JEONGYEON

The passcode, 0915, Jeongyeon smiles softly while looking at her black luggage that was resting beside her chair in the familiar cafe. That numbers means a lot to her cause it’s the date when Nayeon accidentally bumped into her and decorated her plain clothes with ramen noodles all over it in a local sauna she goes after her business travels abroad. She met a nosy and loud girl that she thought was just purposely annoying her for no reason at all. The bright and carefree trait of the girl made her 2 days stay in the shop miraculously not boring than usual.

She made a friend that day, a lovely one.

Their daily hanging out turned to frequent dates- that’s just what Nayeon wants to call it, till the unexpected friendship budded to a romantic one. Six years, they were happy for 6 years in this relationship. That’s what Jeongyeon wants to believe at least.

Looking at the disappearing steam of her untouched Americano, she frowned a little. It’s just a couple of minutes that she ordered the coffee yet it’s getting cold already. It’ll eventually get cold, she thought. She leaned to her vintage oak chair as she pulls a ring with a simple small gem from her jacket coat. It looks pretty. She bet it would be prettier in Nayeons ring fingertoo. She put back the accessory back her jeans pocket when the little chime from the café’s door hummed a beautiful sound signifying the arrival of another guest. Jeongyeon turned to look and saw a pretty girl in a red mini dress wearing her favorite converse sneakers and her cute little clutch bag. Her lips quickly turned to a curve when the pretty girl waved enthusiastically to her. Jeongyeon greeted her instantly when she took a seat opposite to her. Nayeon flashed a smile and quickly gave a sweet remark back.

“You took long this time, I missed you a lot”, she pouted which Jeongyeon just answered with a soft apologetic hum.

She’s been away in Japan for a month and just returned to Korea an hour ago.

“You must be tired, have you eaten? Don’t just drink coffee, we should order food”, Nayeon said and called the server. She already knows what to order for the younger girl. She knows Jeongyeon better than herself it’s kind of embarrassing sometimes.

Minutes passed with the both of them chattering mainly about the things they did in a span of a month away from each other. Jeongyeon loves how Nayeon looks today, her newly permed wavy hair suits her really well. She’s just glowing in her eyes. Nayeon deserves everything, she thought.

Their food was served when Jeongyeons attention was caught by a couple fighting on the other table. She noticed that it was the kind of fight that she never had with Nayeon. Yes, they would bicker a lot for petty things like the cleanliness of the latter’s apartment or Jeongyeons unhealthy obsession to Legos but that’s just all. It’s all superficial fight, nothing deep. Jeongyeon frowned more, she felt sad. She felt sad that the couple loves each other so much that they could fight like that as well.

Everything’s becoming more clear to her now.

She turned to Nayeon again who was intently looking at her confused expression.

“What’s wrong Jeong?”

Jeongyeon didn’t answer her. Instead she discreetly fished out the ring on her pocket. She held it tight on her fist clearly torn between what her brain and her heart wants. She felt her heart ache because the smile she gave her girlfriend is not true but she smiles anyway because Nayeon looks happy with her. Rather than be alone, she just accepts the older girls heart and puts on a show in the hopes that somewhere it’ll start being real. She pretends to love her, because Nayeon loves her. That’s it. That’s just what she could conclude for their 6 years’ relationship. Now she’s torn if she’ll continue to pretend and look for that spark that she never felt for her or just end this selfish wish of hers.

“Jeongyeon?”, Nayeons voice echoed again.

She’s clearly lost in her thoughts that the concern in the other girls’ face is evident.

What should I say? Where do I start?, Jeongyeon thought. She was hanging her head low while Nayeon was looking at her in the awkward silence.

I don’t love you, I’m sure you already know, this thought echoed inside the short haired girls mind but she wants to be subtler about it. She said something else that she thought would be little hurtful than what she really wants to say.

“You have the right to be happier”, Jeongyeon said instead and looked at her with a sincere stare.

Nayeon tried so hard to stop it but her tears won’t cease to come out of her eyes anymore. Jeongyeon expected to feel a sting in her heart but there’s nothing. Seeing Nayeon shedding tears, her heart doesn’t ache anymore. She doesn’t even want to say I’m sorry or Forgive me, she doesn’t love her. There’s no other reason, that’s just the whole of it.

Nayeon pleaded. The amount of pain in her eyes is evident. But Jeongyeon knew the girl truly loved her more than anyone else in her life and she would be forever greatful to be loved by this great woman.

“I really hope you met someone……that’s not me…”. Jeongyeon replied. She squeezed the ring hard inside her fist before standing up of her seat and grabbing the handle of her luggage.

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