You might want to read 'I Was There' Chapter 8: 2013 first, and this is the continuation.

(Don't worry, you don't have to read the whole fic, just the particular chapter!)

Enjoy!!!

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By the end of the last song, people had scattered everywhere--some tried to find shelter (that is useless, really, since they are all soaked from head to toe), some ran to the parking spot to get in the car and turn on the heater, but some just stood there enjoying the rain seeps through their clothes and wet their skin mix with sweat.

Normally, Jiwon is the last kind--it doesn’t even matter, he likes being wet (no pun intended), being under the rain included. After festivals he usually will go find some friends just to hang around and drink, just have good times until they are all dead tired. That’s kinda how he found Namjoon in the first place, after one wild festival in Seoul that went out of hand, they got drunk and found themselves tangled in the morning on Namjoon’s single bed. Namjoon had suspected him being gay at that time, although he had no problem with it, he still emphasized that he’s into girls (right after Jiwon woke up in his arms). They have been festival and party friend ever since.

But this night, it’s all different. The adrenaline has been exceptionally high even without any drop of alcohol in Jiwon’s system, and Jiwon knows that it’s all has something to do with the cold hand that he grips tightly. Jiwon is almost pulling on Hanbin’s hand, leading him through the crowd and heading to the parking spot. Thank God it isn’t so hard to find his father’s old KIA. He opens the passenger’s door first and let Hanbin get in before running to the other side of the car, all in a complete, complete rush.

After he closes the car’s door, Jiwon immediately turns on the heater. By the time he looks at Hanbin, the younger boy is shivering from cold, trying to take off his denim jacket that is still dripping wet. Jiwon laughs at how Hanbin’s teeth chatter--he really cannot stand cold.

“Where do I put this?” he asked. Hanbin’s slightly long hair is pushed back, and Jiwon always thinks that his forehead looks nice.

“Wait, I have my swimming bag with me,” Jiwon then rummage through the backseat, almost straining his waist to bend in a weird way. Jiwon is glad that he had kept his swimming bag in the car after yesterday’s practice. That comes in handy at times like this.

Jiwon takes out a medium-sized towel and hands it to Hanbin, taking his wet denim jacket in exchange to be put in a wet bag.

“Dry your hair,” Jiwon said, busy taking off his own wet shirt and shove it into the plastic wet bag. The heater takes a little longer to actually take effect because what else can you expect from a thirteen years old car.

Hanbin is wiping his face with the towel and Jiwon noticed how his wet white shirt is sticking onto his body like a second skin. Hanbin is really skinny, Jiwon thinks, his waist looks small that maybe it can fit nicely in both of Jiwon’s large hands.

“Lemme help,” Jiwon takes the towel from Hanbin and begins drying the younger’s hair, with him just sit there hugging himself like a small boy. A part of Jiwon is glad that Hanbin is looking anywhere but at his eyes, and it is so obvious that he also avoids looking at Jiwon’s bare chest that is exactly in front of him.

Jiwon smiles at how Hanbin’s eyes are shaking, but when Jiwon moves the towel from his hair to his neck, Hanbin looks like he wants to pull away from Jiwon.

“What?” Jiwon said, holding Hanbin’s cheeks that already turn reddish from cold with hands covered by the towel. When Hanbin finally looks at him on the eyes, Jiwon feels like his breath hitched for a millisecond. The dim yellowish light in the car shines straight on to Hanbin’s clear eyes, making them look brown and glassy. His lips are slightly parted and Jiwon just notices how pink and plumpy they are.

“Jiwon…,”

Hanbin’s slightly cracked voice pulls Jiwon from his own thoughts--and Hanbin is staring straight at him, his brows furrow very slightly.

His eyes are big--if Jiwon looks at them a little more deeply, he would have seen his own reflection.

“Y-yeah?”

“It’s so cold, turn the heater up a little bit,” he said, and Jiwon lets out a light chuckle.

“This is an old car. We can only wait for it to kick and do its job, give it some time.” Jiwon said. Hanbin lets out an annoyed whine that makes Jiwon laugh--he really acts like a toddler sometimes and it’s still so weird that Jiwon finds it adorable.

