It's cold.

Kyungsoo lifts up the hem of his scarf, covering half his face. Even though it's spring, the early mornings are crisp. He'd been waiting by the bus stop for a while now, eyes trained on his sneakers and hands stuffed in his pockets. Hearing the screeching halt of wheels, it's a sign that the bus is here. People start filing in, Kyungsoo being last in line. This he did not mind; it had always been an instinct of his to let others in first. Kyungsoo settled down on an empty row, scooching closer towards the window. As soon as the bus moved, he took out his earbuds and his phone. The first thing he sees is a lockscreen with him and Jongin laughing together, a bright smile on Kyungsoo's usually reserved face.

He chuckled.

Kim Jongin, that man. It's silly how many things he did with him. Just the thought of him tugged at the corners of his lips.

Kyungsoo opened the video gallery, fingers scrolling through the storage, easily pinpointing the ones that contained his and Jongin's precious memories. They were like roses in a field of daisies—beautiful, wonderful, and if he could, he'd keep it forever in a vase in his mind. He tapped on his favorite video, allowing himself to relish their past once again.

───────────────

"Kyungsoo!" A deep voice called out. Kyungsoo turned, only to have a camera stuffed up his face. "Why do you think you're here?"

Kyungsoo gave a look at Chanyeol. "Because... Jongin dragged me here to celebrate me getting a lead role?"

"D-o Kyung-soo, I-love-you!" chanted Jongin behind Kyungsoo, causing a chorus of laughter.

This night was one of his fonder memories; spending time with Jongin and his loud friends about finally getting a big-screen role; singing karaoke, playing an improv game, and near midnight they decided, courtesy of Chanyeol and Baekhyun, that it was a good idea to watch a movie.

Kyungsoo felt a weight on his shoulder, knowing it was Jongin by instinct. "Kyungsoo," he whispered, "Are you gonna be too busy to see me anymore?" he sounded so crestfallen, making Kyungsoo frown.

"Don't say that. We can still text and call." Kyungsoo paused to find words that would sate Jongin's sorrow. "And I won't be gone forever, just a few months."

Jongin flashed one of his charming eye smiles, pulling down his medical mask to reveal a grin. "Okay, Kyungsoo. I'll text you everyday." He leaned in to connect their lips, and Kyungsoo's breath hitched. "Text me too, hyung," he cheekily added with another peck before turning his focus on the movie.

It was never recorded, but every time Kyungsoo thinks about their first kiss—which happened while they were only friends, at that—he swears he can feel Jongin's lips on his, as if he were still by his side like a guardian spirit.

Alas, as blissful as it was to think about those lips, Kyungsoo had been too overcome by work to even ask Jongin what it made of their relationship. Rehearsals were manageable; he could visit Jongin at that place late at night, but once it was time to roll the cameras, he'd barely get to see Jongin at all (he had to wake up too early and came back too late).

Kyungsoo's thumb hovered over the messages app. Their only form of contact during those days was through text. And Jongin, he didn't exactly say things that were important. 

───────────────

Feb 27 2018

jongbear

7 am waking up in the morning gotta be fresh gotta get breakfast

do_kyungsoo
i have been awake since 4 am

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

good morning to u too 

i hope u ate well cuz u need the energy to act :)

do_kyungsoo
yes, i did

jongbear
ahh good good

also good luck today hyung! fighting!

do_kyungsoo
thanks, jongin

i have to go now, talk to you later

jongbear
can you make some hava next time you visit?

do_kyungsoo
what's hava

jongbear
hava nice day ha HA HA

do_kyungsoo
s i g h

the director's calling

jongbear
okay love you kyungie :))))))

─────────────── 

Kyungsoo's eyes rested on the last text of that morning. 

"love you, kyungie".

Kyungsoo remembers brushing it off as a joke. Oh, if only he knew. Jongin was being his usual airheaded self, but it calmed the nerves of having his acting breakthrough. Jongin knew him well.

Kyungsoo continued skimming through their chat, a smile resting on his face. Jongin's texts, although ludicrous, were always something he looked forward to, especially when he was burnt out from filming. He remembers how, during break times, the first thing he'd do was check his phone for any messages from Jongin. He'd read them and respond, no matter how long ago it was sent. Because just as Jongin knew Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo knew Jongin was a soft-hearted person who took joy in Kyungsoo's replies.

