Jisoo tipped the soda bottle towards her lips, hoping that the sugary beverage would wash away the bitterness of her words.

 

“I’m just saying, none of this,” her hands gestured around vaguely, “Matters.”

 

“Who pissed in your cereal this morning.” Jennie muttered as she leaned into Chaeyoung.

 

“God.” Jisoo replied stoically as she took another swig of her drink.

 

Chaeyoung’s eyes narrowed, “Aren’t you an atheist?”

 

Jisoo flicked her finger towards Chaeyoung, “I will be whatever I wanna be, and if that’s an atheist-”

 

“Shut it,” Jennie quickly interrupted, “You already told us you were an atheist at Chaeng’s baptism.”

 

“By the way! That was the worst time to announce that, why would you say that in a church?”

 

“I felt like I had to be honest in the presence of Jesus.” Jisoo shot back.

 

“You don’t even-”

 

Jennie placed a hand in front of the younger girl, “Just let her be. She probably drank too much of her dad’s old rum.”

 

Jisoo leaned back with a content smile, “Correcto.”

 

Jennie growled under her breath as she reached towards an empty cup, she sniffed it lightly before instantly recoiling. “You didn’t even leave some for me.”

 

Jisoo smirked and pointed towards the case near the door, “There’s some more in there, don’t be whiny.”

 

Jennie huffed as she sluggishly walked towards the wooden case, only a few bottles remained and she was unsurprised. Jisoo usually drank the most at the beginning of the summer, she said nostalgia ate her alive during summer nights and she couldn’t stand to be sober while being torn apart by her past.

 

But they tackled the remaining bottles together, but the echo of glass clinking and whispers were better left buried deep within their alcohol tainted memories.

 

She poured one of the amber colored drinks into her cup and glanced to the unused cup that sat near the case.

 

“You want any Chaengie?”

 

“Remember she’s a child of God Jennie, she doesn’t drink.” Jisoo joked with a laugh as Chaeyoung whined in the background.

 

“She drank a ton the last time we hung out, remember that Chaeng?” Jennie mused as she walked back towards the them.

 

Chaeyoung’s eyes narrowed before she buried herself within her knees, “Don’t remind me, I was just about to forget.”

 

“You could forget?” Jennie asked with a laugh, “Lucky, I’d pay to forget that night.”

 

“It was your fault anyways. Why were you flirting with Joohyun when Seulgi was right there?” Chaeyoung muttered.

 

Jisoo looked up from her cup, “Who are you talking to? Me or her?”

 

Chaeyoung’s jaw has unhinged as her eyes widened. “Tell me you’re joking. No. No no- Are you serious? You both flirted with her? While Seulgi was there?!”

“I mean I paid for it didn’t I? Seulgi got to throw her massive bear claws that night.” Jennie mumbled

Jennie rubbed her jaw as a long forgotten pain has made its reappearance, “Sooyoung got a couple of swings in too.”

 

“You know Yeri bit me and Seungwan made sure to get a few kicks in.” Jisoo noted as she nodded, she pulled at her sleeve and pointed at the now faded outline of teeth.

 

Chaeyoung laughed as she ran her finger across Jisoo’s scar. “You’re both es.”

 

“Don’t act like your doesn’t go bow-wow when you see Chaeyoung without Tzuyu wrapped around her waist.” Jisoo said as she took another swig.

 

“Fantasizing about a person with the same name as you,” teased Jennie, “Didn’t know you were a narcissist Chaengie.”

 

“Tzuyu and Chaeyoung aren’t even dating so, still not as bad as what you guys did-“

 

The light began to flicker above them, Jisoo’s voice boomed in the rapid darkness. “They’re on and off Chaeng, you absolute fool.”

 

The flickering lights came to an abrupt stop, exposing Jisoo’s smirk and Chaeyoung’s firm lips.

 

A slow knock echoed from the front of the small cabin, the three girls turned their head to face the door.

 

Chaeyoung spoke first, “You know they say bears have super hearing… What if it’s Seulgi?...”

 

“She’s not an actual bear.” Jennie hissed as she whipped her hand towards her, she walked slowly to the door and opened it with hesitation.

 

“She sure ing swung like one that night.” Jisoo grumbled.

