It’s October. The shine of the sun is barely seen because of the cloudy sky. It's a bit windy too. Basically similar with what Jongin is feeling right now. He stares at the paper that the teacher just hands him. It’s his english test result. He can’t manage to lift the paper up and see it, because he could suggest what his result will be. 

“how’s your result?” Sehun, comes out of nowhere, take the paper on Jongin’s table, oblivious about Jongin’s hand that slightly tries to take the paper back out of Sehun's reach. A few seconds pass quickly. “..oh.” Sehun says understandingly after give the paper a sight. Jongin exhales a heavy sigh before finally let out a word. 

 

“I can’t believe I failed, again.“

 

Sehun also exhales. “I can’t believe it either. The test was pretty easy you know.”

 

“Wow, thank you for the encouragement.” He replies sarcastically before yanks the paper out of Sehun’s hand and shove it inside his pocket carelessly. “English just isn’t my thing.”

 

“yeah, it’s not like your life is depended on that dumb english test,” Sehun gives Jongin a shrug and a small chuckle, and it makes Jongin feel a bit better. His best friend knows what to say as always. 

But it doesn’t last long because one voice decided to join the conversation. “actually, your life do depends on that test result. If you failed one more time, you know you have to retake this class.” Jongin groans and bang his head to the table because what the voice has said is true. He’s been failing too many english test by now. Excuse him but he refuses to retake a year.

“shut up Jongdae, I don’t need a reminder.”

 

Jongdae simply presses his lips into a thin line and raised his eyebrows that yelled ‘okay’ and make his way out of the table. Before he get out of the classroom, he pauses his step,

 

“I just don’t want to graduate and see you still stuck in this class only because you can’t manage to pass a dumb english test, Jongin.”

 

—

 

“..Jongin? Hey, are you listening?”

Jongin looks up. His Brother, Kim Junmyeon, sits on the sofa beside him, leaning comfortably with a frown. Oh. He was talking to him. "I.. I didn't. Sorry." A look that crossed Jongin's face doesn't left unnoticed.

 

"What's wrong Jongin?" His older brother asks him. If it comes to this, Junmyeon is fast. He's doing a good job as a brother because he knows Jongin so well that he could guess something is off with only a slight expression of him. He sighs. "Not a big deal, it's just- I doubt i'll pass my english class."

 

"what? Then why did you  take it in the first place?" The  elder looks a bit confused. Jongin doesn't blame him though, he wanted to be mad at himself too, why did he think taking english would be easier than taking chemistry? Why did he think taking english would be a good idea? Ugh, his mind.

"I thought it'd be easy, okay?” Jongin answered, shows him a bit of offended look and receives a disbelief look from Junmyeon.

 

“you were understimating english.”

 

"I swear if you're not gonna help me and only wanted to mock me for my poor life decision i'm leaving." Jongin shifts to make his way out easier to go through, followed by a rapid no no no from the elder.

 

"I only come once a week, respect my presence and hear me out please?"

 

He's not wrong. Junmyeon is 3 years older than Jongin, and it's also been two years since he moved out to  get a closer access to the University. As a good son he is, he always finds time to visit the family once a week, or once in two weeks if he's really busy. Jongin folds his hand.

 

"you know I respect you, hyung. So, what are you trying to say?"

 

"Have you considered to ask someone to tutor you?"

 

Ok, truthfully he ever, but he just doesn't want to. If the tutor is more helpful than the school itself, then school is everything but useless. And anyway, people around him doesn't look really convicing to give them the responsibility to tutor him.

Finally, Jongin shrugs as a reply. "even if i wanted to, there's no one reliable though?" Jongin raise his eyebrows as well like it's the most obvious thing ever. He lifts up his head again to face Junmyeon expecting a disappointed look. Unexpectedly, Junmyeon give him a knowing smile instead.

 

"There, where I can help you, Jongin-ah."

 

 

Do Kyungsoo.

 

It's not like the name is new to him, he’s his brother’s friend afterall. He ever heard it a few times already, or actually quite often. His first time to acknowledge the name is, if he doesn't mistaken, around 1 year ago, when his brother called him in order to say thank you for the package jongin'd sent him. But accross the other line, he could heard another voice was singing. And god it ridiculously sounded so good to listen to. He remembers unconsciously paid more attention to the singer that he accidentally cut off Junmyeon's words abruptly only to asked him who was singing.

