VICTIMIZED

- SE HUN'S STORY - 

"The victim mindset produces a delusion of fault and blame that blinds you from the simple truth of cause and effect." - Steve Maraboli

  “It’s your time to shine now.” His father had said. His deep voice had been sounding like yelling in the quiet space of Se Hun’s room. The mountains in the distance seemed to tremble and the sky looked so cold. The sound of bustling people in the city below the skyscraper turned into screams and the cold clammy touch that ran down his back was far from exciting. He was terrified of this news.

The commander to be, Jaehyun, had vanished in the middle of the night shortly after his father’s death. He was the next in line after his mother who died during birth. His father had been ill, a secret to everyone in the clans. They waited some years for Jaehyun to get older. Se Hun’s father stepped in as a temporary ruler, but when Jaehyun vanished Se Hun had to step into the spotlight. He was after all Jaehyun’s Doppelgänger and shield. They couldn’t allow panic if the commander-to-be vanished.

Se Hun knew something was wrong. It had been too sudden. Jaehyun was a weak child and could barely play or fight for much long. He was a weak commander too and Se Hun thus his age, knew it meant that the kid had enemies that wanted him dead. Orphans rarely live long.

Se Hun collected the few things he cared about in his room. A vase from before the war that had a faint teal color; a yellow wooden pencil that he had used to teach himself how to make pencils; a blanket that his mother had made just for him before he was born, and a statue of a golden slender man standing with his arms crossed. Se Hun decided he would go out beyond the wall to find a new flower for the vase. A little life would be great now that the only one he truly trusted, Jaehyun, was gone. Everyone had agendas nowadays. What lesson humanity had learned after a political war that led to atom bombs ruining their earth; was now forgotten. They’re back at it again. History repeated itself.

Jaehyun’s room was on the 26^th floor which was much higher up than what Se Hun’s old room in the Goblin was. It had the view of the woods and the mountains in the distance and if Se Hun exited into the hallway, another room right up front had the view of the city. It was a large area, looking like it had once been a ballroom. Se Hun enjoyed the view from a couch by the large windows. This room had been used for private parties by the commander or when they were training fighting. Se Hun had been recommended to throw a party as well, let people think he was the commander. Jaehyun’s face was unknown, his name too. When they are chosen and introduced to the people they receive a short name. Se Hun had heard his father say it out loud. Commander Hun. He would be called from now on.

The Fallen City was rebuilt when humanity tried to scramble together whatever was left. Clay or stone sealed the holes and cracks and paint decorated most of the bare cement walls. Windows are mostly wooden shutters that are painted in bright colors. All the paint that had survived the war had been sold to the Fallen City. It was a festive place, a safe place after all the chaos. People came to trade or drink in the bars. The recipe for beer had been kept and made sweeter with honey coming from the bees that enjoy the flower fields not far from the walls of the city. Bakeries baked with the flour that they made from the harvest that came from the 7^th Clan’s fields. People made acting shows and played music in the bars, always making the festive mood of the 1^st Clan last through the days and the nights.

Part of the city belonged to the military. It took long before a previous commander found it necessary because of the wicked clans to the west. They plundered, and stole from the 1^st Clan’s villages and other clans couldn’t protect themselves from the beasts that raided their towns and killed their families. The 1st Clan decided that it would not only bring festivities but also order. The military was voluntary, but usually both sons and daughters went to train for a couple of years to make sure they could travel the grounds and know they were capable of protecting themselves.

Soldiers were stationed in the cities that lay close to borders and usually they found love there and sent letters to the chiefs asking to be released from duty. They were granted that with ease. No huge wars were fought in the lands anymore. Few fights played out because of the clans that hadn’t united under the commander. Order granted peace, and peace granted a happy people. The commanders signed their names in a book and swore not to give into greed for power. Se Hun knew he would be able to do that with no problem, but his name wasn’t written by him. It was by his father, Asher.

And Asher was consumed by greed.

The doors to the ball room opened. Someone entered with cautious feet and closed the doors behind them again. Se Hun inhaled deeply before turning around. Preparing himself for the duty he would have to face. A tall boy stood in front of him, probably barely the legal age, but well-built. He wore a grey vest and what Se Hun recognized as military clothes. His arms were bare, biceps flexing beneath the golden skin and his brown round eyes radiating comfort and protection. Se Hun’s eyes moved up to take in the fall of the black bangs, eyes then coming down to the hand that was gripping onto the hilt of a sword.

