Chanyeol checks his wristwatch. He was early, but it’s not early anymore. His brows draw together in a frown. It’s not early, in fact, his date is already ten minutes late by now. An uneasy feeling settles in his stomach, he never expected this of Kyungsoo. He paces in front of the restaurant, feeling fidgety and cold with the wind that picks up. A glance at the sky shows Chanyeol was he was already afraid of. The clouds are a dark grey, bordering purple and he knows what that means. Snow. That could have been romantic, but it’s anything but.

Chanyeol’s text tone rips him from his thoughts and quick as lightning, he grabs the device from the pocket of his coat. Kyungsoo will explain what’s going on – he will tell him that he’s a few minutes late because… because something happened. Or something.

But when Chanyeol unlocks his phone, his stomach turns. It’s not even Kyungsoo. It’s just Sehun, his roommate, sending him a teasing message that he should have fun tonight. Somehow, it makes Chanyeol angry and he squeezes his phone tightly in his hand with his eyebrows drawn together. Normally, Chanyeol doesn’t mind so much that Sehun disregards the fact that Chanyeol is older than him, but right now is a different situation. Right now, he already feels insecure and he doesn’t need Sehun to rub it in more.

He tells himself to take deep breaths. It’s just been a few minutes, and besides, maybe Chanyeol just got the time wrong. That must be it. Opening his chat with Kyungsoo, he scrolls back through their conversation, butterflies erupting in his uneasy stomach at all the words they’ve exchanged. It’s all been so sweet – but he wasn’t wrong about the date or time. Kyungsoo should have been here and he’s not.

So Chanyeol presses the little phone icon and holds his phone to his ear. And he waits. He tries a few times, maybe something is wrong. With his chest heaving in worry, Chanyeol abandons the restaurant and instead, stalks towards his car. It’s just a short distance to his home, but with that threatening snow and icy cold wind, it’s not really something he has to think about. He unlocks the car and as he settles behind the wheel, he sees the first snowflakes falling.

With it, falls his heart. On the opposite side of the street, he sees Kyungsoo. He laughs – and Chanyeol can hear the sound in his mind – and his lips are so prettily shaped into a heart. A man walks next to him, shouldn’t be much shorter than Chanyeol is, and he’s smiling. Chanyeol’s mind blanks completely. He takes note of how they’re holding hands, sees how the taller of the two leans in to give Kyungsoo a hug and a peck on the cheek. The falling snow around them, makes everything looks so romantic that Chanyeol’s heart clenches. And Kyungsoo doesn’t seem hesitant, doesn’t seem shy like he is whenever Chanyeol initiates intimacy.

Chanyeol… makes up his mind to never initiate intimacy again. Not with Kyungsoo, not with anyone.

Chanyeol’s shoulders are hunched painfully when he enters the apartment. His hands are freezing off, but he’s afraid his heart is in a much worse state. It doesn’t get a whole lot better when he takes his shoes off and hears giggling coming from further inside what was supposed to be his safe haven. Closing his eyes briefly, Chanyeol lets out a deep breath, this is by far not the first time this is happening. And it’s not like he thinks Sehun doesn’t deserve the fun, it’s just that he isn’t in the mood to listen.

He was planning to stalk right into his room and wear his comfy hoodie, but Chanyeol is stopped in his tracks when he passes the living room. Sehun lies on his back on the couch, his shirt ridden up and his pretty abdomen exposed. On top of his crotch sits a smaller young man – attractive, too – with his hands resting on Sehun’s pecs. Both look at Chanyeol, startled, even though they’re fully clothed.

Sehun is, surprisingly, the first to unfreeze.

“Your date! Hyung, you went on a date with Kyungsoo!” he says, looking frantically between the stranger and Chanyeol. Chanyeol, in reply, only rolls his eyes and moves on. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now, not after seeing his long-time crush so happy with another guy. After Chanyeol finally built up the courage to ask him on a dinner date and Kyungsoo had said yes. A dinner date seemed special, different from the times they went on coffee dates.

Chanyeol hears the stranger ask Sehun who the guy is, but he doesn’t linger to hear what his friend’s response to that is. Instead, Chanyeol wonders why Sehun reacted so panicky – that’s entirely unlike him. Maybe it’s because Chanyeol never actually walked in on him with his guys, Sehun always makes sure Chanyeol doesn’t see anything.

