SEONGWU’S POV

First love? Some people would say that unrequited feelings can be considered as first love while others would say that for it to be considered as first love it should be mutual. They say first loves will always have that space in your heart and that it’s really hard to forget them. Well for me, first love is simple and he is ‘Kang Daniel’ 

The first time I saw Kang Daniel was during the freshmen orientation 3 years ago. He was wearing a white button-up shirt tucked in a ripped denim jeans. I remember how everyone was stunned by him including me of course. I mean who wouldn’t, he was almost perfect, with that broad shoulders, innocent eyes, red hair and squishy cheeks. The first thought I had was he was weird, I mean it was weird that his body and his face were in contrast. His face was cute and innocent like a puppy attached to a body of a wolf or a lion, wild and cunning. Now though, I think I can say that it’s his charm, I mean how many guys are there who has a disney face and a marvel body? None right, only him or at least for me.

We share almost all our classes together like we were destined to be together. Well that was during first year because for the next years I made sure that I’ll go to the same class with him. We’re not friends but he and his friends know me. How? Well let’s just say that almost everyone in the campus know that Ong Seongwu is Kang Daniel’s number 1 admirer. Yes, people know that I like him. You thought he was my secret crush? Well I don’t like the thought of secret crushes, it’s a bit old school don’t you think. I mean being confident is the key to success besides, I’m very good looking some people are head over heels for me and I’m smart I am always number 1 in our class so who wouldn’t say yes to this face right? Who wouldn’t like me? Well the answer is of course Kang Daniel. Yes, I don’t have a secret crush but I have an unrequited love since 3 years ago. 

The first time I confess to Daniel was on the last day of our second semester during first year. I’ve kept my feelings for a year but I was determined that day to tell him what I feel. I was expecting he’d say that he felt the same way about me and that he’ll ask me to be his boyfriend. I didn’t expect though that he’d say he has a girlfriend and he thank me for liking him. Can you believe that, I the great Ong Seongwu had been rejected by his long time crush. I thought he was just joking that time when he said that he has a girlfriend but on the next day I saw him kissing a girl at the park. I was mad at Minhyun that time since he ditched me so I wanted to eat alone in the park. That was probably the first time I cried because of someone else. I didn’t stop though, I didn’t stop liking Daniel. Well it wasn’t that easy, I like him a lot like a lot, a lot. If there’s something people should know about Ongs aside from our unique family name is that we never give up easily. I mean so what if he had a girlfriend, I’m sure as hell they’ll break up sooner or later. As long as he’s not married yet, I know I still have a chance. So I didn’t give up, even if Daniel had another girlfriend and boyfriend after that first relationship. I didn’t care. I chased after him like a loyal cat. I give him gifts, I help him with his assignments, I watch every basketball game and dance competition he was in, I always tell him that I like him but his answer never change. ‘Thank you’. That’s what he always tells me but it’s okay I knew and I was determined that some day that will change to ‘I like you too’. Just thinking about it makes my heart beat so fast it could actually rip out of my chest. It made me feel giddy and more determined to get Daniel. 

However, just like what some people say, people have limits on what they do and how much they can tolerate. As for me, I think I’ve reach that limit where I can no longer deal with the pain of rejection and crushed hope every time.

“Hyung, what the are you doing?” Woojin asks as he sat beside me

I ignored his question and lift up the cardboard so Jihoon could see it

“Hey Hoonie, do you think this color goes with white or a black background?” I asked seriously

“Yah Hyung, I’m the only one who’s allowed to call him Hoonie, he’s mine” Woojin exclaimed, I could feel the glares seething through my head. I sigh.

“Geez, calm your jealous sparrows Wooj, it’s not like I’ll steal your boyfriend from you” I said as I nudged Woojin’s shoulder

“Jihoon-ah help me, which color does it suit better hmm?”I ask Jihoon again, this time with his name because the kid beside me is already sulking.

“I think it would suit the black color more Hyung. Maybe you can add some red on it so it would look more classy” Jihoon said expertly

“Thanks man, I love you. This is why you’re my favorite dongsaeng” I said winking at him

“Seongwu hyung” Woojin yelled and I just chuckle at him. He gets jealous easily. I rub his hair and mess it up a bit.

“Aigoo! What a possessive boyfriend you are. I’m not gonna steal jihoon from you don’t worry, we both know I’m already taken” I said confidently

“More like, you’ve always been rejected since first year” Guanlin said teasingly and I glared at him

“Shut up Lin, this is why you’re not my favorite dongsaeng anymore” I said as i stuck my tongue out to him

“Ong, isn’t that a little too much? It’s not like the competition this afternoon is inter-collegiate or something, it’s just for our PE class and Daniel is not even in our team. Minki will surely be mad at you for supporting the other group instead ours” Minhyun said eyeing the colorful cardboard with ‘Shoot those balls Kang Daniel :)’ written on it.

“It’s not like I’m cheering for the whole group, I’m just cheering for the love of my life” I retorted

Minhyun probably thought there was nothing he could do to stop me so he just ignored me and continue to eat.

THIRD PERSON POV

During the game Seongwu cheered the loudest for Daniel and he didn’t care even if Minki and Dongho was glaring at him for cheering the other group. They both had their own cheering cardboards for Aron and Jonghyun. Before the second half of the second quarter ended, Daniel was pulled out of the game since he keeps on missing some shots and passing the ball to the other team. Daniel was the captain of the basketball team for their campus and it was unusual for them to see Daniel so distracted. To say that Seongwu was worried is an understatement because he wanted to go down the bleachers and talk to Daniel, ask him what was wrong. 

