Hey Jeongyeon.

Do you still remember?

Nayeon fluttered her eyes open, yawning and stretching in the process. Wearing woolen sweater and thick sweatpants, it was quite obvious that it was cold. She hummed and took a deep breath while turning in the opposite direction of her bed, facing the window outside. Snowflakes were falling freely and slowly. The scenery outside was lovely yet lonesome to look at, in her case. Couple holding hands that had places to go and it seemed like everyone was in love. It left a bitter taste on Nayeon’s mouth as she is now sitting on her bed, surveying them walking near her street.

We used to be something like that…

She was swept off her feet when those lovable images entered her mind. It was somehow similar. Snowy, cold, but there was a tinge of warmth lingering around. Everything that was magical, it was all because her beloved made it special for them. She was used being the clingy one, but they knew which one’s the most in need.

They used to sleep together in this room, cozy and warm. One wouldn’t get up unless the other did as well. It was like a bandwagon kind of thing that neither of them really cared. Funny how the other one seems to be more disciplined than her partner, but who wouldn’t say ‘no’ to cuddles? They never wanted to leave each other’s grasp, for warmth is what the seek and love for what they need.

“Hey, Jeongyeon…”

A hum.

She took this as permission to go on, knowing that person being called is listening.

“Would you spend each Christmas with me, to keep me company and to keep me warm?”

Snorting, Jeongyeon almost pinched the bunny’s cheeks for being cheesy and uncanny. It was like the most oblivious question with the most obvious answer. Instead of doing the former initiative, she just let her arms rest on Nayeon’s torso while burying her nose on the crook of her neck.

“Just stop talking and get some rest” A long yawn, “you have a shift later this afternoon”

“Like you don’t have work later this evening as well. You’re leaving this bunny alone!”

Chuckling resonates from Jeongyeon, “I get home earlier than you dimwit. And that is why you should do well on your job”

“Just because you are a manager of a famous café, doesn’t mean that you can look down on me!”

“But I’m not”

“Oh, are too! Being a businesswoman – “

“Alright, alright. Just don’t forget to bring your coat and add more paddings later when you go. Don’t want to get sick now do we?” Jeongyeon cuts in, knowing that they will have another useless banter. They were supposed to be resting and she doesn’t want their time to be consumed in futile squabbles. A pout formed on Nayeon’s plump lips, knowing that Jeongyeon was right and there’s no way around it.

Jeongyeon snuggled up close behind Nayeon, inhaling the soft lavender perfume. “Besides…” She began with a whisper that only she can hear. Noting that the latter’s snoring quietly, she then opts to answer, “I would always stay by your side no matter what season ahead of us. Just to keep us both warm, and to never be alone”

A ding on her phone resonated in her isolated room. Raising an eyebrow, she reached for it with much effort – she didn’t bother standing up from her place because she thinks that it’ll be tiring. Unlocking it swiftly, a message caught her eyes.

[9:00 am] Sanake: Me and Dahyun will be waiting for you at our apartment.

Bring the things we told you and you could drop them off.

You can still roam around after if you want ^^

[9:00 am] Okay.

But you really don’t have to do this you know.

You and Dahyun shouldn’t burden yourselves with me

[9:01 am] Sanake: And I’m telling you that you aren’t one.

Come on! It’ll be fun, trust me.

We even have Mina and Momo coming over

Nayeon almost scoffed jokingly at the mention of her other two friends.

[9:02 am] Those two lovebirds? LOL

Are trying to make me a 5th wheel?

[9:03 am] Sanake: Jihyo will be coming as well.

Nayeon sighed. Well, it was not like she doesn’t want to go. It may look like she has these excuses that’ll interpret wrong intentions; but utterly and absolutely, in fact, she does want to go. Being with her friends calms her and makes her think clearly. She doesn’t want to drown into the abyss of emotions ever again. If was thanks to her friends that she has been able to stand on her two feet again and swim through obstacles that are her priorities. That phase she was talking about was the small whirlpool in the pool she just thought of herself. It meant that natural whirlpools don’t occur on man-made platforms, it was your mind that controlled you, and only you can have the command to release from the imaginative mess you’ve made in that pool.

