Mina is filled to the brim with uncertainties, anxiety, and self doubt.

Yuna is her savior.

.

Yuna is kind, sweet, cheerful. Everything that Mina isn't and more.

.

You're not good enough

It rings through her mind, day after day, after every mess up she causes, after Yuna helps her. Mina blinks back the waves of choking bitterness, tries to focus on the more positive side.

i'm trying, i'm not that bad

You're not good enough for her

But the voice comes back, pounding it in her skull until she breathes by those words, lives by them, and believes them until they make their way onto her body.

.

Bruises aren't good on places that can be seen. The fans notice them easily, Mina finds out. They had posted about her bruised hands until she finally made a instagram saying she was perfectly fine.

Then Yuna found out, and Mina felt guilty when the older girl had pulled her into the bathroom to wrap them up.

She's useless if people keep noticing, especially Yuna, who could be doing better things then helping her pathetic girlfriend hide the words painted into her skin.

So Mina tries her hardest for the camera, to smile wider, sing better, dance better, diet more, exercise harder. Until she's perfect. Until those words disappear (but they seem to be burned deeper) from her. She won't stop until she's fully worthy.

.

The effort pays off.

Her smiles are effortlessly wide. She sings stronger now. The dance instructor says a word or two about her improvement. She looses weight.

But now, instead of the admiration she expects, people only comment on what they see.

"She has dark under eyebags, is it because she's lazy not to cover them?"

They are from staying up late practicing.

"She's thin and sickly."

From dieting.

"Is she even acceptable to be in AOA?"

No.

Mina's ignored her bandmates attempts to talk to her. After every schedule, she mumbles a goodnight and heads to the dance studio. Even Yuna. Wonderful, beautiful Yuna has been pushed away. And as much as Mina hates the hurt in the older girl's eyes when she ignores her, the words still haven't faded so she continues.

Until one day, she almost topples over when she steps on stage.

The media will probably call her a brat, lazy, or even a weakling if she stops now. So Mina closes her eyes every few seconds to persuaded the dizziness to leave and breathes through the waves of black invading her vision.

A hand on her back when the dance stops for a few seconds shows that someone notices and she shakes her head at Hyejeong as they rise, separating to begin the next song.

She manages to finish the entire stage. Mina swallows a dry heave as their leader raised the mike to say something, but out of the corner of her eye, she sees Yuna discreetly whisper something into Jimin and she suddenly bows, then hurries everyone off the stage.

Distantly, Mina thinks bitterly about how once again Yuna sacrificed her time to help her before things flash black.
 

"Kwon Mina of AOA admitted into hospital after fainting from..."

Mina stares at the sentence until it begins to go blurry. She's in a hospital bed: IVs crowding around and one hand holding her phone, the other Yuna's tight grip. The blonde was passed out on top of her legs, hands still squeezing hers every once in a while.

You're not good enough 

Her heart clenched painfully.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you," she whispers, setting down her phone. "I'm just not good enough yet."

"But you are."

Mina startles, frozen by sleepy brown eyes that stare up at her. Yuna smiles a little smile, fingers slipping into hers. "I love you so much," she says quietly, "I hope you know that."

Words pour out of before she realizes, "I do. I do, and I love you. But it's - I'm not good enough." Mina tries to explain, almost desperately, watching as Yuna's face shifts. "You deserve more then a pathetic person like me."

They all deserve more, but Yuna who had worked harder then anyone and kept a smile on her face, a genuine smile, unlike the one that Mina had perfected, deserved the world.

"Is why you pushed us away?"

Mina focuses on Yuna's slender fingers, tangling and untangling them together with hers.

"The doctor said you had become exhausted to the point of unconsciousness. Dieting helped." Yuna says, "I was so scared," she whispers, the fear showing such vulnerability inside of her eyes that Mina swallows down a lump in , squeezing her hands tighter, "that you had injured yourself."

"I- I-"

"I love your short hair, your cute little laugh, the way you look tiny in those big sweaters. I like how your eyes sparkle when talking." Yuna pauses, taking a breath, "I love you."

"I'm leaving the group."

It falls out before Mina can stop it and Yuna's eyes go dark.

"What?"

"I'm not renewing my contract."

And Yuna loses hold of her hands.

.

They don't talk about it.

Not even when the other five members renew their contracts. Not even when they all cry about it, promising to keep in touch. Not even when Yuna waves goodbye with a sad smile.

.

Mina was filled to the brim with uncertainties, anxiety and self doubt.

Yuna isn't there anymore, now she's spilling black on the floor, and it's all her own fault.

You're not good enough

 

a/n: this was going to be happy. so happy. and then i heard the news. this is the first time i've been through a group member leaving, and it breaks my heart in all honesty.

kwon mina, you were an amazing idol in all of your years in AOA, i respect and love you.

(im going to go cry now :;D)