"You have got to be kidding me," the girl, no more than a hundred and sixty centimetres, groaned in disbelief as she bore her eyes above to the fading number eight. Left hand carrying a box of things and right hand gripping one side of the entry way, she stomped back inside the rectangular capsule to heaven or hell. She pulled the strap of her backpack, sliding it in place of her shoulder before placing the box down on the poorly maintained flooring of the tight space. Angrily, she pushed again the third button of the elevator, “Please, please, drop me off to the right floor,” she begged with praying hands.

The elevator began to operate, move, and rattle along the way – shaking the settled box with a scribbled Chaeyoung in two characters. The girl had been in the elevator for minutes, at least longer minutes than one should usually lasted inside. Chaeyoung was assigned to the third floor of the building, to the second to the last room, and she thought that she would get there as soon as she entered the damned elevator, but really, she didn’t. Was she to complain about it? No, because it was the nearest roof above her head to the campus and the cheapest one to be precise. But, was she utterly annoyed and about to lose her sanity because of the borderline filthy elevator? Yes, she was and she most likely would if she wouldn’t be able to get to her floor.

The guy by the counter did inform her about the poor condition of the elevator, but she didn’t expect it to be the worst of the worsts. First of all, filthiness aside, the buttons of numbers weren’t helpful at all – purely dysfunctional. There was no light to indicate which floor she was already in and if they would light up, from the time to time, it was random, jumping from the top floor to the fourth to the second and so on. Untrustworthy. Second, the hallways were all the same before her eyes. Grey, empty, and different muffled sounds came from different doors. Chaeyoung literally couldn’t tell or distinguish which floor she currently was besides the first floor. The only good thing about the elevator was it surely won’t trap you. It opens up, but uselessly random as well. Though, despite all the inconvenience of the cursed elevator, she had to deal with it in silence.

She just got admitted to her dream university in the city and for someone who came from the rural side of their country, it would be best to adjust her belt. To tighten it up as much as she could because she knew that she could only accept the limited financial help from her working parents. She didn’t come from a well-off-slash-rich family. They were simple but happy, that was why parting away from them was little too hard for her. Her reverie was interrupted by the stop of nauseating movement of the rectangular room. With hopeful heart, she wished that it was the third floor. An old man quietly greeted her when the doorway opened, so instead of stepping out, she just asked him politely, “Excuse me, am I in the third floor already… and hopefully?”

The man who seemed harmless by the look shook his head, “No, you’re in the eighth floor, dear,” he said calmly before stepping inside and beside her. “No way, so I waited and endured the rattling and shaking of this elevator just to land in the same floor?” she asked. Chaeyoung would simply bolt out to the stairs if she wasn’t too spent from her travel from her home to the city and if she wasn’t too tired of the dysfunctional elevator. Out of pity, the man spoke again, “Were you off to?” The girl was too annoyed to hear him quickly, but she managed to blurt her answer, “Th-third floor, I’ve been here for fifteen minutes. If I had known, I should’ve taken the stairs in the first place.” He just smiled and nodded before he pushed the button for the first floor.

The ride was quiet, only breathings and metal clankings could be heard. A few more minutes passed, when he reached out of the buttons again. As if timed, he opened the elevator. “Here you go, kid,” he said, looking at her like how her grandpa would. Wordlessly, Chaeyoung trusted him and picked up her box then stepping once then twice before looking up again to the number on top of the entryway. Three, it read out as faded as the eight was. “How did you know?” she wondered to him before the elevator closed again. “If you’ve got enough experience of this old one,” he tapped one wall inside and then added, “You could tell which floor is it by the rattling and shaking.”

She was beyond amazed that she couldn’t say her piece of gratitude until the door was almost completely closed. Chaeyoung stuttered a thank you. She just hoped that he was able to hear her the least. “Second to the last,” she repeatedly whispered to herself as she paced her feet to the hallway. By the time she inserted her assigned key and had slid inside her room, she knew that she couldn’t expect better guaranteed from what she had witnessed and experienced so far. But the thing was, she was an art student, so maybe like some given time and she would be able to add and decorate some colour and life in her obviously cheap place. 

-------

It was around 8:48 pm when she finished unpacking her things. She slumped down to the used couch and started to relax her breathing and muscles. Chaeyoung felt her body cooled and the sweat on her skin dried off. The third floor was a lot quieter than she had expected, because the wrong floors that the elevator opened to surely weren’t. She supposed that the higher it got in the building, the more chaotic its inhabitants were. The girl was tired even if she didn’t have that much of things to unpack, but she did a little cleaning of the room though just to be sure that she wouldn’t catch any disease from the previous booker or bookers. It was pretty late, and she hadn’t had anything to eat since lunch, so the most rational thing to do was to prepare herself something to eat from her stock of food. Maybe a quick serving of ramen for herself, but no, none of that. Instead, she fished out a candy bar from her bag that she got from a vending machine on the way to her new apartment, tore its wrapper, and stuck it between her teeth.

Tired and slightly sleepy, she grabbed for a paintbrush and tossed a canvas on her paint stand that her father carpentered for her as a gift on her eighth birthday. Chaeyoung felt that rush. The rush that always sparked from her art brain and to her veins that always settled a tingling sensation to the tips of her fingers. She needed, no, she had to paint at that moment of her existence in that very still room. No specific reason, she just had to.