 

"oh, you mean Kyungsoo?"

 

And after that day, the name remains in Jongin's head for the longest time ever. He just found his voice attractive, that's all, nothing else. At least it's what he believes for the past 5 months or more.

However, aside from his brother's stories that sometimes contains Kyungsoo in it, and beside the fact Jongin had secretly requested Junmyeon to give him more of Kyungsoo's recorded voice when he sings, Jongin never actually sees his face.

The only concern he has back then was how was that possible to be sounded so angelic, yet so firm while he sings. Not to mention he's also captivated by the way the man hit the high notes effortlessly but then casually continue to sing in a stable, clear, foreign language.

Basically the same language Jongin is currently has a trouble with.

 

It feels unreal. when Junmyeon called Kyungsoo right away that night, put it on speaker, and then told him every detail before finally asked the man the main point of the whole conversation.

 

“tutoring?” 

 

the voice answered in a low tone, and there was a few seconds of silence from the other end. Jongin held his breath, scared the man would reject the offer. “I’m free every Tuesday and Thursday around 5pm if is that okay.” 

 

“perfect.” His brother replied almost instantly. “Thank you, Kyungsoo. And I apologize if I just give you more burden to handle to.” 

The other voice chuckled.

 

“no, it’s not, really. is your little brother there? I’d like to talk to him.”

 

Junmyeon gave him a small ‘of course’ and ‘wait a sec’ before handing Jongin the phone. He doubted at first, but nonetheless still took the phone.

 

“So.. Jongin.”

 

It was their first interaction despite Jongin has known him for months. He shivered lightly to heard his name being called by the voice. his name suddenly sounded so fit. He liked it. He liked the way he called his name.

“yes? uh, thank you for agreeing. I really appreciate it.” He replied simply, didn’t want to fool himself by talking too much. 

 

“it's fine. just come to my place anytime around that time okay? I’ll see how much I could help.”

 

even if Jongin couldn’t see it, he could feel the man was smiling, judging by his tone.

 

“I will, and.. thank you.”

 

After he hung up, he hadn’t move a muscle from his previous position. still processing what exactly just happened. “come on bud, I set you up for a tutor session, not a date.”

Junmyeon let out a small laugh, completely aware of Jongin’s cheek that slowly but surely turned into a fade shade of pink.

“geez, shut up.” he thrown a pillow to an amused big brother before made his way to the bedroom.

 

Jongin can recall that night easily. 

 

“I swear if i see you drooling over your books i’m unfriending you.”

Jongin’s flashback just ends as he finds his best friend stand right in front of him. The class ended already?

“like is that possible.” Jongin spat back with a chuckle while his hand working on putting all of his things back inside his bag. Sehun folds his hands.

 

“I can see you daydreaming since the very beginning of class, Jongin. You better tell me what the hell happened because something has obviously happened.”

 

Jongin just rolls his eyes, doesn’t bother to curse himself for being too obvious because he’s going to tell Sehun anyway. He even told him about Kyungsoo right the day after he found out his name. 

 

“remember Kyungsoo?”

Jongin starts.

 

“oh, the guy with the voice you've been attracted to?”

 

“Yes, that’s the one. I.. kind of asked him to tutor me.”

 

“wait what? you asked him to what?” Sehun asks in disbelief, which draws some attention by the classmates who still present in class.

Jongin hisses and gestures Sehun to come closer. And he does. “Do you really need to be that loud? it’s only a tutor session!” Jongin says with a voice that’s not louder than a whisper. 

“Sorry,” Sehun replies also in a whisper. “if it was another person i’ll not surprised, but it’s you.” 

 

The sitting man in front of Sehun frowns.

“so what if it’s me? am I not allowed to get tutored?”

 

“Jongin. Last time you got paired for a tutor session you never come and went to my house instead.”

 

Oh, right.

“c’mon, It was long time ago, i’m a new man now.”

now, it Sehun turns to knit his eyebrows.

 

“It was a month ago.”

 

“people can change in only a month you know, are you doubting me?” Jongin manages to respond with a nervous gulp.