He locks his door behind himself and quickly rids himself of his dress shirt and jeans to instead wear sweats and that comfy hoodie he was so looking forward to. He lies down on his bed and takes out his phone. Maybe the guy wasn’t Kyungsoo’s lover, maybe he’s his brother? But Chanyeol saw a picture of his brother once and that wasn’t him. Maybe a cousin? But… would they be so affectionate with each other? Maybe he was just a friend. That kiss on the cheek though… Chanyeol decides he should just text Kyungsoo if he remembered they had a date.

But two hours later, Kyungsoo still hasn’t replied. He read the message, but there’s no answer. Chanyeol’s chest hurts and he hugs his pillow to himself. It doesn’t quite help that Sehun isn’t even here to talk to him. Okay, it was Chanyeol who didn’t reply in the first place, but of course he wouldn’t when Sehun was having his own fun. Maybe he still is, Chanyeol thinks, though it’s been awfully quiet in the apartment for a long time.

As he thinks that, though, he gets a text and his heart pounds quickly in the seconds before he unlocks his screen. But it’s Sehun again. A dejected sigh leaves Chanyeol’s lips. Sehun asks if he’s alright, if he wants to talk. Chanyeol huffs and sends back that he wants that, if Sehun isn’t busy right now. There’s a knock on his door no more than a few seconds later. Chanyeol is a little unwilling to get up from his warm and comfortable bed, but he does so anyway and unlocks his room, letting in his roommate and friend.

Right after, he lies back down in his bed. Sehun is a little apprehensive in situations like this, he never initiates skin-ship and always waits for Chanyeol to do so. But right now, Chanyeol doesn’t reach out for him. Right now, Chanyeol just looks up at him, eyes that reflect how tired and sad he is, but he hasn’t cried. Sehun sits on the edge of the bed, still somewhat uneasy because it’s like Chanyeol ignores him without ignoring him. Chanyeol is always clingy, looking for contact and comfort at any given time and while Sehun got the message that something happened during his very short date, Chanyeol isn’t going to be comforted so easily.

“Where’s the cute guy?” Chanyeol asks, anything to not have to bring up his own failure of a date already. Sehun’s brows draw together before he relaxes again and shrugs.

“I sent him home, obviously, thinking you’d come out and cuddle me to death and bawl your eyes out.” Chanyeol stares up in silence, Sehun unblinkingly meeting his gaze before the older of the two breaks eye-contact.

“Oh my god. I mean I know I’m apparently undesirable and ugly as , but could you for once respect me as your hyung?” Chanyeol asks, looking at his knees that he pulled up so he won’t have to look at Sehun.

“What does that even have to do with anything? If anyone knows they’re not ugly, it’s you – I mean the amount of times you look in the mirror is uncanny, hyung. What did he even do to you? Did he tell you he doesn’t want you?” Chanyeol is heavily frowning by now. Sehun is mocking him, yet at the same time, he tells him he isn’t ugly? Chanyeol has the weirdest urge to pull him down, pin him to his bed and tell him to shut up, but what would he gain from that? And why would he even want to do such a thing? Before he can even reply, though, Sehun continues his rant. “And why aren’t you throwing yourself at me, smothering me like you always do when you’re ing sad?”

Chanyeol wants to say a lot of things. Most of all, he wants to tell Sehun to watch his language already, but he doesn’t. Maybe it’s the words themselves, that Sehun knows when Chanyeol needs comfort, or maybe it’s the desperation that’s easily read off his face and laced through his voice. Instead of getting angry, Chanyeol’s face softens.

“Would you want that?” he asks and Sehun blanks at him.

“Why are you asking?” It’s obvious confusion and Chanyeol gets that. He never hesitated or even so much as considered whether or not someone else wanted his contact. But out there in the cold, he realized something and that is what’s holding him back now.

“I think Kyungsoo never wanted to be with me, he just agreed out of politeness. He didn’t seem to like it when I hugged him,” he mumbles, ashamed of himself.

“Scoot over, I don’t want to fall off your bed,” Sehun orders, lips pursed as if Chanyeol hadn’t said all that he did just now. It’s the first time Sehun has wrapped his arms around Chanyeol first and it’s the first time Chanyeol feels self-conscious around his roommate. “So, he hasn’t told you any of this? You’re just assuming? Oh I like this cologne,” Sehun adds, shameless, but Chanyeol hides his face against his shoulder, feeling even less at ease than he did a minute ago, when they’re were… fighting. Chanyeol will pretend he didn’t hear it, will pretend that nose against his neck doesn’t do anything at all. Because that’s what Sehun is doing, too, anyway.