Like a mad scientist, her brain worked up crazy, picturing shapes and ideas that had never existed. They do actually, in her own constructed world, they do. She was her very own architect and engineer who innovated and built her peculiar and unique art concepts. Chaeyoung was the scientist, the architect, and the engineer, but when her hand grazed a paintbrush or a pen, she was the professional conductor who will guide the soundless orchestra to an enchanting and grand piece. Her right hand worked, a line here and there. She was in the zone and until her hand couldn’t move, she will not be able to stop.

Or so she thought, when she started to hear noises coming off from the right wall – the last room of the floor. Chaeyoung did try to ignore and fend off the unwelcomed sounds. She did her best to drown her small self with her loud thoughts, but it was just that distracting. “And indecent,” she said with a disgusted look on her face. The walls might not be that thick to give off some privacy to anyone at all. Another loud moan passed through her room before horror and terror dawned before her eyes, because what if she would be stuck with a really ually active neighbor. The type who had a planned one-night stands that could last for the next three months. As much as how her art rush worked like spell for her, it was fragile and sensitive. In short, it could be easily distracted by anything that would Chaeyoung find and define as distracting.

With a defeated sigh, she put down her paintbrush and dragged her feet to her front door because might as well do something about the issue and confront it before it became too much and too tough to handle. She supposed, nothing a good and thorough reasoning to a probably burly and might be intimidating man next door wouldn’t solve. Frankly, she had to be positive or else she would totally lose it from all the misfortunes that she had ever since she stepped inside the old building.

Three knocks and a barely heard doorbell, Chaeyoung waited to meet the owner of the room face to face. She repeated the actions when some time had passed because she really had to get her point and concern across to him, but still nothing. Before she could it all over again, the door was flung open.

“What do you want?” Chaeyoung heard – cold, direct, and slightly scary. Okay, so maybe her neighbor wasn’t a burly man but a girl that was maybe slightly older than her, but was still intimidating, really intimidating for her. She studied the taller girl in front of her and she noted that she shouldn’t have in the first place because, well, she was only clad by an oversized thin white dress shirt with her long bare legs to show.

“I said, what do you want?” the taller girl repeated, annoyance barely trying to be kept from a short stranger. Chaeyoung took a deep breath and raised up her eyes to meet hers, “Uhm,” she tried, quite lost for words, “Can you, uhm, maybe keep it down a little?” she asked hopefully. The taller girl kept on looking down on her quietly and it felt like she was being analysed, which she was, honestly.

“I’m just new here and I was in this zone,” she continued while making awkward hand movements as she tried to explain, “An art rush and you were, I mean, I could hear you from my room.” She paused, feeling uncomfortable from her cold stare, “If you could please, maybe, keep it down a little, I would really appre—"

“No,” the other girl called it, “And I don’t care.”

“But,” Chaeyoung tried to argue or pitched more but she was interrupted again by her. “I don’t know what is wrong with you that I have to repeat myself twice, so you would be able to understand what I’m saying,” the taller girl said, “I don’t care.”

Just like that, the shorter girl was left standing in front of a closed door, minutes away from hearing the quickly resumed noises.

-------

Chaeyoung’s rush completely stopped after her encounter with her neighbor. She was also pretty sure that their first impressions for each other were already established. With a grumpy frown on her face, she just went to make herself some dinner before heading off for sleep. The next morning and also the first day of college came quickly. The next thing she knew, the sun was already shining outside of her numbered windows. She took a bath, dressed up, then ate breakfast before she locked her front door because she couldn’t afford her things to be robbed.

Anyway, just from yesterday, the girl had already learned her lesson: don’t get in that ing elevator. Chaeyoung pushed a metal door and felt a gush of cold wind to her face, blowing her bright orange hair. She mindlessly decided and pointed the colour when she went to a salon a week before she moved to the city. With a thought of burying the misfortunes of yesterday, she began her descend to the building with a genuine and excited smile. Well, she couldn’t quite help it especially when it was her first day in her dream college. A well-equipped university who offers both science and art majors with the best professors. Not to nerd out, but she was really looking forward to her college life.

All the happiness that she was feeling was short-lived. It was like a tub full of water but suddenly someone had to aggressively pull and pop the water plug away. Her happiness was completely drained when the first breathing human being that her eyes had laid upon was her no filter, really rude neighbor from last night who was descending in a slower pace than any species of turtles or tortoise or whatever out there. They were from the third floor for heaven’s sake, and Chaeyoung couldn’t let the taller girl in front of her to take years to go down the stairs. Otherwise, she would be late on the first of day in her dream university.

“Hey,” she casually said, attempting to be and sound friendly as she studied their disposition if she could squeeze past her. Not a word from her neighbor. In fact, trying to talk to her and only be treated like she didn’t say anything at all was already frustrating her. “Hi,” she spoke again, growing impatient of the taller girl but still trying, “I mean, I get you, the elevator is hopeless. I’m Chaeyoung by the way, your new neighbor, we met last nigh—”

“It’s too early and you're being too loud,” her infuriating neighbor had finally answered. Rude, Chaeyoung was interrupted once again, but her mom didn’t raise her to be an easy to back down tiger. She was strong-willed and her grandma always fed her with fresh strawberries when she was young, so instead, she tried to reason out to her again. “Hey,” she began, “I know that we probably don’t have the best first interactions.”

“It’s just that today is the first day of college and I don’t want to be late for it, and because I am really looking forward to this university,” she explained honestly. Was she almost begging? She was but she would like to deny the matter. The taller girl stopped her feet, turned around, and looked her dead in the eyes.

