Now you have read the au......i wrote this after ten years of the breakup....and since in dream concert jc really loved listening to "love rain" i the lyrics as well...
it turned out fine. i hope you all like this since I am not the best writer in the town.

 

 

 

 

"okay so I was thinking if you guys want to meet Jihoon's friend."

Soonyoung said out of blue, he looked nervous as he talked to his friend.
Seokmin looked at his best friend.

"Really? We can meet them... It will be like really big party... Omg I can't wait."

"Hold your horses hyung," Seungkwan said and then looked at Soonyoung. "Why now?"

Jeonghan was curious too. It's been ten years, Seungkwan was still with him, Jun has left for China just after he graduated from high school. They still keep in touch though, he even visited China and Jun came to meet them too. So the friendship was steady.
The friend he had now were Seokmin, Joshua and Soonyoung including Seungkwan. They studied in the university together and now they all have different jobs they meet up once a week. Their friendship was pretty good. Four month prior to present Soonyoung started dating his coworker, Jihoon. They did meet Jihoon a few times, he was a good man but they never met his friends.

"Well I just want my relationship to go deeper. So having you all meet with his friends well give us a chance to deepen our bond."

"Bond my , you just want him to like you more,you are whipped." Soonyoung didn't said anything he just went red and Jeonghan thought how it was so good to be in love.

 

***

The day came, they all planned to meet in a Cafe. Pretty cliché. Soonyoung's group was first to reach, Seungkwan was still not there. Jeonghan was siting in the corner beside the window. He looked outside,it looked like it was about to rain. Such a sad whether on such a happy occasion. They filled up one side while the other side was needed to be filled with Jihoon's friend.

Jeonghan looked at the table, they made the space spacious by merging the tables and Jeonghan was kinda embarrassed because they were in the Cafe for God sake. It was not even a dinner place. But he kept his thoughts to himself. It didn't take much longer for the other group to arrive. They were a bunch of tall and handsome people and Jeonghan thought how Jihoon was the odd one in the group. They filled up the chairs.

There was a very tall guy called Mingyu and another tall one called Wonwoo. They seemed pretty cool, maybe Mingyu guy was a bit hyper but it was okay. Then there was another guy he looked like foreigner but he found out later that his name was Vernon and he was half Korean. He was a quite kid. Jeonghan liked him the most.
Then the chair in front of his was filled and Jeonghan looked at the stranger,

he freezes.

The stranger was shocked to see him too but controlled his expression and looked away.

'it hurt'

"Hi my name is Seungcheol, Choi Seungcheol." he smiled and Jeonghan found himself staring, the smile was same as ten years ago. Big and full of love. He shook his head,no he can't be thinking like this.

"My name is Jeonghan." he said once it was his turn. All eyes were on him, and he hated the attention. on top of that his ex and his one and only love was there, where the hell was Seungkwan when he needed him the most.

"I'm sorry if I came out as rude but why do you have long hair?" Mingyu really had a big mouth. Wonwoo hit him and Vernon gave him a 'Wtf' look, if it had been some other time he would have told them how much he loved it and all that but he can't lie in front of Seungcheol. But he didn't had to answer because Jisoo took the initiative.

"Well to tell you the truth we don't know either, just two years back he just start growing them and dyed them silver. And when we asked he said that he was told that he look good in them. I still wanna go and punch that person who told him that he would good in this." Jeonghan wanted the earth to swallow him. His new friends didn't know his affair with Seungcheol, and there Jisoo was practically telling him that he was doing it because of Seungcheol. Would Seungcheol think of him as pathetic? he was really anxious.

 

 

 

("you are saying I'm not beautiful right now?"
"I said more beautiful. And if you dye them silver it would be an all kill." Seungcheol smiled, imagining how beautiful he beautiful could look.

"Please take your stupid fantasies away from me."

"Who would fulfill my fantasies of not my own boyfriend."

"Tch... You are stupid."

"A stupid you love. )

 

The emotion he felt were so strong, guilt, regret sadness he was full of them. He remembered how he was so loved and how he just threw it away. The cuts on his hands burn like hell, reminding him of how foolish he was.

"But you do look good in them though." usually a praise makes you feel good, but in this case he didn't want to listen a praise not from some stranger he met but Seungcheol
But the said man just stayed there minding his own business like he didn't heard anything.

 

It hurt.

 

But what can he do it was his own fault.

 

(                                    I though I could forget small pains like this
                                                                 And that another love would come and find me
                                                                                                         Why can't I forget about you).

