A/N: hi all, and happy bday to our Yeri again, this one isn’t as happy or funny as the other one. But it’s still hopefully going to be a good read. In this fic Yerim and Joy aren’t together anymore and yet still they end up sharing the same space on her birthday sharing cake like it’s another typical bday. Enjoy

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 Thank you so much.

This year for Kim Yerim was going to be different in a lot of ways. For one she’s going to be turning another year older and that’s one more year than how old she was last year. The young woman is also in a different head space than she was a year ago. Things have changed for her too as compared to how they were a year ago. After all, we’re always changing from day to day. Yerim closes her eyes to not think about certain differences that are indeed on her mind at the moment. It’s easier said than done so the brunette gets up out of bed after purposely ignoring her alarm for hours. She goes to get a shower and makes breakfast for herself. It’s hard sometimes sitting at the table alone since she is so used to having a certain someone sitting right next to her and eating too.

“No.” Yerim shakes her head. “You’re not going to do this to yourself again.”

But it’s hard to ignore because ignoring it means she ignores her. Kim Yerim could never ignore her. She is the one of the things that are going to be different for her this year. Since her girlfriend or rather ex-girlfriend Park Sooyoung is not a part of her life in this moment. She’s always been there in some way or another. This is the first year in a long time that Sooyoung won’t be there for her birthday and Yerim isn’t sure how to process such information. Especially when just last year they were together, happy, and celebrating each other’s birthdays. It’s kind of hard to imagine it now since they’re not together.

“I never thought we wouldn’t be together, Soo.” The brunette can’t help her thoughts still lead back to Sooyoung. How can her thoughts lead anywhere else when this was the woman she really thought she would spend the rest of her life with. She and Sooyoung made the most perfect sense to not only each other but to so many people in their lives. The two met in school and become fast friends. She and Sooyoung bonded quickly over their shared interests in music, food, and similar humors. Yerim appreciated how savage Sooyoung could be, although it was never in any sort of cruel or deliberately mean manner. Sooyoung was actually one of the sweetest most giving people Yerim had ever met in her life. They were just friends in the beginning even though everyone kept on trying to tell them there was more between the two. Looking back now Yerim could see how everyone was right. Even then she would seek out Sooyoung’s arms the most for a hug. She would want to be closer to the girl more than she wanted to with anyone else, and no one to this day could make her laugh as hard as Park Sooyoung could.

“Well, no one used to.” Yerim reminds herself. She has to keep reminding herself that they are broken up and no longer together. Sometimes it’s hard to forget when a part of her half expects to see the taller woman walking into the kitchen and wrapping her arms around her for a hug. How long have they been officially broken up now? Two, three months? It still doesn’t even feel real and Yerim doesn’t like thinking about it longer than she has to. As she washes the dishes her mind wanders once more. There’s a red mug nearby that doesn’t belong to her but rather it belonged to Sooyoung. Yerim remembers the exact moment she gifted her then girlfriend with the mug.

(Flashback)

Yerim couldn’t wait to get home from work today. Not to say that she doesn’t enjoy being able to get home from work on any day. But today there’s a specific reason as to why she’s extra excite to be getting home. Sooyoung is back in town from her own business trip and it’s going to be great to just see her girl in person and hug her. It’s hard being apart when you’re used to being in bed with your significant other. Sooyoung has gone on trips for work before but none that took this length of time, and it was hard talking and looking at her girlfriend through skype instead of where she could be touching her in person. Yerim gets home and to her surprise she doesn’t see any sign of Sooyoung which is disappointing. She was hoping her girlfriend would be home by now since her flight had to have landed.

“Hey, babe.” Yerim hears a familiar soft voice calling out to her from the kitchen. Yerim smiles warmly and goes to hug her, or she would have had she not noticed the bright red mug sitting on the table already in use. The same mug that was supposed to be a surprise for her girlfriend. Yerim almost doesn’t even want to know how it is Sooyoung found the mug when she took great pains to hide it.

“Well, are you going to hug me or what?” Sooyoung frowns in concern. Sooyoung doesn’t know why Yerim isn’t coming over to hug her. They haven’t been able to hug one another properly in what feels like too long.

“What are you doing!” Yerim shouts and gestures to the mug.

“What, I found this.”

“You couldn’t have just found this. I was hiding this for you, because I know you needed a new mug and you love red, so…” Yerim stops talking talking because Sooyoung is looking at her with that soft and loving look on her face. The taller woman walks over and wraps her arms around her before placing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“Aww, don’t be mad, Yerimie. I love the mug, but you know what I love more.”

