Like most days, Jiwoo was spending the night at Jungeun's. But not the way Jungeun would have liked her to. It was one of those movie nights that ended in sleepovers because Jiwoo couldn't stay awake until the end of the second movie. And since she was living just across the street, it didn't really matter where she was staying. She would borrow her clothes, sleep in her bed but all of this didn't mean anything else than platonic friendship, at least to Jiwoo.

If she was asked, Jungeun wouldn't be able to tell when exactly her feelings for Jiwoo went from, I like to hold your hand on the way home–to I want to hold you every night. Had it been when the girl had stood up for her when no one else would ? 

Let's say Jiwoo's parents didn't match the girl's jovial traits, therefore, she was used to spend as much time as she could with her best friend, to the great displeasure of Jungeun. She wondered for how much longer she would be able to pretend. Laying in bed with her– turned out to be way more challenging than she thought, she could feel the warmth emanating from Jiwoo’s body even when their shoulders weren’t brushing. There was this burning sensation in her rib cage, growing more and more unbearable with the passing nights.

-- -- -- 

By that time, Jungeun had come to learn that this particular sensation could mean different things about her. It felt tight for the first time the day this one jock came up to them at their locker and asked Jiwoo on a date. Without even realizing, she clawed on the carton of juice with white knuckles, spilling half of its content on the back of her hand and sleeve. Wishing death upon this clueless er, this was a strong word, but Jungeun couldn’t shake the fire inside of her.

She called it jealousy.

Her quiet gasp still reached Jiwoo’s ears and after turning her head, the latter gasped with way more intensity. “hum–we need to g-go !” She stammered, pulling Jungeun by the wrist -making sure it was the dry one- and jogging to the girl’s bathroom.

Then, Jungeun was feeling better to know Jiwoo had dumped him as soon as she had taken notice of her friend’s little accident. She pushed her against the counter a little too strongly in her rush, clueless that Jungeun’s ears were flaming with heat at this point, and fished for paper towels.

She rubbed her sleeve frantically-schools don’t give out brand new uniforms to clumsy students- still able to chuckle in this stress-inducing situation, “What happened Jungie ?”

The pet name helped subsiding the anger to a tiny twenty percent.

Jungeun shrugged as a response, too caught up in taking her best friend’s freckles and boopy nose in. They were this close, with little concentration she could have counted her lashes and Jungeun was not ready for this kind of proximity. At least, at a time where she desperately wanted Jiwoo to be hers so she wouldn’t have to be jealous of some random guy.

The wet paper on her burning skin broke her out of her trance and she bit the inside of her cheek so she wouldn’t do anything regrettable. By now, she had broken the eye contact already, her gaze set on the corny love notes scribbled down on the facing wall. The numerous names circled with hearts made the jock’s words flood back. What would have been her response if she hadn’t noticed Jungeun ?

The tightness in her chest wouldn’t give her a break and the words left her lips in a timid whisper, “Are you going to date him ?”

Jiwoo froze her movements and Jungeun knew she was staring, she felt it, the side of her face burning oddly. Why wasn’t she talking ? The seconds were unbearable for Jungeun.

By now, her nails had damn nearly pierced her palm, “Please, don’t date him.” She blurted out in almost a plea.

Pretty much instantly, Jiwoo gave her forearm a squeeze, or maybe Jungeun had turned insane and it was simply a figment of her imagination.

But she still looked up at her friend, who had her gaze on her already, eyes not straying away from her, “Why not ?”

Jungeun felt the words pilling up in , somehow, unable to leave her when Jiwoo was looking at her this way. Could this sudden possessiveness not only be on her side ?

“He’s–a player, you’re better off without him.” She breathed out, her head buzzing in a nasty song, chanting-Stop lying and confess- There was nothing to confess about, she was just growing used to feeling something other than platonic affection for her best friend, give her some damn time.

Something flashed behind Jiwoo’s eyes that Jungeun didn’t quite catch and she was off to throw the paper towels in the trash bin, swaying on her feet.

She beamed so brightly Jungeun could have become blind right there and then, “Alright ! I won’t date him then !”

There it was. The pressure in her chest vanished magically and was replaced by a pleasing, fluttery feeling. Jiwoo hooked her arm under Jungeun’s and led them out of the bathroom.

It was a feeling she couldn’t shake off no matter how hard she tried, she called it not far from love.

 

-- -- -- 

 

The bed dipped next to where she was laying as Jiwoo sat upright, the air feeling much colder suddenly.

“Do you have your eyes on anyone ?” She asked out of nowhere and Jungeun damn nearly crushed the nib of her pen on her notebook.

