Yujin's POV

 

"Annyeongz is dead"

 

"Wonyoung's back must hurt for carrying Annyeongz alone"

 

"Annyeongz is sinking"

 

"Yujin be loyal to Wonyoung challenge: failed"

     I read all of these comments, posts, and tweets all over the internet and they somehow never disappear. I sighed and just laid on my bed after turning off my phone and putting it on top of the drawer beside my bed. I closed my eyes as I sunk on the soft bed, only my soft breathing could be heard in the room that was dimly lit, the only source of light was from outside the door.

     Why is it my fault when I was the one who was hurt?

 

     I stared at the new girl as she was training hard on dancing, of course I did it as discreetly as possible. I stared at her through the mirror as I, too, was dancing a few steps on her right, behind her by just a few steps.

     I flinched and stopped dancing when I felt a nudge on my right side. I looked at the culprit and glared at her. It was my fellow Starship trainee, Kahyeon.

     "You know you're staring too much, right? She's pretty, isn't she? The fact that she's that pretty makes me so angry.", Kahyeon said jokingly with a soft voice, careful not to be heard by the new trainee.

     "She's younger than me but she's much taller than me.", Kahyeon whispered as I went to the side of the practice room to get my water bottle.

     "Everyone's taller than you", I said before drinking. I laughed when she slapped my arm and then I quickly whiped the water that escaped my lips with my sleeve.

     "Oh shi---. I think you're being way too obvious when you're staring at her, Yujin.", Kahyeon said as she pretended to look elsewhere. I noticed the anxious face she had when she looked at our direction before she stopped dancing and took a break at the corner of the room.

     "What do you mean by I'm being way too obvious. You we-", I immediately stopped talking when I noticed that the person I was talking to was no longer beside me. Kahyeon then came back holding two water bottles.

     "Talk to her. I feel like she feels lonely, being new and all. She needs a friend.", Kahyeon said as she put the bottle on my hand.

     "No way I'm gonna do that. It's not like you talked to he...", I was cut off when she spoke.

     "Oops, gotta go, Yujin.", she said before quickly going out of the room when she saw Minhee oppa walking outside. I just stood there for a while, contemplating whether I should really give this to her or not. I looked at her again, she really is alone, staring into the space while her sweat was falling from her face and as she fanned herself with her hands.

     "Uhm. Water?", I awkwardly asked when I walked towards her, scratching the nape of my neck as I was looking down on her because she was seated on the floor.

     "No thanks. I... I already have mine.", she shyly said before rummaging through her bag and showing this pink tumbler. It perfectly suits her personality, she looked like this really cute feminine baby.

    I just awkwardly nodded and went back to my old position. Well this  was awkward, I don't think we'll get along well.


 

    "You wanna have some, Unnie?", Wonyoung asked me as she scooped some of her ice cream and held it out near my mouth. Yeah, I guess I was wrong. We're now at a convenience store, sitting down and facing each other.

    I took a bite and made a disgusted face as I tasted the toothpastle-like ice cream. For that, I earned a slap on my arm and a glare from the younger girl. After a few weeks, I finally got to know her, before, I didn't even know her name.

     "Why react like that? It's good.", she said before taking another scoop and then eating it.

    "No, it isn't"

     "Yes, it is."

     "No, it isn't"

     "Yes, it is."

     "No, it isn't."

     "Yes, it is."

     "Yujin is cute."

     "Yes, it i---", before she could finish she put on a disgusted face when she realized that she was tricked.

     I threw my face towel soaked with my sweat to her face and then she glared at me. I laughed even more at her reaction, and then after a while, she did too. It's fun being with her, I realized as I was staring at her as she laughed. It's nice to have a friend.


 

     Friend, my . I silently said in my head as I felt a hand wrap around my waist. She was behind me while I laid in my bed. I was lucky that I was facing the opposite direction, if not, then she would've seen the light hint of red on my cheeks. I felt ridicilous for being scared after I realized that she's still sleeping, judging from the light snores I heard behind me. I took a deep breath because my breath hiitched when she went a bit closer and hugged me tighter. I could now feel her hot breath on my neck.

