part-time; no matter what,  there always was somebody with him so I thought it was strange that dad had to carry his golf bag by himself. It was no surprise that it [the golf bag] was standing a good several dozen meters away.  Dad mentioned that it was going to be a difficult match but I didn’t get it until now – he just had to carry the bag with him that’s why.

I walked closer and greeted some people standing with my dad (well I may avoid people but I have manners you know) but I quickly retreated to fetch the bag – it wasn’t a big deal I just wanted to be useful –  I wanted to do anything that would help me kill the time somehow. So I took the bag and started dragging it towards the spot where my father was. One moment I felt somebody from behind grabbing the bag and trying to take it away saying “I’ll take it, I guess you must have got the wrong bag” I turned around dumbfounded, still firmly gripping the bag handle.

“No I didn’t get it wrong, I think you are the one who got something wrong” I looked at the other guy – he was taller than me and definitely more skinny but I didn’t get to see his face because of the sun shining straight into my face.

“No” he pulled the bag “YOU got it wrong, I’ve been carrying the bag from the beginning.”

“Don’t make me laugh, you weren’t here a few seconds ago.” I pulled the bag swiftly trying to whip it out of his hands.

“Look here, stop being a smartass and let the bag go or I’ll tell the staff about your unprofessional behaviour.”

“What?” I smirked “I’m not a worker here” I looked at him as if he was crazy… No, he was crazy for sure.

“If you don’t work here then stop disturbing the ones who do!” He pulled the bag hard and it slipped my grip. I only saw him walking away. He made me angry like nobody did before.

“Yah!” I followed him and grabbed him by the shirt; he turned around all surprised and I quickly took the bag out of his hands and rushed towards my dad.

“STOP! A THIEF! IT’S NOT  EVEN YOUR BAG! A THIEF!”

In a flash every pair of eyes were on me and on the screaming idiot. Security guards appeared out of nowhere and so did the onlookers. It was an abstract situation but I still got surrounded by the security (I will never get to know where the guys came from – it’s like they appeared from under the ground, for god’s sake we were on a golf field where the heck did they hide? Because I didn’t noticed any security earlier). As I was trying to explain, the idiot jumped over and took the bag from me telling the security that I’m not the owner of the bag and that I wanted to take away what didn’t belong to me. My god what a moron.

end of flashback

I’m hiding my face in the pillow and feel like screaming from the top of my lungs because of the embarrassment – there were other people there and they were all looking at me. Because of that absurd situation and because of that idiot I was taken as a thief!! ME. A THIEF. AND EVERYBODY IN THE FIELD HEARD THAT. I think that one of the reasons of my human-phobia is that I’m very sensitive to what others think about me.

flashback

I saw my dad and his friends coming over with concerned expressions on their faces but as soon as my dad saw me holding his bag and being surrounded by the security and of course the other guy being all serious and spreading some thief-connected  nonsense, he laughed and explained the situation that I’m not a thief and that I’m his son, that the moron was his caddy for today and that both of us [me and that idiot] are just kids and he apologised on our behalf. On our behalf. Ok dad, if you feel like apologizing for a mere caddy than that’s your choice you are the adult here.

Of course the other guy was called by the manager and he was scolded severely – we got to know that it was his second or third day at work and since my father was an important member of the golf club the manager, who respects my dad a lot,  decided to fire the guy. Of course my dad tried to straighten the situation and persuade the manager not to fire that guy but the manager was unrelenting and the idiot ended up being fired. I didn’t feel much sympathy towards him - it wasn’t my fault that the guy was stupid; however,  the thing was different with my father – he felt sorry towards the caddy and told him that he wanted to pay him back somehow and so he invited the other for dinner.

end of flashback

Why did he do that? He could’ve offered him some money or anything,  but a dinner? At our house? What is he? He’s not a friend not to mention a family member. And he called me a thief. To think about it, I could forgive him for falsely accusing me of stealing but I definitely won’t forget him one thing – that my own father seemed to worry about him more than me – it wasn’t our fault that the guy misunderstood – the only one to blame was the idiot himself. 

I smirked to myself – a thief? Haha me? And what was wrong with that moron’s voice…? – I was grinning right now – the guy was so protective of the bag almost like a little kid and to think about it, it was kind of cute in its own way… Wait, what? Hell no, it was irritating as hell and I’m not going down to eat with him tomorrow – not for love nor money. Decided.

I turned to my side to finally try and get some sleep but the vision  of that stupid guy hunted me.  Was he bold? He was wearing a big cap and I noticed no strands of hair from under it. It made his face look so chubby, especially his cheeks and his height that made him resemble an overgrown child. His arms were long too – he didn’t even have to move close to me to snatch the bag from my hands…

It’s good that I didn’t get into a fistfight with him then – he would easily punch me before my fist reached him in the first place. However the fist-fight wouldn’t have been  possible since I’m sure he’s not the type to fight with people- I guess his height and long limbs are really hard to control. Lanky as he is it must be hard to maintain a straight position not to mention interacting with others… I wonder how will he look like tomorrow when he stands in the hallway – would he be able to cross the threshold without bending? It’d be hilarious - I can’t miss it… No, wait, why am I still thinking about him instead of going to sleep? His frightened but at the same time determined expression when he screamed “a thief” is instilled in my mind and I can’t get rid of it – I’m trying hard to make myself think about anything but him but somehow thinking about anything finally comes down to thinking about him  – is it even possible that everything I think of is connected with that guy?