“What?”

“I love you more.”

(End)

She touches the mug and smiles sadly. Sooyoung must have forgotten it when she packed up her things. The day Sooyoung left the apartment was one of the hardest days either of them had. It wasn’t like Sooyoung had to go. Yerim offered to leave the apartment first when they first came to the conclusion that their relationship was beyond saving and they needed to breakup. Sooyoung insisted that she would go and that Yerim should stay.

“I’ll stay with my mom for a while.” Yerim remembers Sooyoung’s words as if hearing them just yesterday. They share mutual friends and the last Yerim heard Sooyoung had moved into her own apartment and seems to be doing well. Yerim wonders how much of that is true. Is Sooyoung really okay, or is she just putting on a show for everyone much like how Yerim knows she puts on a show too. The brunette knows she’s not okay but she has to pretend sometimes so no one gets too worried about her.

“I better get ready for work.” Yerim decides and heads to do that. This year she most likely will be working on her birthday. Not because she has to since she can completely take the day off and use one of her sick days she’s been saving up. The main reason to go to work on her birthday is to avoid thinking about Sooyoung. Her first birthday in a long time where she won’t be with her. Work should prove a distraction with that or at least Yerim hopes so. She gets ready for work and leaves her apartment. Work has been good for her because it keeps her busy. When she’s here she doesn’t think too much about missing Sooyoung.

“Good morning, Yerim.” Some coworkers say politely to her.

“Hi, good morning.” She smiles back politely before heading to her desk. She opens her desk draw to one of the lower drawers to reach for some paper because her printer is out and it’s here where Yerim sees some pink sticky notes. But they aren’t just any sticky notes. These are cute little notes Sooyoung would always attach to her lunch whenever she would stop by from her own work with lunch for her. Cute little messages that would brighten up Yerim’s day such as.

“I love you, babe.”

“Don’t forget to eat all of your food!”

“Cheer up, you’ll be done with work and seeing me again soon.”

Yerim could never bring herself to throw any of these messages away and so she kept them still. She nearly forgot that she had them until just now. Yerim carefully reaches for the printer paper being mindful of the notes. Just like that she’s thinking of her ex all over again.

“Okay, Yerim.” She tells herself. “You need to get to work and stop thinking about her. I’m sure she’s not somewhere thinking about you this much.”

If only Yerim knew the half of it. They may no longer be together but that doesn’t mean feelings are just turned off. They haven’t turned off for her and they aren’t off for one Park Sooyoung. Even if she’s currently at her own job typing up reports, organizing her upcoming work schedule, and planning to meet with friends after work. It may look like she’s fine and has her life together. Maybe, a part of that is true and she has most things together. There is one thing that’s not okay. The dark-haired woman looks up to see her calendar and the upcoming date makes her stop typing. March 5th is coming soon and it’s not just any typical day.

“Yerimie’s birthday.” Sooyoung whispers. Not that she needs any calendar to know when the woman she loves birthday is. They spent many of their birthdays together over the years. This year is the first time in a long time where they won’t be together at all. Sooyoung runs her fingers over her hair as she remembers their breakup. It was one of the hardest things Sooyoung ever dealt with in her entire life.

(Flashback)

They have been fighting more than ever lately. Sooyoung can’t remember the last time they had a conversation that didn’t turn into an argument. She just really wants them to go back to a time where they were just completely in love and happy with one another. Being in love still isn’t the problem. Sooyoung is still in love with Kim Yerim and she knows that Yerim loves her. Right now they just don’t seem to be getting along and are constantly butting heads over what seems like the smallest of things.

“Why didn’t you call me to tell me that you would be that late?” Sooyoung asks her.

“I said I was sorry, Soo. I misplaced my phone after work.”

“Yeah, right.” The taller woman laughs bitterly. “When do you not have your phone. All of a sudden now you don’t have it. I was worried something happened to you then.”

Yerim sighs and runs her fingers over her forehead. She doesn’t want to fight now. All they do is fight these days and Yerim is tired of it. She is sure Sooyoung has to be tired too.

“I know, Soo. I said I was sorry. Why are we having this same argument? I don’t want to keep on fighting, not right now.”

Yerim sounds drained and Sooyoung does understand. She gets that feeling as she feels tired and drained most days too.

“We’ve been tired of each other a lot lately, hm?”

“Yeah, I guess we have. If you’re so tired of me you can always go and see Chaeyoung.”

Sooyoung bristles as the way Yerim says the name of someone who is really just a close friend.

“Don’t do that. You know she’s my frie