“Well he was late and then–”

“Give me your phone, you probably had the time wrong,” Sehun interrupts and pulls away to send Chanyeol a pointed look. He cowers, but refuses.

“I already checked,” he says, if only because he doesn’t want Sehun to see the chat with Kyungsoo, too full of… butterflies.

“Yeah well we both know you’re stupid sometimes,” Sehun deadpans and Chanyeol’s eyes widen at his audacity, putting a defensive hand on the pocket of his sweatpants that hides his phone. Sehun doesn’t give up so easily, though, and reaches out, pries Chanyeol’s fingers away while struggling to hold his other arm in a tight grip. He ends up straddling Chanyeol’s crotch and while he’s busy, neither of them really notices because they focus on their struggle – but when he has the phone in hand, Sehun stills. There’s a subtle blush on his cheeks and Chanyeol hopes he doesn’t reflect that, but their position is much too intimate. Especially because for a moment, Sehun doesn’t break eye-contact and his lips nervously.

Chanyeol’s heart beats quickly, not just because Sehun sits on his crotch, but because he knows his friend knows the code to unlock his phone. He watches in horror how Sehun scrolls through something, a frown reappearing on his face while his lips purse. He’s judging so hard right now. And Chanyeol knew that would happen, that’s why he tried keeping Sehun away from his phone, but there’s absolutely no way he would hurt him in the process. Obviously that’s what kept him from trying hard enough to actually win the struggle.

“What an idiot,” Sehun says, keeping his voice down when he quickly glances at Chanyeol’s face to look at the phone again.

“Damn it Sehun stop making fun of me!” Chanyeol whines and reaches out to steal back his phone, grabbing onto Sehun’s hand accidentally and he doesn’t know why it matters. It has never mattered, but all of a sudden, he’s aware of everything.

“I don’t mean you, stupid, I mean Kyungsoo.” Sehun is quiet for a while, looking at Chanyeol’s hand that’s still around his own. But then, his eyes shift to Chanyeol. “But maybe you’re an idiot as well,” Sehun sighs and eventually plops down next to Chanyeol again, breaking the tension a little.

“Why do you always have to be rude…” Chanyeol pouts when he looks at Sehun, trying to forget that his heart beats so quickly, trying to remember that Sehun has been his friend for so long and that this isn’t something he should pay attention to.

“How can you shower him with affection like this? A few weeks ago, he didn’t even know you existed,” Sehun says, again disregarding Chanyeol’s comment and Chanyeol hides in embarrassment. It has never been like this before, he never felt like he had to hide anything from Sehun and most definitely not himself. But here he is, cuddled up against Sehun’s side, his face resting against the side of his friend’s neck. And he likes the comfort, the fact Sehun doesn’t shy away from his touch – even asked for it – but he’s still nervous.

“I… I’m sorry,” Chanyeol replies, because he really doesn’t know what else to say.

“For what, being stupid?” Sehun asks and Chanyeol looks up at him, startled and a little angry. He’s opening his heart here but– why does Sehun look so soft? Why does he look like he’s sorry for Chanyeol when all that ever leaves his lips, are rude words? “I mean it’s okay to be stupid, but be stupid with me, not with people who won’t come to your dates. They don’t even deserve your stupidity, let alone all this affection you’ve been showing.”

Chanyeol’s stomach flips and his mouth dries. He knows his entire face is flaming red at the words his friend just said. There’s a moment in which they just look at each other, but it’s cut short when Chanyeol’s phone rings. With trembling hands, he holds it up to his face. It’s Kyungsoo. Before Chanyeol can accept or decline the call, though, Sehun takes the phone, answers it and puts it on speaker. Rude, Chanyeol thinks, but he does nothing to stop it, he’s too nervous anyway.

“Chanyeol?” It’s Kyungsoo’s velvety voice, beautiful even over the crappy speaker of his phone and Chanyeol wants to reply, but he doesn’t do so fast enough because he can’t find his voice. “Chanyeol I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says and at that, tears gather in Chanyeol’s eyes because he knows it’s bull.