 

Jennie’s scream and the powerful gust of wind surged into the cabin and nearly toppled the two girls over.

 

Another scream followed Jennie’s, it was lower and had a rasp that coated her voice.

 

Jisoo sped over and nearly fell into the wall, her eyes darted over the taller girl that stood in the entrance.

 

Her lips were without a drop of color, Jisoo was sure there was more color in the girl’s strawberry blonde hair than there was in her skin, her eyes followed the bare trace of bluish tints and splotches of purple that splattered across her grey skin.

 

Despite everything dead and decayed the girl echoed, with her dark eyes and colorless skin, she still smiled, it was toothy and friendly as she waved towards Jennie.

 

She cleared before speaking. “Hello!”

 

“Shhhhh.” they cried back as their hands pushed some imaginary scale towards the ground.

 

She nodded and smiled sheepishly, “Sorry… Hi.”

 

“Who the hell are you?” Jennie said as her nails began to fill with wood shavings and paint chips.

 

The girl hesitated, her eyes rolled upwards with surprising ease. “Lisa.” she said with doubt dripping from her lips.

 

“You don’t know?..” Jennie asked as her eyes narrowed.

 

“Well I’m pretty sure it’s Lalisa, it was what was written on the gravestone,” Lisa explained as Jennie’s face fell from suspicion into obvious doubt. “Unless they like buried the wrong person, but I’m pretty sure I’m Lisa.”

 

“Gravestone.” Jennie deadpanned.

 

Lisa nodded and pointed towards a cleanely made trail that eventually lead back to the place everyone in town recognized as the graveyard.

 

Chaeyoung’s friendly voice boomed from the back, “You know Uno’s more fun with four people.”

 

Lisa beamed while Jennie sighed loudly, “Let me pat you down first.”

 

She quickly complied as Jennie patted her sides; she paused for a second, her finger pressed against the exposed flesh of her arm, Jennie felt as if she had been thrown into the arctic, Lisa’s breaths felt like frigid storms against her warm cheeks. Her hand slid across her arm, fighting the freezing storm, and paused at her wrist, her breathing slowed as she awaited for a quiet thump to echo into the pads of her fingers; it never did, nor did the rush of blood.

 

She gulped and pulled her hand to her side and moved to welcome the girl, Lisa quickly moved towards Chaeyoung and soon chattering filled the cabin.

 

Jennie glanced towards Jisoo, “You’re not worried?”

 

Jisoo blinked for a few seconds and stared at the newcomer. “I’ll be honest, I don’t think any of this is real.”

 

“Like the Matrix?...”

 

She shook her head, “We’re probably drunk, like really drunk. We’ll wake up eventually.”

 

Jennie pinched her cheek, “I don’t feel drunk.”

 

Jisoo began to walk towards Lisa, “Then we invited a stranger into our cabin who apparently just crawled out of a grave.”

 

Jennie followed after her and grabbed the cards Chaeyoung held out for her, “And it’s still not the worst decision we’ve made together.”

 

Chaeyoung looked up at them with her youthful smile and fluffy cheeks, “Then let’s pray this goes better than our other hangouts.”

 

Jisoo never prayed, the words almost tumble out of her the same way the tearful confession she made to her parents when the word ‘atheist’ had become more comfortable than ‘not religious’; when praying had become a burden rather than the catharsis it should’ve been.

 

But it had gotten caught in the crossfire of her tongue thrashing and her lips slamming shut.

 

Jisoo never prayed, but she knew it didn’t need to be said.

 

---

  

Chaeyoung groaned as a few pops released from her back, the coldness of the hardwood floor had pricked her fingers and pulled her awake.

 

Her long limbs felt weary and sore as she tried to pull herself off the ground, but a sudden yawn and a heavy weight pushing down on her ribs caused her to fall back onto the floor with a quiet thump as a raspy voice began to mumble into her chest.

 

Tufts of strawberry blonde flooded her vision as she began to slowly roll the freezing stranger off her body, Lisa whined and began to claw at Chaeyoung’s thigh.

 

“Five more minutes.” she said through pouted lips.

 

“You can sleep in for as long as you want, just not on me.” Chaeyoung said with a final push which sent the colder girl tumbling down her legs and onto the floor.