“Look,” her neighbor began to explain her side as well, “After I had with…” There was a really long pause after that, Chaeyoung could sense and tell that she completely didn’t know the name of the person she was with last night. “After we did it, we drank until three in the morning,” she continued, “I am still very much hammered, also on the first day here,” she emphasised.

“So, please, spare me with the details about you that I don’t really care about, okay?” she said with a clicked of her tongue before facing her back again to the shorter girl. Chaeyoung was stunned by her effortless rudeness. She meant, it came off so natural out of her. Evil, purely evil, if she could describe her right there and then, so at that moment, she made a probably life-changing decision to never talk or be associated with her evil neighbor. With another grumpy expression caused by her, Chaeyoung endured again her existence. “Besides,” the taller girl said nonchalantly, “Only an idiot wouldn’t understand the patterns of the rattling and shaking.”

Chaeyoung wasn’t supposed to utter another word to her but she was really rude, and also, a smart retort seemed to be fitting on her loser of a situation. “If you are able to figure it out then why not just use the elevator then?” she said, feeling triumphant with her comeback.

“I don’t like elevators,” the taller girl had answered. Of course, she doesn’t like elevators. How stupid of Chaeyoung to not to know that, right? The shorter girl would’ve teased the other just because she was rude and just to get it even with her, but the way how she had said those words made Chaeyoung to just keep whatever retort that she had to herself. Her evil neighbor had said her answer in a softer and less y way than she had imagined. Her words felt true, and more serious for a mysterious reason or backstory, but that wasn’t in any of concerns, so she just nodded – even if she couldn’t see the gesture – and just uttered a barely audible, “Okay.”

They really took their time in silence to descend the stairs. Chaeyoung was already sure that she would be late especially with the remaining distance that she needed to walk to. Exaggeration included, it really took long for her to be out of the apartment building most likely because of her hungover neighbor. In disbelief, her eyes widened to the sight, “You have got to be really kidding with me right now,” she commented disdainfully as she watched her evil neighbor drove off with a shiny red car to the same direction of her university. With gaped mouth, she just couldn’t believe that it was only her that could afford to be late when the reason why she would be was solely because of her in the first place.

-------

Thankfully, going down the stairs with her didn’t happen again and Chaeyoung was never late again to the sweet learning from their university, but she just couldn’t help but to think, no, to wonder about her. So, maybe the evil neighbor was really mysterious. The walls were thin, and she could tell if she was next door or not. Sometimes the taller girl would disappear for days from her room and then one day she would be back, more likely stumbled back, and then not. Sometimes she would hear her accompanied by someone and sometimes she would just hear the soft clinking of bottles. It was a continued cycle and observation that she picked up as she lived in the room next to hers.

The girl next door was mysterious. Chaeyoung didn’t know her yet she wouldn’t lie about her drifting thoughts to her especially when her ears perked up upon hearing she was home. She was curious of her, but just wasn’t her concern, so she respected the white walls between them. And, she learned not to do anything related with arts when she was with someone. That game plan changed quickly for her though.

One night as she was doing some report in one of her classes, she heard a loud thud just outside her front door. She shouldn’t mind it because it wasn’t her business or whatever, but her humanitarian self just couldn’t keep itself seated in front of her study table. Chaeyoung stood up, thinking there wasn’t anything wrong with helping someone who might be in need, and if they didn’t, then it would still be cool with her. On the ground, fallen faced first and out, was her neighbor. Out of panic that something really bad happened to her, she rushed to help and picked her up from the ground.

Maybe call for some help or an ambulance, but the taller girl was just drunk – really drunk. She reeked of the pungent smell of alcohol. “How much did you drink?” she asked to what most likely deaf ears. Her neighbor grumbled something incoherent before Chaeyoung saw the keys to her room also lying. Basically, she wasn’t strong to lift a barely living human up, but thankfully, the other girl was kind of light. It did help but she still did struggle with her. Metal clicked, and then the artist was walking her inside the last room of the floor.

The sight that met her was a mess. Clothes, unsure of being used, were lying on the floor. Bags of trashes that hadn’t been taken out. Manuscripts and reading materials scattered everywhere. Then, lastly, cans and bottles of alcohol tumbled over one another. Literally, a pigsty, “For a pretty girl,” Chaeyoung let out as she simply eyed the unconscious girl. After clearing out some papers and clothes on the couch, she laid her down gently on her back.

Chaeyoung inspected her. Dark hair, moles, pink lips, and branded clothing. She also seemed tired just from looking to the bags under her eyes. Not just from the flash of her car, but she could tell that her evil neighbor was rich or came from a rich family. That peaked the question of why she was living or maybe staying in an old, barely, apartment building? Chaeyoung sighed and then shook her head. Sure, she helped her, but that didn’t make her to suddenly become one of her problems. For all she was aware of, she had enough on her plate. She meant, just from the assignment and deadlines she had and also how she would budget again for the month.

She didn’t really know whether the blanket on her bed passed on being clean or even safe to be used for the slightest, but she pulled it anyway before draping it over her. Humming to herself, Chaeyoung took a glass of water from the small kitchen and then placed it – along with an aspirin she found on the night stand beside her bed – on the coffee table in front of the couch. A thought just in case she woke up from her alcohol coma. She cleaned up a bit, too. By a bit, she meant of taking out the trash bags, cans, and bottles out of her place. They were unsightly, she just couldn’t help but to clean them out. Also, she was sensing if the sleeping girl will somehow rise back to her consciousness. Chaeyoung didn’t plan to stay over the night, but at some point, she sat down by the coffee table and wonder about her again. She really didn’t know her.