 

 

.....

 

 

"Where is Seungkwan?"

Jeonghan could see Seungcheol having an interest when the name was said, of course those two weren't close but they did had some special bond between them. And it was because of him they had to saperate their ways. He was surprised that they didn't contract after high school.

"He said he will be here in 15 minutes." Jeonghan said as he looked through his messages. He didn't tell Seungkwan about Seungcheol he just asked the later to hurry up.

"Oh sure. But our drinks are already here. "
Soon the table was being filled with the orders.

"So what's the plan?" Mingyu sure was an impatient one.

"What do you mean plan?" Jihoon raised a brow.

"I mean do we just sit here and sip our tea?"

"Yeah hyung, you guys are not just going to play this cheap?Are you?" Seokmin added.

"Tch have faith... Will you.. We all are going to our house after this and we will have dinner there." Soonyoung said as he handed out the drinks to others at the back side.

 

" 'Our house' you guys moved in together?"
Seokmin almost screamed, Jeonghan looked surprised as well as he took his strawberry shake.

 

" Hyung... How could you didn't told us?" Mingyu was whining too.

"Ah... It was part of surprise as well." Soonyoung scratch back of his neck sheepishly, a warm smile spread on Jihoon's  lips and somehow Jeonghan felt sick. Don't get him wrong, but the couple remind him of Seungcheol and himself. All happy and giddy, he hopes nothing goes wrong in their beautiful relationship.

And after that they all started to bombared more question to the couple, Jeonghan looked at his drink and then towards the front end. The sugar packs were all there, no one care to give him any since his drink was not the one which need more sugar. But Jeonghan needed it, he tried calling out Joshua to give him sugar but they all were immersed in the story of how Jihoon and Soonyoung got their apartment that no one paid any attention.

Jeonghan sighed, he really couldn't take his drunk like that.

Suddenly two packs of sugar were thrown towards him, hitting his cup landing beside it. He looked up and it was the first time Seungcheol didn't looked away but looked straight into his eyes, Jeonghan felt vulnerable.

But he mouthed a thank you which the later took with a curt nod and divert his attention again to the chaos that was happening.

("Excuse me? Can I have two sugar packets?"
Jeonghan asked, the worker gave him and his strawberry shake a quick surprised look before giving out the two packets.

"Who drinks this much sugar?"

"Me of course."

"You really are going to have diabetes one day."

"That's rude you know."

"I'm just stating truth."

"Well then you have to take care of me when we get old and I have diabetes."

"Are you saying that we are going to stay together till the end."

"of course)

 

Tears started to form in his, the promise they made didn't even last for two weeks. it was so sad and painful. His eyes were b with tears. And the fact that Seungcheol actually remembered was also adding the salt to his found.  
How come he was still so sweet yet calm whole he was falling apart. Was it because he was the one who betrayed other's feeling? He hanged his head low, trying not to let his tears fall down, he needed to put himself together.
                                           

 

                                                           If my love comes into your head
                                                                           The memories comes alive again
                                                           If my love comes into your heart
                                                                            I'm reminded of our precis love

 

 

.....

 

 

Seungkwan was still not here and Jeonghan had managed himself not to break down right than and there. They wee all almost finished and were talking about occupations and what they were all doing with their lives. Something Jeonghan wanted to avoid. especially in front of Seungcheol.
As expected Seungcheol was a football team coach and he was doing great , really contented with his life.

 

"Yeah he only cares about football, that's why he is so single.... We even think he is a ."

They all gasped as they looked at Seungcheol, he just smiled, oh that beautiful smile Jeonghan fall in love in the first place. Jeonghan thinks how stupid they were to actually think he was a .

"You can't be a ? How can you be a with this look?" Joshua said, usually Jeonghan would let his friend's such flirtatious slide but today he didn't liked it. Even though he knew that Seungcheol didn't belonged to him anymore, he still didn't liked it. The man was once his and pained his heart that he can't claim him today. He fists his shirt behind the table, his anxiety was getting worse, his body was in pain and he needed to let it out, a cut, to make his mental pain go away. A physical pain is always better than mental pain because he knows that it will end someday. But mental scars are just worst they never heal and today they just ripped off, he need to tear off his skin to get away from the emotional pain he was in.

"Our Jeonghan hyung is same, he never date anyone." Jeonghan wished that they could stopped talking about him. 

