Seolhyun tries and tries, but she'll never be good enough for Hyejeong.

.

Her hands shake in the cool evening, trying to light a cigarette. She's leaning off the rail on top of the school roof, running away from the end of the day, away from a cruel ending at home.

The wind keeps blowing out her lighter, frustrating the brunette to no end. And so, she throws the stick on the ground in petulant spirits before smashing her heel into it, watching as it ripped.

Not a minute goes by before she regrets that; Seolhyun can't get another pack till her father goes on another month long trip - it's her second to last one anyway.

She pulls out a new one. This time crouching down, shielding it with her body and finally, the cigarette lights.

"I thought you quit?"

Seolhyun glances up, lips pressed into a weak attempt of a smile. "I was stressed," she mutters to Hyejeong, who just sighs.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying." gets lost in the smoke as she exhales.

The older girl's expression is unreadable from the roof door, she steps up to Seolhyun, next to the rail, and looks out onto their crappy town with hopeful eyes. Seolhyun wishes she was allowed enough money to send her away somewhere nice. Away from here. Away from her.

"I'm sorry," she breathes out quietly, turning away so the smoke doesn't hit Hyejeong in the face, "I'm sorry," Seolhyun repeats when a hand slips into hers and fingers trace carefully over the bruises painting her knuckles.

"What happened this time?" Hyejeong wonders.

She wants to tell her, wants to tell all about how her father drinks his nights away despite being a well known business man, and beats her because she's not the daughter they wanted. How her hand accidentally got in between the alcohol and him. But Seolhyun doesn't.

She in another breath of tainted air before replying, "I slammed my hand into the desk."

Maybe Hyejeong knows already, but she just tightens her grip gently, and when Seolhyun nods, crushes the cigarette as it drops from parted lips. "Please don't, I want you to live for a long time."

"I'm trying." Because she will for Hyejeong. Anything.

Her wrist itches, so the brunette pushes up her sleeve and moves the older girl's hand to touch it. Immediately, it soothes the sting.

The letters, in curly fonts, read out "Why are you crying?" 

Somehow, they're now sitting on the floor, huddled against each other, fingers intertwined.

"I bet you wish I wasn't your soulmate." Seolhyun speaks up.

"No, I don't. Listen," Hyejeong plays with their fingers, "Seol, you're not bad." she says firmly.

"But not good either," Seolhyun adds. She likes to think sometimes about a future that's happy. One that doesn't involve getting beat up until she's eighteen. "You'd be better off with that stupid Euihyun."

"But I'm not, and I'm happy with you," The older girl insists, ignoring the subtle jab towards the boy who kept following her around declaring that he was her soul mate.

Seolhyun blinks, the weight of Hyejeong gently rising and falling with every breath. "You're just so... Amazing." she finally says quietly, over the wind, "and I'm not." taking a heavy breath, she continues, not looking at the older girl, "But I don't know what to do without you."

Does that make her selfish? Yes.

Pathetic? Yes.

She just needs to turn eighteen quickly, then she can collect whatever scraps of money her father left towards her and leave. For a fresh start and maybe, just maybe, Hyejeong will come with her.

.

Then one night, she calls the older girl.

"Seolhyun?" 

"Unnie," Seolhyun says breathlessly, "He's done with me, I can leave."

A rustling happens on the other side of the line before Hyejeong replies, "What?" she sounds sleepy, which is probably how someone should sound getting woken up in the middle of the night.

"I got my mum's money early and my birthday is in a few days," Seolhyun explains, her eyes glancing nervously towards the suitcase neatly laying on her bed.

"I'm happy for you, Seol, but what does this mea-"

"I can leave - we can leave. Together, if you want." She's always dreamed of taking Hyejeong places, now she has the money to do so. But it depends.

Things are silent. Seolhyun gets more nervous as the seconds pass and Hyejeong doesn't say anything.

She thinks of how her father just gave up, pushed her a paper and left the room. The paper held what needs to be done to get the money - maybe he doesn't truly hate Seolhyun because it's a hefty sum.

"My car is ready when you are." Seolhyun proposes desperately: she needs to leave soon and in a few hours, she'll be on the highway, with only her suitcase and hopefully a non-empty passenger seat. "I can send you to that university you wanted to go t-"

The line clicks off before she can finish, and Seolhyun feels a burning in her gut. Then she realizes, even if she is Hyejeong's soulmate, even if she's been in love with this girl for fifteen years. She doesn't have a right to ask Hyejeong to run away from her home.
 

The seats of her car squeak when Seolhyun had shoved the suitcase in the back. They squeak even more when she throws in whatever snacks she can find, and then hauls herself into the front seat.

She swears she not stalling. The three o'clock traffic can't be too back, she figures and waits for something that probably won't happen.

Then her phone buzzes, and Seolhyun sits up straight.

(3:06)am
hyejeong: wait for me

In the middle of the icy cold morning, she spots Hyejeong carrying a suitcase, huffing white air as she continued closer.

"What are you doing? I-"

The moment Seolhyun gets out, closing the gap between them, Hyejeong yanks her outstretched hand, pulling the brunette into a kiss. It tastes like mint, making Seolhyun's knees go a bit weak.

"I'll go anywhere with you," Hyejeong says the moment they part, grinning as she rests an arm around Seolhyun's waist, and drags them both forwards to shove the suitcase into the back of the car.

"That's cheesy," says Seolhyun, feeling light all of a sudden.

"Yeah, it is."

"But what about univ-"

"I've been studying for three quarters of my life, I don't need four more years." Hyejeong shrugs, looking more confident then Seolhyun feels. "C'mon, time for a road trip." She raises their hands up, bring them to her lips before kissing Seolhyun's knuckles. "Together."

"Together," The younger repeats, and suddenly, she's happy. For the first time in a while, she's happy.

Hyejeong loves her. She loves Hyejeong.

Maybe, just maybe, she starts feeling like enough.
 

(a/n: yo, so um. to gomindo_no, i really apologise. i may have accidentally deleted that fic i said i was writing. SO. I will try to write what i had again. Apologies ㅠㅠ