Everything is numb. Maybe it all hurts a little bit too much, maybe he went too far, maybe the taste of alcohol lingers on his tongue for just a tad bit too long. If the bags underneath his eyes could speak they’d tell tales of endless sleepless nights, night after night spent waiting for him. The him that he knew all too well wouldn’t come back unless he needed something. Baekhyun spends hours in his living room downing bottle after bottle of soju. The ticking clock seems to mock him even louder as each minute passes, leaving nothing but his pathetic form on the cold hardwood floor. He’s cold without Chanyeol’s presence and he hates it. He hates that the moment the man shows up in front of his door he’ll pretend the pain didn’t eat him alive when Chanyeol leaves him in an empty bed every morning after. He hates that the CEO seems to care more for his image than the petite man he held in his arms, the same man that sings him to sleep each time. Most importantly he hates himself. Baekhyun hates himself for not being able to say no when Chanyeol whispers sweet nothings in his ear as he makes love to the older, hates him when Chanyeol says “I love you.” 

Baekhyun scoffs, another shot is downed. It’s only eleven pm and he feels another sob coming over his worn-out body. He’s so tired, so tired of this, of everything. This little routine they built wasn’t what he has made out his perfect love life to be, but here he was. Here’s the horrible repeating image of Baekhyun crying till he’s dehydrated wanting Chanyeol for himself. Baekhyun is selfish, he knows it. But so what? So what if he wants the love of his life to himself. He wants to shove those models that cling to Chanyeol’s arms off of the taller, he wants those girls that flirt with Chanyeol to know that he exists, that he’s the one Chanyeol spends his nights with. But he can’t. All because Park Chanyeol tells him that he has a professional business image to uphold. 

Baekhyun feels himself break apart more and more each day. He’s deteriorating and Chanyeol is never, and will never be by his side to see it. Baekhyun’s thinks he’s quite funny if you ask him, being left in the dust yet still following after the businessman. Almost like Pavlov's experiment. He’s broken into pieces beyond the point of repair and Baekhyun questions why he hasn’t left yet. It’s when Chanyeol whispers in his ear that one day they’ll be able to show off proudly to the world that they’re together. It’s when Chanyeol is so gentle in bed, caressing Baekhyun as if he’s fine china, able to break any moment. At that Baekhyun laughs, he’s ruined and yet Chanyeol isn’t mending him back together. 

Chanyeol presses on his doorbell leading to a shrill shriek ringing through the smaller’s apartment. Baekhyun stares at the door, Chanyeol knew damn well he had the code to the former’s apartment. Baekhyun can’t bring himself to get up, his legs shaking with fear of confrontation. When Chanyeol keys in the code he opens the door to a sight he doesn’t expect. The lights are off, the only source of light is the moonlight that seeps its way through the closed-off curtains of the living room. Soju bottles are strung out everywhere across the coffee table. Possibly the most shocking is Baekhyun’s glossy eyes that trail his every step across the shorter’s home. Chanyeol stares at the older, confused, worried written on his face. He furrowed his eyebrows as he smells the lingering alcohol in the room. Baekhyun was never much of a drinker. 

Baekhyun feels as if he’s mute. Chanyeol is standing in front of him clad in a black Balmain suit specifically made for him, with a matching black tie. His hair was slicked back and his wrist adorned with a Rolex that was probably able to buy the apartment that Baekhyun lived in. Chanyeol looked expensive. Maybe that’s why Baekhyun was never able to have him because he couldn’t afford it. Baekhyun lets out a low chuckle much to Chanyeol’s concern as he lifts the half-empty soju bottle back up to his parted pink lips. On contrary to how he would normally hide this side of himself from Chanyeol, Baekhyun was much too hurt for that now. The pain was suffocating almost like someone was cutting off Baekhyun’s airflow. 

When Chanyeol has had enough of the elder’s silence he walks over and yanks the bottle out of the latter’s small hands. Baekhhyun doesn’t put up a protest, simply stares at the ground. He doesn’t want to see Chanyeol, to look into those almond eyes filled with expectations for an explanation. “What is all of this?” the taller questions. There’s a sharp inhale that echoes through the room. Baekhyun whimpers at the authority in the younger’s voice. “Let’s end this, end us.” the latter whispers. It’s quiet but Chanyeol catches it. His large eyes seem to impossibly widen. “What?” Chanyeol asks, hoping he’s heard incorrectly. But when Baekhyun only repeats himself it feels like Chanyeol’s world is crashing down. “Why? Why do you want to leave?” he asks, he's cautious, afraid his voice will break. Baekhyun wants the floor to swallow him up. No matter how many times he rehearsed this in his head it’ll never go the way he wants, calm and collected because a certain giant makes him feel all too much at once. Before he knows it Baekhyuns crying. He’s pathetic and he knows it damn well too. With each movement Chanyeol makes Baekhyun can feel his resolve dissolving. “I can’t do this anymore Yeol..” he chokes out in between his tears. Baekhyun’s voice was breaking and he hated it, again, hating himself even more. “I can’t be your secret any more, I’m falling in love and I’m so so scared Chanyeol, you don’t and will never understand,” he mutters as he gets choked up by a sob. “You won’t understand what it’s like to love someone so much that you’d die for them, for them to leave you behind. I’m breaking and you’re never there to see it Chanyeol, all because of that damned image of yours. But it’s my fault. It’s my fault that I can’t help myself right? I see you with all those damned girls and it feels like I’m being stabbed with a dull knife. I try to remind myself that you tell me you love me but it's so hard, god it’s so ing hard Chanyeol.” By now Baekhyuns’ yelling. The tears running down his flushed cheeks only a painful image of his heart cracking. Chanyeol eyes are glazed over, he looks lost for once and Baekhyun wants nothing more than to run his thumb soothingly over the taller’s cheeks, but he continues. “It’s so pathetic that I miss your touch so damn ing much that I can’t even function, yet you seem to do just ing fine without me. I’m a selfish bastard and I know I am Chanyeol. I’m selfish for wanting you to myself, for wanting all those models to know that I’m the one you whisper sweet nothings to. But I can’t now can I? All because of your image. So Park Chanyeol, you can keep your image but I beg you to leave me out your sadistic little game if you aren’t planning to stay. It hurts Chanyeol, everything hurts.” 