She didn’t even know her name and what her deal was. Chaeyoung sat there on the same spot, unmoving and curious, until she had dozed off with her because she was also a hardworking student as well as a good Samaritan.

-------

The next morning, Chaeyoung was woken up by a loud curse followed by a whale groan. Her patient last night had finally risen from the dead. With both hands on the sides of her head, her neighbor asked, annoyed and displeased, “Why are you in my room?” Chaeyoung could only let out a scoff. She couldn’t believe the nerve of the taller girl was for real. “A thank you would’ve been a nice,” she said, shaking her head, “That’s aspirin,” she pointed in front of her, “You should take it.” She watched her do as she was told because the banging in her head was almost palpable and real to rebel against her suggestion. The artist didn’t plan to stay in her presence any longer so as quickly as she could, explained what happened to her, “You collapsed in front of my door last night, and I helped you out if it still wasn’t obvious to you.”

“I guess, I fell asleep making sure you haven’t died yet,” she added before dusting off herself and standing up. Once she looked back at her, she saw her openly staring at her – clearly in pain with her hungover. “What?” Chaeyoung asked, feeling uncomfortable with her stare again. 

“Mina,” the taller girl said. Chaeyoung darted her eyes left and then right, like she was in an episode of sitcom series. “Okay,” she said, confused with a little shrug of her straight shoulders. “Sure,” she nodded, pursing her lips and slowly backing to the door. Mina, she supposed, didn’t spoke again after that exchange and just let her leave her place quietly. They were still nothing but two carbon to oxygen converters living next to each other, and nothing more.

-------

Before the wake of exams, the days before the university’s hell week, Mina will certainly be next door. She would silently cave inside her room and would only come out again to the sunlight on the days of the actual exams. Chaeyoung was able to live her own days when she first encountered that because she wasn’t bothering her at any rate. She guessed, that Mina was just really studying for her own. That observation about her was tolerable until their midterm exams.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t order this,” Chaeyoung said to the pizza delivery guy who was standing outside of her room. “Try next door,” she added before closing her front door. See, Mina doesn’t really cook nor eat healthily. Instead, she ordered take-outs for every meal and asked for them to be delivered to her door. The thing was, rooms in that building could hardly be distinguished from one another – same paint colour and old. And, somehow in some way those who should be delivering Mina’s source of energy usually pressed the wrong door bell. Hers, to be more exact. 

It would be absolutely fine with Chaeyoung if only she wasn’t being disturbed on her own days before her own exams. Another unwelcomed buzzed of her doorbell, she pushed herself away from her study desk and marched to her door, a little angrily. “I always cook my own food because that’s how my mom and grandma raised me,” she explained to the fifth delivery man that week. “However,” she continued with tensed jaw and fiery eyes, “This,” she pointed next door, “She doesn’t.” An abrupt pause, she had to calm down. It wasn’t the delivery guy’s fault. The building was at fault. She bet not a soul could tell anything apart in that building. “It’s hers,” she breathed out as she nodded awkwardly at him. “Good day,” she smiled embarrassingly before bolting inside of her room.

The next night, the last night before the official hell week, Chaeyoung found herself staring down at hot dinner that she made for herself. She glanced back to her front door once, then again, and then again. The next thing she knew, she was standing in front of her room and knocking on her door. Mina was bundled up of her blanket. Chaeyoung couldn’t tell if she had already bathed for the day or had she been staying hydrated. Before the taller girl could say something, she beat her to the idea of it.

“I made too much dinner,” she said, glancing down to the half full pot held in her left hand, “And I thought I could share some with you instead of wasting the rest of it.” She let out a small smile to look genuine. Don’t get her wrong, she was genuine of the gesture. Chaeyoung just thought it would be more convincing with a smile. She also wanted to add to Mina that she shouldn’t be living with take-outs, not very adult like. Besides, cooking is a convenient skill that should be learned by everyone in her opinion. Well, yet another silence from Mina after she had explained herself.

She coughed awkwardly and then spoke again, “Okay, it’s fine if you don’t want it.” It surprised her when the taller girl reached out for her offer and took it from her hand. “Thanks,” Mina said softly, “Chaeyoung.” As much as they started off on rough edges, Mina was okay… if she kept her rudeness at bay. “No problem,” Chaeyoung replied, smiling a little.

The next day, the first day of the hell week, Chaeyoung reconciled with her pot who was on her doorway – washed and with a neatly written post-it note, saying: was a little too sweet for me, but thanks. She quickly went inside and left her pot in her kitchen before she rushed for the stairs. Mina was on her way down as well, not more than eight steps from the third floor. Couldn’t you knock on my door and returned it to me in person?” Chaeyoung thought as she followed behind her wordlessly. “Wasn’t like you’ll ever be late with your car anyway,” she whispered inaudibly, wondering how much of a child her action was. It made her smile out of the little fascination about her though.