Sehun gives Jongin a are-you-serious look before replies back, “You only asked because it's Kyungsoo. I don't see any other reason beside that.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Yes, you are.”

 

“no. I’m. not.”

 

“why are you even still insisting? Jongin it’s obvious.”

 

“ugh fine, maybe like, 5% of it.”

 

Sehun stands back as he rolls his eyes sarcastically. “Sure Jongin, sure.”

 

—

 

It's finally Tuesday, and Jongin finds himself standing in front of a door with 808 number sticks on it neatly. If the address his brother has sent him is correct, then the room behind the door is basically Kyungsoo's. He grips his phone tighter before unlocks it to check the time. 17:16PM. Despite he's not really late or early, he still hasn't find the guts to knock. He's never good with new people, yet still force himself to go here by himself. Goddamnit, he should've tagged Sehun along with him.

Knowing he'll never collect his bravery into 100%, he knocks the door anyway. Consequences can wait.

 

He hears someone behind the door, saying something as 'coming' before foot steps following in. 

 

Then, the door is open, allow him a full display of a man who is holding the door's handle. Holding his breath, Jongin let the view before him sink in.

 

and literally him.

 

his brother too, for not saying a thing about how ing attractive Kyungsoo is. he has an inked black hair which settled nicely to the side, his mesmerizing firm and strong features, and he only wears a plain black shirt and a black sweatpants but still capable to look g-

 

"Kim Jongin, I assumed?"

 

Jongin startles a bit when the man talks, oh my god, he didn't realize he was staring. And oh my god, despite of he heard the man voice already trough the call a few days ago, it sounds two times better in person. He gulps,

 

"Yeah, it's me. And you're Kyungsoo, I supposed."

 

Jongin is surprised he's able to answer stablely. But he can muse it later because Kyungsoo starts to smile softly and Jongin swears his heart skipped a beat. "Come in, then. It's getting dark outside." as he gestures Jongin to come inside. He makes his way to the nearest couch, put his bag on his lap, make himself comfortable. "Do you want anything to drink?" Kyungsoo asks while he walks towards the kitchen.

 

"I'm fine with water." He answers politely.

 

"Do you want coffee? milk? or do you prefer tea?"

 

Ok it's either Kyungsoo is ingnoring him or he just didn't hear him.

"I'll take water." Jongin says again, louder. Kyungsoo stop himself from brewing his coffee and turn to look at Jongin, and chuckle. "You always can take water anytime. Don't be so tense Jongin, just pick one you'd like to have."

Jongin is screwed up enough with only his voice and now he has to face it with the visual staring at him? uh oh, if he was screwed up before I guess he's ed up now. He can't even imagine how the tutor session will be going if he already can feel the heat on his face with only how the man put his gaze on him. When he sees Kyungsoo tilts his head slightly is where he remembers Kyungsoo is waiting for an answer.

 

"Ah, I'll have hot chocholate then."

 

Kyungsoo's hands work fast as it looks like making beverages is a common thing to him. does he work part time in a cafe or something? Jongin thinks. In no time Kyungsoo is finished, and makes his way to put Jongin's drink on the table and sit on the couch beside him before sips his coffee quietly. Jongin picks up his hot chocholate and taste it as well. He likes it.

"So,"

Kyungsoo speaks out, breaks the silence that started to grow, caused Jongin to drag his eyes to meet Kyungsoo's.

 

"Shall we begin the session?"

---

 

".. and that's why you don't use past tense, but present perfect tense on this sentence. Get it?"

Jongin let out a 'ooh' sound as a sign of an understanding. "Just like that? I swear my teacher make it looks like 10 times harder."

Kyungsoo chuckles. "I know, sometimes teachers really do no help."

it's been a month since their first session, and Kyungsoo is nice throughout everything. in their session they don't really talk about other things beside the subject, but the tense atmosphere is no longer exist. He teaches patiently, warm gaze making sure Jongin is following and with gentle voice explains things even when Jongin keep missing the point and Kyungsoo needs to repeat the explanation several times. no pressure. And Jongin found it enjoyable. he enjoys it more than he should probably. 

 

But the sessions didn't really go as easy as he just described.