I yawned and turned to the side shutting my eyes tightly. For a moment I thought I was finally going to fall asleep but the thoughts about the guy came back like a boomerang.

**

A loud knocking at the door woke me up.  I looked  around the room unconsciously. What time was it? The weather outside couldn’t be better – it was raining and, judging by the trees – the wind must be very strong. A perfect day to stay inside. I was about to hide under the duvet but the persistent knocking wouldn’t stop.

“WHAT!?” I screamed

“MyungSoo, wake up, it’s way past noon, what were you doing yesterday that you are still in bed at this late hour?”

Oh fine it was my mom. I got up and opened the door. She looked worried when she asked me if I was feeling well.  Not knowing what was on her mind I just told her that I was fine and she, just before walking away,  responded that the dinner is at 4pm and so that I should get ready and be downstairs before that time. I shrugged my shoulders and went to the bathroom to take a shower, the truth is that if it wasn’t for that stupid visitor I wouldn’t take the shower at all today – maybe tomorrow evening or the next day would do. Unfortunately, it was a dinner and he was a guest and I was the CEO’s son so I have to at least save my dad’s face so I guess a shower is a must. I got shocked when I looked at myself in the mirror – I had enormous, almost-black circles under my eyes and with my white face and dark hair I looked like a zombie. I smirked – maybe the guest will get scared and go home early – yes, my black humour and optimistic attitude made me feel better.

**

I was slacking on the sofa, mindlessly changing channels pretending that I’m indifferent to the upcoming dinner but in fact I was anxious like hell inside. I should not make a fool out of myself for the sake of my father but knowing my tendency to be awkward among people I’m not so sure if we would make it through the dinner without any problems.

My mother shook my arm and I almost dropped the remote control. It turned out that she had been calling my name three times already but somehow I didn’t hear her.

“He’s just entered through the main gate.”

“So what?” I mumbled trying to sound naturally uninterested but, oh boy why was I so nervous?

Probably because he seemed to be my age and I’m the worst when it comes to interacting with my peers. The strategy to survive through this evening is not to lean out and answer only yes or no – in the end he’s my parents’ guest so it’s them who should amuse him with the conversation – I’m staying out of it.

Finally the doorbell.

I’d better stand up and greet him as he walks in – at least my parents will be there so they’ll do the talking and formally introduce us.

“Hello, I’m Lee SungYeol” I heard a familiar voice and saw him bowing deeply before taking off his shoes.

“Nice to meet you, we hope that you didn’t have many inconveniences during your way here. The weather is awful”

“Actually it’s perfect for a dinner inside – otherwise I would feel burdened that you waste your precious time because of me.”

“Don’t say that, I feel that my family…  that I owe you this… you lost your job because of… my son which means that you lost it because of me too… By the way this is the source of your bad luck.” he laughed at pointed at me. Dad always made fun of me but I knew that he did it in a friendly way. Ah,  he put me in an unpleasant situation since it was now my time to say something and my mind was blank, of course. A gummy smile appeared on the guest’s face as he reached his hand out inviting me for a handshake. He squeezed my hand tightly and apologised for calling me a thief.

“That’s ok” I mumbled staring at my feet. Luckily, father asked him to come in and we sat at the table.  The guest opened his eyes wide and asked:

“Do you expect some other guests today too?”

“No, why?”

“Because you prepared a lot of food” This made my parents laugh and my mom said that she just loves cooking and asked him about his mother.

“My mom likes cooking too, actually she owns a chicken restaurant in the city centre”

“Oh I guess your mother must me really pretty too since she gave birth to such a handsome young man.”

I couldn’t believe my ears, did my mom just call him handsome? I wonder which part of him is handsome - maybe she just wanted to be polite, however the guy still blushed at the compliment.

So the conversation went on; they were all polite and complimenting each other and did not pay attention to me which I found satisfactory but not for long. I decided to fill my mouth with food so that even when asked about something, I’d have time to think what to answer before I chewed and swallow.

“You must be very proud of your son – he eats so well” hearing this I felt that my ears started burning. Luckily  I voided further embarrassment when a sound of an incoming call could be heard in the room – it turned out that it was an important business call and my father had to leave the table.

So it was the three of us left; my mom seemed to like the guest and the conversation between them went on smoothly. At some point I got turned off and didn’t hear what they were talking about – what intrigued me was the guest’s voice and the way he was gesticulating – I had to admit that it was captivating. His eyes were sparkling, his hair seemed so soft and now, when he didn’t wear that idiotic cap he looked… different. His hands didn’t seem that lanky as I thought – actually the way he was holding chopsticks in his slender fingers got me. I’ve never done pictures of people but I got the feeling that he could be a model that a photographer never gets tired of. His face had perfect proportions too; and his hair again - his hair, which got a bit wavy because it was slightly damped with rain before, suit him so well, amazingly well. Why didn’t I take pictures of people before? Was I blind or something? Suddenly the chair under me seemed uncomfortable and  my fingers literally itched – I needed a camera desperately. I wasn’t aware of the fact that I was staring at him with my mouth open, holding chopsticks with a piece of meat half-way between the table and my mouth until I didn’t hear my name being called.