Weapons weren’t allowed in the Fallen City. Unless you were a guard or training in the military. Se Hun knew what the other was going to say before he even spoke. The depth of the voice surprised Se Hun though.

  “My name’s Park Chan, I’m here as your personal guard and friend.” A smile pulled at the corners of his lips and Se Hun noticed that it suited him. His face looked much more youthful with a smile.

  “How old are you Chan?” Se Hun asked.

The other blinked and his feet shifted weight. “I am what I would believe… 18.”

Se Hun straightened his back, trying to hide the surprise on his face. “So, we’re the same age.”

  “Years aren’t that trivial anymore. Only for commanders and the military.” The other blurted out and Se Hun frowned. So, he had opinions. He wasn’t as dull as Se Hun first imagined.

  “As long as your maturity ages well, I guess numbers and days cannot prove much.” Se Hun agreed.

  “How are your fighting skills, Commander?” Chan asked and Se Hun raised a brow.

  “Is that a challenge?” He asked a little playfully. He may not have the confidence he needed to be a commander, but to fight this boy? He didn’t need to gather any courage. He was not the Doppelgänger just because Jaehyun was family and because they were similar in built. No, Se Hun was well-trained in combat.

It proved that Chan was just as well-trained, and he was much stronger. The days when Se Hun skipped his meals because of his melancholy, had taken away the weight he needed when Chan disarmed him and came in to fight close-combat. Wrestling was not Se Hun’s strong point.

Chan’s hand gripped around Se Hun’s wrist and pinned it to the floor. Se Hun flailed his other arm around to avoid getting caught by the other hand, but his legs were useless with Chan’s weight upon his thighs and the other had extra height too. Se Hun’s knuckles met the floor with an echo and the two shared a gaze. Se Hun could hear their panting loud and clear in the large room, and feel the drops of sweat land upon his face, falling from the tip of Chan’s nose. The black hair was a mess now, his youthful face having an edge with the concentration molding his features in the mask of a fighter. Heat radiated from his body and even though Se Hun had fought his trainer many times, suddenly he felt that the close proximity was affecting him. Warmth spread in his neck and ears and even his cheeks. He felt flustered, because Chan wasn’t getting up and creating distance between them again.

  “You need to work on your close combat skills.” The other said, and Se Hun’s eyes widened. Chan grinned.

Se Hun pressed his lips into a thin line. “Get off me.” He demanded, and Chan released Se Hun’s wrists and got up. He reached out a hand for Se Hun to take. The guard even dared to send him a smile. His eyes glinted.

Se Hun turned his back on Chan and pushed himself up. He kept his back turned to Chan when he stormed out of the room. Se Hun ran right into his own room and shut the door. He was out of breath.
He could hear the other open the doors and immediately sought for a place to hide in the huge bedroom, but ended up walking into the walk-in closet. Se Hun brought his hand to his face and closed his eyes.
Careful steps were making their way into the room and Se Hun leaned against the dresser that stood in the middle of the closet. He was chewing on his own lip, trying to come up with some sort of sentence that could get him out of this situation.

  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Came the deep voice and Se Hun felt it roam the room, the bass tone filling out the room in such a gentle way. Se Hun could only shake his head. “Do you need to talk?”

Se Hun was taken off guard by the question. It was what friends or loved ones asked each other. It was a question that people asked if they cared. Se Hun doubted the other cared about him, they had only just met.

  “Not right now.” Se Hun replied. His stomach was clenching and his throat closing up. If he said as much as one thing it would all come tumbling out of him and he wasn’t ready for a break-down. He had to be strong.

  “I’ll be right outside then.” Chan said as carefully as he could, trying to sound cheerful so he didn’t sound like he knew that Se Hun wasn’t facing him because he couldn’t. Se Hun couldn’t let Chan see him like that. Not only weak physically but also mentally.

  “Thank you.”

The words slipped out of Se Hun’s slips before he could filter them away. He lifted up a hand to cover his mouth. Chan stopped in his steps.

  “You’re welcome, Se Hun.” Chan assured the other. “Anytime.” He then said and left.

Se Hun rubbed his neck. Anytime.

He really did have someone now. If it was just out of duty, Se Hun could deal with that for now. Chan did his duty well.

It was as if he knew Se Hun already.