And the problem is not Kyungsoo. Well, technically, he is.

he is literally the factor why Jongin gets distracted a lot. with how that mouth move and how kyungsoo somehow gets too close to his breathing space can you blame him though?

the more they get serious into a certain topic, the more Jongin notices the little gestures Kyungsoo does, the habits he does. Kyungsoo would rub his temple slowly as he gets drown in his thoughts, brows knitting while he has his eyes keenly on the paper. Then as he figures it out he'd rub his upper lip instead. Call him weird but Kyungsoo looks so hot when he is in his serious state.

"Lets call it a day before it gets any late." Kyungsoo suddenly says, breaking all of Jongin's thoughts.

Jongin drinks the rest of his hot chocholate in one go, hiding his face from heating up before glances at the clock, it's 8. 

"are you sure you can go home alone?"

Jongin chuckles at that, "you've been asking the same question everytime I'm going home. Yes I'm sure hyung." He stands up after tidy up his belongings and walk towards the door which Kyungsoo already open for him. He's welcome by the cold wind that without hesitation hits him. , he should've brought along his scarf. Kyungsoo who steps outside as well to walk out Jongin also seem to notice the night breeze as well.

"it's cold."

"it is,"

He glances at Jongin before finally speak out,

"you didn't bring your scarf?"

Yeah. of course Kyungsoo will notice it. Jongin shake his head while smile weakly to the older man in front of him.

"wait here." He says after a brief thoughts and rushes to go back inside. Jongin just shrugs and hugs himself while rubs his upper arm for heat. He does kinda get the idea of what Kyungsoo is gonna do, but a light "Here," coming from behind him and hands suddenly wraps around his neck still make him almost jump off from his heels, feeling something around his neck gets tightened. "Hold on," Kyungsoo says again, breathes around his nape. Oh my god, he can feel Kyungsoo's hot breathe on his nape. It doesnt take long, really. But it does felt like it. His hands that are slightly brushing against Jongin's neck is doing no help from his whole body to not to get tense. 

 

"You can have it till our next session."  he said while adjusts the scraf so it wraps around his neck comfortably.

 

Jogin is dumbfounded. Because heck, the scarf smells a lot like Kyungsoo, and he still can feel the strong presence behind him. forget the cold breeze, his whole body is started to burning hot.

"your face is red Jongin, you better head home now before it gets any colder." the elder said, sounding genuinely concerned before pulling himself away.

 

---

 

"oh my god. I can't believe it actually worked!"

Sehun exclaims, amazed to see Jongin's scores on their latest english test. He got an A while Sehun only got a B+, and Jongin seems to can't hide his excitement.

"me too! did you see this Sehun? I even beat you! holy , i'm seriously going to pass!"  he beams happily.

Sehun is apparently annoyed. "for real Jongin, you better take me to your next session with Kyungsoo. i knew this is some kind of voodoo going on here."

Jongin laughs at that, "hell, you just envy." while grinning. he looks back again at his test result. wow, he actually did this. he almost can't believe it either that spent his time with Kyungsoo twice a week would really worked. because well, his first intention was to get to know the elder, to actually learn is a bonus.

...

ok he gotta admit Sehun might had a point then.

 

"anyways," Sehun put his paper back. "how things going on bewteen you two by the way?" Jongin raises his eyebrows, not really catching up what's the thing the younger tries to aim. "good, i guess? why?"

"no, that's not what I mean," Sehun snickers, "I mean your crush towards Kyungsoo. did he kiss you already?"

hearing that Jongin almost chokes on air, before shoot Sehun a look. "what the sehun?"

 

"that thing you know? like, do you ever imagine how to be touched by him? Gosh, let alone that do you ever feel your body tingles every time he touched you? or your heart suddenly beating so fast every time he is near? or how it'd feel to have his li-"

 

"ok i get, i get it! i swear to god where the hell you got the idea?? it's not like that." he cut off, even when he isn't really confident with with his answer.

 

Sehun knew well despite they're only 17, Jongin already found himself take no interest in girls, s, s, or basiclly anything related to it. but the thing is : he never been attracted to men before either. So he hasn't really concluded anything. At least he's pretty sure of something.. that he does like Kyungsoo, but that's it. his kind of like simply stays in 'admire' category. it has to be.

