"Are you sure the cameras are off?"

"It's past midnight. There's no filming, Yoda. Didn’t you have to know that after all these weeks?"

With one click, he opened the door to the cabin, where we rehearsed and perfected our vocal and rap parts until late into the night. In which we had crisis meetings or one-on-one talks with the current leader. In which we could talk to the family undisturbed and in which I had spent a lot of time with him alone, even if we were in different groups. To talk to him, to get to know him better and to kiss him senseless. The latter, of course, always when we knew the cameras were off. Countless times we had sneaked into the cabin late at night, even in the last few weeks, although we now shared a room. But who likes to make out with two others in the room?

It was an open secret among the other candidates that there was more than friendship between us. After all, they saw us flirting with each other every day and were witnesses several times, how we touched longer than was necessary or how we looked at each other. Sehun was even convinced that each time when we watched each other our eyes turned into hearts.

In short, we were clearly in love with each other right from the beginning and I was surprised to this day that the producers had not intervened and thrown me out of the show because they would never have let him go because he was perfect, he was the absolute total package. He was everything you wanted from an idol. He was a visual, his duality was not a joke. Within milliseconds, he could switch from cute to damn y. We had five perfect vocals this season and he was one of them. He was damn good at dancing and his body rolls were the hottest I've ever seen. His stage presence was unbeatable. When he entered the stage, all eyes were on him. And then there was his charming character. Everyone loved him. It was impossible to dislike him. He was funny, made everyone laugh and brightened up every mood. When he entered a room, the sun rose. His laugh was contagious, and he was ready for any nonsense. But he could be serious too, if required. He always worked very hard, was always one who left the training room last. He took nothing for granted. If anyone needed help, he was there for him and did his utmost to help. He was affectionate, warm-hearted and the best best friend one could ask for and he was an absolute boyfriend material. And I loved him with every fibre of my body.

And in a few hours, everything could be over for me. The finale came and I did not know if I could make it into the band. My ranking was shaky, and it varied from show to show. At one point I was in 5th place and the next week I was back at 11 and by no means in the band. Out of nine the band was supposed to be, and we were still 20. Eleven would go back to their agencies without a debut and after my ninth-place last week I was a shaky candidate while he was safely in the band. It would be a scandal if he, who was always ranked first or second, could not make it.

Funnily, it wouldn’t be the worst for me if I could not debut. For me it would be much worse to not have him around me anymore. No longer seeing him every day, not being able to hug him anymore when I felt like it and stealing from him all the kisses, I longed for 24 hours a day.

The door closed behind us and as always, we locked it behind us for safety's sake. Once Sehun had burst into our snogging, we thought it was better and risk-free. Sehun had never betrayed us and was a silent supporter. Sometimes I also suspected that he had founded a fan club behind our backs and that he was the president.

"Chanyeol-ah, what's going on?" He gripped my face with his hands and a shiver ran down my spine. I would miss the touch of his hands. I would miss his beautiful hands at all. They fit so perfectly in mine.

"It's all over tomorrow," I sighed. "Tomorrow at this time we go our separate ways. And that scares me."

He sighed heavily and his thumb my cheeks. "Yoda, we will not go separate ways. We will debut together."

"What makes you so sure? I was only at ninth place last week," I whined.

"And therefore, in the band. Does it ultimately matter whether you become ninth, fifth or second? You can come in ninth and still be the leader."

"As if I could be a leader," I huffed, but began to relax under his hands. His thumb pressed against my dimple at my cheek.

"Would you want me as a leader?" He asked me cheekily.

"For God's sake, no. I cannot imagine you babysitting eight members when you're full of a baby yourself," I grinned, and he began to sulk.

"Heeeey," he protested weakly.

"Be honest, do you really want to give up your position in the Beagle Line? Want to leave me and Jongdae alone, just so you can play daddy?"

His pouting turned into a broad, dirty grin and his dark brown eyes sparkled with amusement. "I would like to be your Daddy."

"No, baby, you're definitely not a Daddy. I don’t want to say that I'm Daddy, but still more than you. "

"You only say that because you're taller than me," he grumbled, releasing my face just so he could punch me lightly against the chest.

"Which is not a feat, Shorty", I laughed, holding on to his sweater paws as a precaution so he wouldn’t get the idea to tickle me. Pouting, he looked up at me and I couldn’t control myself anymore. So, I leaned down to him and pressed my lips onto his. "Seriously, baby ... you become the Centre. Everything else would be illogical. It's as safe as the amen in the church."