“You mean at school ?” She sounded composed but this simple question could have caused her a heart attack knowing Jungeun.

Jiwoo shifted again and hugged her knees to her chest, nodding sharply “Hmm !”

Jungeun stared up at her, half weirded out and upset to come to learn she was so eager to know about her love life. Not that she had any, apart from her unrequited feelings for–her.

“ I don’t.” She looked back down, her exercises magically fascinating now. Well, if being a close neighbor and best friend doesn’t count.

Jiwoo was watching her with her usual questioning pout by now, she could tell, “ Why not ?”

Because no one compares to you, she wanted to say so badly it burned the tip of her tongue.

She took a deep breath, and looked up to meet her eyes–which was a ty idea because her voice broke in the middle, “ I don’t know–I–don’t like a-anyone.”

Jiwoo certainly caught the edge in her voice but didn’t spy on it, only nodding in understanding. She was the one to divert her eyes this time, fiddling with her sleeve almost nervously.

“ I don’t want to date for the sake of dating, I want my first kiss to be meaningful.” Jungeun added, not sure as to where this confidence had come from. She still wasn’t able to watch Jiwoo’s reaction hence she hid her face by reading her notes.

Jiwoo chuckled, her voice booming in amusement, “ Silly ! You technically had your first kiss already !”

Is she talking about–

Jungeun didn’t want to believe it so she opted for acting clueless, staring at her almost flatly. Damn she had gotten so good at acting throughout the years.

“You forgot you kissed me under the moonlight years ago ?” Jiwoo teased nonchalantly. How could she talk about this so easily ? It made Jungeun’s heartbeat soar up even thinking back to that night. Of course she didn’t forget, there was no way she could forget the only moment she had been honest with her feelings.

The of her pen came to a halt and she swallowed harshly, “Right, I stole your first kiss didn’t I ?” Her lighthearted tone contrasted with the way her neck and ears were changing colors, from a milky white to a watered down red.

Jiwoo blushed at her words, to be honest, that night, Jiwoo had written in her diary that she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else as their first kiss.

“I did say technically, don’t worry about it, you didn’t steal anything.” She said, her bangs falling over her eyes.

Jungeun hummed longly, not looking up. Would you let me be your official one then ?

A comfortable silence settled in the room and Jiwoo fell back down on her back with a huff.

Jungeun dared to tear her eyes away from her-let’s be honest- boring paper and woah–Jiwoo had this starstruck smile on, the same one that had illuminated her face after their kiss. Is she perhaps– thinking back to it right now ?

Without realizing, Jungeun got lost in her thoughts, doodling on her hard-earned equation.

 

-- -- -- 

 

Jungeun had been sitting down by her window for hours now, Jiwoo and her would always walk home together, hand in hand, but that day, Jungeun found herself walking back home alone, and worried in addition. Jiwoo had just notified her with a flat, nearly formal–Don’t wait for me to go home– and when she had asked for an explanation, nothing came in response.

It was way past dinner time, the sun was long set and Jungeun was worried sick.

Out of nowhere, a silhouette walked under the streetlights in direction of her best friend’s house and in the next ten seconds, Jungeun had her entrance door slammed shut.

Her face was tense and her eyes were void of emotion when she matched Jungeun’s gaze, barely stopping her feet.

“Hey-hey-hey.” Jungeun stopped in front of her and held her warm hands to her freezing and hollowed cheeks, they didn’t have that usual rounded form, of course, she didn’t have her usual dazzling smile to greet her best friend.

“Are you alright ? Did something happen ?” She asked in one breath, trying to spot any injury on her.

Jiwoo’s nostrils flared up, her lips pinched in a thin line and Jungeun wiped one tear away with her thumb, one that the distressed girl didn’t even notice had fallen.

She cast a quick glance to the house on their left and her heart wrenched, no lights in sight. They hadn’t even waited for their daughter to come back. She wanted to go in there and give them a piece of her mind but it was the last thing Jiwoo needed. Right then, she needed a friend.

One of her hand fell to her shoulder and the other the soft skin again, she nodded her head in direction of her own, bright house, “ Wanna go in ? We have some food left– and my mom brought back this amazing tea from her trip in Japan.”

Jiwoo didn’t say anything then, she glanced towards her house, her expression not once showing sadness or disappointment and after a quick look towards Jungeun’s inviting home, she nodded weakly.

Jungeun beamed and for once, Jiwoo didn’t return it, she ignored the ache in her chest and tugged the quiet girl along with her.

An hour later, they were sitting at the foot of Jungeun’s bed, the food and tea had made her look a little less dead but it wasn’t all that just yet.