Having Chan by his side through every obstacle proved to be a relief. Se Hun didn’t have to mutter curses to himself or get caught up in swirling emotions before entering the throne room. Chan was right beside him, asking questions and listening when Se Hun needed it. Se Hun found himself getting curious about Chan and who he was. If they had to spend the future together, they needed to know each other well.

  “Favorite weather?” Se Hun asked while they walked the street. Se Hun’s face would be showed soon in the ceremony. Right now, no one knew who he was just yet. He could walk among the citizens of the Fallen City without worrying about unwanted attention. He received none out of the ordinary.

Chan smiled. “Sunny.” He replied without hesitation. “A few clouds passing the sky in the distance, clear blue sky and a light breeze.”

Se Hun chuckled. “Specific.” He mused. He was walking with his hands folded behind his back, shoulders wrapped in a cape that softly danced behind him whenever the wind crept through the streets. Chan had one hand on his sword, and the other was by his side. It looked a little awkward that his stature was so stiff.

  “What about you?” Chan asked while eyeing the blue sky. It was Chan’s favorite kind of weather on that day Se Hun noticed. He also noticed how Chanyeol spoke carefully and clearly. It has a certain charm.

Se Hun smiled. “I like the rain.” He answered and walked over to a booth. He admired wooden carvings with Chan right by his side. The other supervising the booth lady as if she would whip out a dagger at any time. “It’s nice when you’re sitting inside, listening to it and watching it.”

Se Hun picked up a leather necklace with a wooden eagle attached. It was pretty.

  “Do you like it, young man?” The lady asked. Se Hun couldn’t help but nod, a sheepish smile upon his lips.

Chan was reading his expression. Se Hun put it down reluctantly, taking an extra minute to admire it with the red background of the table cloth.

Chan reached out and grabbed it. “We’ll take it.” He told the lady with a polite smile. Se Hun gawped at him.

Chan grinned in reply. Se Hun was speechless, but accepted the necklace in his hand after Chan payed for it. They used coins made of cobber and silver. It was coins from the old age that had been molded into flat circles with a hole in the middle. Coins were only used inside of the Fallen City and outside of it people traded.

Nothing was pricy. People looked down upon greed and so it wasn’t allowed to stash money. The taxes people payed came back to the people again. Money wasn’t produced in masses. It was merely to keep count on the trading.

Se Hun hid the wooden eagle beneath his shirt. He looked in the mirror that hung in his room and eyed his brown unruly hair and pale skin. His eyes looked almost black because his skin was so pale. He never really went outside.

  “Are you ready?” Chan’s gentle voice came from the door. Se Hun took the crown made of braided branches and placed it on top of his head.

  “As ready as I can be.” He said truthfully. Chan smiled.

  “Then you’ll be okay.” He promised.

Through the years more and more problems started to arise, and more and more meetings were held in the conference rooms and throne rooms. Se Hun couldn’t believe how the epidemic just kept on spreading and getting worse and their solution of putting the Damned away was looking like a terrible idea as the days went by. There were a lot of Damned now. So many people who were angry about being separated from their families, but they only the shadows of what they had once been. They were everything that humanity wanted to leave behind.

They were monsters.

Chan still accompanied Se Hun everywhere he went. At some point he started to stay inside of Se Hun’s room at night instead of guarding it from the outside, and Se Hun didn’t mind that. He felt it ridiculous for the other to stand outside, when all they did was be with each other… why wasn’t he then allowed inside of the room during the night?

Chan stuck to a chair by the door in the beginning, but as the days and weeks passed by he moved to a chair by the bed, then he sat at the foot of it, one day he fell asleep on it and one night Se Hun’s pale hands tugged Chan beneath the blankets and from then on, that was his place to be. Right by Se Hun’s side, both day and night.

  “Your legs are shaking.” Chan chuckled and steadied Se Hun’s hips, with hands that recognized them. Se Hun exhaled deeply, calming his racing heart and finding support in the weight against him.

  “It takes a lot of strength not to fall down.” He breathed and gasped when he tried to move a little. “I won’t be able to walk for days.” He groaned, and Chan’s deep voice hummed.

  “We have time to do it again tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that…”

Se Hun slapped Chan’s shoulder. “I don’t think my body will make it through.”

  “Lem-me support you.”

  “You’re ruining me, that’s what you’re doing.” Se Hun supported himself against the wall and gave Chan a push away from him.