"Don’t say that," he murmured against my mouth, unwilling to interrupt the kiss completely. "Jongin is always on my tail."

"Jongin is a great dancer and looks damn good, but you're more than that."

"Yoda ... don’t badmouth him. Everyone deserves the title."

"I don’t criticise him. I really like him, but you much more", I smiled, handing out little kisses on his mochi cheeks.

"We both can do it. We're going to debut together in the band", he giggled. "I don’t want to do that without you."

"No! You will do it without me. Do you hear me? You don’t need me", I countered. I had to talk him out of this thought immediately.

"Do you really believe that? That I don’t need you, Park Chanyeol? Then you believe wrong", he muttered. "Don’t think that you like me more than I like you. I won’t give you up, even if we should be separated after the final."

I laughed dryly and leaned against the wall. "And how do you want to do that?"

"I don’t know", he whispered, stepping closer so that his chest was pressed against mine. His arms sneaked around my waist and he pressed against me, his head pressed against my collarbone. "That's why we have to make a debut together. Believe in us!"

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the head before burying my nose in his freshly washed hair. My heart was beating so fast and the three magic words were on my tongue, but I had never told them before. It was still too early for that and the moment had never been right. So, I swallowed them and closed my eyes as I mumbled softly "We are one".

 

 

 

Present time

 

I was tired. We were all tired. The last 2 months have been the most exhausting of my life, but also the most beautiful, when I looked at one or the other in the round. Three of us were already sitting in their winning seats. They were safe in the band. Oh Sehun had been the first of us and was eighth-ranked. He had made a big leap forward. Last week he was still at 12th place. Kim Junmyeon had defended his seventh place and he would be my preferred leader for this band because he was one of the oldest and most experienced since he had debuted with another band before Produce X 101. Kim Jongdae had slipped three places and landed in sixth place. That had shocked me because he had been in third place for four weeks.

Since my name hadn’t been called yet, I had no hope of joining the band anymore. I didn’t think that I had risen several places with today's performance.

We've been standing under the spotlights with our school uniforms for a while and I was so hot. My smile was just put on. Of course, I was glad for those who were called, after all, over time, they have become my friends, but it still hurt when your own dream more and more threatened to burst. Like now when Lay was called fifth. I clapped politely and hugged him in a brotherly way. The quiet Chinese with the sweet singing voice and the sickest dance moves deserved it. When he delivered his short acceptance speech, I looked to my left. With a blissful smile he stood there, completely relaxed and nodded in agreement with every word from Lay. He seemed proud of him what I understood well, after all, he had helped the Chinese a lot with his Korean. Still, it made me a little jealous that his attention was not on me, after all, these were probably the last minutes we would spend next to each other. In my mind, I had already said goodbye to the debut.

Trembling, I breathed in and crossed my fingers together, my shoulders drooping, and I chewed on my lower lip. I felt like crying. And since I was built very close to the water anyway, I fought against my tears. Beaten, I hung my head. I also did not look up when I felt a sneaky hand grazing between my crossed hands. Slim fingers slid between mine and I smiled weakly. It would have surprised me if he hadn’t realized that I had given up believing in our shared dream.

"Chanyeol-ah", he whispered barely audible. "Don’t give up. There are still five places left."

"And three of them are yours, Jongins and Kyungsoos", I whispered back.

"And then there are still two left."

"In fourth place, we have a rapper who has convinced us for show to show with his skills", I heard Lee Dongwook announce fourth place. My eyes fell directly on Mark and Taeyong. One of them would make it for sure.

"As the future main rapper of Exo, the producers voted for Park Chanyeol. So, he has risen five places."

My head had jerked so fast that I wondered that I had not suffered a whiplash from it. Incredulous, I opened my eyes.

"Chanyeol-ah, Chanyeol-ah, Channie, Yoda ... you did it", he cheered next to me, hopping up and down like a rubber ball or like a hyperactive puppy. He still had my hand in his and pulled my arm with each up and down movement. Still incredulous, I turned to him. He beamed at me and I realized that I hadn’t imagined my name. Stunned, but incredibly relieved, I dropped to my knees, leaving my tears free. It all happened within seconds, but it seemed like minutes to me.