“Are you going to tell me what’s up ?” Jungeun broke the silence and turned to face her friend who had removed her lips from the rim of the cup.

“I don’t feel too comfortable talking about it–here.” She answered simply and Jungeun wondered where her friend had gone. This was so not like her, Jiwoo barely knew the meaning of discretion. Although, Jungeun had something in the back of her mind, and it had to work because there was no way Jiwoo would stay depressed like this.

“Alright–” She hopped on her feet, staring down at her, “Let’s go on the roof then.”

Jiwoo frowned, plump lips parting, “What–”

Jungeun went to open her window, looking back at the confused girl, “ I mean it, come on.”

“But h-how ?” Jiwoo reluctantly stood up, brows furrowed.

Jungeun didn’t give her a moment to adjust, slinging one leg over the window sill, “ Like–” She pushed herself up and over the half wall with her remaining leg, “This–oof.”

Both thud and Jungeun’s huff got Jiwoo to rush over her, “Jungie ! Are you okay ?!”

Although, Jungeun had decided to , she faded from the opening and Jiwoo panicked, “Hey ! W-where’d you go ?”

She was bending over the window sill, trying to spot Jungeun in the dark, half guided by the faint footsteps. Her head popped in front of Jiwoo and the latter shrieked and stepped back in with a curse when she was sure it was, indeed, not a ghost.

“Damn you moron.” She gritted her teeth and walked up to the window with a new gained fervor.

“If I find you.” She jumped over the sill effortlessly- thanks to the many years of taekwondo- and carefully walked on the roof. If she were to fall, she’d most likely have at least one limb broken and she was not down for that.

Jungeun was sitting on the apex, almost dying with laughter seeing the way Jiwoo was wobbling her way on the slanted roof- taekwondo yes but not stunt woman-she landed next to Jungeun with a huff, wincing when the sharp edge hit her .

She exhaled loudly, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand but the moment she took notice of the view in front of her, the tone she was about to use totally changed.

“Damn Jungeun...” She looked around, her exhaustion only a detail now.

“Pretty, right ?” Jungeun breathed out but she actually wasn’t looking at the view– even if Jiwoo was a whole view herself.

She sighed contentedly, “That’s so cool !”

Jungeun didn’t want to break it to the girl but it was still the reason why she had brought her out there in the first place.

She scooted closer and Jiwoo turned to look at her, “So– you wanna talk now ?”

The smile fell from her face and Jungeun wanted to jump off the roof for being indelicate.

The now moody girl stared up at the stars, “Well, hum...I...got–rejected.” She admitted with a hint of shame in her voice, refusing to meet her friend’s gaze.

Rejected ? She liked someone ? Oh right, that Heejin girl. Her brain had just pushed the piece of information far from her mind to protect herself.

Jungeun’s lips formed a ‘o’, “I’m– sorry.” Her heart hurt but it had no right to.

As if on cue, Jiwoo’s eyes brimmed with tears and her lips quivered. Having her best friend feeling the need to apologize made all of this rejection thing more– real.

Jungeun swore she hadn’t seen something as heartbreaking as the literal sun crying, ever. She didn’t know if she had to hug the girl, pat her back, in short, she felt useless.

“ I don’t get it.” She spoke in a strangled voice. The tears had turned in sobs by now and Jungeun wanted to crush that girl who had had the audacity to reject the best person on earth.

“Am I-Am I not good enough ?” She asked through the tears and Jungeun’s hand flew to the other girl’s back, soon drawing unsteady circles through her shirt.

Of course you are good enough, this brat just cannot see it the way I do.

“You are good enough, if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings then– she’s the moron, she doesn’t measure up to you and that’s that.” Jungeun assured sincerely.

In an act of boldness, she scooted closer and put the crying girl’s head to lean on her shoulder, “The universe has something else planned ahead for you, that’s it.”

And I hope I’m part of it. One can hope.

Jiwoo’s lips curled upwards upon hearing her words, Jungeun was sure great at comforting her.

“You can have anyone you want Jiwoo.” She added truthfully, resting her arm in the curve above her hip.

Although, preferably, I would want you to want –me–out of anyone.

Jungeun felt the other girl lift her head from its shelter and she looked up to see the most heartwarming sight ever, a pouty Jiwoo wiping her tears away with her sleeve.

She sniffled a little more and exhaled shakily, “I just can’t stop thinking about it, if she doesn’t want me then who will ?”

I ing will. Jungeun promised to herself.

“–and I won’t ever have my first kiss–” She complained. Was it the problem ? A kiss ?