  “We could… give it a week?” He grinned. Se Hun sent him a glare, even though he was exhausted.

  “It will take me a lot longer than a week to recover. I nearly came crashing down a few times today. I don’t think I can go through that again.”

Chan laughed and wiped his forehead with the heel of his hand. Se Hun watched the drops of sweat roll down his neck. Another sigh left Se Hun’s lips.
 

  “I hate horses.” He whined, and another laugh blossomed from Chan’s throat. Se Hun pushed himself off the wall and limped out of the stable on careful feet. He never got the chance to travel anyway, so why was he forced to learn horseback riding?

And why did his stubborn horse always try to throw him off?

The horses had been affected by radiation. They were tough to breed because many times the foals came out wrong. Two faces, blind, missing legs, no hair… the gene pool had been destroyed. Se Hun liked to follow up on such incidents, seeing what humanity’s actions had cost nature. Humanity wasn’t safe themselves, but through the years it had gotten better, much better. You rarely saw signs of radiation anymore, only in the animal breeds did it continue to appear.

In the beginning it was because humanity decided that people with radiation damage couldn’t reproduce. Most understood because humanity only wanted what was best for the future, with the least damage. Those small damages like odd skin-colorings, wasn’t included. It was the most horrid damage that they’d rather not want to reoccur. The clans that aren’t under the Commander don’t have the same rules, and the 3^rd Clan have horror stories that they tell about the Montan clan and that there was a two-faced lady. Literally. Se Hun wouldn’t question the story, he was sure that it was true.

The most common horses were more on the heavier weight, muscly and strong. They had over the many years evolved just like humanity had to survive the nature they now lived in. The carnivores were stronger and faster and so if they wanted to put up a fight, only the strong could survive.

Which was why that weapons such as guns and bombs were out of question. They were easy tools. Swords and handheld weapons that proved the strength and skill in the one that carried them were accepted. They were an extension of nature and not above it. Se Hun always had a bad taste in his mouth when he thought of the Old Days. The guilt of what his forefathers had done to this earth. Maybe it was good that they were gone, that they destroyed themselves.

So that nature could go and the people that wanted to be forgiven try to go on as well.

Se Hun knew the 6^th Clan thought otherwise. That they weren’t going to be forgiven by the Earth. That they needed to work harder and take care of the Earth. They had to take care of the 6^th Clan at the moment. To keep the religion down so that it didn’t get the upper hand. With all the problems with dead rising and monstrous behaviors created by an illness… The 6^th Clan said it was leading up to what they called the Apocalypse.

Only a small group had whispered about it, but with the 1^st Clan trying to silence them, they only seemed to gather more followers. They weren’t violent, but rather persuasive. As long as they stayed peaceful without creating more unnecessary fear, they weren’t a threat. Se Hun though decided to keep his attention on them and not forget them. He knew the world’s history. Religion was a dark thing.

  “What are you thinking about?” Chan’s voice soothed him out of his thoughts. Se Hun had placed himself on a balcony. Watching the Fallen City bathed in sunlight. A soft breeze passed by them. It was colder now. Se Hun looked over to see Chan’s black hair fall over his eyes. He pushed it back, away from his eyes. He took a moment to look at the city as well.

Se Hun smiled. “The world.”

Chan grinned and took a seat on the bench beside Se Hun. “As always.” He said and wrapped an arm
around Se Hun’s shoulders. The commander leaned against the other’s side. He felt a pair of lips kiss the top of his head. “Found a solution to any situations?”

Se Hun shook his head. “You know they never listen to my ideas in the council.”

Chan sighed. “That is because of Asher. He doesn’t have any good intentions behind the scheme he is playing.”

  “I’m just a puppet.” Se Hun breathed.

Chan pulled his arm back. “No, you aren’t, Se Hun. You have the power. If you speak loud and clear they’ll listen to you. All your knowledge can be useful. You don’t have to let him walk all over you at every meeting.”

Se Hun shook his head. “He gets his way with everything, Chan. He removes people when they get in the way of his goal. Don’t do that.”

  “But is that right? To just let him? Was that what the people did in the Old Days? Let the wicked people git to power and then destroy their world?” Se Hun tried not to be fond of the way Chan sometimes pronounced get as git, and instead focus on what outrageous things Chan was saying.

  “He can’t possibly want destruction for the world.” Se Hun dismissed it with a wave of his hand. He stood up and turned his back on Chan, but the guard did not stop their discussion.