-------

Weeks had passed after that last interaction they had. Chaeyoung had really lost her track with Mina. She had gone away for longer interval of days and she had gone a lot quieter when she stayed next door, almost as if sneaking in which was odd when it was her room that she was accessing. It wasn’t Chaeyoung business, whatever she was dealing with, but slightly, she felt connected with her. She couldn’t really explain the feeling precisely, but it was like sitting in the library with Mina in silence – doing whatever they had to but always at each other’s side. Sometimes, she wondered what her neighbor was doing or where she was. Was she eating and sleeping okay?

Half of the time Chaeyoung was worried or wondering about her, and the other half she was blocking herself to be worried and wondering about her. She wanted to know more about her and to simply talk more to her because she learned that Mina was the only occupant in their floor that was close to her own age. Oddly, she wanted to, but at the same she didn’t because Mina was mostly nowhere to be found for the past days.

One day, Chaeyoung woke up from a cold hand on , holding it in silence. Danger registered in her system quicker than realizing who was in front of her. On her stomach, Mina was straddling her with an index finger in the middle of her lips, “Shh,” she signalled quietly. The shorter girl tried to move away from her, but she was held in place, and that made the rising panic in her double its rate. Banging knocks pounded on the next door, making Chaeyoung’s heart to pound hard as well.

“Mina, I know you’re in there,” a female voice, quite nasally, had demanded, “Open the door or we’ll have to break it down to get you.” Chaeyoung looked her straight in the eyes, mustering the most questioning look that she could because she wouldn’t be able to ask it. “Stay still and be quiet,” Mina whispered, silently pleading with her eyes.

“Please,” she added as her forehead fell on Chaeyoung’s chest. The shorter girl breathed out before nodding, hoping that the other girl could feel the movement on her hand.

Whoever the girl outside banging on Mina’s door was no liar because after a long silence, Chaeyoung was sure that the next door was forced open. There were loud searches next room before the series of footsteps of the unknown people outside quieted down. Mina only let go off her when she was already sure that the people where nowhere in their floor. She let out a deep sigh before she got off of her. 

“Don’t ask any question,” she said specifically as she felt the shorter girl sat up. Hesitantly and disobediently, Chaeyoung asked, “Are you okay?” She then bit her lower lip because the worries under Mina’s eyes had gone worse. “Yeah,” the taller girl breathed out, shoving her cold and shaking hands in the pockets of her coat. “How did you get in my room?” she questioned again, rebelling against her wish of not to be asked.

“Crossed from my window to yours.”

“Are you for real? We’re still in the third floor, don’t you think that was a little extreme?”

The glare that Mina sent when she looked back to her clearly implied that she was not be asked a single question again. “Okay, I’ll see you some other time,” she replied, averting her eyes as the other girl walked out of her place.

At that moment, Chaeyoung had so many questions about her. She was frustrated on how one second Mina would be this quiet yet still engaging girl, and the next second, she would be this tightly closed off mysterious girl who might have done a bad thing in some time of her life. With gritted teeth, she threw herself back on her bed and covered her face with her pillow – frustrated how she couldn’t understand her, at all.

After that incident, Mina’s vacation away from next door worsened. From Chaeyoung’s perspective, it worsened because she was barely ever present in their floor. She hadn’t heard, seen, nor felt her presence at all, and it had been so long since the last time she had walked behind her slow pace down the stairs. Her vision of the library quickly vanished into nothingness. Now, it felt like that they were only standing next to each other in an empty, and they, one at a time, took a step away from one another for each day that passed by. She didn’t have any news about her and now she realised how quiet it was without the occupant of the last door in their floor.

And, she wouldn’t be surprised if Mina had completely moved out of the building.

-------

Exactly eight nights before the semester ended, Chaeyoung instinctively woke up from her slumber in an ungodly hour. She heard the metal of the knob next door made a noise. Mina was present, she was there for that night.

The shorter girl didn’t really know if she was overanalyzing everything, and she wasn’t so sure what she wanted with her. It was just that she felt like Mina wanted her to know that she was there, because for this time, she didn’t even try to be discreet. She purposively made a noise to tell Chaeyoung that she was there. The shorter girl pulled herself up from her bed, walked to the door, and opened it. She is here, she thought as her gaze softened at her presence. “Hi,” she greeted, stopping her midway of unlocking her newly fixed door. “Hey,” Mina simply replied.

The taller girl was clad again with a thick coat, and at that time, the shorter one realised how the seasons had changed through the silence and how the cold had already spread out. A shiver ran through her spine and she didn’t know that she had asked something out uncharacteristically.

“Do you want to hang out?”

Mina, as usual, took her time to stare at and read her, “When?” she answered.

Good question. Exactly, when? When would they hang out when most of the days, months, and time – in general – Mina was missing? And so, Chaeyoung blurted out a suggestion in pure hopeful luck, “Tomorrow.”

“Sure,” the taller girl smiled, the first of its kind ever since she had met her, “See you tomorrow, afternoon.”

Chaeyoung nodded in understanding, “Tomorrow afternoon,” she repeated, more certain of it than her.

-------

Their agreement was unplanned, and embarrassingly on top of it, it was poorly thought out. The kind of mistake one wouldn’t dare to repeat. So, that was how their hangout landed inside Chaeyoung’s room, sitting awkward beside each other and both tongues too tied to speak. Mina quietly roamed her eyes around her room. It was her first time and thanked heaven’s that the shorter one decided to clean up her den just a couple of days ago. “You’re an art major?” the taller girl asked when her eyes focused on the numerous canvases on one side of the small room. “Yep,” Chaeyoung enthused, openly trying to break the ice between them, “What about you?” she asked because she felt it was her turn to question her. Mina just smiled back with hazy and tired eyes, “I’m taking medicine, and then it felt not enough, so I’m taking law as well.”