Something crazy went through Jiwoo’s mind on this instant, what if Jungeun kissed her ? Her childhood best friend wouldn’t hurt her right ?

The thought had sent her mind reeling, so much that she repeated herself, “ I can’t stop thinking about it.”

I’m going to give you something else to think about then–Jungeun chanted in her mind and with unknown courage, she forced Jiwoo’s head to face her own.

Time seemed to stop–for everything happened in the blink of an eye–but Jungeun still got the time to notice that her hands were trembling like a leaf, they were clammy too obviously but it was no time to back out. Her face was burning as well because the coldness of Jiwoo’s forehead did catch her off guard when they clashed against one another. The world turning black, the softness of Jiwoo’s cheeks and lips against her own, it all happened at the same time. She couldn’t believe she was kissing Jiwoo.

Jiwoo’s world didn’t turn black as she didn’t have the time to close her eyes, but it did turn upside down, her heart drumming against her chest when she realized that–yes– indeed, Jungeun was kissing her.

Her lips were hardly parted which made her wonder whether it was uncomfortable for Jungeun. She didn’t know anything about kissing–she had made that very clear earlier–but something told her she was supposed to, at some point–maybe–kiss back. Do something that would make Jungeun feel like she wasn’t forcing this on her.

She closed her eyes, then only focusing on what she felt instead of what she saw. Jungeun’s kiss was more to be considered a peck, the touch of her lips barely there, feather-like. Hands-that had been on her lap this entire time-shot upwards in a desperate need to be closer and latched onto the other girl’s hoodie with a steely grip. Jungeun was fairly surprised and gasped, their lips losing contact for nothing more than a second but it was enough for Jiwoo to catch Jungeun’s lips with her own once again. This time, fitting like a puzzle when Jungeun caught on and relaxed in the embrace.

Is this how it’s supposed to feel ? Love ? I must be in love then.

She was the first one to break away, Jiwoo unknowingly chasing after her warmth. Eyes still closed and lips puckered, the fireworks in Jungeun’s stomach doubled in intensity at the sight. Had I been the cause of this intense flush ? Of course, the kiss had sent her to cloud nine when it was barely anything more than a peck. Jiwoo’s eyes fluttered open and she saw deep affection in them, but was it the same kind of affection Jungeun had for her ? The way she showed her pearly teeth in a lazy-almost- starstruck grin made her hope this was this kind of affection. One could hope.

Although, after the kiss, nothing had turned out the way she would have wanted things to. Shortly after, Jiwoo’s father spotted them on the rooftop, his voice booming through the quiet neighborhood.

And Jungeun hadn’t seen anything of Jiwoo for a week, not even at school. Was she grounded because of the rooftop or had he seen the kiss ?

When they reunited, nothing had changed. Maybe it was the problem, not once Jiwoo had talked about the kiss and Jungeun started to wonder whether it had been all a dream.

She decided she would push it in the back of her mind and move on.

 

-- -- -- 

 

And here she was, years later, still trying to move on. But with Jiwoo reminding her of it, it proved itself to be harder than she thought.

She looked at her, she was still laying on her back with her eyes closed and Jungeun wanted nothing more than to hover over her and kiss her, take her breath away and show her how much she felt for her.

Her love hadn’t faded one bit throughout the years, if so, it had grown.

 

+++

A week later, they were walking down the hall, Jiwoo swinging their arms together happily. Even if she was eighteen, she still had those childish sides to her and people other than Jungeun seeing them didn’t bother her at all. And Jungeun, well, she was whipped.

“Oh !” She suddenly stopped, Jungeun too slow to anticipate and her arm literally stretched out.

She tried not to glare at the suddenly enthusiastic girl but it was not an easy task when waves of pain were shooting through her arm.

“You heard the latest ? Jeon Heejin’s back to school !” Jiwoo said, nearly jumping on her feet.

Jungeun couldn’t care less, not recognizing the name. She massaged her arm, wincing every now and then, “And what does it have to do with u–”

Jeon Heejin as in...the Heejin ?

Her jaw clenched and her arm fell limp at her side, “Heejin, like Heejin ?”

Jiwoo nodded instantly, she was too ing enthusiastic for Jungeun’s liking, “Yes ! Who else ?”

She took a deep breath, now was not the time to go off at her, “ Do I need to remind you she stepped on your feelings ?”

Jiwoo scoffed, “ Talking about that ! She might have changed her mind about me !”

Could you not–

Jungeun stared at her friend, her fist clenching around the strap of her bag, “Well, explain.”