It doesn’t stop being surprising for Jiwon that the realization came out of nowhere--seeing Hanbin danced and laughed like he forgot the burdens that have always been there. Like he was happy. Like he was free. Jiwon’s heart still beats a little bit faster than the usual, especially when Hanbin is so real and warm against his hands, so close that Jiwon can hear his breath.

Hanbin had said that he likes Jiwon too and only now that Jiwon wants to die of nervousness. Now that the adrenaline has begun to go down, so many questions begin to pop in Jiwon’s head, what if it was just adrenaline talk? What if that was just the euphoria? What if Hanbin didn’t mean it like what Jiwon meant? What if Jiwon read Hanbin wrong?

But the younger boy is an arm away from him, his hands are still on Hanbin’s cheeks, holding them as gently as his rough hands can manage. He had let the towel hangs on Hanbin’s shoulder, hoping that it can give him a slight added warmth. Hanbin blinks and still looks at Jiwon like he also has questions in his head--probably the same questions. Probably not.

“I like you, Kim Hanbin.” he said then, shocking himself as that name comes out too easily from his mouth.

“You said that already,” Hanbin said, doesn’t even break the eye contact--and God, Jiwon wants to ing scream. Hanbin’s eyes are so clear and he sees no hesitation there.

“No, Bin, like… I like you so much… in the way that I wanna kiss you a little.”

Hanbin doesn’t blink this time and Jiwon wants to ing die--his heart is beating even louder now that he is afraid his chest won’t be able to contain them. Hanbin doesn’t smile, he only looks at Jiwon like he’s fascinated, like he’s figuring things out but he also knows exactly what he is doing.

Hanbin tilts his head up a little, looking at Jiwon with such tender eyes and it makes Jiwon wants to cry. He is so ing beautiful and Jiwon begins to think that there is no way Hanbin will feel the same thing--he doesn’t deserve someone like him, it is too good to be true and there is no way Jiwon deserve such a thing.

“Go on…,” Hanbin said, barely above a whisper. That gaze makes it looks like he’s challenging Jiwon and damn, the feeling is too intense for Jiwon to contain. “... kiss me a little.”

Jiwon lets out an embarrassing pained yelp but then all he knows is he already pulls Hanbin towards him, for the first time feeling those plump lips against his and damn it, it’s so warm and soft and it drives Jiwon crazy when Hanbin actually moves. He kisses back and Jiwon is sure that there are tears clouding his vision because this person, this person, God, this person suddenly becomes the center of his damn world. Nothing matters now but this person.

It’s so messy, and warm, and soft--and their noses bump a little and their teeth clashes too, but Hanbin kisses like he had missed this--Hanbin kisses like he needs it and Jiwon wants to give him the whole world even though he deserves so much more. Hanbin’s pulse is strong against Jiwon’s hand and his nape is warm and soft. He can feel Hanbin’s hand on his waist and they are cold, yet they are firm.

When he pulls away after a short few minutes, Hanbin lets out a little whine of protest while his lips are searching for Jiwon’s again. He moves forward like he’s hungry for more and Jiwon is in awe--this Hanbin is not like the Hanbin he knows. This Hanbin is better. Braver. Stronger. Free. Then Jiwon kisses him again full on the lips--it is wet and warm and Hanbin’s breathing is heavy.

Hanbin laughs when their teeth clash again (a little bit harder this time) and it is so contagious that Jiwon also laughs even harder. Jiwon presses their forehead together and Hanbin laughed so hard that his eyes form crescents. Jiwon’s heart feels so full; the happiness overflows from his little heart--it is filled thoroughly, fully, with Hanbin and Hanbin only. His palms are on Hanbin’s cheeks and they are so soft, his breath is warm and when the laughter died down he kisses Jiwon again in a quick peck.

“Oh my God,” Jiwon laughs and wipes Hanbin’s wet lips with his thumb; they are way softer than they look, “...so messy, sorry.”

Hanbin just smiles and let Jiwon wipes his lips and philtrum. Jiwon thinks he’s like a little baby.

“The heater still isn’t working,” Hanbin said with a sad tone--his white shirt is still damp and his hair is too. Jiwon then takes his black jacket from the backseat, checking the smell first before offering it to Hanbin. He took a thin baggy white shirt for himself and wear it in one swift movement.

“Why do you need to smell it?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t want to smell bad in front of you.”

Hanbin laughs. He’s so ing cute.

