Should I even apologize? Seunghoon wondered. He had been expecting an immediate scolding from Mino but the high from the concert plus the alcohol from the after party seemed to have erased the entire incident from the rapper-slash-artist’s mind. An apology seems unnecessary at this point, Seunghoon thought. But even without his bandmate's reprimand, he knew he had hit a nerve when his dongsaeng had tapped his arm and given him a quick glare after he had grabbed their hyung’s shirt too violently on stage.

Mino’s habitual scolding had begun during their debut when Seunghoon had slapped Jinwoo’s bottom too hard on national television. At first, he thought he was being criticized for his lack of variety sense. Eventually, it became apparent that Mino’s scolding was only triggered when it involved the Imjado prince even though Jinwoo himself was unfazed by Hoony's antics. And so the band’s resident dancer had interpreted this as some form of Mino-favoritism towards Jinwoo. A fact which irked Seunghoon and unleashed his signature bluntness and stubbornness. This, of course, guaranteed that every scolding would result in a heated argument with his dongsaeng and some form of peacemaking from their hyung.

But a few years back, Team Winner and his bandmates were pleasantly surprised when what should have been another disagreement quickly turned into an apology. Everyone assumed that perhaps maturity and years of being together had soften their strong-willed Deputy Lee. But in truth, it was simply a moment in his bandmate’s dorm a few months back that completely changed his demeanor on the entire matter.

The moment in question was during the time Jinwoo had fallen ill and had been in bed with the flu for a number of days. The band and their managers had taken turns nursing him back to health and during one of his shifts, Seunghoon had whipped up some homemade soup for his hyung.He had quietly crept in the cat house to avoid waking his sick bandmate but before he could enter Jinwoo’s room, Hoony had found Mino sitting by a sleeping Jinwoo’s bedside.

The moment was brief. Mino's gestures small and minimal. A light touch on the cheek. Sleepless and worried eyes. The rapper’s signature toothless grin albeit slightly pained. Restless ruffling of his blonde hair. WINNER had prided themselves for knowing one another inside out that each member could read the other's subtlest look or sigh. And so Seunghoon knew, just by a glance, that his friend was not simply concerned. He was smitten. No, bewitched. Whipped. And whatever word they had for people who were hopelessly in love.

He had often claimed to be quick witted but had somehow missed this. Despite the proximity and being together almost everyday, he had failed to notice his bandmate’s feelings. They often talked of celebrity crushes and pretty girl group members, and had secretly dated women that the idea of Mino in love with WINNER's eldest member had never occurred to him. As far as he was concerned, it was all fan service. He suddenly felt guilty for accusing Mino of something as petty as favoritism. And then, it hit him. The burden of Mino's feelings, of having to secretly love someone that his family, their management, and heck - their society disapproved of, had made him deeply sympathetic of his friend’s plight. The pressures of a solo album. Having to bottle up forbidden affections. No wonder Mino was plagued by anxiety attacks. 

Since that fatefuly day, Hoony had not spoken a word of it to anyone. He also managed to retreat from Jinwoo's room before Mino could see him. Seunghoon promised himself he would refrain from arguing with Mino every time he was scolded for his antics towards Jinwoo. It was the only thing he could do to ease his friend's burden. He desperately wanted to do more but didn't know where to begin without meddling or making his friend uncomfortable. From time to time, he would also wonder if Jinwoo returned or even had the faintest idea of their dongsaeng’s feelings. He had always been caring and touchy towards the members that with Jinwoo it was hard to tell.

Back in the present, the after party was winding down and many of the staff had returned to their hotel rooms to prepare for the trip to San Francisco. Mino had gone around the room and bid everyone good night before retreating to his and Seungyoon’s room. Seunghoon had thought that the walk to their rooms was long enough to say a quick apology about the little incident on stage, and short enough to avoid an awkward moment with his bandmate. And so he found himself alone in the elevator with a slightly drunk Mino, waiting for the opportune time to insert an apology in between the rapper’s blow by blow account of the concert. When the mojiri’s story had reached their concert encore, the pair had reached the front of their rooms. Similar to their dorms, the rooms were right across each other although this time with different roommates. Before Mino could open his hotel door, Seunghoon placed his hand on his bandmate's shoulder. Mino stared at the hand, and gave him a questioning look.

Umm. I grabbed Jinwoo-hyung too hard today. I’m. I'm sorry.

Mino’s eyes widened and stared at Seunghoon's for awhile, then, quickly shifted towards the floor, unable to look at him straight in the face. He acknowledged his bandmate’s apology with a silent nod. His face clearly marked with a mix of fear and confusion.

Hyung, do you -, Mino trailed of unable to complete the question.

Seunghoon found himself mirroring his bandmate’s every move. His eyes glued on the floor. Hands now by his side and all plans of avoiding an awkward moment now gone. He sighed. Yeah, I’ve known for a while now. 

His bandmate looked up again with widened eyes and slowly returned his gaze to the floor. He responded with another silent nod and turned his back to his hyung ready to flee and enter his room.

Mino, umm - if you need a friend to talk to about this, well, I'm, you know, right here.

Mino kept his back to his hyung as he spoke. There was a few seconds of awkward silence, which felt like an eternity to Seunghoon. Neither of them spoke nor moved. Mino kept a firm grip on the doorknob. With Mino's back still facing him, Seunghoon could see his friend slowly hunch over, and he began to hear a faint cry. Among all the members, the two rarely touched nor clung to one another. They also rarely spoke of their feelings so this was foreign territory. And so Hoony did what seemed like the right thing to do. He stood in silence and kept his friend company as he quietly sobbed in the hallway to release what he couldn't utter outloud.

After some time, Mino ruffled his blonde hair, wiped his tear-stained face with his sleeve, sniffed, and gave a deep sigh. Thank you. I really needed that hyung. 

No problem.

G'night. I'll talk to you properly next time.

Sure, now get some rest.

TBC