Just for heads-up, this will focus more on Hanbin and his struggle to be okay. But yeah, Jennie is here, too. And this will kinda be confusing bc truthfully I'm still confused about JenKai. Lol. Bye. Play the video and listen to the song while reading the story for more feels. (╥_╥)

I don’t want to hear any hopeful words. I can hardly fall asleep because the reality is too difficult to handle.

Jaewon sleepily rubbed his eyes as he opened the doors of Hanbin's music studio. He recently finished the shoot for his new kdrama and decided to visit his funny friends. He bet Hanbin is the only one still awake. And he was right as he entered and saw Kim Hanbin seriously staring at the computer screen, a sad piano mixed with synth playing on the background. 

"Hey, I brought coffee," Jaewon said, placing the coffee on the table nearby, Hanbin looked up, hearing his hyung's voice. 

 

"I don't drink coffee, hyung," Hanbin answered, still seriously staring at the blank screen in front of him. Jaewon shrugged his shoulders, grabbing the cup and sitting beside his dongsaeng. 

 

"What are you doing?" Jaewon unsurely asked, taking a peek at the empty notepad on the screen. "This beat is good," he commented and Hanbin just nodded. They both just listened to the baseline sound currently playing on loop. "Add some violin if you're aiming for melancholic song." 

 

"Why would you think I would write a melancholic song, hyung?" 

 

"Eh? Uh... I just... It's your strong choice. Sad songs," Jaewon stuttered, caught off guard with the question. 

 

"I won't write a sad song about her," Hanbin seriously said, stubbornness in his eyes. 

 

"Then don't. Nobody's forcing you, Hanbin-ah." 

 

"I know. It's just that... I can't think of anything else but her, hyung. I can't even sleep because I'll just end up dreaming about her." Hanbin sighed and covered his face using his hands. 

 

"Come on, you really need to rest. Everything's gonna be find in the end, trust me," Jaewon said, grabbing Hanbin's hand and forcing him to stand up and leave this music studio. And even tho Hanbin know that whatever his hyung is saying is bullshxt, he just let Jaewon dragged him home. 

 

Even though I want to do many different things, I become lethargic. My answer will always be a huge smile if anyone asks how I’m doing. 

Kim Jisoo was all smiles as she entered YGE's cafeteria. Food can always boost her mood. She bowed and smiled at the employee as she grabbed a tray and put some food on her plate. She turned and tried looking for an empty seat when she noticed iKON's leader sitting alone on the corner. Odd, she never saw Kim Hanbin alone. She shrugged her shoulders and approached him. 

 

"Hanbin-ah! Can I share the table with you?" Jisoo cheerfully asked, Hanbin visibly jerked, obviously surprised. "Mianhe, I startled you," Jisoo added, giggling when Hanbin smiled and nodded at her. 

 

"What are you doing here alone, noona?" Hanbin asked, watching as Jisoo scooped a big amount of rice. 

 

"Huh? Oh. My members will be late so I thought of eating first," she explained and she noticed how Hanbin's eyes widen. "Ah, aniya! They're not... I mean.. They're still not here. They're coming later at 2," Jisoo frantically added. 

 

"It's fine, noona," Hanbin said, smiling at Jisoo who sighed at him. 

 

"Hajima. Don't do that. Don't pretend," Jisoo sternly said, glaring at the younger man whose smile faded after hearing what Jisoo said. 

 

"What? What should I do then, noona? Cry? Gave her the satisfaction that, yes, she did hurt me. That I'm hurting so much, I felt lifeless. I can't even do the things that I want anymore because it will always remind me of her."

 

"If crying makes you feel better, then do it. Everything will be okay in the end, Hanbin-ah," Jisoo softly said, her tears started to fill her eyes. 

 

"That's bullshxt," Hanbin said, grabbing his tray and leaving Jisoo alone. 

 

When I become lonely, if you ever witness my tears, please walk past by me. I’m OK. 

Bullshxt. Everyone kept saying that it'll be okay, in the end. What the fxxk, what end? His life already stopped the moment she left him. The moment that freaking announcement was made, his life already ended. He ran fast and entered one of the empty practice rooms in YGE. He collapsed sitting in the floor, covering his face with his hands, feeling the tears coming? Crying can make him feel better? What a joke. 

 

Kim Jinhwan sighed and leaned on the other side of the door, seeing Hanbin talking to Jisoo then suddenly leaving and running, he followed their leader. He knew Hanbin hated being pitied at. He knew it. Jinhwan really wanted to comfort him but Kim Hanbin is one stubborn guy, he doesn't want to cross him. 