Her hands were stuck, hovering above the device she was holding where communication occurs. She doesn’t know what to answer nor does she want to admit that she has all the free time to go to their gathering. Her parents needed to go to their relatives outside the country because there was an emergency about some certain issues Nayeon already forgot. During that time, she was doing her certain projects that require several unannounced meetings and gathering data – thus she was left behind. Not that it really bothers her, she understands.

Biting her lip, attempting to think of an appropriate reply, she glanced at the top right of her phone to check the time and notice that she was staring at the message for far too long. It’ll be rude not to drop a message of her decision. She does conclude that indeed she does want to walk around the city after dropping off the things Sana wanted her to bring over for the party later. This will be the day where she gets at least to be productive, not only for the sake of time but also for her sake to cool off. It had been hectic these days anyway. A moment with herself will not hurt much.

Sighing after, she then typed in a quick response before jumping off the bed as she starts her usual routine.

[9:30 am] Okay. Fine.

I’ll just come to drop off the stuff,

but I’ll do my thing first before joining.

When does it start?

[9:31 am] Sanake: 7 pm.

Great! Thought you’ll never reply~

See you later then nabongs (~uwu)~

The urge to roll her eyes at the emoji was strong. Typical Sana.

Shutting down her phone, she walked towards the mirror to check her reflection. Oversized white top with printed pink letters, light gray thick cottoned pants and her fluffy socks. She grabbed for a dark colored sweater with a layer underneath to cover herself more from the cold. Going back to the mirror, she twirled slowly to see if every angle was worth the beauty before smiling to herself and grabbed for her coat that hung at the closet she has.

‘It’s better to be safe than sorry’ She thought. Clicks echoed at the hallways as she locked the door to her small condominium.

-

A knock on the door caught the attention of the couple that was living in a cozy apartment, decorating their home for the present season. Dahyun was putting up the ornaments when Sana dashed through the tight spaces of the room – since their living room was full of boxes and groceries that they did earlier for their reunion soon – and opened the door, revealing a slightly shivering Nayeon and her disposable bags.

“Hey” She mumbled, stretching her arms to give the said things.

“Nabongs! You finally came! Have you eaten lunch yet?”

“No, I – ”

“What are you standing for? Come in!” Sana didn’t even let Nayeon respond when she dragged her inside despite the loud protests and pulling her hand out of Sana’s grasps.

“Nayeon-unnie!” Dahyun greeted from the where the Christmas tree was being held up, her hands occupied with the decorations.

“Dubu” Nayeon returned the greeting as she smiled and waved – while trying to stop Sana from dragging her any further. They arrived at the kitchen where Dahyun’s out of sight. That’s the time she finally got out of the snake’s clasps when she said, “Stop it Sana! I told you I’m going somewhere else after I drop off these. I’ll come back later for the gathering”

“You didn’t answer my question though. It’s obvious you skipped breakfast. Lunchtime has already started so I just figured, as a good friend I am, why not eat together with us? Just for lunch before the party. I mean, you still have a lot of time on your hands”

It didn’t take long for Nayeon to reject the offer. “I’m telling you, I’m okay. I’ll eat lunch as I do my small errands”

Being invited to eat isn’t something Nayeon usually dislike. She just doesn’t feel like talking to someone, or maybe it’s because she wanted her space for the meantime? Socializing could take up a lot of energy, is conserving the right term? Her mind was occupied that she didn’t realize that her lips are sealed after the uncomfortable exchange with her friend. Seeing that the other is not responding, she took this as a cue for her to leave, clutching her coat and purse bag when a hand grabbed for her wrist that turned her around to face Sana again.

Sana gave her a displeased look before lifting Nayeon’s hand for the both to witness.