 

"oh my god, what the are you so dumb for? even a blind man can tell." 

 

"I knew exactly the boundaries ok?  don't act like you knew things better than me, i'm older than you. I've been in your age and you've never been in mine. pay attention." Jongin claims confidently with pride. Sehun ugly laughs at that, followed by Jongin who's been holding his laugh too. "what are you even trying to prove with being a few months older, i really can't stand you."

 

"shut up, older is older." Jongin says again, feeling incredibly good today.

 

"whatever, it doesn't change the fact you have the hots for Kyungsoo."

 

"gosh just drop it already,"

 

"you're living in so much denial it's unbelievable."

 

Jongin just shakes his head instead of replying. sure, talking nonsense is one of Sehun's habit by now. what does he know about that girlies feeling? it's not like he always lost himself under Kyungsoo's deep gaze, never imagine how good Kyungsoo's plump lips would feel against his, wouldn't pay any attention either to his biceps everytime he rolls up his sleeves, never keep an eye on Kyungsoo's veiny hands everytime he prepare their beverages or to point out something on his books, he'd never imagine how those hands would feel around his neck. no,

 

definitely not.

 

so why his whole face is heating up only because the thoughts above?

 

"Jongin?"

 

"Jongin."

 

The voice makes Jongin snaps out of his thoughts, greeted by Kyungsoo's face in front. oh right, he's in the middle of the session right now. oh , he's been spacing out.

 

"are you sleepy? we can end it here." Kyungsoo said with a reassuring tone. Jongin shakes his head, try to convince him.  you Sehun, this is all your fault. curse him internally. "uh no, it's okay, what were you saying?" Jongin look at him, but doesn't expect for their gazes to meet. like usual, Kyungsoo's face is unreadable and firm.

 

He has a feeling it'd last a few minutes if Kyungsoo's phone didn't ring. Kyungsoo glance at the screen, "sorry, just continue the work ok?" while excuse himself to go to the other room to answer the call. when Kyungsoo is gone from his view, he take the chance to calm whatever is wrong with him. He tries to distract himself and turn his focus back to his books. it's not long until he finds difficulty again and give up because he can't make up his mind about what conditional this sentence supposed to have. while waiting for Kyungsoo to return, he hear a vague "yeah i'm still tutoring Junmyeon's little brother, i'll join you soon" before he shows his presence again.

Kyungsoo smiles softly at him, the smile he always show Jongin but never failed to melt something inside him. "need help?"

Jongin nods sheepishly, while points out the thing. To his surprised, Kyungsoo didn't sit on the opposite of the table like he always did, instead he takes a sit right beside Jongin with eyes still focusing on the sentence that Jongin just pointed out. he almost jolt when he feels a hand lands on his upper thigh, and start caressing it. he looks up only to see Kyungsoo looks like he's still trying to comprehend the exercise.

 

do you ever feel your body tingles every time he touched you?

 

Kyungsoo squezeed his thigh, and he almost let out gasp. He doesn't know what triggers it, but now every each skin of him feels so sensitive. all he can focus right now is the tasteful looking hand resting on his thigh.

 

or your heart suddenly beating so fast every time he is near?

 

Kyungsoo leans back, seems to have found the answer he has been looking for and turns to face Jongin, and he's so close, making his heart in his ribcage acting up. he can clearly hear the echo of his heart pounding fast, makes him feel sick. he doesn't know why, and he doesn't bother to think about it. His mind spins, his stomach drop because he can't find himself thingking straight.

 

"So, Jongin."

 

He can feel the warm breath Kyungsoo let out, he can smell the flavor of what coffee Kyungsoo just had. They basically share the same oxygen right now, and it feels like Kyungsoo take all of the remaining oxygen left because he can barely breath. It's so hot. It's so suffocating, to be aware oh having Kyungsoo near him, touch him.

 

do you ever imagine how it would feel like to be touched by him?

 

and it is the last straw. the familiar hot feeling in his gut crawl in and hits him without warning, and there's where he knew he should call it a day for his own good before his hormones get any further.

 

he comes home in a rush, ignoring his mother calling out for him and goes directly to his room.

 

That night, he may or may not have his first with his english tutor in mind.