 

He sighed and grabbed the doorknob, pushing the door opened and saw Hanbin on the floor, lying there, blankly staring at the ceiling, fresh tears on his cheeks. 

 

"I'm okay, hyung," Hanbin said, his voice quiver and Jinhwan just nodded, sitting beside his dongsaeng. 

 

"You're Kim Hanbin, of course, you're okay," Jinhwan said and they both laughed at that. 

 

I don’t want to hear any hopeful words. Why is everyone making it a big deal when I’m fine? 

Donghyuk laughed loudly as he watched his hyungs copying and making fun of how Jinhwan sang. They just finished recording their new song and Donghyuk really felt happy. Everyone looked tired but happy. 2019 will be fun, he knew. 

 

Chanwoo frowned and stopped walking, prompting Donghyuk to also stopped and look at what made their youngest stopped. Oh. Blackpink, what a coincidence. Of all the people to meet in YGE today, it's them. 

 

"Oh, iKON. Annyeong!" Lisa cheerfully greeted and bowed, making them to exchanged bows and hello's. When the girls already passed by and a little bit far, Donghyuk immediately looked at their leader, who was back at bullying Jinhwan. As if nothing happened. 

 

"Hyung," Donghyuk called, stopping them, making Hanbin's brows to furrowed, sensing what this is about. 

 

"I'm fine. Why does everyone is making a big deal out of this? We're both okay, okay? Let it go," Hanbin angrily said, walking away and leaving s. 

 

"Donghyuk," Jinhwan called and shook his head. "I told you to just treat it like it's nothing," he sighed and patted the younger guy. "Let Hanbin move on from all this, okay? Don't press and remind him." 

 

My breakup was a bit tough, left me with a small scratch. I know it is going to be way better after a day or two. 

"Hyung, Yunhyeong-hyung made some beef bone soup. Want some?" Chanwoo asked, knocking at their leader's door, carrying a tray, with a bowl of steaming selleongtang, knowing full well that Hanbin wouldn't come out or let them in. But to his surprise, Hanbin opened the door and help him with the tray. 

 

"Where's hyung?" Hanbin asked and Chanwoo motioned with his hands.

 

"Downstairs. Bobby-hyung, also wants some," Chanwoo answered and Hanbin just nodded, tasting the soup. 

 

"It's good," Hanbin commented and Chanwoo didn't know whether to leave and let Hanbin eat alone or stay and wait. "Chanu-yah, answer me truthfully. Do I look pathetic to you?" 

 

"Eh? No! Of course not," Chanwoo answered, surprised by the question. 

 

"I told you to answer me truthfully," Hanbin stated, glaring at their maknae. Chanwoo raised his right hand, as if pledging or something. 

 

"I'm being truthful, hyung. You don't look pathetic at all. Just because noona left--- I mean, just because you two break up doesn't make you look pathetic."

 

"Then why do people look at me like they're pitying me?" 

 

"Because you're acting like the world has already ended, hyung. It's just a breakup. You didn't die, hyung. She just scratch you. You'll get better someday," Chanwoo explained, looking at a spot on the floor. He couldn't really meet Hanbin's eyes as he answered his hyung's question. 

 

Hanbin sadly smirked. "A scratch, huh?" he whispered and shook his head. He patted Chanwoo's head and messed his hair. "Aigoo, our maknae is growing up already," he loudly said and Chanwoo whined as he tried to arranged his mess-up hair. 

 

I won’t die just because she left me, so please don’t look at me as if you’re looking at someone who’s dying.

 

Lalisa skipped as she climb up the stairs leading to their apartment building's rooftop. She excitedly opened the door and almost had an heart attack seeing someone familiar standing by the balustrade, looking down. 

 

"Oppa!" she shouted and quickly run towards him, who was also obviously shock and thankfully, he didn't fall. "Yah, Kim Hanbin, get down there!" she screamed and Hanbin shook his head, getting down from the balustrade, and setting his feet on the safe ground of the rooftop. 

 

"What are you doing here?" Hanbin asked but instead of answering, Lisa glared at him and crossed her arms. 

 

"Oppa, you're really jumping? Are you a fool? Why would you do that?" 

 

"Woah. I'm not jumping, I'm just looking down, Lalisa. Calm down," Hanbin answered and even raised his two hands but Lisa just shook her head. 

 

"Not gonna jump? You're standing there!" Lisa shouted again and Hanbin covered his ears. 

 

"Goodness! You sound like a banshee. How could my dongsaeng even live with that voice of yours?" Hanbin complained, making Lisa laughed. 

 

"Because he's also like a banshee?" Lisa playful