“Stop this stubbornness of yours. Look at yourself, you’re trembling more often than before” She commented. She stared at the older’s wrist and saw that the fingertips were shivering at a fast pace. It was abnormal in her eyes, but Nayeon denied it immediately.

“I was taking too much coffee recently these days. I’ll try to take less of it now. Though this is none of your concern, I can handle this. I’m not as weak as I was before” Nayeon lowered her voice at the last statement. She silently prays that Sana didn’t hear it. Other than that, she never meant her words to be somewhat offensive, but she doesn’t want to bother anyone else further, especially her friends. The people who helped her rise above the daunting ocean, they’ve helped her long enough to be independent, she doesn’t want them to burden themselves any longer just because of how broken she still is prior to what front she made for herself.

Sana heaved a sigh before wrapping her hands around Nayeon, trapping her in an embrace.

“You shouldn’t be afraid of leaning your problems onto our shoulders. What’s the point of being friends if they can’t help? I want to scold you so much with your display of attitude, but what you’re going through now is different from mine. So, I can’t really blame you…” She tightened the grip on the clothes, memories came rushing in and tears were threatening to fall out of her eyes. She internally shook out the weakness before continuing, “You’re trembling now not because of the coffee. I know how much you hate those”

The older bunny chuckled and closed her eyes while embracing back, “I hate how much you know me so well”

A knowing smile touched Sana’s lips when she teased, “I’m not the Sanake for nothing~”

“Are you implying that you have your way around with girls?” Nayeon raised an eyebrow this time as she lets go, facing the flirty girl.

“Hey! I’m taken by my one and only amazing tofu! That was all in the past and I’m not planning to go back to that pit again”

Nayeon chuckled but her eyes didn’t match the emotion being portrayed. “Ditto” was all she said, pointing her finger at the other, indicating that she agrees with the last thing her friend has mentioned.

A howling voice that didn’t exactly exist, however, said otherwise.

Do you remember?

“Jeongie! Where are the Christmas balls I told you to borrow from Mina?”

Nayeon was wearing the iconic earmuffs, ugly sweaters and a Christmas hat that seemed so out of place. Her cheeks were in a shade of rushing red, not because of embarrassment nor of flatter, in fact, it was just cold for her. She gets colds and fevers easily that’s why she gets nagged by Jeongyeon whenever she forgets to bring her own portable-pocket heater. Currently, aside from those familiar scolding, she was adorning the healthy and newly bought pine-tree (clearly fake) that was on sale. While they were walking around the mall to get some late-present shopping, they saw that this thing was at least 75% off because well, it’s the only tree that wasn’t extravagant and it looks like no one was buying it nor paying attention to it despite the huge font of the markdown. The clerk even urged them to buy it, so they can finally remove it from the spot since it’s the last stock. Jeongyeon was reluctant at first, but with all she needed was a little petulant bunny (Nayeon murmured how they don’t have a tree while Mina and Momo does; Jeongyeon just wanted to punch herself because heck, that couple is rich, and they can even afford a new tree every year if they wanted – correction, Mina’s rich) 

In the end, thanks to Nayeon’s childish behavior (which Jeongyeon will never admit to how cute she is), they manage to afford it with no inconvenience – truly because of the cheap price.

“R-Right here!”

A huge box was pushed its way inside, various types of trinkets were sticking out as Jeongyeon pushed it. When she arrived by Nayeon’s side, she panted, totally out of breath. She sat down, till she plopped on the carpeted ground with a thud. Nayeon laughed shortly but then when her eyes gazed at the box, her eyes widened.

“What the heck? I thought I only told Mina to deliver the ones that she doesn’t need any more” As she was complaining, she inspected each one followed with a gasp when she sees that they were all in a clear box, making it look all new, “And I believe I told her not new ones! She’s using her money again! – stupid rich Myoui and her wealth” Nayeon grumbled.

“These…are not new” Jeongyeon tried to make herself more cohesive to hear, but failed, losing her breath.