“First, she gave me more attention in two days than what she gave me in two years–and yesterday– she literally held the door for me and smiled at me !” Jiwoo rambled, her voice getting loud at random point in her sentence.

Is this a ing nightmare ? Someone find me something I can crush in my hand without mercy.

“Do you think she forgot who you are ?” Jungeun asked warily, starting to walk again. Jiwoo did change physically in the last few months, she had lost part of her chubby cheeks, she had grown used to apply simple makeup at school and she was noticeably more womanly. But if Heejin suddenly liked her because of that, she didn’t ing deserve her. She had to like Jiwoo the way she was, without makeup, chubby, even with dark circles.

Or maybe this was just Jungeun’s job.

Jiwoo flanked her side, “Well ! I don’t know, but at least it could help me start back up with her !” She was already more than one step ahead Jungeun so the latter didn’t control her expression anymore, gulping down the lump in .

She wanted to pierce her own burning heart with a stake at this point. Why couldn’t life go easy on her ?

+++

At past midnight, Jungeun couldn’t get to sleep. Her head was swirling with thoughts, unanswered questions more precisely. What would happen if Heejin did like Jiwoo like that ? Would they get together ? Like, be a couple ? Something Jungeun had tried to do for the past couple of years but never really got a hang of it. Jeon Heejin was certainly faster and cleverer than her, and surely prettier too, she was just doing everything ing better than her, huh ? That was why she had stolen Jiwoo’s heart so fast. She had stolen Jiwoo’s heart, not Jungeun.

It didn’t mean she would let her ruin what she had with Jiwoo though, not on her ing watch, she had waited long enough, now was her time.

Lippie: You up? I need to ask you something

The plan she had come up with in a minute was completely ridiculous and illogical but one could try.

Chuu: Is everything ok? I can swing by your place

Oh no no, she was definitely not doing that face to face.

Lippie: Um yeah, and no! No need! Just something quick to ask

Chuu: Alright...sure? It’d be simpler to talk in person

No no no, over text was good. Goddammit she could be so stubborn, at any time of the day.

Lippie: Yeah i’m sure, i’m tired anyway, i’ll be quick

Chuu: Alright, tell me

Sigh–. Was she really going to ask her best friend to do that ? The answer is yes.

Lippie: Can you pretend to be my girlfriend for a while?

At school

To attract the attention of a girl I kinda like?

Well – it was sent–and–ing read.

Chuu: Aha, you actually got me there for a second

Jungeun’s whole body was trembling, well now might as well get myself into this mess completely.

Lippie: I’m not joking tho. I really came with up with that

Chuu: I’m...speechless, it sounds like a ty plan?

Ouch, Jungeun was half expecting Jiwoo to react this way, however, she wasn’t going to back up so soon.

Lippie: No my plan is fire. Please, help me on this. Just a few days?

Jiwoo would have been lying if she said it didn’t hurt her to know Jungeun had a crush. Were they going to grow apart if she did succeed in getting that girl’s attention ? Plus if they were to fake date, Heejin was out of the picture and her hope of moving on from her not-so-platonic infatuation with her best friend was too.

Chuu: I don’t know...Heejin’s gonna think I’m tied up

This text was painful to send but she really didn’t know how to deal with the new found information.

Lippie: Heejin rejected you, her!

Jungeun cursed in her dark room, she didn’t mean to send this. But the mention of her rival made her infuriated so fast.

Lippie: Sorry

That was harsh

But please, just for a few days

Chuu: No you’re right, she did reject me, I can help my best friend and she can wait

Lippie: Really? I legit squealed

Chuu: Yeah, deal, it better work tho

She didn’t know why but Jiwoo wanted to rip her heart out. Why would she help the girl she’s in love with get together with another girl ?

Jiwoo could never say no to Jungeun, she had started to get used to it. So she would get to know how it feels like to date Kim Jungeun and feel her slip away from her all at the same time, what a–ty–plan indeed.

Lippie: shsgshsg thank you! Love you!

Chuu: Thank me when you’re actually dating her

Love you too jungie

It felt good to say it, even though they didn’t mean it the same way. That night, Jiwoo didn’t sleep because she was sure she was about to spend her last cheerful moments having Jungeun all to herself– before the storm that would be her broken-heart. And Jungeun slept rather soundly, dreaming about holding hands and kissing Jiwoo’s cheeks. Hopefully, she could make Jiwoo fall in love with her in that much time.

A/N : I'm finally posting the first chapter ! Yay ! I hope you guys will like this little Chuulip Au, any feedback is appreciated btw ! I might cross post this on AO3 as I'm trying on there too, not so sure yet tho.