───────────────

Mar 10 2017

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

is it tru that u glared at the director on ur first day and got your beat lmao

do_kyungsoo
where are you getting this information

jongbear
irrelevant

gotta dash

do_kyungsoo
kim jongin, i asked a question!

───────────────

Apr 25 2017

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

are zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

do_kyungsoo
what

jongbear
cause i mean how do we know tigers aren't black with rlly big orange stripes

do_kyungsoo
what

───────────────

May 13 2017

jongbear
hey kyungdoo

do_kyungsoo
kyungdoo

jongbear
shut

why didn't u tell me u cut ur hair !!

do_kyungsoo
i fell asleep and a fairy shaved it off

jongbear

jongbear

gasperonni

do_kyungsoo
what about it

jongbear
dw kyung you still look cute

───────────────

Jun 17 2017

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

jongbear

E G G

do_kyungsoo
delet this

jongbear
minseok sent me more pics!!!

do_kyungsoo
don't you dare

───────────────

Jul 27 2017

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

CONGRATU LATIONS

just 1 trailer and an E G G and there's already a hype train for ur movie !!

do_kyungsoo
thanks, jongin

jongbear
i've watched it so many times i can't i'm so excited

idk if i can go out but i hope it's on tv

───────────────

Aug 20 2017

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

i can't believe your movie's done !!
5 months and an E G G and other ppl later

do_kyungsoo
well yes, but also no

there's only the production left

jongbear
come over and celebrate with me

i have tv :)))))

do_kyungsoo
sure

───────────────

Sept 27 2017

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

jongbear

E G G

do_kyungsoo
are you ever gonna let me live this down

jongbear
it's cute !!

sorry i couldn't come to the premiere today :(

do_kyungsoo
it's okay

jongbear
well at least google delivers :)

hope your movie does well, hyung!

───────────────

Kyungsoo's first movie was, in fact, a success. The public loved him, and in a span of two weeks he secured multiple projects. At the start of 2018, Kyungsoo was already filming his second movie and came on variety shows when he could; unfortunately, his rising career came with the cost of spending less time with Jongin.

For months, they continued this way: text in the mornings, during breaks; talk about whatever even if there were hours apart since their last form of contact.

During one of his visits, Kyungsoo recalls Jongin saying, "Don't worry about me, hyung. I'll be fine."

He was a fool for believing him.

───────────────

Jan 12 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

i saw you on a news article today abt ur second movie o:

it's so weird knowing that i know u

do_kyungsoo
is it?

jongbear
i'm talking to a celebrity, like hell yeah

part of the cool squad now

do_kyungsoo
you sound like an old man when you say that

───────────────

Feb 27 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

how's japan?

i saw the vids, you got mobbed at the airport

you're like an idol now lol

do_kyungsoo
it's great, i'll be sure to send some souvenirs

jongbear
get me something that says i love kyungsoo

do_kyungsoo
i'm not that popular

jongbear 
ok how about i love japan?

but tbh anything from kyungie is fine <3

jongbear
kyung?

sorry for keeping you up
good night and rest well

───────────────

Mar 15 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

how'd the fansign go

do_kyungsoo
sorry for the late reply.
it was nice!
i liked meeting the fans. 
they always give me a drive to work hard.

jongbear
i'm still your #1 fan, right?

do_kyungsoo
of course, nini.

───────────────

Apr 9 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

what does it mean wen u feel sad that ur best friend isnt here

do_kyungsoo
are you... talking about me

my schedule's tight, but i'll try to visit next week okay?

jongbear

please come back soon...

───────────────

May 22 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

i heard you had to hide from sasaengs in a hotel

Are you okay?

do_kyungsoo
no
i feel stripped of my privacy

jongbear
call me

───────────────

Jun 10 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

i looked at twitter and i'm so sorry that had to happen to you

you don't deserve fans following you around like that
if you can even call those people fans.

call me and let's talk if you want to vent

just know that i'm always here for you, kyungsoo, even if i'm not always by your side

───────────────

Jul 3 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

baekhyun got a new pet

do_kyungsoo
cute

jongbear
i know!!

i know you're stressed cuz ppl are stalking u everywhere

but! feel free to come over anytime
i'll spoil u rotten with cuddles
and mayb baek can bring his pet over too

do_kyungsoo
thank you, jongin.