     Help me Gosh Jihyo, why is this kid like this? This friend is making me feel weird.

     I slowly lifted her arm and turned around, placing her arm again carefully after successfull facing her. I stared at the sleeping baby and looked at her face, every part of it. Her long eyelashes, her perfect nose, her cute little mole and then her lips. I got stuck at her lips and was unable to remove my eyes from it for a while.

     Not until I felt her shift. I immediately closed my eyes and pretended to snore loudly.

     "Hmmm. Unnie?", she asked, sleepiness still evident in her voice. When I didn't respond, I heard her giggle and then it went quiet again after a few seconds. I felt my chest feel warm at the sound of her giggle. Why does it suddenly sound so addicting?

     I tried to go back to sleep, thinking maybe I just missed her after having not to see her for a few weeks because she got sick. Maybe it's just that I'm happy to see her again, that's why I feel this way.



 

     The three of us squealed when we were notified that we got in Produce 48. We were jumping and hugging each other with the thought of debuting together. Kahyeon, Wonyoung and I hoped that the three of us will make it to the final line-up. I looked at my two dorky friends and smiled, we can do it.



 

     I heard her sniffs even when she was under her blanket, I knew that she was crying. I tried to not make a sound as I laid on her bed too, checking carefully if I haven't woken up other trainees. She then stopped sniffing and pretended to be asleep.

     "I know you're awake.", I whispered to her and put my hand on her waist.

     Wonyoung slowly pulled down the blanket from her face. I saw how her hair was dissheveled, her face was red and her eyes were puffy. I used the sleeve of my jacket to wipe her tears.

     "Gosh, you kid. Look at all your tears, snot and saliva.", I said, still wiping. She lightly punched my stomach and whined. I laughed at her cute reaction.

     It was silent for a while as I waited for her to let it out.

     "Kahyeon unnie.", she said, sadness written all over face, thinking about the elimination earlier.

     "I honestly can't tell you to not be sad because I'm sad too. But... But you know, she probably would laugh at you if she saw you crying.", I chuckled at the thought of Kahyeon teasing the cry baby beside me. Wonyoung just glared at me but smiled too.

     "I just mean that she'll say you're being such a cry baby. I think she's sad but I also know that she wants us to continue, even if it's without her.", I said as I carefully removed the stray hair on her face and fixed it on the side of her face, my hand slightly touching her face. I saw her ears get a bit red as she was still staring at me.

     "And it might not be obvious, but I'm your unnie too, you know? I'm here for you too. I at this but uhm... I don't know, you can lean on me. I'll be here. Let's just work hard so that both of us can at least make it, for her. For you. For us.", I said to her, not being able to look at her properly because she was staring at me the whole time, listening intently to my words.

     "Okay, unnie. We'll work hard and debut together. Promise me?", she looked at me expectantly and held out her pinky finger. I linked it with mine.

     "Promise.", I said. She then nuzzled against my neck to hug me tighter but I pushed her away a bit. She looked at me with a confused face.

      I gathered all of my courage and held both of her cheeks before moving my face nearer to hers and kissed her. On her forehead. I then put my hand on her waist again as she nuzzled on to my neck again, hugging her tighter as she does.

      Perhaps, I was wrong. I didn't just miss her. I realized as I felt the irregular beating of my heart, the warmth I feel in my face and chest and the smile slowly creeping on my face.



 

     I stared at her while she was on stage, holding a mic as she looked at us. Lee Seunggi-sunbaenim asked her who she wanted to team up with. I smiled and straightened out the way I sat as I proudly said that she'll choose me. I had a smug look on my face as I waited for my name. But my smile faded when I heard her mention someone else's name.

     I noticed how she got closer with Miru-chan. She no longer hung out with me, instead I saw her always being touchy with her. I'm not mad at Miru-chan or anything but I feel like Wonyoung just suddenly replaced me. I mean, I get that they've been in the same team more than once but that I've been with her longer.


 

     I stared at them as they ate together. From the other table, I could still hear their laughter. Why are they so loud?

     I heard something break as I looked at the way she smiled at Miru-chan while feeding her.