“Wha – So you’re telling me these are ALL used?!”

“She just placed them back to their old cases”

“How many times has she used all of these?”

It took a moment for the other to answer, recalling what Mina might’ve said before sending the box to them. She gave out a prolonging hum, “I think she mentioned that they’ve used these at least once – “

“At least ONCE?! – ONCE IS TOO LITTLE – Whut is this – “

“Chill Nabongs. At least after Mina started dating Momo three years ago, she’s been controlling her extravagance. Well, that’s what Momo said”

“I suddenly feel jealous of Momo, I bet she gets these latest brands and trends from Mina for her to indulge in. What an easy life to think about” Nayeon let out dreamy and envious sighs, her thoughts swallowed with her own desires that will not ever come.

“It should be the other way around” Dropping the case out of the box, Jeongyeon didn’t budge from her place. She turned to face the bunny, smiling when she saw a questioning look. “They should be envious of us”

Hearing that from the cleaning freak was way off track than Nayeon has anticipated. Sure, she thought of the luxuries Mina has for her beloved Momo making her the desirous about claiming a lot of things that she just wanted for herself but catching Jeongyeon say something out of ordinary truly caught her attention – removing all those she craves to have abruptly. Her brain overlaps, complicating the words as if deciphering them and trying to guess what it really meant. Is this a new metaphor she has never heard of? It could be sarcasm or pure idiomatic expressions. Maybe it’s a simplification, conceivably just Jeongyeon herself. The look on Nayeon’s face was a mix of confusion and doubt since there was no further clarity towards the said utterance. It almost threw off the person laying down on the carpet, it was difficult to hold a serious conversation when it’s just the two of them. When it comes to affection, teasing is just the best route to start – or maybe it’s because they are Jeongyeon and Nayeon. Or possibly they just at holding a conversation that involves focus and sensitive timings.

Leaving that aside, Nayeon tried arranging the cases and balls by their sets. Still trying to comprehend the last words that the blonde-haired girl said. It came to a point where she just doesn’t get it at all. So, she swiveled slowly and asked with a hint of hesitance and uncertainty. 

“W-what do you mean? We barely can even afford a tree – “

“Because I have the cutest girlfriend that no one can ever replace”

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Silence enveloped them, and Jeongyeon was the one to break it first by saying, “C’mon, let’s finish decorating” while a furiously blushing Nayeon – who would’ve thought that red is sticking onto her so much –  just nodded with a leaping heart.

It was cheesy. SO DAMN CHEESY. It was something that she can never tolerate when hearing from Jeongyeon – especially THE Jeongyeon. But why is it that Nayeon didn’t get to say anything at all in return? It was at that moment, Nayeon hated herself for not retorting immediately. Though again, maybe it’s not so bad to stay silent. After all, she did get a sincere compliment from her usually sarcastic girlfriend.

She then beamed.

-

After bidding her friends a “see you later”, Nayeon stepped out of the building. A gust of cold wind breezed its way at the people that were walking on the streets at winter. It was the 24th of December and Nayeon suddenly recalls that it was Christmas eve and the couple she just visited just decided to hang up the decors when it was the day before Christmas? It was funny.

Nayeon had other priorities though, so the laughter never came.

Yesterday is a strong word, but the feeling is just as mutual as the term when she was referring to the old good times when she wasn’t alone on an occasion like this. If only her heart tries to accept the veracious status of her life, maybe it wouldn’t be punishing to reminisce. Thoughts were disrupted when she noticed that she had been standing in the same place for a while now, people are bumping into her by accident. Letting out a misty breath, she covered half of her face with the scarf wrapped around her neck and began sauntering; wherever her feet will bring her. Her on-the-season boots clacked its way on the asphalt sidewalk. Her eyes scanning the people, buildings, lights, snow, and couples. The lights decorating the gloomy road really took Nayeon’s mind off from solemn contemplations, smiling whenever it flickered. She adjusted her glasses and went forward again. It was cold, and her hands are placed in the pockets of her coat; the place where her hands are not familiar with.

