Spring day gives me the same feeling as how I want to be loved.  The slow intro reminds me of the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you first see someone you like.  Then the rhythm builds and climbs into this exciting flurry of getting to know the person and falling in love with them.  Until it slows to this flow where you realise you’re in love.  Then everything happens at once.  You need them, you miss them with your everything, even when you’re around them.  I know the song is not about this, but this is how it makes me feel.  It’s a masterpiece of a song.  The rhythms, lyrics, the journey you’re taken on, the choreo is my favourite, the mv is art. 

This is how I want to be loved.  By someone who knows it all, someone who’s my best friend. 

For me though, I haven’t found this. Not yet.  How I wish love was perfect as love itself.

Love is not perfect but a love that robs you of yourself is fake love and my marriage took the best of me. 

I had dumped all of myself into marriage, into my husband.  I had buried myself, lost my voice to give him a voice.  I gave my blood sweat and tears to have the most beautiful moment in life with him.  He was my Euphoria.

What had I done? I grew a flower that can’t be bloomed in a dream that can’t come true.  I thought I could pretend like I was happy when I was sad.  I thought, I could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt.  The forest just for us, he wasn’t there.  The route I took, I forgot.  But he was my everything.  Why am I in love alone, why did I hurt alone?

It was a lie. Am I still the same person I was before?  I am here, as the same person I was from before?  No, an overgrown lie is trying to swallow me whole.

I had an epiphany. I didn’t like myself anymore.  I didn’t like