  “He wants to destroy what we’ve created. He doesn’t listen to the voices of the council, only his own. He’s dangerous.”

  “You’re dangerous.” Se Hun retaliated. Chan took a step back at the glare Se Hun sent him when he turned around. “Yelling these words, for everyone to hear. Are you that naïve? We haven’t changed. We’ve tried to be better, but the True Commander had to flee? Isn’t it clear as to why he had to flee? Someone was killing everyone around him! Which will happen to me if I start to fight against my father!” Se Hun lowered his voice into a desperate whisper. Afraid of the words reaching the wrong ears. Chan stood there, unwavering, but his eyes were stubborn when they looked into Se Hun’s.

  “He has already taken everything from you.” Chan spoke, “what more can he take?”

Se Hun’s lips curled up and he grinned, a chuckle leaving him. Yet his eyes were teary, and it wasn’t happiness, but sadness that settled on his features. “Who do you think?” He asked, and Chan frowned, as if he thought he had forgotten some lost family member. “Chan, who do you think he’ll take away from me?” Se Hun asked again and walked closer. He reached out a pale hand to grip onto Chan’s leather jacket.

  “But they don’t know…” Chan’s eyes didn’t look into Se Hun’s eyes anymore. They couldn’t.

  “Of course they do. You’re always with me… Don’t think they haven’t heard us, that they haven’t seen us. Most of the guards are on his side too.”

Realization settled upon Chan’s face with fear. “Then let’s run away.” He breathed.

Se Hun shook his head. “I have a plan.” He whispered. “I need to stay on my post for as long as I can, Chan.”

  “Who are you waiting for?” Chan asked. Se Hun shrugged.

  “It’s what.” Se Hun corrected the other. “I’m waiting for the right time.”

  “And it’s not the right time yet.”

Chan removed his clothes in the darkness of the room and joined Se Hun under the covers like he always did, but this time they clung onto each other. Held each other with a different need, as if it was the last time they had the chance to do so. Se Hun wrapped his arms around Chan’s neck, holding him against himself when he reached his high. Everything was important, everything needed to be remembered. The sounds Chan made into his ear, their voices mixed together almost in a song, the heat of Chan’s skin against his, the other’s full lips kissing his own…

Chan was everything. He needed to remember Chan.

A month went by. Se Hun went through meetings like he usually did, he did challenge Asher when needed, but also stood down when it was the time to do so. He didn’t have to act like a puppet, but he knew what his role was. What had felt like their last night together wasn’t anymore, and Se Hun knew that if they acted out of the ordinary that would also seem suspicious, so he calmed his heart and proceeded on as usual.

He kept his studies and notes hidden and hoped that the future would soon bring some good news. That he could find a solution to his pitiful existence. He had stopped hoping for Jaehyun’s return. The name hadn’t been heard and no stories spoke of a hidden commander. They had once heard one about someone in the 4^th Clan, but Asher was quick to insist they looked for him. They didn’t find anyone. It was a dead end.

And if they had found someone. A dead one it was too.

Chan seemed to have a hard time falling back into his normal routine. He kept whispering about places to go if they ran away. Se Hun used his own lips to quiet the other, but he knew he couldn’t keep doing that for long.

The weather was cold now and rain fell upon the world below the sky, and it seemed like all color had left the world. It looked so grey outside. Se Hun held his blanket close around him. He didn’t have any meetings that day and had positioned himself in the couch of his room. Looking out upon the trees swaying in the wind and the clouds moving across the sky in a slow pace.

A knock was on the door. Se Hun made a sound for the other to come in. The door closed softly behind him again and he turned around to see Chan entering with cautious steps. Se Hun frowned, immediately alerted by the behavior of the other.

  “What is it?”

Chan looked up, surprised that Se Hun already knew the other had something to say. He looked a little sheepish and eyed the weather with a look of distaste. “They have a mission close to the Utahn border. You know where that village was burned down, that story about the Devil with green eyes?”

Se Hun nodded. He remembered that story.

  “Yeah, well the Utahn people are trying to reclaim that land. We need to go make peace with them. The council assigned me to the case.” Chan then said with a small smile.

