Johnny woke up with a cough, nose blocked, head heavy, body sore. “Goddamnmit,” he cursed under his breath. He grabbed his phone next to his bed side.

0100.

1 am?

He looked around his bedroom, shared, bedroom with Jung Jae Hyun. Who looked happily asleep and HEALTHY. Is that ert smiling in his sleep?

Gross

Slowly, Johnny brought his heavy body up, and towards the bathroom. He proceeded to look in the mirror after turning on the light. “Well I look like ,” he chuckled to himself, and washed his face with cold water, and it was extra cold that night.

Off to the kitchen to look for cold medicine, quietly closing the door behind him. It was dark, no one was awake.

He dragged himself to the kitchen and started looking for medicine, in every cabinet.

“Excuse me sir but are you stealing our food?”

Oh No. Ten.

Johnny turned his head towards the voice, and saw Mr Chittaphon leaning against the wall, arms crossed, head also leaning against the wall.

“Um…yeah… wait. No, Im going to bed” Johnny wanted to escape. But his body was failing him.

RUN FASTER YOU USELESS LIMBS

“Will you calm down, I’m not going to eat you big boy” Ten smirked, and slowly went to rummage for something in the cabinets as well.

“Are you sick as well?” Johnny asked lazily, with his nasally voice.

“No, Mr Seo I am not, hahah, but I will be soon thanks to you”, Johnny missed the last part of that sentence.

Ten turned around, he was holding a cup of water, it was cloudy water, walked slowly towards Johnny slowly.

“Drink Up and go to bed baby. You’ll feel better. It’s my special remedy, it will change your life” Ten offered him the drink and 2 pills, he chuckled to himself at the pet name he gave Johnny.

What are YOU smiling about. Can I even trust this guy? Johnny wondered, he remembered the last time Ten offered him a drink when he was tipsy at a party. Then, he woke up in Ten’s bed with bruises on his neck and body, on Ten’s body as well. He tried to shake off the thought, but it was getting him in the mood.

It’s the fever Johnny. Calm down. He mentally reassured himself that he was straight. I AM STRAIGHT

And he gulped down the pills along with the drink.

Ten smiled, and grabbed the glass from him, turned around to place it on the sink.

Turned back to face Johnny, he came too close for comfort, Johnny flinched slightly,

Ten noticed.

He went of his tippy toes and placed the back of his palm on Johnny’s forehead, “I think you have a fever Johnny Boy, I have a fever patch in my room, let me take you to it yeah?”. Ten asked, his eyes bore into Johnny’s and he raised his eyebrows slightly.

“What? I thought you-“, Ten pulled Johnny to his room by the arm. “Knew.”

What did he feed me then? I feel weird.

“Take off your top, you’re not lying on my bed dirty”, Ten commanded while changing into his sleepwear.

Johnny looked at Ten the whole time Ten was stripping off his T=Shirt and Sweatpants.

Dazed at the small frame of the Thai boy, all smooth and flexible, not a hint of flaw.

I’m losing it.

“Are you not gonna change baby?” Ten asked, and came closer to Johnny, he pushed Johnny to sit on his bed by the shoulders. He straddled Johnny.

“woah…” Johnny said, not moving, more like. UNABLE to move anymore. He felt hot all over, his arms acted on his own and held Ten’s hips firmly. He always imagined Ten like this, in his arms, teasing him, looking at him with endearment, was he dreaming? Cause everything seemed extra colorful tonight in Ten’s room, in his arms.

Ten stared at Johnny’s sleeping face, he started coming down from his high slowly and back to his sense.

And the whole world stopped, for Ten at least. He haven’t felt so alive in a long time just now, and now he never felt worst… he felt sick, shocked at what he was capable of doing to his best friend. Ex-bestfriend probably.

He sighed… “Goodnight Mr Seo.”

************************************************************************************

Johnny woke from his slumber slowly.

Heyyyy, I DO feel a lot better. Where am I?

Oh no…

Ten’s room.

Ten doesn’t share with any of our members, he somehow got the manager to grant him his own room.

Johnny propped himself on his elbows slowly, and looked next to him.

He saw Ten sleeping peacefully next to him, hugging onto a pillow. What’s HE smiling about? Another sicko like Jung JaeHyun, smiling in his sleep.

At least he felt better. Then he yawned and stretched his arms from the left side to the right side.

Then shuffled in his sleep, he suddenly let out a small moan.

“Johnny?” Ten was waking up.

“Hey Tenny, any idea why am I in your room tho?”