“Double major, wow,” the shorter one breathed out in amazement, “Two passions?”

“You could say that,” Mina smiled again but Chaeyoung didn’t appreciate it that much because it felt insincere for her. She just nodded gently as she tried to decipher what the other girl meant from her last answer. Another cold silence cloaked them, it seemed like the ice between them had thickened instead of breaking.

“I don’t know much about art and I’m no artist, but I can tell that green is not a very common colour to use for skin.”

The young artist just laughed softly and then said, “It’s unique,” eliciting a quiet of hum of agreement from the other girl.

“And because I really couldn’t tell colours apart,” she smiled sadly at her.

“What?” Mina asked, confused.

“I have never seen any colour in my entire life,” Chaeyoung replied as she uncomfortably rubbed the back of her head, sheepishly adding, “Well, except to what I think is black, grey, and white.”

“You’re colour blind?”

“Yep, since birth,” she joked and then smiling once again, “Have never seen green, or yellow, or blue,” and then she added softly, “And I’ve always wondered what colour red is.” Chaeyoung shyly looked down on her hands on her lap as she remembered some good memories, “You know, because my grandma had told me that my favourite fruit, strawberry, is red,” and then she looked at Mina, mindlessly inching closer to her as if under some spell.

She slowly reached her hand and touched her lower lip with a gentle swipe of her own thumb, “And,” she whispered, “They said that red often adorns the lips of people.” Intoxicatedly, the younger girl leaned closer then closer until their eyes could bore in each other and the sides of their noses slid together. The slightest movement connected their lips flushed and before Chaeyoung knew it, she was kissing Mina. It felt warm and soft, and she wished that they could stay like that forever, but she pulled away as soon as she realised what she had done.

The taller girl remained silent as expected of her as the shorter one blinked in disbelief, “I, I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn't know what I was doing. I didn’t mean to.” Shen then pulled any contact from her as if she had directly touched something boiling and then moved away a good distance to make space between themselves. Her heart was racing, her hands were starting to tremble, and she was slowly losing herself on how she would explain this to her.

“It’s okay,” Mina reassured, gently shaking her head sideways, “You didn’t mean it.”

Chaeyoung blinked again in disbelief. There was a big difference between the phrases she didn’t mean to – at the moment – and she didn’t mean it. “Mina,” she called her name for the first time, looking away when the other girl tried to meet her in the eyes. Rubbing again the back of her neck, she confessed, “It not that I didn’t mean it.”

“I like you,” she continued with being honest and speaking out her mind.

“I get worried of you."

"I think of you.”

“And I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Mina." 

“Chaeyoung…”

“And I know that it’s not my place to say this, but even if I barely could understand you, I really want to be someone by your side who’ll help you with whatever you’re deali—”

“You didn’t mean it,” Mina repeated, firmer and more convincing than the first one. Really? So, in the end, Chaeyoung really couldn’t decide for anything at least between them, and just like any other interaction with her, it was always her who will have the final command to their conversation. “Yeah,” she chuckled in sarcasm with a painful and suffocating lump in , “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Sorry for making it weird,” she apologised, tears on verge of falling down to her cheeks.

“Don’t worry, you didn’t,” the other girl replied last before they were enveloped and visited by the cold silence again. Few minutes passed, and then Mina fished out her phone, openly acting and lying that she received a text message. “Sorry, something came up, Chaeyoung,” she started, barely able to construct the lie, “I need, I have to go.”

“Okay,” Chaeyoung smiled – her lips were visibly trembling like her whole body, “Sure.” Mina quickly got up to her feet, waved a simple goodbye, and left her alone in her room.

-------

The breeze had gone colder and the snow had fallen, and then it had fallen more – covering the whole city with a thick white blanket. The semester had ended, and it was already the second day of university’s Christmas break. Chaeyoung stood in the living room of her place, staring quietly at the packed boxes and bags by the side of her worn-out couch. Mina hadn’t stayed next door after she had kissed her. For all she knew, the taller girl didn’t take their finals exams and maybe hadn’t even stopped since to drop by the university as well. She had completely disappeared from her.

Chaeyoung breathed out, the walls were really thin that it almost felt like the cold could easily seep through them. She flopped down to the couch – face first – and curled herself up. Her heart still hurt, she still thought of her for most times and she was more worried than ever for her. “I shouldn’t,” she admitted, groaning to the cushion with the same frustration of not understanding her. Well, she shouldn’t have fallen for her in the first place. It was a stupid and careless of a move for her. Her aura of complicatedness and mystery shouldn’t get the best of her because what could she get out of the closed off personality of the girl who was also very mindful and calculative of what she would say. “I shouldn’t have let myself fall for her,” she added as if saying those words out would help her not to think of her for even the slightest.

She felt like crying again. Chaeyoung knew that Mina has too many secrets, but some part of her, blamed herself that the kissed was what determined of her complete disappearance. She might have gone too far, awkward, and wrong for the girl. Damn it, she thought because she might’ve majorly ed up, too, with that kiss. Deep thoughts broken down by unexpected knocks, Chaeyoung raised her head and eyed the door, making sure that her head wasn’t playing mind games with her. Another three knocks were spared until it went silent again.

