I breathed. A forest. Deep inside, where a hollow gathers the golden leaves of the freshly denuded trees, there is an inn. Rings of smoke pour out continuously of its red-orange chimney, vanishing into the clear morning sky. There, pine logs crackle in the hearth of the fire. The mantlepiece huffs in comfort, filling the air with its heavenly scent. I awoke. Rays of sunshine caressed my skin. The warmth of the star sipped through the window, speckling my skin with its invisible glow. I shivered. Where a breath lifts my hair, goosebumps stretch across my neck and shoulders. I look. A sea of blankets, reaching as far as the eye can see; tangled limbs beneath the silky ice floe. I feel. An arm around my bare waist. Is this it then? No. The sewing of my shorts tightens on my thighs as I stretch; it interrupts the flow of my bloodstream. I gasp, biting my lip to keep the sobs from spilling and the tears from echoing in the hail. No again.

“Agh Taehyung-ah, I’m so tired…”

My head rested gently on his chest, I fidgeted to find a comfortable position for the rest of my limbs. At this remark, I felt the weight of my cranium pressing down on my neck.

“Really?!” Taehyung exclaimed, pulling me up to eye-level with him, “But the movie has barely started,” he pouted, his eyebrows shifted in a disorderly manner, “and I really want to watch it with you.”

“I know, Tae, I know,” A yawn formed in my throat, “but you know I worked the early shift today-” I cut myself in the middle of my sentence to yawn, covering my mouth.

The singer wrapped his soft elongated fingers around my palm once I had evacuated the excess of fatigue and lowered my hand, smiling at me with an understanding look flashing in his dark eyes.

“It’s alright, (Y/N), we will watch it another time. Your health first.” His deep voice bathed me into an ocean of comfortable drowsiness.

“Thank you, Tae.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and lied against him. “Mmh, a pizza, the first minutes of a movie and now I get to cuddle with my best friend, what else could I ask for?” I laughed sleepily.

Taehyung chuckled and pulled the covers on our bodies. My head was back on his firm chest, his deep breath and the rhythmic drumming of his heartbeat started to lull me to sleep. I was about to wish him goodnight when-

"But what if this means more to me than cuddling with a friend?"

What?

It felt like my tongue was a knot in my mouth. My thoughts surrendered to the mist of unconsciousness that preceded sleep.

"Tae, I..."

"I want to kiss you (Y/N), to hold you like this every day and to have you by my side forever."

When I felt his hand cupping my cheek, my tongue relaxed and the knot unfolded itself.

"Believe me Tae, I'm really not what you are looking for..."

"Oh, believe me, you are everything I am looking for.” His voice seemed to drop of an octave by every word he spoke. I looked up at him, facing his honest-filled pupils, “(Y/N), if you don't want to sleep with me, that's fine, I will never force you into doing anything. I am happy just as we are... But I want to be sure I will be able to spend the rest of my days with you."

I gulped.

Said like this it didn't sound too bad now, did it?

A hand hovered my stomach, a kiss was pressed against my cheek softly. His warm lips lingered on my skin, reddening my cheeks slightly.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He spoke with a husky voice.

Tightening his grip on my waist, my back was nearly glued to his chest.

“Mornin’.” I answered, curving my back into the welcoming calefaction of his touch. I felt his chest quake; a chuckle then escaped his mouth.

“Mornin’,” he mocked, pushing himself away from me only to climb on top of my still newly wakened body, “is that all I get today?”

He leaned down to kiss my forehead sweetly. From the glint shining in his eyes as he pulled back, I knew where this was going. “Yes,” I stated firmly, gently pushing his chest away from me so I could sit up, “that is all you are going to get today-”

Though I had almost completely retracted my legs from beneath him, he positioned himself back on top of me and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Are you sure?” He voiced seductively.

Pushing him off again, I rolled my eyes at him, “Yes, Taehyung, I am sure.” Hurt flashed over his features but was swiftly replaced by amusement as a thought crossed his mind, which he was eager to share.

“Do you remember what today is, (Y/N)?”

As I was finally able to sit on the covers, I lightly held his left hand as if it were made of the most precious material and pressed a loving kiss to the back of his palm.

“How could I ever forget?”

Almost stumbling while I stepped down from my heels, a pair of arms caught my waist. I breathed deeply, steadying myself. My brain was shaken from the spinning and turning and twirling and spiraling of the multiple rollercoasters we had boarded all day long. While the movie we had watched at the cinema earlier on had calmed my nerves, my shaking legs could not be prevented. I balanced myself on the ball of my feet a few times, clearing my mind of its haze of dizziness.