 

Lisa looked up with a smile, “Why? Would someone get jealous?”

 

Chaeyoung quickly caught her jaw from dropping, but failed to catch the awkward and strained laughter that began to seep from her lips.

 

“It’s, it’s a bit complicated.” Chaeyoung stuttered as she began to walk towards the kitchen.

 

Lisa followed after her and nearly melted on the counter, her blonde hair spewed everywhere as she pressed herself flatly against the cool counter. “Simple love is easy and sweet, but complicated love is the one that you remember.”

 

“But you don’t remember it in happiness,” Chaeyoung sighed as she began to toss a few waffles into the toaster oven, “Anyways, how do you like your waffles?”

 

A quiet hum echoed from the back of the kitchen, Chaeyoung turned to face the decaying girl.

 

Her eyebrows had furrowed as her eyes looked as if they had melted into pools of molten glass, she blinked before smiling again. “I don’t remember.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Lisa shrugged and weakly puffed air between her lips. “I don’t remember anything, or at least anything I liked.”

 

“It doesn’t hurt?” Chaeyoung asked, “Not remembering I mean…”

 

Lisa chuckled, “Maybe it’s supposed to hurt, but I don’t even remember what hurts me anymore, or what did hurt me. I guess I’m glad it doesn’t hurt.”

 

Chaeyoung glanced at the large box of waffles and gulped quietly, “You can have every type of waffle there is.”

 

Lisa smiled, “And then I’d get to have a way I like my waffles.”

 

Chaeyoung nodded, “It’s not much, but it’s a start. But soon enough you’ll have things to have from now on, things you’ll remember.”

 

“I’d like to remember you.”

 

“I want to remember you too,” Chaeyoung replied as she handed Lisa various syrups with a warm smile stretching across her face.

 

---

  

Jennie glanced through the window and groaned as a blur of blonde raced across the kitchen and crashed into a wall.

 

She shook her head as she raised a cigarette to her lips, pearly smoke swirled from her ruby stained lips.

 

She chuckled as she heard shouting and laughs echo from within the cabin, after a few moments the door swung open.

 

Jennie turned to see the taller girl stumble from the yellowish light of the cabin into the violet and indigo night.

 

“Where are you going?” Jennie asked.

 

She faltered for a second, her hand gripped tightly around her left forearm. “Just walking.”

 

Jennie’s eyes narrowed, “What’s wrong with your arm?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

She sighed and tossed the cigarette to the ground, it let out a final cry as her boot smashed the lit embers into the dirt.

 

“Sit with me, I don’t want you wandering too far.” Jennie said as she patted the dirt beside her.

 

“Maybe lat-”

 

“Please?”

 

Lisa’s breath hitched before the sound of slow shuffling in dirt and leaves filled the night sky.

 

She sat beside her, Jennie felt Lisa’s arm entangle with hers and for the first time she didn’t mind her cold flesh clashing with her warm.

 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Lisa said as she pointed towards the crushed cigarette.

 

“Just every once in a while, I wouldn’t really consider myself a smoker.” Jennie explained quietly as Lisa’s fingers thumped against her thigh.

 

Lisa laughed, “You smell like one.”

 

“And you smell like dirt.” Jennie shot back with a smile.

 

“Still not as bad as smoke.”

 

“I honestly beg to differ.”

 

“Then beg.”

 

Jennie pulled herself back for a second before Lisa laughed loudly and pulled her back to her side and began to rest her head on her shoulder.

 

Jennie inhaled the gentle scent of smoke and dirt, it settled within her chest and coated over her ribs and lungs. The scent brought an easiness that rested upon her eyes, they began to flutter as Lisa’s slow breathing filled her eardrums.

 

She felt bubbles of warmth rise to her chest, they pooled into her sternum and steady pressure started to build.

 

“I’m happy when you’re around.” she confessed quietly, exhaling as the pressure sped alongside the shaky breath.

 

She felt Lisa’s grip tighten, and a quiet chuckle spill from her lips. “Then I have reason to stay then, as long as I make you happy, I’ll stay.”

 

“Then you won’t ever leave.”

 

“I promise not to.” Lisa murmured.

 

---

  

“Jennie?” Lisa’s voice had sank into a low murmur.

