38th.

Deep down, Donghae knows it’s the end.

He tried to make sense out of the booked ticket from her account which she forgot to log out of his iPad, thirty-seven days ago.

He tried, he really did. But all of what he makes out of it leads him to a conclusion that she’s fallen out of love.

 

You would book a ticket. Sure. But you’d tell your boyfriend right? 

 

Donghae doesn’t think Jessica really forgot that he’s her boyfriend.

 

It’s absurd to think like that, because a month earlier, Jessica lovingly called him ‘Bada~’, and he replied, ‘My Sooyeon~’.

 

Or was it a prelude to something worse?

 

He called her, but she’s not picking up. He’s having an anxiety attack again.

 

Jessica?

Oh?

You’re going?

I think so.

Really?

May— ah.. Who am I kidding? Yes.

Sure?

One hundred percent sure.

How about us?

There’s never an ‘us’.

Why would you call me by my nickname?

Because I like it.

Oh.

Goodbye.

 

Static noise follows. He repeats the call and mulls on it over and over again until he is numbed.

 

39th.

The folllowing day, Donghae goes out. Jessica is nowhere to be found. That’s neat. He muses. It really is ing true.

 

He saunters by the nearest pharmaceutical store. He hoarded sleeping pills, and the cashier eyed him concerningly.

 

Along the car ride going home, he wonders. 

 

Will she come back?

 

He was supposed to wonder, but in his mind, it came out like a helpless cry. 

 

The moment Donghae stepped in the apartment, he takes in the bleak, foul air. It smelled like her.

 

He quickly pours out the content of the plastic bag onto the counter. The medicine container tinkles. He gets and swallows one pill. He doesn’t want to die yet.

 

He walked into the bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed and thought deeply. On the process of it, he fell into a deep slumber.

 

The next morning, he wakes up with a sound emanating from the kitchen.

 

Something fell. Must be the spatula. His heart fell too, out of fear.

 

Who’s there?

 

Nobody responds. He grabbed his golf club and proceeded to go into the unknown.

 

With very careful steps, he enters the scene and saw a faint silhouette of a woman.

 

The woman turns, ever slowly. It’s her.

 

“Jessica?”

 

With dead eyes judging the very pits of his being, he retreats the golf club behind him and runs to her.

 

“Why would you be here?”

 

Jessica smiles.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to be here.”

 

“Then why are you here with me now?”

 

“I missed you.” She gives him a kiss on the cheek. “That’s why.”

 

“Come back.”, he pleads. He doesn't ing care if it's hurting his ego.

 

“Sure.”

 

He snaps out of it. The scene quickly reverted back to his bedroom, and he takes in the bleak, foul air again. His eye quickly shifts from the clock (4:18 am) to the calendar. 

 

It’s her 40th day today.