“What? Now, suddenly?” he takes the black jacket from Jiwon’s hand, “Jiwon I think I’ve smelt worse things from you in the past year and you only get conscious now?”

“It’s different now!”

Hanbin just giggles at Jiwon’s little tantrum. He still looks cold and Jiwon curses the car’s heater for being really slow. Maybe they should just sell this old car. It is still isn’t working as fast what Jiwon wants and he begins to fiddle with the buttons.

When he looks at the younger boy again, Hanbin is halfway wearing his jacket without even removing his wet shirt. This boy really lacks common sense sometimes.

“Why don’t you take your wet shirt off? What’s the use of this jacket if your shirt is still wet? Bro, common sense!”

“It’s fine.” Hanbin said, continues to wear the jacket that is two sizes too big for his small frame.

“No it’s not?! You could catch a cold. Take your shirt off.”

“I’m not taking my shirt off in front of you.” Hanbin says, zipping up the jacket fully.

“Why not?!”

“Just no.”

“But why?!”

“I said no means no!”

Jiwon lets out a loud sigh while dropping his body against the seat. The smallest things can be arguing matters for him and Hanbin, and as cute as it is, sometimes it still test his patience limit.

“OK have fun with cold, or worse, pneumonia.” Jiwon starts the engine. This argument is really giving him dejavu, “...the heater will take some more time to work, though.”

“I’ll be fine.” that sounds a little bit defensive, but Jiwon thinks that’s just the way Hanbin speaks.

Jiwon shrugs, “Alright if that’s what you say.”

After spending nearly a year with Hanbin, Jiwon begins to understand that the younger boy is hella stubborn, and the best thing to do when he’s being difficult is to let him be. Jiwon is also not someone who is pushy and naggy, so he will give people time to figure things out. Jiwon isn’t someone who is up for confrontation--he prefers peace and calm discussion, maybe with a little bit of jokes to lighten the mood too.

No one is talking for a good few minutes, but Jiwon still notices how Hanbin slowly wraps his hands around himself. The heater, fortunately, is showing signs of it to be working, but it is still quite cold especially with the rain still pouring outside.

“...Jiwon…”

The voice was small and hesitant--it’s Hanbin’s small voice that is a little bit cracked, that sometimes sounds more like a whine.

“Hm?” Jiwon continues to focus on the road. It’s about 2 AM in the morning and there are only a few cars on the wet road.

“...I’m cold.”

“...dude…,” Jiwon sighs and then pull the car over to the side of the road, stopping completely before turning to Hanbin. He looks like a toddler who is caught red-handed by his mother while doing something bad.

“...I’ll take the shirt off.”

“Damn right.” Jiwon said, sarcastically.

“Don’t look,” he said, still with his little voice. Jiwon makes a ‘what???!’ face with both hands lifted and shoulders shrugged.

“Dude, I’ve seen you !”

“It’s different now!!!”

“Oh my God, you’re unbelievable,” but Jiwon closed his eyes anyway. But to think about it, silly little fights with this person already feel like normalcy, something that Jiwon had gone every day with, almost like his mother’s nagging.

“Done.” Hanbin then said, handing Jiwon his wet white shirt. Jiwon gives him the same ‘unbelievable’ expression but Hanbin just zips his jacket while grinning, pulling the hood over his head until it covers his forehead.

Jiwon takes the wet shirt from Hanbin and reluctantly puts it into the wet bag. He is always the one who does this too every time they finished swimming, and that’s the one thing he has known about Hanbin--he might seem unapproachable and cold from outside, but once people have wiggled their ways to his heart, he really likes being taken care of.

Jiwon never knows how to take care of people--damn, he cannot even take care of himself. He has zero experience in that kind of things. But things sometimes just come naturally, like how he took care of Hanbin when he’s sick, like how Jiwon tends to Hanbin’s needs, like how he just understands Hanbin mood changes…

Maybe, just maybe, that’s also the case of how Hanbin can stand Jiwon? His never-ending energy, his messed up schedules and priorities, his forgetful self that always needs to be reminded… Maybe it also just came naturally to him, like he’s learning by doing, by taking mental notes little by little and storing more and more information as time goes by.  

Is this how people do relationships? Jiwon has played around and like one girl or two, be with them for one month or two, kiss them once or twice... but never like this. Every girl he kissed was for fun, for the thrill. To satisfy his curiosity.