My hand was released, but I felt an infinite amount of arms around me. All my new friends, who were still down on stage, fell on me to congratulate me. I laughed and cried at the same time and probably got the miserable hiccup of my life. As the others retreated to their standing places, two arms remained wrapped around me, the one who was the only one who did not return to his place next to me, and who was the most important to me.

"I knew it, Yeol. I knew it!" He breathed in my ear. "Oh god, I'm so proud of you! I love you! I love you so much!" My heart stopped for a moment, just so it could really take off to jump out of my chest. He had said that I hadn’t dared so far, for fear of frightening or shying him away. He kissed me on the temple and hugged me tight and I knew that if I had stood in that moment, my knees would have slipped away.

"Park Chanyeol, please take your place as the fourth member of Exo," Lee Dongwook's voice rang again. He had given me enough time to grab a hold of me, but the show had to go on.

My two dearest arms released me so I could get up before I could confess my love to him. Slightly shaky, I left him and the rest of the candidates heading for Lee Dongwook. On the way I bowed and stumbled almost once over my own feet. With trembling hands, I accepted the microphone that was handed to me, and I turned to the audience, the coaches, the former candidates, my family, and the rest of the boys, hoping their name would fall.

I spotted the tear-stained faces of my mother and sister, who, like me, could barely believe that I had finally made it.

I hadn’t prepared a speech because I thought I wouldn’t make it anyway. That's why it was a bit bumpy when I started to thank everyone. Again and again, I sobbed in between and had to pause to catch myself again.

Zico and Amber, who had us rappers taught everything they know, gave me a standing ovation. The two had always believed in me. Just like Kasper, who was so damn patient with me, when I could not move my stiff the way the choreography asked me to. I thought Amber even had tears in her eyes when I praised her in the highest tones.

When I was distressed, I tended to talk nonsense and not really think about what I said.

"Eomma, I hope you're proud of me now. Noona, your little brother has finally done something, which has nothing to do with annoying you", I grinned, as my big sister laughed and showed me a finger heart. My eyes wandered to the rest of the boys and my grin turned to a tender smile as my eyes found his. He had tears in his eyes and the sight alone was enough for me to sob again. "Baekhyun-ah, without you I wouldn’t have made it. You have done more for me than all the others together. In the two months you have become here the most important person for me." To clarify what I meant by "here", I put my hand on my chest. A subtle sign that he was my number one in my heart. "I've always relied too much on you and I still need you. That's why you have to come up here very quickly. I cannot imagine Exo without you. I need my soul mate here." With my arms I formed a heart over my head and with much Aegyo I pronounced what I had been holding back all the time. "Baekhyunnie, I love you!"

Since I no longer held the microphone right in front of my mouth, my declaration of love was not loud and clear to all. And for most it would have been just a friendly declaration of love anyway. Just as one said to his / her best friend, but Baekhyun had understood how I really meant it and that was the most important thing to me. He sent me back a big heart and his lips formed to his sweet kiss mouth.

Finally, I hugged Dongwook again and then climbed the steps to the seats. Sehun was the first to jump on me. Junmyeons hug was quieter, Jongdaes, on the other hand, was typically Jongdae. Loud and stormy.

"Yeah, long live the Beagle Line," he cheered, eliciting only a small sigh from Junmyeon. He already suspected what would happen to him. A wild, loud beagle-line, a 24/7 confused Lay and with Sehun a very affectionate, but bratty Maknae. I almost felt sorry for him, but only almost.

When I sat next to Lay, who had congratulated me shortly before with a slap on my , the nervousness returned. What if Baekhyun did not manage it? Jongdaes place had also fallen unexpectedly, while Sehuns and mine had surged surprisingly. The last voting was unpredictable. And it would not be the first time that a really safe candidate did not make it.

My breathing quickened in panic. Lay leaned over and laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "He will do it, Chan. Look at him. Who could refuse this puppy?"

And I did. I looked to Byun Baekhyun and like two months ago, when I saw him for the first time, I could not breathe at the sight of him. Maybe he was just a little bit more beautiful for me now than then, because now I also knew his inner beauty. Nevertheless, I remembered how it all started. The first time I seriously fell in love with someone and then into a boy. In a boy half a year older than me, who showed me that there was nothing wrong with being attracted to the same . Especially if one was attracted to Byun Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun was the most beautiful person I encountered in my almost 20-year life. And with only a momentary eye contact and a square smile, he became my focus.