     "Woah there, Yujin. What did the chopstick ever do to you?", I was sent back to my senses when I heard Yena unnie's voice. I was going to start eating but then I saw that one of my chopsticks was broken.

     I never got the chance to hang out with Wonyoung anymore because she was always with Miru-chan. I decided to just ignore everything, including her. Why should I care about her? She clearly forgot about me already.


 

      I put on my shoes and went through the door. I was excited to see my subway ad. Before I could even continue to walk, I felt someone hold on to my wrist. I looked down and followed the owner's arm by looking up to see who was pulling me.

     "Let's go there together, unnie.", Wonyoung said cheerfully. I scoffed and pulled my hand away from her hold.

     "Why don't you just go with Miru-chan or whatever?", I said, feigning annoyance but deep inside, my heart was beating quickly again.

     She linked her arms with mine and didn't even to bother answer my question. She then pulled me so that I'd start walking. I sighed and gave up. Who am I kidding? I'm so whipped, I can't even get mad at her.



 

     As we were taking pictures, I felt my brain suddenly stop  processing. As I was posing in front of my Ad, she hugged me from the back and nuzzled closer until there was no space left. She smiled as we heard the camera clicks. Why is she doing this to me?

      I can even hear my own heartbeat, I'm afraid she'll hear it. Stop.



 

      I could barely breathe as I waited for her name to be mentioned. Being in the 5th place, I still was nervous as I waited for Wonyoung's name to be called. I was sure she got in but doubt was still present, knowing MNET.  When her name was announced as the center, I felt genuinely happy for her and for myself too of course, knowing we'll be debuting together, just like we've promised.


 

      After shooting, I felt her suddenly pull me into a hug. The two of us were now at our dorm at our own company now, after all of them congratulated us, especially Kahyeon.

     I hugged her back and smiled. I whispered into her ear and said, "We made it.". Perhaps this was my favorite place, in her arms.

     Oh shijxisjs. My face suddenly felt warm after she pulled away. She suddenly kissed on me on the cheeks, smiling at me after. She did it without even a warning. I had to hug her immediately to hide my face and ears. I couldn't let her see how flustered I was.

      "I saw how red your face is, Unnie.", . She said while she was hugging me. She then giggled like it was nothing.



 

     This was it. As we rode in the backseat of a car to our new dorm, the thought of debuting was finally sinking in. I looked at the nervous girl beside me. She was clearly anxious as her fingers were fidgeting and she looked everywhere, not being able to just look at one thing.

     I held on to her hand and said, "It's gonna be great. I'm here with you every step of the way.", without even looking at her. After a while, I felt her calming down and then she stared at me and smiled.

     Her hand is warm and soft, and fits perfectly in between mine. I could feel weird things in my stomach as she moved her thumb across mine slowly, again and again. I still looked straight ahead but I could see her stifle a smile as she looked away.



 

      Reading our fans' posts were heart-warming. Despite a lot of people throwing hate at us, the people who appreciate us overshadowed them. I feel like working even harder as they send more and more of their words. I couldn't help but smile while I laid on my bed, pretending to be asleep already and while trying hide from my roommates while I'm under the blanket.

      One thing caught my eye though. My eyes widened and I stopped scrolling as I looked at the picture of me and Wonyoung. It was the hug from when we were in front of my ad.

     I bit my lip as I clicked on the hashtag and name I've been seeing recently, finally figuring out what the word meant after mixing my name and Wonyoung's. It was cute but it was making my heart beat faster, it's dangerous.

     All these moments of us appeared. What got to me was how they observed every little detail. How I stare at her, how I smile when she's with me and how I cling to her when I miss the warmth of her hands.

      It wasn't just me though. There were moments where she'd look at me like I was the only thing she could see. There were moments when she'd smile because of me. There were moments when she'd hold on to me, too, like I was the only person she had.

     I immediately closed my phone. If I keep on watching, I feel like I'd expect that it was real. I'd by lying if I said that I didn't want it to be though. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to force myself to sleep. I closed my as I struggled to surpress myself from screaming and smiling as the videos of us were playing in my mind again and again, making my heart and every part of me feel so damn high.