It had happened a few times. Se Hun was often the one deciding if Chan should go on missions, but it was mostly so that Chan could spy for him, not that Se Hun told Chan that was his intention. Chan was always eager to talk about his adventures and Se Hun listened and took notes in his mind. Chan observed everything, maybe he did not notice that he did, but Se Hun was grateful for someone with such a keen eye. He needed more eyes in order to not get lost. He did not want to be ignorant.
Se Hun felt like that in that moment. He had not been included in this decision and it unnerved the Commander. He took a look at Chan. The other did seem to dislike the weather conditions, but he could see the excitement in the way Chan’s fingers danced on the hilt of his sword. Se Hun held his blanket closer around him. “Do you want to go?”

Chan’s round eyes looked at him. Then he nodded. “Long time since A’ve had some action. Not that fighting you isn’t fun, but I need some challenges.” Chan beamed and Se Hun couldn’t help but enjoy the other’s excitement. His little pronunciation quirks appeared when he was excited. Then Chan came closer. “Don’t go up against him when I’m gone, okay? We’ll figure something out. Going on this trip will allow me to get some more information.”

Se Hun nodded. Still he couldn’t help but find the situation odd.

  “Chan,” Se Hun called out and stood up, taking off his necklace with the wooden eagle and putting it over Chan’s head so that it could hang around his neck. He always did that when Chan went on a mission. This was nothing new. “Stay alert.” He told Chan before the other could leave. Chan nodded with a promise and pressed a kiss to Se Hun’s lips. It was in a hurry and he was quick to run off. The mission would start that day.

Se Hun turned around to look at the world outside. He wondered if it would be kind to Chan. He also wondered if something dangerous was lurking in the shadows. If he had missed any warning signs. In that moment he went back to his notes but found nothing telling him what he had done wrong. Chan would be okay, he told himself.

Se Hun could never calm his nerves before going into a meeting whenever Chan wasn’t there. It had been almost a week since he was gone. Se Hun knew missions could sometimes take long, but he hadn’t heard any news yet. He thought communication with the villages close to the border was good, but he guessed the weather delayed the news.

A blond man with green eyes had been standing by his door that morning. He had been standing there yesterday too and he followed Se Hun down to the throne room. He had introduced himself as Chase when they first met. Se Hun hadn’t minded it, he had felt unguarded without Chan by his side, and he guessed the mission would take longer since Chase was there. Chase waited by the doors and Se Hun eyed him before he stepped into the room. His father’s silver hair matched the grey weather outside. They were in the throne room. Gathering around a table. Se Hun took seat on the throne as usual. His hands trembled just a little and so he folded them in his lap. Asher’s eyes were on him as soon as he entered. Se Hun wondered what that look meant.

They began the council meeting as usual. Se Hun though noticed a small curve at the corner of Asher’s mouth and it made him anxious. The talking sounded like a wind howling in his ears and the rain outside seemed to darken his world even more. He had to ask.

  “What are the news on the issue with the Utahn Clan at our borders?” He asked without looking at Asher. A woman seemed to glue her eyes to the notebook below her. A man with a crooked nose who was looking at him inhaled deeply before he started talking. “We were going to bring this up right after discussing the main problems we have in the Fallen City.”

  “But isn’t this also important?” Se Hun shot back. “We could end up in a fight with the Utahn Clan, which is not what we wish for.”

The man nodded. “Yes. Well- We have some troubling news, Commander.” Se Hun noticed a tremble in the man’s hand when he settled his pencil down. “The group we sent on a mission met a Rox on their way back. That was the only casualty we had.”

Se Hun tilted his head to the side, his breathing had stopped. “Who?” He asked in a small voice. The man seemed to shrink under his gaze.

Asher readjusted his seat in his chair. Se Hun’s eyes shifted to look at the other. Asher spoke in a controlled voice. “Soldier Park Chan died of his wounds, and they buried him. The area they were in was too dangerous for them to slow their pace down in order to bring him back. They should return this evening.”

Se Hun’s mind flicked a switch and cut off his emotions. It was now a game. He couldn’t react to Asher’s words any more than the council members did. “Did they bring his belongings with them?” He asked, his voice even more controlled than Asher’s. The other lifted a brow.

  “Yes, should they bring them to your room? He does not have any family. He devoted his life to serving you.”

  “And he did his duty excellently.” Se Hun stated, losing grip of his voice at the very end, but he cleared his throat to seem collected. “I am saddened by his death.” He said as if it was his duty to show that he cared for a mere guard and soldier.

Not that he had just lost the love of his life.