‘It’s still cold’ Nayeon thought, gripping onto the warmers tightly tucked inside her pockets. Is it because she hasn’t exactly gone outside for a long time now? She should’ve adjusted with the temperature already with all the walking she has done. Or maybe she’s just missing someone’s warmth.

Bumping into someone isn’t exactly on her bucket list – with how much she has encountered strangers when standing in the same place for more than 10 minutes – but when she did (while cleaning her foggy glasses), she was surprised to inhale a familiar limited-edition perfume (that god only knows who can afford it more than once). A small yelp was heard and a high-pitched ‘watch it’ followed but when their eyes laid on each other, several gasps resonated.

“Nayeon-unnie!” A familiar husky voice called out and it was Nayeon’s turn to squint her eyes as she placed back her glasses.

“Oh! Mina, Momo!” She greeted the couple. She was about to ask what they were doing here but she was immediately bombarded with questions.

“Are you going to the party later?”
“How are you?”
“Sorry about bumping into you while you were cleaning your glasses earlier, are you alright?”
“I apologize for being harsh for a moment there. Mina had a mild fever a few days ago and she can be still weak despite her recovery”
“Did Sana and Dahyun inform you about the people coming later?”

“U-Uhm…” Nayeon couldn’t exactly process their questions quite clearly for her mind was occupied with something else till she collided with them coincidentally. “Can you guys let me comprehend everything you’ve just asked? My mind’s kind of fuzzy these days”

Mina, knowing how much Nayeon has gone through, nodded and asked Momo if they could sit in a café to keep themselves warm and to maybe catch a bit before seeing each other later for the gathering that will be held this evening. Nayeon still has her glasses fogged, that’s why she was lagging, behind the other two when they entered a well-known café that the duo chose. Well, it was the nearest and they didn’t really mind (correction, they forgot). When they stepped in, they were instantly greeted with the bustling place full of coffee aroma and a cozy atmosphere. Sitting down on a location near the window, they covered a table for four and made Nayeon uneasy, knowing that she’ll be alone on her side of the table. Who could she blame though? She’s undeniably single and she can do nothing about it for now.

“What will you be ordering Nayeonnie? Momo shall line up for us” Mina let Nayeon decide for a moment, reaching her wallet for her to give Momo. Which was straightaway pushed away by the latter, saying that she will pay.

“I’ll be getting some herbal tea”

“Don’t you like coffee– ” Momo was nudged by Mina abruptly giving her a glare, and just nodded before walking away to get in line.

“Aren’t you gonna order anything?” Nayeon asked, pulling her scarf down while creating heat by rubbing her hands together.

“Oh, Momo already has that covered” Mina giggled softly, staring at her significant other from their chairs. When she and Momo had eye-contact, she began waving slightly like a little teenager waiting for her crush to notice her. Momo greeted back with a bashful grin, her heart flipping on several heights. Her attention went back to the line when she began checking the available sweets on display.

Nayeon didn’t know if she should barf with the immense amount of sweetness these two have or let out a squeal for being cute. Clashing reactions and emotions, is this what they call bitterness?

“You guys…are something” She really tried giving a compliment. She really did try. “Not that I’m judging you guys or anything”

Mina chuckled, “Sorry. We’ll lower down the affection for you”

“Okay, now I don’t know if that’s out of pity or out of shame”

“It can be a little bit of both if you put it that way”

A burst of fit laughter resonated from the two, leaning on their chairs when they are sharing stories back and forth.

“So, how have you been? With all…well, this?” Mina didn’t want to sound too direct. This topic can be quite sensitive towards the older bunny.

It looked like Nayeon didn’t mind on the outside, but internally, she was affected by it and no matter how much she denies it, this remaining discomfort never left, “Nothing much. I’m trying to get back my usual momentum, you know? With my old routine and self-sustenance”

Mina nodded with interest, “It’s good that you are trying to get back to your healthy lifestyle. It will benefit not only you but also your body and us – your friends” She smiled with great delight.