 

“Hm?” she replied as she slowly blinked.

 

“Can I tell you something?”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“I think I’m rotting.”

 

Jennie felt fear begin to build within the walls of her chest, her heart thundered while her ribs began to shake. Her eyes shot towards the arm Lisa had kept a tight hand around.

 

Lisa tugged on her sleeve till a deep cut that trailed down her forearm was revealed, it looked as if an empty ravine had shredded through her skin; it echoed a cold grey rather than a pulsating pink and it seemed to be coated in dark shadows. Jennie placed her finger against the cut and not a single drop of blood coated her finger.

 

She swallowed her fear, while letting out a shaky breath as she faced Lisa. “You’re not rotting, you’re fine.”

 

“Jennie-”

 

“No,” she quickly said while she pushed herself off the ground, “Let me get the first aid kit, you’re gonna be fine Lisa- Stay here.”

 

After a few moments she quickly returned, sporting a large white container.

 

“Dead people rot Lisa, you’re alive.” Jennie muttered as she rubbed alcohol over the wound, ignoring the lack of hisses coming from the taller girl.

 

“Living people bleed, living people aren’t cold and grey.” Lisa mumbled back as she watched Jennie softly wrap bandages around her arm.

 

“Then you’ll be the first,” Jennie hissed as she began to close the first aid kit, “You’re gonna be fine.”

 

“Jennie-”

 

“Let’s go back inside, it’s getting cold.”

 

Lisa watched as Jennie wove a lie and gently wrap it around her eyes. Jennie ignored the coldness, she ignored the grey skin and the lack of pulses and thumps. She ignored the dead and praised the living. She ruffled her hair because that’s where the color lived, she wrapped her arm around Lisa’s waist because her shirt was warmer than her freezing hands.

 

Her eyes weren’t milky and grey, but she was surely blind.

 

---

  

Lisa smiled as Jisoo crawled through the window, “Hey.” she quietly greeted as she patted the roof material beside her.

 

Jisoo gulped quietly before sitting beside her, her eyes peered downwards quickly before they flew upwards. She let out a shaky chuckle, “Whatca doin up here?”

 

Jisoo watched the dark indigo of the sky reflect across her glassy eyes as the stars twinkled in a sea of brown and blue, Jisoo thought she had never seen anything more beautiful.

 

“It’s pretty up here.” Lisa admitted after a few moments of silence.

 

She hesitated for a split second, her grey skin twitched and the liveliness in her eyes had snuffed before relighting. “I don’t remember much, but I remember the stars.”

 

Lisa felt a lost life rush into her body, smudged days with muffled laughter echoed throughout her chest, the laughs collided into her hollow bones and sent twitches of pain throughout her body. She felt as if her body was chained to the past while her mind walked freely into the future, her body screamed for its return:

 

We don’t belong there, that life was robbed from us.

 

So much of her belonged to the past, foggy images of people she was sure she once loved appeared late at night, the darkness melted into familiar faces that begged for her return. They wanted Lalisa Manoban back, how could she explain that Lalisa was gone? She was long gone, she had faded from the world with a smile on her face, shouldn’t that of been enough for them?

 

Lisa buried the bitter thoughts behind the cloud that caused a dense fog to settle within her head. “Do you believe in heaven Jisoo?”

 

Jisoo rubbed her tongue over the word; heaven.

 

She always considered heaven her void in a kinder disguise, the ending she found beauty in was painted into a bridge leading into the next life, one made of golden clouds and cleanly made reunions, that sat and aged for decades before it could be properly enjoyed.

 

She saw heaven as a veil, a lie, but a beautiful lie nonetheless.

 

But she wanted nothing more than to wrap Lisa up in a beautiful lie, she wanted Lisa to have the golden clouds, the angels singing and the softness that lived within peace, Lisa never drowned in the gentleness of living, she was born into cruelty and died within a sea of fear.

 

And for the first time in her life, she found herself praying, it was a quiet murmur that echoed from some distant part of her mind, her heart raced as the voice inside her head began to beg; fear clawed its way through her chest.

 

She never prayed before, she didn’t pray when she drank too much of her dad’s rum and when she was sure the void was going to devour her alive, when she swore she felt the gentle flesh of her lungs unravel within her chest and quickly fall into the dissolve.