“Hahahahah”, Ten was laughing. Johnny was scared.

Ten got up slowly, he was . Johnny blushed and looked away. Oh Wait. IM STraiGHT!

He found his balls and dared to look back at Ten’s direction, who was slowly walking funny to the bathroom. He turned his head slightly to face Johnny.

“Do you mind? I need some time alone John,” he said, somehow pleadingly.

“Sure…”, then he left.

Walking back to his room to get rinsed.

Jung Jae Hyun was awake and playing his phone. “Hey Johnny, had fun?” Dimple Boy asked, notoriously.

“Didn’t think you had the guts in you after the party 4 months ago”, he continued.

Johnny ignored him, confused. And took a shower.

He came out, got dressed and went out, with a towel in his hand, drying his hair.

“How many times do I have to tell you Ten, you can NOT do this to him,” Taeil lectured Ten outside Ten’s room quietly.

“What? I like him…you know this Hyung” Ten replied, with no regret whatsoever.

“You KNOW nothing will come out of this Ten!” Taeil raised his voice a little now. Stop it Hyung Ten doesn’t like to be yelled at. Johnny thought to himself.

Wait.

“We need to talk, Tenny,” he grabbed Ten’s hands and back into their room and slammed the door at Taeil’s face.

“What happened last night??” Johnny asked, slightly angry.

“Should I remind you?” Ten daringly stepped forward, lead Johnny nearer to his bed, and pushed him to sit on it.

It was slowly coming back to Johnny. He remembered this. This part at least.

Ten slowly got down to his knees and was groping Johnny’s thighs sensually. Up and down. Squeezing the muscular legs. He rested his head on Johnny’s left thigh and looked at Johnny, smirking.

Johnny was stunned, Ten had always been pretty, nasty, feisty, talented and extra nice to Johnny.

Is he seducing me? “Are you trying to seduce me? Ten what did we do last night,” Johnny asked the pretty’s cheeks.

“Don’t try to remember big boy, you won’t, you can’t!” Ten slowly got up and went to his bedside drawer and took out a photo album.

He threw it on Johnny’s lap. Folded his arms and waited.

Polaroids. Lots of them,

Of Johnny AND Ten, doing bed crazy stuff, rated 18 for sure.

Johnny tried to recall, based on the photos.

The moans, the kisses. None. Nada. Nothing.

“Sorry Johnny, it’s just a habit of mine to take photos of you, but you always knew that. It’s caused you’re such a specimen. I took a video as well,” Ten said.

“You….you psycho! You drugged me and me?” Johnny gasp.

“HAHAHAHAH! NO, Johnny, yes I drugged you and gave you a massage, but everything else was on YOU, but don’t worry, I like it rough.” Ten was laughing at his sarcastic remark.

“You mean I ed you? That time at the party too?”, Johnny questioned, might as well get everything straight now. Ugh, Straight. Guess not so straight after all.

“Yes, how smart of you, whee, took you long enough”, Ten replied, unfazed.

“Okay…, but why do you need to drug me? You could’ve asked”, Johnny was being cocky now.

“Oh? Johnny you keep claiming you’re straight and you asked ME WHY I never ASKED you?? Crazy bastard. You know very well of my advances towards you, but you never reciprocated and now you’re talking bull. It’s not everyday I have a chance like this, to get into your pants Mr Seo???” Ten was pacing around now, triggered, angered, bothered, upset.

He stopped at his tracks and jumped on Johnny, pinned him down, Johnny didn’t retaliate. He stared into Ten’s empty orbs. He used to be so alive, dancing, fooling around in the practice room. Now, it’s empty.

“You laughed at me the first night we spent together, played with my feelings, used me and told my gay to off… do you remember THAT night?” Ten mocked Johnny, eyes b up with salty tears,

“Cause you never seem to remember anything anymore, you told me we were best friends, and would never leave me alone… but when Mark Lee arrived, it was always about Mark Lee isn’t it?? You didn’t care about me like you promised, my birthday, when I felt upset, when I was being a to you on purpose, but you just brush me off and went to Mark Lee?” the tears started falling off.

“Am I just an annoyance to you now? A Psycho??” he started hitting Johnny’s chest.

“I liked you Johnny, I liked you so much! But now, I.. I can’t stand you! You make me sick!” Johnny pushed him off, and they both fell to the carpeted floor. Johnny is now on top of Ten. How Cliché.

Ten was covering his face, I don’t want him to see me like this, so torn apart, so weak… he would just laugh at me and get cocky and tell everyone how pathetic I am.