Se Hun rummaged through the bag that had belonged to Chan. He didn’t remember leaving the throne room or entering his own. All he could focus on was the wet material of the bag as he turned it upside down and shook out all the contents. He was desperately searching for one item. One that would make him sure that Chan was truly gone.

There wasn’t anything in the bag that could tell him that Chan had owned that bag. Besides from a lingering smell that Se Hun recognized all too well. Se Hun didn’t understand. They said they had buried him. If they did, they would have the time to remove something that could be given to those people at home.

Had he also lost the necklace? The only item that Chan had given him, that they had kept hidden beneath their shirts. Se Hun sighed and gripped onto the material of the bag again. It must’ve been hidden beneath his shirt.

Something in the material of the bag stuck into Se Hun’s palm and he looked down at it, blinking tears away to get a clear vision. He had turned the bag inside out, and inside of it was a patch. It had been sown rather sloppily… or hurriedly. Se Hun pulled it close and glanced around in the room. He was alone. Chase was right outside and Se Hun didn’t want him to hear anything.

He stood up, his knees still wobbly and he sniffled and fled towards the closet. He shut the door and placed the bag upon the dresser in the middle of the room. He lit a candle and used a small letter knife to tear the stiches open. Se Hun jumped back when he got it open, letting the contents that were hidden inside fall out onto the white surface of the dresser.

The eagle was there, and it was tinted red. Se Hun’s eyes had turned wild. He looked at the material that had been turned into a pocket and recognized it as the same fabric that Chan’s vest was made of. Same grey color too. Se Hun pulled it up to his nose. It was definitely Chan’s scent that washed over him when he inhaled the smell of it into his lungs.

Se Hun’s hands looked less pale in the light of the flame, and they picked up the wooden eagle first, inspecting the red tint before he picked up what he knew was a letter.

Se Hun unfolded it and put it into the light, so that he could read the scribbles. He didn’t know that Chan could write. He had never seen the other do that.

  “Se Hun

I hope this letter reaches you. I knew it was a trap as soon as we left the City. I should’ve turned back, but I knew it would bring you in danger.

Asher controls the whole city.

He knows about us, about the knowledge you keep hidden from him.

So, he’s killing me off. I’ve put up a fight. I got two of them.

The Clans in the South are coming, Se Hun. They’ll strike next year. Keep an eye out for their spies and let them in. Let them destroy Asher if we can’t. You let me in. They won’t harm you.

They’re closing in on my hiding spot.

 

You’ll be free of him one day. You’ll soon be free, I promise.

I love you

Chan”

If he separated his lips he would scream. Se Hun placed the corner of the letter in the flame. Letting the fire up the paper and burn away any evidence. He wore the necklace again and walked out of the closet. He was happy that he had not eaten that morning, because his stomach was clenching and turning and he knew he would’ve thrown it all up again.

He couldn’t face the city, and so he stood in his room and looked out upon the tree tops and the ever-resting mountains. He inhaled deeply, trying his best not to be drowned in his own thoughts.

Then one of reason came forward, and he listened to that voice.

We don’t always have a choice. Sometimes things are given to us or taken from us. Whether it’s responsibility or freedom. It’s what you do with the things you have left or the things you have received that makes you who you are.

Se Hun could throw it all away and give up. He could hate Chan for deceiving him, or he could mourn him until his heart broke and he became the puppet his father wanted him to be.

Se Hun wanted to do none of those things. Instead he took every moment in his life where things changed and weighed them in his hands. What good did they bring and what bad did they bring?
Chan gave him so much more than he took from him. He had Se Hun in his best interest, despite whatever his purpose was. Se Hun did have power, even if his father thought he controlled him.

Se Hun knew what all of the things made him look like. It portrayed him as a victim. He was being victimized by two sides, but that was the one thing he did not want to be.

With what strength he had left in his frail frame. He took off the necklace and put it in a drawer. He tore off the sheets where Chan’s scent lingered. He ate what food he could force down his throat and then wandered into the halls of the building. He noticed Chase followed him, three steps behind him.

Se Hun would be his own person. He would plant his own seeds and create a new path. One the South didn’t expect and one his father didn’t want either.

What could destroy two powers that were facing each other in a nearing war?

Create a third party.

Se Hun needed his own people.

A/N:

I know it's a little abstract. 
Did you like hearing more about the world of Damned?
What do you think about Se Hun? Let me know what you think! <3

Love,
Emma <3