 

She never prayed, but she prayed for Lisa.

 

Be kind to her, she had nothing and yet she still managed to lose everything.

 

Her voice hid in the darkness of the night as she spoke quietly. “I didn’t before.”

 

“What changed?”

 

“You,” Jisoo admitted with a huff, her blood boiled in retaliation to the way her heart thumped; it slammed into her tender flesh as Jisoo wrapped her hand around Lisa’s. “I want there to be a heaven for you.”

 

Lisa chuckled to herself, “I know you don’t want a heaven, so I hope your void will make you happy.”

 

---

 

Jisoo’s arms slithered through the mounds of pillows and found their home wrapped around Lisa’s waist; her hands met atop her cold stomach and pressed flatly against looser muscles that must’ve been tight sometime ago, now they only lightly stuck out from her grey skin.

 

A puff of soft flesh appeared above the outline of Lisa’s cheek, it hovered for only a few seconds before a pair of slender hands wrapped themselves loosely around Lisa’s neck.

 

Lisa laughed and the sweet sound could be felt all across her body, her back pressed into Jisoo’s front, and she found herself snuggling deeper into the younger girl’s neck and her palms pulling her closer to her. As if her warmth could possibly bring a hint of life back into the dead girl.

 

A quiet huff was heard before long and slender legs appeared and quickly wrapped around Lisa’s torso, Chaeyoung’s content face quickly appeared, her fluffy cheeks rose like bread against Lisa’s ribs but she seemed to be comfortable nuzzling against her.

 

Jisoo chuckled into Lisa’s nape when Jennie’s scowling face appeared in her vision, she raised her hand from Lisa’s stomach and gently pinched the younger girl’s dough like cheeks with a sweet satisfaction and her hand eventually made its way back home.

 

A dramatic groan slipped from Lisa’s lips yet she pulled the three girls closer to her and pulled her head inwards so Jisoo could rest her head in the tender space between her neck and shoulder.

 

Jisoo thought the words were easy to think of, they vibrated within her skull every time Lisa laughed and every time her heart swelled so big that it pressed into the sharp corners of her ribs.

 

Love; Jisoo rubbed her tongue against the roof of and let the taste settle to her gums. It was so sweet that it sent waves of dull aches through her teeth; they trembled with all the things Jisoo would do for the younger girl, how she would rip heaven from the sky and wrap Lisa up in the sweetest lie she had ever known and how she would tear a hole into the universe to make their own home, where they could listen to the stars sing and watch the universe slip from its bones.

 

“I love Lisa, I love Chaeyoung and I love Jennie.”

 

The words bubbled to the top of her mind. 

 

“I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love- I love- I love- I-”

 

The words shot through surface, sending endless ripples through her sense of calm.

 

Her tongue twitched and twisted as the words were crafted by her mind, her lips trembled with the weight those words carried; the words were too heavy for her mortal body to carry, they had too much meaning, love, love, love.

 

Her love hung low in her chest and dangled near her thumping lungs. Her hand tapped against Lisa’s stomach in a nervous frenzy before she quietly murmured:

 

“I love you Lisa.”

 

Her hand slid and tapped against Jennie’s side. “I love you Jennie.”

 

She raised her hand to gently cup Chaeyoung’s cheek and her thumb slowly rubbed the soft flesh. “I love you Chaeyoung.”

 

She felt Chaeyoung’s arm wrap around her back, and Jennie and Lisa’s hand slide into hers.

 

She barely murmured it, this time the words came out with no hesitation. Mainly because they had been resting deep within her chest for years, it had aged with the chips in her ribs and the stringy muscles of her lungs.

 

“And I’m so afraid of you losing you guys.”

 

---

 

Jennie awoke with a loud yawn followed shortly by a quiet grown as she shifted amongst the sea of arms and legs.

 

Chaeyoung’s arm had lazily landed upon her face and her vision had become a blur reddish tints.

 

Jennie’s hand patted against the mattress, her fingers ran across the cloth, feeling for the familiar chill that had slept beside her the night before.

 

A stinging coldness seeped into her fingers as her hand bumped into Lisa’s, instantly her hand lunged forwards and clasped onto the taller girl’s hand.