“I’m…. I’m sorry Ten…” he pulled Ten up and hugged him, patted his head and whispering sweet nothings to his ears.  Johnny felt his heart sink to the floor, his best friend was hurting so much. Ten was always wary of what people thought of him, his built wasn’t manly enough, his skin was too fair for a man, the fact that he liked men even. And yet, Johnny, was the one who ed a spear in his heart.

“About WHAT Johnny?” Ten said.

“Everything you said? That night at the party? If I drank too much and took advantage of you, I’m sorry about that too? And what I said to you afterwards? I didn’t know what I said Ten… please believe me…I only went to Mark because you were being so cold to me…I thought I did something bad like you or something. And I thought you hated me for that caused you stopped talking to me, replying my text messages. I…i still love you Ten. You’re my best friend.” he explained himself.

Ten was crying harder now, and Johnny doesn’t’ know what to do to stopped Ten from shaking.

“But you never asked!” he said to Johnny, hands still covering his face.

“I’m sorry… I ed up alright? Please don’t be mad at me anymore, I can’t take this” Johnny tried to remove Ten’s hands from his face, but he was being as gentle as he could with Ten right now, not sure of what to say or do that might hurt him next.

“You just don’t get it. I don’t want to be JUST friends with you” Ten gave up, I think he stopped crying. But his was still hiccupping.

“Gawd Ten, you JUST said you hated me and I made you sick” Johnny spat back.

“Let go of me, get off!” Ten wanted to pry himself off but Johnny held him closer, tighter, till it hurt.

“Ten, stop it, TEN!” he raised his voice at Ten and Ten flinched, he made eye contact with Johnny, and his eyes started watering again.

“Okay Okay I’m sorry, just give me a moment please, I need to gather myself for abit, this isn’t easy for me, I don’t want to see you like this too, especially not because of me. Oh my god Ten, what happened to us…” Johnny buried his face into Ten’s chest, not sure what to do, how to fix this broken relationship.

Ten was hurting twice as much, he should’ve just kept it to himself, at least he would be the only person hurting, now Johnny was hurting and it’s all his fault.

“Is it wrong to like you Johnny?” Ten picked up Johnny’s face by his cheeks and looked at him. “Will you look at me and tell me it’s wrong and tell me you won’t love me back the same way? Tell me you want me gone forever Johnny, just say it”, Ten said this in between his hiccups and his tears was threatening to fall again.

What do I do? Men can’t like men. But I don’t want him gone. It doesn’t feel right to hurt him. I might lose my best friend. It would be awkward forever between us though, Do I like him? Yes, but do I Like him enough to sacrifice everything else? What would our fans think?

“Stop thinking. Tell me the truth.”

“I… I care about you Ten… but I don’t think I could ever love you the way you want me too…” Johnny looked to the floor. He didn’t want to see Ten hurt.

Ten pushed him off. And slammed the door behind him.

One day passed, two days,

Then he saw Ten by coincidence, he was with WinWin?

One week, two, three weeks,

Ten walked in and out of the dorm like Johnny was invisible, he looked even more dead than before, so empty. So cold, even towards other members. He doesn’t come home till after 2am, leaves by 6am. Is he even sleeping enough?

Johnny got angry at his useless attempts to talk to Ten. Ten would ignore him or look at him with so much hate.

Few more weeks passed. Johnny stopped trying.

One morning he woke up, one fine day.

He got the news from Taeil, Ten left to China with the other Chinese members.

Johnny died inside that day.

“It’s for the best Johnny, Ten’s not happy here… manager is unhappy with him, the members are afraid of him… the fans are starting to notice. Its not your fault Johnny, you can’t force yourself to like someone, and we get that” Taeil tried to snap Johnny out of his trance.

Johnny just listened.

“Is it wrong to like you Johnny?” Lee Tae Yong said, came out of nowhere and asked him this question.

“Is it wrong to like you Johnny?” he remembered the words Ten asked him that day.

“Taeyong…don’t do this…” Jaehyun said.

“Tell me hyung, do you like Ten?” Taeyong daringly asked.

Silence. The silence was so loud it was deafening.

“Because I love Jaehyun, and he loves me too” Taeyong confessed, and Jaehyun smiled like a teenager and couldn’t contain his feels to himself.

“I do…” Johnny said quietly to himself.

“But I-”

“The Chinese members will come back for my birthday in 3 months, maybe by then. You’ll find the courage to say that to him” Taeyong said, proudly. “Take it slow big guy, we know it ain’t easy”