"How come such a beautiful person like you haven't got a date already?" at this point Jeonghan had enough of Mingyu praises, he felt bad for the boy but he couldn't help but get annoyed with his approaches. Did he looked that easy? he was glad that everyone ignored Mingyu's approaches and their attention was now back at Seungcheol.

"Also even if Seungcheol hyung is so lame he still the most successful among us."  Vernon smiled, Seungcheol tried to hide his smile but Jeonghan could see that he was proud.

"Well hannie would be successful too if he hadn't just kicked all his luck away."

Jeonghan wanted to kill himself, why do his friends like to make him feel more uncomfortable than he already was? why do they need to talk about him in front of everyone, especially seungcheol. Everyone was looking at him, even Seungcheol this time.

" Well as you know we all are major in science and Han was a top student and a nerd and he top all the subject and in the end they actually offered him to work in the national research project, but he ing declined. Oh my God I'm still angry at him. And now look at him, he could at least be a lecturer in some prestigious university but, no he is a day care teacher, he looks after toddlers. "

Joshua really was fed up with him, even with all the emotional pain Jeonghan in he stills smiled. Joshua really cared of him too much.

"Why? " this time Vernon asked him, he could feel Seungcheol eyes bored into him but he ignored, or at least tried.

"Well.... I was looking for some peace in my life."

"Tch I still don't know what kind of peace he talks about, and you know after graduation he just changed, grew up his hair, dyed them and become a day care teacher. I mean who does that? who change their lives to 180 like this? He become so soft. Jeonghan I used to know was so fierce and wild."  Joshua shook his head.

"Yeah he really did changed in past 4 years." Soonyoung said

 

 

(''You should become a day care teacher.''

''Seungcheol I hate kids... "

" Oh sorry" )

 

 

"Why are we talking about me? Aren't we here to talk about you two." Jeonghan was kind of annoyed as he pointed out the couple.

"No we are not here for us, because you all already know us, you need to get to know each other and that's exactly what we are doing... Knowing you."
 Jeonghan sighed.

"More like ganging up on me you bastard. " Joshua chuckled and seokmin let out a laugh.

"Sometimes his real self does jump out.... Ouch."

Jeonghan hit seokmin on his head, this made them all laugh and then they all started to question Mingyu for some reason and Jeonghan was glad that the attention was not on him anymore.
Out curiosity he looked at Seungcheol and saw the said staring at him, before he could look away he saw that later was staring at not him but his exposed hand. He looked down and saw his full sleeve was  up exposing a bit of his skin. The place was full of cuts and scars. His eyes widened as he slid his sleeves back in hurry.
His eyes met with Seungcheol's surprised one and he looked away. 

Why out of all people it was him who looked at it? he deadpanned. but now he couldn't take anymore as his anxiety took over him again.

"Hey. I need to use restroom." he said while standing up.

"Hyung do hurry because we are leaving in ten minutes."

"I will."

He said as walked towards the restroom.
He went straight to the basin and start splashing his face with cold water, he can't have an attack here out of all places. He needed to be happy for his friends. If only 'he' wasn't there nothing would have gone wrong. What hurts him more was the ignorance he got from him. He hated it, but he knew he deserved it. It's been 10 years he couldn't expect him to get back together or couldn't expect him to treat him any better after what he had done to him.

After all these years he understood what Seungcheol meant when he said he was okay with little, it wasn't that he was a coward or anything he was just thankful for whatever he had. He just wasn't greedy. Also he had peace of mind.
He hated how he himself actually accomplished every single dream he had yet he still wasn't happy, and in the end he actually turned into what Seungcheol wanted him to be. Of only he had stayed with him,the present would be much better.

He had anxiety had taken over him, regret made him go insane. So to take care of his mental pain he started cutting. Seungkwan freaked out when he first saw him. He still don't know how he managed to be always there for him. nevertheless he was thankful. Seungkwan tried to get him away from it but he actually begged his friend to let him because it was the only way which let him live. Seungkwan was mad, he made him go and see psychiatrist and well he still haven't told him that he stopped going after his second visit. Some things are meant to kept secret.

He also tried to date but he never found another Seungcheol. So he gave up.

He looker at his reflection in the mirror, he wasn't crying but he looked wrecked, he hated himself for that. He puller away, shut off the tap and rolled his sleeves. He can't take it anymore, he needed a let out. He can't ruin the couple's special day by looking like this.

He searched for the freshest cut and stab it with his thumb nail. There was a reason he had a long thumb nail. He continued the act until the cut was open and blood was seeping out slowly, it wasn't enough. He was about to dig deeper when the door open and Seungcheol walked in. Why him out of all people?