“Now don’t be all mushy towards me Myoui. But I have to say I’m grateful that I have my very own therapist friend who cares about me” Nayeon chuckled softly, eyes glimmering with gratitude and relief.

“Consider yourself lucky that you don’t need to pay for all the sessions”

This caused Nayeon to once again roll her eyes, “Yeah yeah don’t rub it onto me too much. Though you have my thanks, Mina”

Her (rich) therapist (friend) giggled as their conversation went on. The little concerns and short funny stories are all Nayeon needed to feel secure. She missed this kind of hang out. Maybe she might’ve isolated herself too much that she tends to forget the things that mattered to her. To those who missed, cared and loved her for who she is without thinking how much ruckus she might’ve caused. Maybe it really was the time to move on and focus on the things that should be prioritized more. She glanced at the couple in front of her – after Momo came back with a tray full of desserts and the orders they’ve said – seeing them laughing and being so comfortable with each other, kind of makes her miss those certain feelings as well.

She let them be with their usual banters of who’s cuter and to those words that are full of compliments that she doesn’t even know if they are even disgusted with what they are saying as of now (seriously? Cupcake? Mitang? Momoring? Sweetie? Nayeon almost vomited at the sight); she glances out the window with a forced smile on her face. (She swears to god that if these two wouldn’t stop she’s gonna –)

“I’m telling you that I can go buy bread on my own. You don’t need to come with me the next time we will run out of stock” A whine resonated from Momo’s throat, her eyes focused on her partner.

On the other hand, Mina placed her hand on Momo’s as she soothes the smooth skin under her palm, still trying to convince the peach, “And I’m telling you that you could always use my car if you are going to go out”

“The bakery’s only two blocks away. What in the world are you talking about?”

“You could get tired” Mina tried to make her reasons more plausible for Momo to understand. She only wanted what’s best for her.

“I’m not even going to break a sweat, Mina.”

Chuckling, Nayeon rolled her eyes. It was another petty banter, but somehow the activity reminded her a lot of memories that was encrypted in the depths of her mind that somehow isn’t rising – isn’t clicking inside her brain. It wasn’t jealousy, well maybe a little bit. But who wouldn’t be? Witnessing and sensing that they are meant for each other – bound by the red string of fate – made Nayeon’s gut churn out of frustration. She wanted to experience something like that; maybe she did, but it didn’t exactly turn out the way she hoped it would be. Fumbling with the tip of her sweater, she gave them a solemn gaze, silently wishing them the best. It would be devastating if anything were to happen. Familiar with the both, she’s aware of their fragile and undying love for each other. Imagining it, it was like they would not last more than five minutes away from each other – based on their initial conversation just several seconds ago.

It was quite a sight to behold. A couple not sure of what the future holds yet that doesn’t stop them from being them. Nothing can ever stop the fondness created for both and for them alone. No matter what hardships (Nayeon prays) they would overcome it together. That’s what this bond is for. To be able to trust one another without the hint of hesitance present in their hearts nor minds, because they’ve already formed this devotion contract with each other’s sentiment, is everything that a pair need. Regardless of the small misunderstandings and spaces that might’ve been created in the process, staying together creates this haven where you can lean against each other for support; where longingness is quenched.

The feeling of having that security any time, and anywhere, made her miss the times where she wasn’t as helpless. Suddenly, she was in a trance, keeping her eyes at her cup with its hot contents spewing a fairly high temperature of air; hands wrapped around it. She wouldn’t take a sip, as an alternative, however, she would use her eyes to digest its spectrum instead. It never really occurs to her just to finish its qualified amount, since she isn’t – after all – thirsty. She could be wasting money (Momo’s money, rather) but that wasn’t part of her intention at all. Contemplation about life perhaps? That’s holding her back from intaking. It’s a process that can never be fulfilled once she has accomplished it. Knowing that she hasn’t really done anything p