Usually at the end of every game, Daniel would take a shower first and change his clothes before he leaves the court but for some reason right after he was pulled out he picked up his bag, bowed to the coach and apologize before he stormed off the court. Since Seongwu was really worried and he was naturally nosy, he sneaked out of the court telling Minhyun he had to follow Daniel.

“Daniel-ah” Seongwu screamed as he catch up with Daniel. The other didn’t turn to him instead he just continue to walk, even faster than before. 

Seongwu half walked half ran since Daniel was already a few meters away from him and he didn’t really want to lose Daniel.

He grabs Daniel’s elbow as soon as he could reach the younger.

“Hey, slow down. What’s wrong? Is everything--” He couldn’t finish what he was saying since Daniel cut him off

“It’s none of your business Seongwu” Daniel scowled at him. Seongwu almost shivered from the cold voice

“I kno-”

“Well then if you know, what are you still doing here? You’re not suppoosed to leave class until the prof dismisses the whole class. You should know that as the Monitor of the class” Daniel yelled at him, pulling his arms from the older’s hold harshly

“I’m just worried a--” 

“Who told you to ing get worried? It’s not like I’m your ing boyfriend or something. Quit being delusional Seongwu, I told you I don’t like you and no matter what you do or what you say. I will never ever like you. God, don’t you actually feel ashamed or embarrassed, how many times do I have to actually reject you for you to ing leave me alone? Do yourself a favor Seongwu, leave me alone and off” Daniel yelled and turns away, leaving a dumbfounded Seongwu.

He could feel the tears slowly forming on his eyes. He glance around and thankfully, no one saw what happened, he couldn’t bare to think about the humiliation he’d get due to that. He still wanted his reputation untainted. He walks on the direction of the exit with his head bowed down. He didn’t want to risk anyone catching him crying. He had been rejected by Daniel multiple times but he was never that harsh to him. 

He didn’t know how he was able to reach his house on that state, he keeps on sobbing that some people were eyeing him weirdly. When he reach his house, it was empty his parents were out until 6PM and his sister is probably still at work as well. He went to the kitchen to grab a pitcher with cold water and a glass while still sobbing. Upon reaching his room, he locks the door and put the pitcher with the glass on his bed side table. He drops his bag on his study desk and jumped on his bed. He finally let his emotions take over his body. He cried and sob so hard for a long time that night. He didn’t stop even when his mom and his sister ask him what was wrong he just told them he had a really bad day and he didn’t want to talk about it yet. He cried and cried until there were no more tears coming out. He was like a baby wailing out but he didn’t care because he was hurting, big time. He felt as if his heart was being crushed slowly and harshly. 

A part of him was telling him that maybe Daniel was really stressed out today since he was also distracted during the game. He keeps on convincing himself that Daniel didn’t mean to shout at him but then again who was he fooling, even if Daniel didn’t mean to shout at him, the words he uttered were true. Daniel never liked him the same as he do, he was the shameless prick who keeps forcing himself to someone who would never look at him romantically and that for Seongwu, actually . He’s handsome, smart and very much boyfriend material, who was Daniel to say those things to him. He had like Daniel for a long time now but that doesn’t mean he could say those harsh things to him. Daniel said it as if he was some desperate lunatic who wants a lot of attention. He screamed on his pillow until he felt his throat aching. He wiped his tears harshly glaring at the cardboard he made last night. He only had 2 hours of sleep because of that stupid cardboard. He stands up from his bed and pick up the piece of trash. He went down outside their backdoor and open up the big trash can there throwing away the cardboard. 

“Kang Daniel, I hate you so ing much. I regret loving a jerk like you for the past 3 years. You’re just a stupid conceited jerk. God I hate you” Seongwu exclaimed as he spit on it and kick the trash can. He went back up to his room and his tears came out of his eyes again. That night, he cried himself to sleep.

The next day Seongwu cursed himself for crying so much the other night which caused his eyes to be so puffy he looked like a mess, a real messy mess. His parents were worried about him but he just told them he’s fine now. His sister even warned him not to do anything stupid. He assured his parents and his sister that he won’t do anything stupid and that he’s really okay.

“Yah! What the hell happened to you? You look like some insect had bitten your eyes or something” Minhyun greeted him as soon as his best friend saw his state.

“You’re overreacting, It’s not that bad” Seongwu said although he knows it was really bad, he was even surprise when he saw himself on the mirror he thought he was cursed or something

“Yeah right, what happened to you? You didn’t text me when you arrived home and just so you know you owe me lunch today, I had to lie to the professor to cover up your ” Minhyun said as they walk to their first class

“Sorry about that, I forgot to turn on my phone last night. Don’t worry I won’t do any more stupid things like yesterday” Seongwu said bitterly

“Ong, what happened? Was Daniel okay? He was really kind of off yes--” Seongwu cut Minhyun off

“Please don’t mention his name, it makes my blood boil” Seongwu spit out which Minhyun just raised an eyebrow to.

They both sat on their seats and waited for the professor, Minhyun keeps on asking what happened but he wasn’t in the mood to explain anything to anyone. He wanted to curse