The young artist walked up to the front but there was nobody out there. She sighed as she closed the door again. Scrunch, her socked foot had step onto some piece of paper:

I'll just be out in a bit, but can you come over next door by midnight?

Chaeyoung mouthed the words, she still couldn’t quite believe it. Will Mina be really home again?

-------

There was a lot of pacing that happened after Chaeyoung had stepped on the piece of the paper. She spent an hour or two with pacing back, forth, and around the walls of her squared place. It was really difficult for to sit tight and wait quietly for the midnight to come. Chaeyoung did not know how it'd happened but it felt like she had just jumped through time. In actuality, she didn't. She fell face first again on her couch and was knocked out into sleep by the cold weather and the too much pacing. It was a complete black out for her like she had drunk a weight of herself in alcohol.

At that moment and if it hadn't for the knock on her door, she wouldn't have woken up. "Mina!" she gasped as she bolted upwards. Time, what was the time? She wiggled and scrambled on her spot to locate her phone for the goddamn time. "Shoot," she exclaimed worriedly as she looked down at the 12: 52 am on her screen. Knocks got louder and had finally pulled her attention. "Right, the door," she said under her breath, standing up and then approaching the door. A click and a creak, and the next thing was being face-to-face with the girl that she had been anticipating earlier to meet again. "Hey," she began to find her words and the right explanation for herself, "I didn't know I fell asl—"

Both as usual and unusual, Chaeyoung was interrupted again by the mysterious girl, but by this time, it wasn't by her words or blatantly honest remarks, but by her soft hand against her very own. "Come on," Mina said quietly before proceeding with pulling the shorter girl to the next door. The click of the door and their footsteps accommodated their short walk next door. Chaeyoung stared at their connected hands with floating thoughts for the taller girl. She wanted to ask so many questions. Where she had been for all this time? And, the horrifying vagueness of her safety. Are you okay? she telepathically asked her. So many questions but not a single word escaped . Too afraid and too out of place for her to ask. “This is really not healthy,” she whispered to herself. A hum had caught her attention, causing her to look up at her.

“Did you say something?” Mina asked, unexpectedly gentle and less intimidating. A question asked genuinely and not a single bit sounding of as demanding. “No,” Chaeyoung shook her head quickly, shoving away the sleepiness in her completely, “I didn’t say anything.” A single bob of her head as a nod until the taller girl had directed the both of them to her equally worn out couch – too old and used to provide comfort for their bottoms. The shorter one sat down quietly followed by the taller one who decided to sit with her feet up and facing the other. Chaeyoung just look at her with gentle yet visibly sad eyes accompanied by a conflicted and aching heart. Mina pursed her lips when she felt an unfamiliar pang to her chest from her complete silence.

She had expected her to ask questions or to talk for the slightest, but nothing. Her adorable short neighbour decided to keep her piece and stayed silently looking back at her. Well, it didn’t matter, or nothing really mattered at that moment per se. “I want to apologise for that last time,” she paused, finding the right words for it, “When I pointed out that you might be a colour blind.” She took another break from speaking just to see if Chaeyoung would finally break her silence, but unfortunately, her neighbour decided to hold it, so she continued, “I thought it was really insensitive of me.”

Chaeyoung smiled and then shook her head again, floppy pears peaking from the motion, “It’s okay, I wasn’t offended or anything.” Another suffocating silence ate the two up inside. But the shorter girl fought it and then added, “You’re right, I didn’t mean it, what I had said and done that time.” Well, that was a lie on her side, and a big and painful one. On that last shared encounter, she meant everything – every word and second of it – but it was just that Mina clearly didn’t want her. As painfully obvious as the taller girl was, she quickly curved the topic, “So I really want to make it up to you for pointing your,” she then looked at her round eyes, “Your imperfection,” she said softly, sounding unsure. The shorter girl just smiled at her, finding her hopelessness towards her colour blindness oddly cute.

Mina had set up various items on her own coffee table. Although, she had to refill a specific item on the table before officially inviting and pulling Chaeyoung in her place. “Seeing colours would be out of the line for you,” she began to explain, moving closer to her and then taking her hand again for her own pair, “But maybe you can feel them.”

It was soothing for the least – the quiet of the night, the limelight of the moon passing through the murky window, the foreign feeling of comfort unusually surrounding them, and of course, Mina’s hands gently holding Chaeyoung’s right one. First, the taller girl wordlessly reached out for the green silk cloth on the table, but in the shorter one’s eyes, it would probably just be another shade of dark grey. Then, she placed the other’s palm against it and began to glide her hand gently on the soft silky material. “This is green,” she informed, “Green has this healing feel and comfort similar with a peaceful home.” “So, it has a homey feeling?” Chaeyoung asked, full of curiosity and absolutely thankful for her efforts. “Yes,” Mina replied with a squeeze of her hand, “Trees and nature are coloured in green as well. Maybe that’s why people enjoy them because they would still feel at home even when they’re exploring out there. A sense of belonging.” Another glide and squeeze of her hand before she moved to the next one.

It was a simple glass of water. Chaeyoung watched the tip of her forefinger dipped in it before she listened to her words again. Mina said, “Think and feel this as blue.”

“Because just how they said it, water is blue?”

“No, not just that,” the taller girl chuckled, “Blue is cool.” During the other days or seasons of the year, the faucet water wouldn’t feel that cold, but since it was winter, it was really cold, and it felt calming for Chaeyoung. “And ranging from its shade, for example, can be relaxing to scary,” Mina added, “The darker and bigger it gets, the scarier, but in little portions, blue is soothing,” she said matter-of-factly.