But this… this is different. One thing Jiwon knows is that, he wants this. He wants this to stay for a long time. But as much as he wants to figure things out, Jiwon also wants to know Hanbin little by little. To understand him piece by piece. To feel that little surprise to know Hanbin’s little habit… like how he often curls his fingers into fists, like how he often unconsciously touches his ears, like how he digs his nails on to his palms when he’s nervous or upset…

“Ji…”

“Hm, yeah? What is it?”

“Aren’t you cold? That’s a thin shirt.”

“No, I’m fine.”

Jiwon throws the wet bag to the backseat and then proceed to redo his ponytail. Maybe he really needs a haircut?

“Let me see your hand,” Jiwon said, adjusting his position so he can sit facing Hanbin. Hanbin, with a confused look on his face, just offers his right hand to Jiwon even though he doesn’t know what the older boy would do with it.

“...the other hand too.”

“What for?”

“Shhhh… just let me do this.” Jiwon then wraps Hanbin’s smaller hands with his slightly larger ones. Hanbin’s fingers are long and slender, they are soft too, damn. Jiwon rubs their hands together, sandwiching Hanbin’s wrinkled hands between his slightly warm ones. He then bows down and blows hot air to their connected hands, rubbing them again to create warmth.  

Hanbin doesn’t say anything when the older boy pulls his hands slightly towards him, placing gentle kisses on each of Hanbin’s inner wrists. Slowly, the cold hands get warmer and they gain a little bit more color.

Jiwon bows down and rests his forehead against Hanbin’s wrist, breaths coming out harshly and it shook his shoulders. Jiwon is suppressing his laughter, both hands gripping on Hanbin’s own tighter.

“...Bin,”

“What? Why are you laughing?”

When Jiwon lifts his head, Hanbin is looking at him with eyebrows furrowed--probably trying to figure out the meaning behind Jiwon’s action.

“...I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Jiwon feels indescribable warmth spreads inside his chest. Hanbin is beautiful under the dim light of his old car.

“...what do you mean?”

But then Jiwon knows that he might be wording it out incorrectly, that it can be interpreted differently than what he meant.

“... this. With you. And I don’t know what this is, but… I want this. I want this a lot, I don’t know if you understand. But Bin…,” Jiwon grips on Hanbin’s hand tighter, “Ugh… I like you a lot… Have I said that? I have, haven’t I?”

And now Hanbin laughs. He looks at Jiwon as if he’s a dummy who has a big explanation to do, yet his eyes seem like he actually believes in Jiwon. This feeling is very confusing.

“You did… Multiple times already.”

“Oh, right… Dang , that’s right, haha…” he tries to control his laughter--and his entire body that wants to keep moving. “Man, I don’t know how to do this.”

“You look like a dummy,” Hanbin said, but still sounds endearing in Jiwon’s ears.

“I know,” he said, trying to control his breath again, “...so I guess… we are doing this? Have you done this before? Is this how you do it? I have no idea. Do you?”

“No, I haven’t,” Hanbin is still laughing and one of his eyes gets a little bigger than the other. “You’re the one who has been in relationships before.”

“But they were different.”

“...’they’? How many actually were they?”

Jiwon gulps. “...a few…? I guess…”

The rain pours a little harder then. Hanbin’s hands already feel a little bit warm in Jiwon’s larger ones.

“Anyway,” Jiwon said, “...I kinda… wanna kiss you again.”

Hanbin inhales, tilting his chin up, his plumpy lips part a little. He is so close that Jiwon can count his eyelashes.

“...then kiss me a little more.”

He said then, and Jiwon lets out a childish squeal, jumping on his seat a little and then he is kissing Hanbin again. This time, there is no laughter--they let their teeth clash and Hanbin’s cheeks are soft when Jiwon touches them. His breaths are warm against Jiwon’s skin and it travels its way down Jiwon’s little heart, tugging on his heartstring until it feels a little numb, but in a good way. In an excellent way, that Jiwon doesn’t want to stop-- this, feels like something he never owns but had been missing from his life this whole time.

Jiwon wants this for a long time. He wants Hanbin, and this feeling--its imperfection, their cluelessness, the innocence, the glassy eyes and how Hanbin’s touch marks his skin and carved into his memories like something he’s not allowed to forget.

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