 

Jennie spoke quietly, “We should really get a space heater for you.”

 

“I’m gonna wake up one morning with an icicle up my and that’s gonna be rough for all of us.” Jennie said with a quiet chuckle.

 

Silence trailed behind her laugh; Jennie shook Chaeyoung’s hand off her face and stared at the wisps of strawberry blonde that hung over her eyes.

 

“Lisa?” she whispered as she gently tugged on her hand.

 

A shaky breath slipped through her gritted teeth as she tugged a bit harder.

 

“Lisa,” she almost demanded but her voice shook as she clawed closer towards her, “Please- Wake up- Lisa please.”

 

A pressure built within her chest as she pushed on the girl’s chest and watched her flop over with ease, her hair flew up and off her face.

 

“Lisa!” Jennie shouted as waves of pain crashed into her eyes.

 

She saw Jisoo wake up with a loud gasp, she pushed Lisa’s stray limbs off her body as she slowly rose off the mattress.

 

Jisoo’s eyes lit aflame but before a shout or even a quiet scold could fly from her lips, a glassy tear caught her attention.

 

Her eyes followed the stray tear as it lurched down Jennie’s pale cheek, Jisoo gulped quietly before her eyes trailed after Jennie’s blank eyes.

 

Her eyes ran over Lisa’s limp form, they came to a sudden stop at her face; a faded smile twisted her blue stained lips. 

 

---

  

Summer had fallen into their sweet small town and Lisa had risen into their lives.

 

And Jisoo couldn’t tell the difference between the summer and Lisa, her strawberry blonde hair had entangled with the cicadas’ ballads and the cool drinks that splashed down their throats.

 

Her laugh coated everything she owned, as rum bubbled in so did Lisa’s giggle, the one that echoed through their cabin and their late night drives. It bubbled deep within her chest and during the night where the cicadas and the stars sang a similar song, her chest would burst and an entire sea of memories that were better forgotten spilled over the edge of her ribs and left her skin coated with the past.

And Jisoo couldn’t bring herself to drink rum, it tasted too much like Lisa. It tasted like her laughter; it tasted like a life stolen from her. It tasted too much like a happy ending cut short.

 

Every night a single thought bubbled through her mind, it’s what kept her awake yet it was also the only thing that could ease her racing heart:

 

When I see her; I’ll see heaven.

 

They could never explain how things had changed after Lisa had left, mainly because they didn’t understand it either.

 

Why did they hear her laugh echoing through the cabin, why was she in every memory and every picture? Why did strawberry blonde make them want to start sprinting, because maybe, just maybe this time they could make her stay.

 

How did the name Lisa light a fiery pain across their chests, as if their body was punishing them for remembering what was already long gone. Why did their jaws clench and their tongues collapse when they tried to say her name.

 

Remembering was painful, but no one ever wrote poetry about the sorrow of forgetting.

 

The color of strawberry blonde had faded from her eyes, her mind had ran its fingers through the color too many times, it spun it, rotated it and saw it from every angle; there was nothing new to see.

 

Jisoo fought against her mind, she fought against the fog that consumed her memories, she tugged on cold grey hands and ran after strands of strawberry blonde, but that didn’t stop the columns built out of Lisa’s laughs and voices from crumbling.

 

Dust and rubble of Lisa flew up within her mind and quickly settled to the bottom. Everything had become distorted, she forgot what Lisa wore when she stumbled into their cabin, she forgot the game they played that night, the rum they drank together; it had all faded and turned into distant splotches that coated her memories.

 

Forgetting had become both beautiful and hideous, it lessened the pain that echoed through her chest but it lit a new pain; the pain of knowing her memories would never be recolored or fitted with new sounds, she only had what was left, colorless memories with faded voices.

 

---

It's been a while since I've written anything but after some late nights out with some friends I wanted to write something that captivated the feeling of loss and the painful yet relieving ease of forgetting; which is what I wanted to showcase with Jisoo, I wanted to explore her depths as an atheist and her conflicting beliefs that came along loving someone like Lisa.

Jisoo was easily my favorite person to write in this story and I think I might make a series out of this, just small blurbs within their town before, during and after Lisa's appearance.

Anyways, let me know what you think and what you'd like to see if I make this a series :).