            Baekhyun doesn’t know when his knees gave out but the next thing he feels is his body collapsing on the floor as another sob wracks his entire body. He knows Chanyeol is staring but he can’t help himself any longer. The taller man is rendered speechless. Chanyeol’s blood runs cold the longer he stares at Baekhyun, the longer he stares at the man that he’s head over heels in love with. His mouth is dry, his palms a sweaty mess as all he can do is watch Baekhyun bare everything to him. Chanyeol had never meant for it to all go down like this. He has never meant to make Baekhyun feel like he wasn’t enough like he was just a secret affair hidden from the public eye. Yet that’s exactly what he did to the smaller. Chanyeol had known Baekhyun’s eyes looked more distant or glazed over whenever he visited the elder but he had always tried to soothe it over with promises of their future. He had never realized how empty they all sounded to the bawling boy.

            Every minute that went by seemed like hours in Chanyeol's mind as he stood frozen in his spot, not knowing what to do. Baekhyun's sobs have reduced to quiet tears, he was tiring himself out. The only difference of Baekhyun crying himself to sleep tonight was Chanyeol's heavy presence. Warmth took over Baekhyun's shaking body as he was pulled into a hug by the taller. "Don't" he whispers his protest. But he's weak, far too weak to fight off a stronger Chanyeol. Soothing circles are rubbed on his back and he knows he's stupid for letting himself lean into the taller's touch. Soft whimpers leave his lips in protest when Chanyeol picks him up in one swift motion and places Baekhyun in his bed. Baekhyun thinks he already knows how this is going to end when he wordlessly watches the CEO change into some clothes that he keeps at Baekhyun's place. Before he knows it he's engulfed in Chanyeol's sturdy arms again. The latter pulls Baekhyun flush against his body, Baekhyun feels every inch of Chanyeol for the first time without the context that involved Chanyeol inside of him. Chanyeol can only stare at Baekhyun while he's fast asleep, he looked calm.

           Baekhyun's head was pounding when he opened his eyes. His alarm clock read eight am. In the second that he regained his senses, all the memories from the night before came crashing to him like waves abuse the shoreline. He scoffed, his bed was empty, it was nothing new. Baekhyun wouldn't be surprised if Chanyeol had left again. He was surprised however when the giant walks through his bedroom door freshly showered with a glass of water and painkillers. Chanyeol rushes to Baekhyun's side upon seeing that he was already awake. As Baekhyun gulps down his medicine Chanyeol can only softly the smaller's hair, hoping that it'll somehow calm down the pain he must've been feeling. An awkward silence fills the room after Baekhyuns finished gulping down the much-needed glass of water. Chanyeol clears his throat while speaking up first. Baekhyun's attention is automatically turned to the taller. "First, I'd like to say I'm sorry Baekhyun, I'm so damn sorry." Chanyeol voices out. "I never meant to make you feel like you weren't enough or that you were a secret affair that I was hiding. Every word I said to you was the truth. You mean so ing much to me and you have no idea about it. When I told you that I could see you in my future I meant it. I meant every part of wanting to adopt kids with you, coming home from work to you and having us as one happy family in a nice house that we decorate together. All those dates that I brought to those galas they never meant anything to me, all that was on my mind was how I could get home to you sooner. From now on, it's you and only you. I don't care about my reputation if it means I don't have you by my side. I know I never say it enough but I love you so ing much Park Baekhyun, please don't leave me puppy." Baekhyun doesn't know when he started crying but he only notices when Chanyeol's thumbs are wiping away the stray tears on his cheeks. Baekhyun lets himself throw his petite body in Chanyeol's lap as he wraps his arms around the younger, pressing soft kisses into the side of the Chanyeol's neck. Chanyeol chuckles as he pulls Baekhyun close, kissing the top of his head then resting his lips there, breathing in the scent that he missed oh so much. This was home.