“Right, MyungSoo? MyungSoo?”

I shook my head “W-what?” I forced myself to stop looking at my perfect model to look at my mom.

“I was asking if you could show us some pictures of yours”

“What?”

“You don’t have to if it’s a problem” the guest must have felt uncomfortable.

“Of course it’s not a problem, right Myungsoo?” My mom insisted.

“Why would you like to see my pictures?”I asked and he shrugged his shoulders answering:

“Your mother said that you are keen on taking pictures, but to tell you the truth I’ve never been interested in such things – I believe that filming is way better to make beautiful memories.”

“No way, you don’t create memories with that, when you record there’s hardly anything to be told as everything could be seen, whereas with pictures it’s different”

“Still, filming is better”

I laughed, what a nonsense “What can you share while watching? No matter how many people watch the video all of them see the same film. When I show you a picture I can tell you my own memories and you can tell me yours as everybody pays attention to different things and only when the story is told together then that’s sharing memories” I felt so proud that I proved my point.

“Don’t tell  me that you remember every little detail of making of your each picture.”

“I may not, but the thing is that I don’t have to take pictures exactly for making memories.”

“Why do you take them then?”

“ To capture the beauty?” I looked at him like he was an idiot but he only crossed his arms and smiled at me which made me avert my gaze immediately “Show me the pictures because I can’t understand you at all.”

I looked at him one more time and at my mom who looked at me totally surprised as if I grew a second head or something – she knew that I like photography so what’s the big deal?

I quickly went to my room, fetched my tablet and came back downstairs where the guest was sitting at the table alone.

“Your mother’s friend came by and took her to the mall, at first she didn’t want to leave us but I told her that it’s ok and that she shouldn’t mind me, in fact I wanted to leave with her-” the guest was explaining everything even though I didn’t ask for it.

He wanted to leave? Already?

“Why? You told me to show you my pictures…?” I stretched my hands showing him my tablet.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable… You see, your mother told me that you are not fond of having … company.”

“Well it’s true that I don’t like company but your name isn’t company, is it?” I grinned at him but in my head I was asking myself : what the frick did I just say?

The guest  didn’t seem to care as he smiled at me too and waved his hand asking me to come closer and show him what I got.

So I showed him the pictures and there were many of them that he actually liked. We discussed them and other stuff and even had a small argument, but generally it was fun. Was interacting with people always that fun? SungYeol was very intelligent,  funny and looked like a school-star. I usually kept away from such people but, surprisingly, we got on really well.  

Talking with him was great. I already forgot about the thief-incident.

**

“So why did you work as a caddy?” I placed a cup of hot chocolate in front of my guest and sat in the sofa right next to him.

“Thanks… I just wanted to meet some rich businessmen and get them to sponsor me.”

I looked at him with an open mouth not being able to believe in his words but then he bursted out laughing:

“You should’ve seen your face! OMG Don’t tell me you were going to believe in that!”

I got a bit ashamed and murmured quietly “no… So why did you…?”

“I don’t know, it’s summer, I wanted a nice part-time job and since they were recruiting... besides I’ve got a favourite film which is about golf – maybe that’s why.”

“No kidding, really?” I almost choked on my hot chocolate

“What’s so weird about it?” he shrugged his arms.

“Because my favourite film is about golf too!” I changed my sitting position excitedly “What’s the title?”

“A gentleman’s game” he grinned expecting my answer.

“Yes!” I laughed “I can’t believe it! I thought people my age don’t like such films and stuff.”

SungYeol looked a bit confused as he asked “Do you remember how it ends though?”

I thought for a moment until I realised that I don’t. It was hard for me to admit that I don’t know how my favourite film ends but somehow I always ended up falling asleep as the film was reaching its end, but still I liked it a lot.  “No” I answered “But we can check, I’ve got the film on dvd.”

“Really?” SungYeol grinned “have you got some popcorn at home too?”

“Sure.”

So we prepared the popcorn and sat comfortably in the sofa. It was already dark outside: I thought that something must have been wrong with the time because today it went exceptionally fast.

We joked and commented on the film until I felt drowsy. I tried so hard not to fall asleep but it was stronger than me; besides, the warmth emanating from the person sitting right next to me as well as his arm (which now seemed to be calling me) were so tempting that there was no force in the world that would prevent me from leaning my head against his shoulder.

Luckily,  the other did not object to my behaviour which allowed me to relax and let the sleep take me to some nice place but as I was on the verge of falling asleep I felt the other’s head leaning on my own head. I didn’t have to see it to know that he was falling asleep too.

“Oh so that’s why you can’t remember the ending too” I smiled and closed my eyes but then I heard him saying in an exhausted voice:

“Yeah, we definitely have to watch  it again someday.”