---

The weather had gotten a lot colder recently. It was freezing cold outside but for a certain lady, everything seemed normal. The weather was "fine". 

Everything's felt cold for a long time. And this winter wasn't anything new. 

Strolling down the small walkway, surrounded by trees and hallowing winds, it's on crisp winter nights like these that Taeyeon would ever had the chance to stroll around in the public freely. 

It was quiet and cold, the surrounding. While Taeyeon enjoyed it, there was also this lingering feeling of loneliness that slowly creeps up on her. 

Eating her away. 

And she didn't like it one bit. 

The girl found a spot in the neighbourhood park and took a seat. Staring into the abyss, her deep train of thoughts was broken by a bark. 

Looking up surprised, she saw her puppy wagging it's tail excitedly - hopping every now and then. 

"Zero-yah, are you trying to wake everyone up?" Taeyeon asked amusingly, almost hoping for a verbal respond. 

But the dog had only gave another bark and went off doing its thing. 

Taeyeon's face fell shortly after. Even the dog wasn't going to shower her with much attention. 

She found herself slowly lying down so she now faces the night sky. It was a starry night. 

Even with such crazy weather, the stars stood out brightly in contrast to the endless void of the sky.

Taeyeon's phone buzzed and she could see tons of replies flooding in from the instagram stories she posted just a few minutes ago. 

The girl read a few warm comments from her fans and couldn't help but find her smile reaching her eyes. 

Sones, they were her everything. There were so many dark moments in recent year where she felt as if everything didn't matter anymore, but her Sones had always been the ones that came through for her. 

Of course, there were the dear friends and families too. 

Shutting her phone, Taeyeon gave a loud sigh before falling back into her deep thoughts. 

Where was she moments ago before a certain rude dog broke her out of concentration?

Yes, Taeyeon was reflecting on everything that happened the past few months, the past year. 

Her recent tour had just ended in a success and now she's taking a short break before carrying on with other projects that she had been planning. 

She remembers how she discussed about how she had spent the last year figuring out herself and this year, she hopes to experiment and find out more about how she was able to push herself to the limits, to explore something new, something different. 

While these were her hopes and dream, relevant to her professional career, the girl too wishes that she would be able to accomplish the same in her private life too.  There were some personal goals that would require the same amount of courage. 

Thinking back on all that had made her recall things she had unknowingly spoken about whilst on her tour's last-stop over in Singapore. 

It wasn't something she had planned to talk about. Taeyeon was never one to speak candidly about her thoughts and feelings, and what she had spoken about was something personal. Emotional even.

--- 

Taeyeon recalled herself taking about how she hated talking about the past because there's so much waiting for her in the future that she hadn't had time to dwell on what happened. 

But that wasn't the truth, and unknowingly she spilled it all out. She had finally said it. 

"There's no time thinking about the past because it doesn't come back right? Maybe that's why I don't like talking about the past - because it doesn't come back. Maybe I'm doing it as self-preservation, so I don't get hurt."

"I don't know what I'm saying" she said. 

But she knows. She said exactly what she had wanted to. She had never wanted to visit the past because it hurts.

Those good memories, they hurt because it will never come back. And those bad memories, they hurt because it will always remind her or her failures. Her mistakes. Regretful actions. 

"Don't do things that you will regret later" - that's Kim Taeyeon's motto, but she wasn't perfect. And throughout her life she had made ton of mistakes done things that she would regret so much, it kills her every time she's being reminded of it - but she's still learning everyday. 

"I want to spend more time learning how to control myself better, to create a version of 'me' that I'm happier with. Everyone wants to be the best version of themselves right?"

"I'm a bit fearful because I feel like I'm drifting here and there."

The girl was lost, finding herself. And she was showing a side to thousands and hopefully to someone whom she hope would understand that she's trying.

By the end of it all, she was shaking but she held it in. And so it only seemed as if she was trembling. 

was dry. Bitter. 

Her eyes were glistening, tears trying to force it's way down her face.

She hadn't expect to feel this emotional, but thousands of memories were flooding her head and thy made her question everything. 

She hadn't realised that she had delivered these candid thoughts so easily but somehow, on that stage that very night, among her thousands of fans, she found the courage to talk about something she haven't spoken about much. 

She had never enjoyed being emotional, being vulnerable. Yet, she's only human - she feels strong as well as weakness, she feels emotional, she feels sentimental, she feels love, guilt and all. In that very moment on stage where she felt like she had conquered the world and achieved things others could only dream of, she realised in that precious moment, she had everything but also nothing too.

She had everything: success, fans, people who loved her. It filled her heart and soul, yet something was missing. 

'she' wasn't there. Her princess wasn't there. The love of her life wasn't there.

Jessica Jung Sooyeon wasn't there.

And if Jessica wasn't there to celebrate, to share everything together with her. Would that really be something worth being happy? 

She had everything, but it wasn't complete. The most important piece of the puzzle wasn't there to complete it. And for that, she couldn't be happy, she couldn't be contented, she hadn't succeeded, she is still left with nothing. 

Everything meant nothing without Jessica. 

---

Taeyeon had shut her eyes while recalling on everything that transpired back in Singapore. Those were her deepest thoughts, her inner most feelings, all from the past years but that's only if everyone knew.

When the girl finally opened her eyes, drops of tears flow right off the side of her face instantly. Down the sides and dripping into her ear. 

The girl sat up - sniffled, wiped her tear stained face, got the uncomfortable drops of tears that found refuge in her ears out, blew her nose and laughed softly. 

It was a short emotional coaster ride but she needed it. She needed to remember all those feelings that shaped her as a person. 

She needed that same courage that made her felt invincible, albeit rather emotional the other night. 

"Zero-yah, let's go find her"

---

Facing the black large door and waiting patiently after ringing the door bell, Taeyeon found her heart slamming against her rib-cage.

"Coming!" A soft, yet ironically loud in tone, voice came from the other side of the door. 

Zero that had sat patiently in Taeyeon's arm moments ago was now fidgeting eagerly and wagging its tail. 

"Oh! Taeyeon-unnie!" The girl that opened the door took a few steps back, covering its mouth in shock. 

"Wha