"Jeonghan, what are you doing?"  Hearing his name from him after such a long time made his heat flutter but right now it wasn't the time. He backed away, his back coming in contact with the basin. He hid his hand behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Jeonghan could feel his voice shake.

"What are you doing?" Seungcheol repeated his question as walked towards him, Jeonghan really had no where to go so he just prayed nothing bad happen.
Seungcheol came closer and leaned in, he grab his arm and pulled out, blood was still flowing, he could feel Seungcheol becoming tense.

"Jeonghan?"

"This does not concern you, so please let go."

Jeonghan tried to take away his arm from the him, but the grip was strong. How can he forget the monstrous energy he kept inside that body. Jeonghan tried harder, he needed to get away, to run away from him.

"It does when I see someone hurting this bad, I need to do something."
So he was now someone else. Good.

"You are hurting me." Jeonghan let out a pained huff and his hand was released the second he said that. Seungcheol was still a softie after all this time. But right now he needed to run away so he pushed him and bolted out of the restroom. He could hear Seungcheol cursing and calling out his name.
He ran, he saw his friends at the table, Seungkwan was there too, finally but he was late. Too late.

He didn't listen to the voices of his friend either and ran outside the cafe. It was raining. Just like that time, it was like ten year back. Before he could run away his hand was again held by someone stopping him from running.
He looked back and it was Seungcheol. His eyes were now filled with pain and anger, and Jeonghan didn't want to face it.

"What's going on." Soonyoung was worried with the scene in front of him, but before he could go any further he was stopped by Seungkwan.

"Forgive me hyung but please don't interfere, they had suffered enough."

"I don't get it."

"please." He begged and left them no choice. the whole group looked in front of them, they were all in shelter but the couple was outside, soaked.

"let go."  Jeonghan tried to get away, but this time the grip was even harder.

"We need to talk Jeonghan,"

"There is nothing to talk."

"There is, there is so much to talk." Seungcheol pulled him towards himself, he almost collided with him but gained his balance. They both were drenched in water, hair sticking everywhere, clothes has become their second skin.
Jeonghan looked at him, he looked as beautiful as ever, it made him cry. No he was already crying.

"There nothing to talk Seungcheol, just let me go."

"Do you hate me this much?" Seungcheol voice was full of pain.

"I don't....but don't you?"

"I don't hate you."

"How could you not hate someone who betrayed you. And left you." he looked at him, Seungcheol looked serious.

"because maybe I understood the situation and maybe I knew that we were not meant to be together." Jeonghan's heart dropped.

he started to react violently.

"Let go of me," he tried to get away, the grip was too strong. He hated it, he was crying so much. "It hurts, you could have just told me that you hate me, but telling me we weren't meant to be together is just worse." he was crying, tears falling.

                                                             

 

                                                                I just looked up at the sky

                                                                           and cry out please love me again

                                                             if only this small wish in my heart

                                                                         would turn into rain and fall from the sky

 

"Let go," he shouted, he can't take it anymore.

*Slap*

Jeonghan stopped, he looked at Seungcheol too surprised to even say a word. His cheeks stings. His legs gave in as he sled down on the path in pouring rain sobbing. Seungcheol sat down now holding his both hands.
It was the first time Jihoon saw Seungcheol this mad, It was the first time Soonyoung saw his Hyung this desperate.

"I said we weren't meant to be together, in the past. Listen to people before jumping on conclusion. Maybe life needed us to learn more, maybe life needed us to become more mature, maybe life needed us to learn things about the world before we could do anything. Maybe us meeting after ten years is a sign that we should stop suffering and maybe because we are now mature enough to lead our love..... Together. "

Jeonghan sobbed, and when Seungcheol wrapped his arms around him he let him. He felt like he was at home.

"You don't hate me?"

"I used to, but then I learned that this is how life works."

"I missed you." he was sniffing into Seungcheol crook of neck, clutching into the wet shirt clinging to him so he won't disappear again.

"I missed you too," he felt a hand on his head, creasing it. And after all the hard ship he went through he was finally home.

 

 

****

 

 

Seungkwan was sniffing as he geld seokmin's hand clutching it tightly. 

"Um...kwan?"

"I'm so happy, oh my god....I didn't know i would finally be able to see this day.

"We still don't understand."

"You will, you will." Seungkwan  said as he looked outside at the couple hugging. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

thank you for reading it... comments are appriciated. i hope you all like it. you can check my twitter and mycc 

thank you