 

      She's really the center. I watched the outcome of our hardwork as we all looked at the music video, through the computer's screen. Perhaps it's because of her height, perhaps because she's literally at the center or perhaps it's because she's as pretty as a rose that I couldn't take my eyes off her. Screw it, perhaps it's because she's Jang Wonyoung. It's because I like Jang Wonyoung and I've finally come to accept my feelings for her.

      I looked at her at the girl beside me as watched the music video with her beautiful smile. She really deserves to be the center and perhaps everything in the world.



 

But apparently, that's not what a lot of people think.


 

      I looked for her everywhere- at every dorm, and at every room but she's nowhere.

      I finally saw her in the practice room. I could see that she was training very hard from the mirror as I hid behind the door and discreetly looked at her. She was clearly tired, with a lot of sweat having already formed all over her body. Her face was a bit wet but it wasn't because of the sweat.

     I stared at her as she continued to cry while dancing. After a few minutes, she just sat down on the floor, her knees giving up as she continued to cry.

      "You know it's already late in the evening, right?", I said as I finally entered the room, my left hand behind my back as I did. She quickly tried to wipe her face and fixed her hair, trying very hard to cover up the fact that she cried.

      I closed the speaker and went to sit beside her at the middle of the practice room. It was silent for a while but then I spoke.

      "Just cry, you baby. Let it all out.", I said as I turned my head to look at her. She hesitated and was silent for a while. But she did anyways.

      "Unnie!", she cried as she hugged me tightly. I just continued to pat her back with my free hand as she spoke.

      "Why am I not enough for them? I... I'm working very hard, but why isn't it ever enough? When I read their comments about me not deserving to be in my position, I've had so many sleepless nights just so I could make my dance perfect. I've practiced singing until my throat got sore. I've even tried not to eat as much as I did before but why am I still not enough? What did I do wrong? Why don't they like me?", she cried out. I hugged her as I felt her weaken. My left hand still hiding what I bought for her.

      It hurts to see her like this. The girl who's young, bright, kind and talented is now breaking down in front of me, feeling like she isn't enough.

     I just let her cry and let it all out. I waited till she was calm. After a while she sat straight and rubbed her hands together. Only now did I notice how cold it is.

     I removed my jacket. I saw her hold her hand out. I didn't know what she was saying or asking for. I put my jacket over my head to try and cover my face.

      "What? What are you doing, Unnie?", she said after I put it on my head.

     "I'll say things that I don't usually say so I need to cover my face so that I won't get embarrassed in front of you.", I answered.

     "You're weird but okay.", I heard her say before laughing. At least now she's laughing.

      "You deserve your position. I don't know how some people could hate you but it's the way it is. We're idols now, Wonyoung. People will see us and love us for who we are but not everyone will. Don't worry about what the people who hate you. What matters is that I like you.", I said to her. I heard her gasp a bit but I continued. I was curious of how she reacted.

     "We like you. We know the real you. Shouldn't what we, people who know you and have been with you, feel matter more than those who only see your flaws because they can't accept how great you are or how better you are than them?", I said to her and tried to put my hand on her shoulder. I was waving my hand everywhere like a weird person until she held it and made my hand cup her face.

      Good thing I had this jacket over my head. I'm blushing so hard when I felt her soft cheeks.

      "Thank you for being such a great friend, unnie.", she said. I would've been happy if she didn't mention that word. A friend. That's all I am.

      I put my hand away from her face as I removed the jacket from my head and put it on her shoulders. I looked at her with a stern face.

     "Am I really just that to you, Wonyoung?", I asked her. I saw her brows furrow at what I said.

     "Am I really just a friend?", I asked her.

      "Wh--- what do you mean?", she stuttered while asking me, not being able to look at me in the eyes.

      I finally held out my left hand and showed her the silver necklace I bought. It had a silver rose at the center, just like her, it shined at its place.

      She looked at it for a few seconds. I was holding my breath as she slowly reached for it.

      Or that was what I thought she would do.

      But instead she closed my hand and made it into a fist, making me hold the necklace tightly while she used both of her hands to keep my hand shut.

     "I'm sorry, unnie.", she said and then looked at me. I was still looking at our hands, afraid that if I looked at her, my heart would break.