“The big dark ocean is scary, but the pitter-patter of rain is calming,” she grinned a child-like gummy smile, “Oh, and also popsicles and ice cream.” Then, she added, “Blue can also be perceived as mysterious.” Chaeyoung was obviously eyeing the next item in silence, so Mina cut down the chase and reached out for it. “Red, on the other hand,” she said as she wrapped her hand to the refilled cup of coffee, “Is hot.” The younger girl could only hum as she waited for the further explanation.

“The fire during camping,” the taller one added.

“The heat during summer or the fresh-from-the-pot bowl of ramen.”

“Red can also be alluring,” Mina paused and thought for minute, “Tempting and dangerous.”

“Red feels like a strong colour,” Chaeyoung mused to her.

“It can be,” the taller girl replied, smiling with contentment at her.

“What about that last one?” the shorter one asked, satisfied with red, and then pointed to that small candle on the coffee table, “How will that colour feel?” Mina chuckled again, a literal music from heaven, “That one is yellow,” she said as she took and raised the item in the air with her left hand.

“I would say that they are closest to light,” then she paused, realising that it was a bit unfair of a word for Chaeyoung because she only sees a limited reflection of light. Clearing , she explained, “Yellow is warm and gentle like the feeling of morning sunlight against your skin.”

“Or the first bite of your pancake during breakfast.”

“It is sweet.”

“Has this caring feel.” The volume of Mina’s voice lowered as she enumerated the many definitions of yellow, “And can be protective.”

“Just like you,” she had said, “Just like you, Chaeyoung.”

The world literally stopped after those were said. At least, for Chaeyoung it stopped just because her heart had also decided to stop after hearing those words. Mina stared at her longingly before she had retracted her hands away from her and then placed back the item on the table. The taller girl had stopped looking at her after tidying up the items on the flat surface of the table, and she wanted to break their silence but thankfully the other had beat her to it. “I’m a runaway, Chaeyoung,” Mina barely confessed in a whisper.

“Runaway?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing for all this time and that’s what I’m only good at.”

“I don’t understand,” Chaeyoung said with a shake of her head, “What are you running away from? Are you in danger?”

Mina shook her head as well, “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?” the shorter one replied, completely worried for the other.

“You don’t need to know,” she answered with a deep sigh, “To keep you out of it.” Chaeyoung wanted to be stubborn about it. She wanted to press more questions until her mysteries will be unravelled before her, but the moment Mina looked at her, her jaw automatically locked as if falling under a strong spell from her. Disobediently, her lips worked against her from asking more risky questions.

“I have been staying to different apartments and condominiums to cover up my tracks. That’s why I’m always missing here,” she gestured to her place, then whispering, “I at least owe you that one.” Mina once again watched the hurt expression on Chaeyoung’s face. The same expression that bloomed when she had convinced her that she didn’t mean the kiss and the words that came after. She felt sorry for her – for hurting her from merely existing near her.

“You’re leaving,” the shorter girl said, no, stated. The feeling of the colours moment might be distracting, but without it, Chaeyoung had a clearer sense with the surroundings. Everything was in place and tidied up. Boxes, at least three of them, and bags had already been stacked with one another. Mina is leaving again, the thought played out in her head like a broken record, And might be for permanent. “I don’t know what love is,” Mina confessed loudly before finally mustering all of her courage again to face her.

“From where I came from,” she paused and then took shuddering deep breath, “Our home is different, complicated.”

"It’s not that you don’t mean any of what you did and said, but it’s because of I don’t know what you mean of them,” Mina added in shame, hands balling on her lap, “I don’t really know what love is.” She hated how Chaeyoung was on the verge of crying in front of her. The tiny ball of feisty girl she first met was shredded into a helpless lovestruck girl, and it was all pitiful, and then adding, “And I don’t know why but for some indescribable pull, I have to go back for you for the last time, Chaeyoung.”

But, Chaeyoung didn’t shed a tear because she felt like Mina wouldn’t want any of that or any of her for that matter. Instead, she forced a pitiful smile and said, “You’re blind, too.”

Her eyes stings and the homesickness she felt ever since stepped a foot in the big city grew tenfold, or maybe multiplied for a thousand times. She missed their home, her dad, brother, and grandma, and she could just cry in her real room and spend the next days in the comfort of her mom’s words and advise – to lecture her on the sweet gamble of falling in love. Chaeyoung could really use some of that, but she just couldn’t. Not yet for the least. “Your heart is,” she then stated with trembling lips, tearless eyes, and crying heart.

-------

The rest of the bittersweet goodbye came into a blur for Chaeyoung. For real, she wasn’t too ungrateful for it because maybe it was a sweet salvation of her brain for her damaged heart. By the next morning, as expected, Mina was gone. When she stepped out of her room, the building owner was already locking the next door for the rest of the winter. She exchanged a simple bow with him and watched him walked away with the key to her room dangling in his hand. Unaware, Chaeyoung’s hand moved and covered her chest, feeling the ever painful beating of her yearning heart, “Mina.”

-------

End/?

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A/n: I survived it, banzai! How are we doing, dearest readers? Anyway, I'm slowly trying to broaden up my writing style, or that's what I think I'm doing here, so thoughts, comments, or feedbacks would be really appreciated by this dummy writer, but like also, no pressure with it or anything. Happy reading? ???