───────────────

As the bus passed by the city cinema, Kyungsoo is reminded of his summer visits to Jongin's. After the release of his second movie, he announced a break, because frankly he was overwhelmed. Only two years ago he was a struggling actor taking on part-time jobs to support himself.

Kyungsoo came to Jongin's in disguises, often in all black that Jongin questioned if he had anything else in his closet. Every moment of his break was spent with Jongin to make up for lost time, either cooped up at that place or sneaking out to the theatres to watch whatever they wanted (they never stayed outside for too long though, since Jongin said it made him dizzy).

On his last day-off, Kyungsoo spent the day at Jongin's, cuddled up in the same blanket and binging Netflix shows until late at midnight.

Jongin leaned by Kyungsoo, resting his head by his shoulder. Hit by déjà vu, Kyungsoo joked, "Are you going to kiss me again?"

To which Jongin snorted, "Why, do you want me to?" he turned to look at Kyungsoo eye-to-eye. "Because if you want to, I'll do it. I wouldn't if I didn't like you, Kyungsoo."

Their eyes locked for a minute, glazed with want each passing second. Jongin was the first to initiate, with a test kiss that eventually turned into a makeout session. Heated lust carried over from the couch to Jongin's bed.

In the dead of night summer turned to fall, greeted by moans of bliss under bedsheets.

The following morning was as sweet as chocolate, very typical of Jongin: it consisted of cuddles and kisses and maybe an extra round or two. Kyungsoo savored every touch under Jongin's fingertips, too wrapped up in euphoria to question what it made of them once again.

───────────────
Sept 2 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

do_kyungsoo
hey nini

jongbear
are you okay

do_kyungsoo
a little limp but nothing i can't manage

jongbear
no i mean
nvm

do_kyungsoo
don't worry, you were great
i don't regret the other night at all

jongbear
i miss you

do_kyungsoo
listen, i have to go
take care of yourself, okay?

jongbear
of course :)

───────────────

Oct 9 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

getting therapy rn 💕 wyd?

do_kyungsoo
filming

jongbear
why don't you visit me later to, you know, relax? 😏

do_kyungsoo
...maybe

───────────────

Nov 11 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

come over i need u

do_kyungsoo
clingy much?

jongbear
i want hugs

do_kyungsoo
okay you big baby

jongbear

───────────────

Dec 20 2018

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

so uh you know how i can't go out for christmas

do_kyungsoo
that's fine, we can order chicken and watch movies

jongbear

what did i do to deserve you i love you sm

───────────────

As the days rolled on, Jongin became more needy. There wasn't a day where Jongin wouldn't call to say "I love you" and ask to come over and cuddle or make love. Kyungsoo thought it was because they couldn't go outside for dates.

He was, again, foolish to believe there wasn't something else underneath it.

───────────────

Jan 10 2019

jongbear
hey kyungsoo

i feel like have to cuddle something or else i'll die

do_kyungsoo
i was just there last night

jongbear
please hyung?

do_kyungsoo
alright

───────────────

Jan 12 2019

jongbear

I miss you
I don't wanna be stuck in this place

do_kyungsoo
It's late, go to sleep
I'll take you out tomorrow

jongbear
Goodnight love 💖

───────────────

Jan 13 2019

jongbear

Thanks for taking me out, hyung!
even if we had to go back early when I got a little sick

do_kyungsoo
don't be silly nini, it was a good day

i had fun for the first time in a while

jongbear
gosh you don't know how much you mean to me

i love you hyung
i love you so much

Since we had a good today today, you won't be mad at me tomorrow, right?

do_kyungsoo
wym?

───────────────

Kyungsoo's attention diverts from his phone to the window when the bus arrived in his destination. He got off, tilting his snapback down, and pulled his phone out as the bus drove away.

He walked down the street, greys fading into white blossoms.

───────────────

Jan 14 2019

jongbear 
kyungsoo i love you

do_kyungsoo
jongin?

[ ✓ ] last read jan 14 2019

───────────────

Kyungsoo stopped by a ribbon-lined tree.

On January 14th, 2019, Do Kyungsoo lost Kim Jongin in his sleep, leaving behind only traces of memories and touches.

Three nights he'll never forget.
Love encased in memory and text.

───────────────

Apr 13 2019

do_kyungsoo
Hey, Jongin.

Did you know I love you too?

[ ] unread