      "I don't feel the same way. I don't... I don't like you. I'm sorry.", she said and finally let go of my hand. I just looked down and looked at her feet as she walked out of the room. After a few minutes, I stood up and left the room too.



 

      I finally cried when I reached and sat down on my bed, not even bothering to open the light. I just cried as I recalled what she said.

     Suddenly, I heard the door open.

      "Oops. I'm sorry. Wrong room.", she said immediately after opening it. She then closed it quickly. I laughed at her weirdness.

      "But we're roommates, Unnie.", I said to her, knowing that she's still probably standing by the door.

      "Right. Uhm... Are you okay?", she asked while she was slowly opened the door, only her head could be seen as she asked me.

     "No.", I honestly said. There was no point in lying when it's clear in my voice.

      I saw her silhouette try to turn on the light.

       "MINJOO UNNIE! NOOO!", I screamed to stop her but she already turned it on.

      I screamed again when she turned already it on. I quickly covered my face as it was a mess after crying so much.

      "I saw you already!", She just laughed at me while I was still covering my face. She's still standing by the door while her hand is on the switch.

     "Unnie, please just close it again.", I pleaded, my face red from embarrassment. She turned it off after a few seconds but she just stood there by the door.

      "Unnie? Why aren't you moving?", I asked her as I removed my hands from my face.

      "I'm scared.", she said. I groaned jokingly as I just covered myself with the blanket and sat on the bed.

      "Okay,  you can open it now.", I said to her. I heard the switch and then the room was bright again. She laughed at me again.

     "What are you doing?", she asked as she stepped closer. I then felt something heavy on my bed. She sat down beside me.

     "I'm trying to cover myself of course.", I answered which earned a chuckle from her.

     "Sooo? What happened?", she asked me. I couldn't tell her. I don't know how she'd think about how I feel for a girl. For a girl.

      "I... I---", I didn't know what to say so my voice trailed off. I gave up and sighed as I laid on the bed.

     "It's fine. I mean, if you're not ready to tell me, then don't. Just know that I'm here for you, alright?", she said as she patted my head.

     "Thank you, unnie.", I said. I then felt my bed sink, clearly she laid on the bed beside me.

     She then hugged me while I was still covered by the blanket. I felt like my breath hitched.

      I literally can't breathe.

     "Un--- unnieee...Unnie", I said. It was barely even a whisper.

      "Hmmm?", she asked while her arms were still around my waist.

     "Breathe... I... I...I can't.", I said, unable to breathe under my blanket.

     "Oh right. Sorry.", she said as she let go of me. I took a deep breath.

     I then moved the blanket a bit, just enough so that my face could be seen. I laughed at Minjoo unnie while we were facing each other and she laughed at her own stupidity too. She then hugged me again.



 

      This feels right. I stared at Minjoo unnie while we were seated under a tree in the park. She's much different now, with a different hair color and she's much closer to me now.

       I stared at the pink-haired girl as she was looking for something in her phone. I smiled, happy to have someone who's there for me every time just like I was there for her too. She listens to me and takes care of me, I treat her like that too.

     "Ahhh, here's the camera app I told you about. Here, quickly take a picture of us.", she said as she handed me the phone.

     "What? Why me?", I asked her as I stared at her.

     "Because your arms are longer!", she said to me, making me laugh. I then held the phone upwards as we smiled in front of the camera. She leaned her head on my shoulder as I took the picture.

     I then took the necklace I've been hiding and held it out in front of her face, the necklace hanging from my hand.


 

Wonyoung's POV

      I stared at Yujin unnie as she showed and gave the necklace to the girl beside her while. I felt someone step closer to me and stand beside me.

     "I've noticed how you and Yujin haven't been talking. Did you guys fight?", Chaeyeon unnie asked. I still stared at the two girls who are now laughing.

     "No. I just... I. It's my fault.", I answered Chaeyeon unnie and faced her while I smiled sadly.

      "Why? What did you do?", she asked as she too stared at what I was staring at.

     "I lied.", I said to Chaeyeon unnie before taking one last look at them and then walking away to the other members. I smiled at them like a tear didn't just fall from my eye.

"I lied about how I really felt."