While I waited a few moments for my vertigo to dissipate, I was lifted up from the floor. In a swift motion, Taehyung carried me up the stairs to our room; he laid me on the soft mattress of our bed. The delicate feeling of his hand under my skull as he was careful not to hurt me -bringing all my attention on his loving gestures- made my grip on his shoulder somewhat tighten. He gazed down at me, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, feeling safe in his embrace. There were moments in life when I wish I could stop time. No clocks ticking, no heart pumping blood into my veins, no breath filling my lungs, or deflating them. Just him, and I. I wish I could stop time because I could feel, in the depth of my soul, that this peaceful scenery would not last. It was always repeating itself like a vicious cycle. Always.

When my eyes opened again, Taehyung’s lustful orbs were fixed on my lips. I could stop this. His glare, desperate as it was, only searched for my consent. Although tonight would not be what he expected, I had faith that if I just pushed myself… But no. I could not. I simply could not do it. His lips parted, forlorn of the absence of their partners. I smiled knowingly. For once, I just wanted to enjoy the time being before the storm came crashing down on us. I glided my hands from his shoulders to his neck and pulled him down for a kiss… Again.

Our lips danced, slowly at first, as if he were testing the waters like he always did, until he was taken by his passion and lost control of his body. I let him kiss me a few times, perfectly aware of the movement of his hands on my back; from the almost-massage they gave me along the spine until they grabbed the tie which held my dress tightly wrapped around every curve of my body. Why had I kissed him? Why had I started this? He was only going to suffer more now. I had to stop him before this went any further. And I did as I always did, I gently pushed his face away from mine and whispered his name.

His red cheeks and disheveled hair added a heavy cloud of guilt on my heart, his eyes widened slightly but rapidly close as he cupped my cheeks and leaned down for another kiss. “Please (Y/N), I want this.”

He kept kissing me but I felt numb. There lied my heart, crushed to pieces by my selfishness, stamped on by my guilt and disintegrated before my own eyes by my lover’s dissatisfaction.
I repeated my previous action, feeling his hands twiddle dramatically with my dress’ tie.

“Taehyung, you have to stop.”

I pushed him a bit forcefully as his hands disconnected with my back. I could feel the fury boiling up inside him as he stood up, looking at me disapprovingly.

"Even with everything I've done for you today?! Even with all the money I spent for you?!" As sorry as I was for him, I could not let myself be talked down to either. I stood up as well, entrenching my feet in the wooden-tiled floor.

"This is all about money then?! You think you can buy your way in-between my legs just like some sidewalk ?! Is that really what you think of me?! Is that what you want from me?!"

"I WANT YOU, (Y/N)! That's what I want!" He cried, letting his exasperation get the best of him.

"And I told you I could never give you this! I cannot! You told me you would never force me." My voice cracked at the end of my sentence. I felt weak for bringing up such an old promise, but it was indeed his word which was called into question every time we fought over this.

"I'm not forcing you! I'm telling you to make an effort… For once."

What?!

"For once?” I gasped, “You're gone almost every single day of the year with the band. I'm trying my best to hide my identity from the fans like you told me to. I got a normal job so people wouldn't be suspicious of me; and you're telling me that for ONCE I should make an effort?!"

"Oh, I understand! It's all because of me being famous then? Are you scared that I will leave you?! Don't you trust me anymore?!"

"Taehyung!” I chocked back tears, feeling his accusation pierce through my heart. Though I felt powerless and belittled, I would not give up on our union. I would not give up on us, never. “You know damn well I trust you with all my heart!"

"Then what is it?! Have you found better?!? Do you not love me?! Do you think I'm not good enough for you?!"

"Taehyung stop it! Please! I love you!” I shouted, feeling my eyes drown in a stream of melancholic thoughts, “With all my damned soul I love you, I adore you!" I fell on my knees. No matter how many times we will fight, I will remain weak. I felt him squat beside me, taking my shaking hands in his, "I don't want to share my life with anyone else but you, I love you, I love you..." I kept repeating, my voice getting quieter with each word before they were flooded by a tidal wave of tears.

Taehyung pulled me into his chest, drawing great circles across my back in an attempt to calm me down, "(Y/N), I am so sorry... What have I done… I'm sorry, I promised to never push you to your limits, I'm sorry, it's all my fault." Regret filled every single one of his words. It killed me to think that he saw himself as the abnormal one.

"No, please, don't feel bad it will only make it worse...” I squeezed the hand that gripped my palms, “I want you to be happy and I know I can't do that... It's killing me," I sobbed, "it's killing me."

Taehyung caressed the ring on my ring finger, "This is the best decision of my life, and I don't regret it one bit... Oh (Y/N), you don’t know how happy you make me. I love you so much..." He kissed my hair, rocking me back and forth against his warm and firm chest.

"I love you Taehyung.”

Warm. Calm. Stress free. I felt safe in the embrace of my beloved husband. Hundreds would love to have what we share. Our bond, more robust than the diamond circling around my finger, will forever remain the lantern of our most obscure nights. And in times of feud, never will our love be the receptacle of the dust of simplicity.