“Uh, hello?”

 

“Can you come over please? I really

need to talk to you.”

 

“Jinsoul, it’s 3 am. I’m not

going out right now.”

 

“Please. We really need to talk”

 

“Can it wait until tomorrow?

I have work to do.”

 

“No, seriously. Can I at least come over?”

 

“What are you saying? No Jinsoul, I’m

sorry I don’t have the time right now.”

 

“It won’t take long. Please Jungeun. We can’t

keep ignoring this. If we don’t talk now after

what just happened, we never will.”

 

“Nothing happened. There’s nothing to

talk about. Just stop, go sleep Jinsoul.”

 

“It wasn’t nothing! How can you say that?”

 

“Jinsoul. Please. I don’t want--”

 

“I don’t care if you don’t want to talk about

it; we can’t keep acting like this stuff isn’t

happening anymore. It’s too much.”

 

“Ok fine, just calm down.

Let’s talk right now.”

 

“I wanted to do this in person.”

 

“Jinsoul.”

 

“Ok. Alright…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Why did you do that today, after class?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“You know fully well what I’m talking about.”

 

“You’re reading too much into it Jinsoul.

Friends just do that.”

 

“Don’t give me that, Jungeun.

Friends don’t kiss each other.”

 

“It was hardly a kiss.”

 

“Hardly a kiss? Jungeun you held my face,

you closed your eyes, your hands were all over me--”

 

“It meant nothing.”

 

“How can you say that? What about all the times

you hold my hands? All the times you ask me to

stay on the phone with you through the night? All

the times you literally can’t keep your eyes from staring

at me and your hands from touching me? Were those

all nothing too? I know you’re confused Jungeun, but I

seriously can’t keep ignoring all this.”

 

“I’m not confused.”

 

“You are Jungeun. I’m sorry but

I know how it is. I can help you.”

 

“You can’t help me, you don’t understand

anything I’m going through Jinsoul.”

 

“Yes I do. I know.”

 

“Whatever. There’s nothing to know.

There’s nothing wrong and I don’t

need your help.”

 

“Jungeun, please. Stop resisting me.

I’m trying to help; I can help you.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Stop lying to yourself.”

 

“I’m hanging up. I don’t need a pep talk

from someone who thinks they can

relate to everything and--”

 

“Jungeun I’m gay.”

 

“…”

 

“I know. I know what you’re feeling. I know

 how much it but you can’t keep ignoring it.”

 

“I’m not gay.”

 

“Jungeun, you’re--”

 

“Stop! You think you know everything about me.

You don’t. Stop acting like there’s something

more when there’s nothing.”

 

“Then stop saying that it’s nothing! It’s so

obvious Jungeun! Please, just tell me what

you’re feeling. Don’t hide this anymore…

especially not from me.”

 

“I can’t…”                                                                                                                            

 

“Yes you can, just talk to me.”

 

“No I actually can’t because I don’t even know

what I’m feeling. I don’t know what I want or

what I like and I don’t know what to do.”

 

“It’s ok.”

 

“It’s not ok Jinsoul! Everything was fine in my life,

everything was great. And then I met you. You changed

everything. You flipped my whole world upside down

and I don’t even know who I am anymore. I would never

admit it if I wasn’t already so worn down, but I am so

confused. I’m so, so confused Jinsoul. Because of you.

I know I don’t like girls, I’ve never liked girls, I can’t

like girls, but I like you. I’m not gay, but I like you.

Why? What’s wrong with me Jinsoul?”

 

“…”

 

“ Jinsoul, come on. You beg me to talk

and then you can’t even respond.”

 

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting all that.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry my emotions are burdening

you. See this is why I didn’t want--”

 

“Stop, I’m sorry. I was just caught off guard.

I mean… I kind of thought you liked me but…

I guess… I didn’t think you would ever actually

tell me that. If it means anything, I like you too

Jungeun. That’s why I said we needed to talk, this

all was confusing for me too, you know. You

would be flirty with me one second and then

literally turn around the next second and act

like nothing ever happened. I didn’t get it.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Ok we need to stop apologizing. Let’s start over.

 Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

 

“I guess I’m just scared. Am I gay? I can’t

be gay Jinsoul… I really can’t”

 

“Why?”

 

“What do you mean why? How could I

face my friends, my family, how could

I face anyone? Everyone would hate me--”

 

“That’s not true Jungeun. Everyone is not

a bad person.”

 

“How do you know? How did people react

when you… you know… came out?”

 

“Well, I haven’t yet actually. Honestly, I don’t really

know what to do either. But I feel like right now,

nobody else really needs to know. This is me and I have

to deal with it first before opening it up to other people.”

 

“I guess…”

 

“I know it’s a lot to think about, and I know

I’m obviously not the expert but I’m always

here to listen and help.”

 

“Thanks Jinsoul, sorry for everything before.

I never thought of how you’d be feeling”

 

“It’s ok… thanks for trusting me enough to talk to me.”

 

“Mhmm…”

 

“…”

“…”

 

“We can do this together, if you want. I like you Jungeun,

and I know you like me too. You don’t have to go

through this alone.”

 

“…”

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

“Yeah… I-I think I want to try this… with you, Jinsoul.”