“No you’re not, you were with someone else, I saw you walking by in the snow,” he says, voice strained and his heart pounding in disbelief and hurt. There’s a silence in which Chanyeol feels Sehun’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t dare to look up at him.

“Listen up, Kyungsoo. Don’t call anymore and don’t even try to apologize, you broke Chanyeol’s heart,” Sehun says, sounding protective over him and Chanyeol dares to look at him now. Sehun looks stern though, as if he’s about to fry Kyungsoo alive.

“Who even are you?” Kyungsoo asks, stuttering just a little and Sehun is quick to reply, a smile on his face now when he looks at Chanyeol.

“Someone who obviously cares more about Chanyeol than you do.” With that, Sehun hangs up and Chanyeol has half a mind to defend Kyungsoo, but with what his roommate just said, he’s speechless.

“What?” Chanyeol asks and Sehun turns away, looking a little embarrassed, but he recomposes himself quickly.

“If you’re sad, hyung, please smother me with your stupid, overgrown hugs.”

And Chanyeol does. Every time he thinks of Kyungsoo or gets an empty, meaningless text from him, he finds Sehun. When a week has gone by, Chanyeol doesn’t need to cuddle out of sadness anymore, so he stops smothering Sehun. But when he lies in bed at night, another week after that, he realizes something is missing. He realizes he hasn’t slept all that well. Before the entire Kyungsoo episode, Sehun brought guys home more often than not, but Chanyeol noticed he doesn’t do that anymore. That’s the only reason why he knows it’s safe to just open Sehun’s bedroom.

“Sehun?” he asks, voice low, and after a few seconds, he hears his friend hum in reply before switching on the light beside his bed. Chanyeol sees his groggy eyes and feels sorry to have woken him up, but proceeds anyway after he closes the door behind himself. “Can I come cuddle for a bit?” As he asks it, he sees Sehun jolt up immediately – as if something’s up.

“Kyungsoo again?” he asks, adjusting his pillow against his headboard to sit against and Chanyeol slips under the covers next to him, like he’s done a lot of times by now. A smile tugs at his lips when he embraces his friend, feeling how he’s tense.

“No,” Chanyeol replies and Sehun relaxes, snuggles against Chanyeol’s chest even though he always makes it sound as if he doesn’t like hugs at all.

“Did something else happen?” Sehun asks, voice growing soft with sleep again, now that he’s in a more comfortable position. When Chanyeol answers no again, though, he grows a bit worried. “Then what’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I missed this,” Chanyeol replies, but means something else. He’s not going to say out loud that he missed Sehun though. He’s also not going to say he likes Sehun – but that doesn’t make it any less true. Though Sehun has the brattiest personality Chanyeol knows, he’s always here for him. Especially after Kyungsoo couldn’t explain the situation after all and was simply seeing someone else. And while still bitter about that, Chanyeol thinks it’s very nice to realize that Kyungsoo isn’t the one that matters.

Chanyeol wakes up to a very intense shiver. His arms feel like ice-cubes and he groans when he opens his eyes. Even his nose feels chilly. That’s when he realizes the window is open. Not his window, but Sehun’s. He slept in Sehun’s bed. He never went back to his own room, they just fell asleep all cuddled up. And now, it’s cold.

“Sehun,” Chanyeol whines in his raspy morning voice when he shoves his hands back under the covers. A few seconds later, he sees his friend emerge from behind the door, wearing a thick hoodie that looks more than a little comfortable to cuddle. “What the hell is this,” he continues, ignoring how he likes seeing Sehun like this, with his hair down and without having dressed to look fashionable.

“I like the smell of snow,” Sehun replies with a shrug and looks to be on his way again, but Chanyeol isn’t happy with that. Snow, though. He props himself up to see out the window, sees the flakes falling peacefully and they already created a soft blanket over their street.

“Come back, it’s cold,” he calls, hoping to be in time for Sehun to not yet have gone far. Thankfully, his friend comes back with a faked annoyed look on his face.

“Just because you’re older, doesn’t mean you get to order me around,” Sehun says and disappears again. Chanyeol’s face falls and he shivers.

A few minutes later, he hears the microwave beep and he’s even more confused because it’s a Saturday and Sehun doesn’t have to go to work. Not that Sehun actually cooks before work though. Chanyeol frowns, hiding deeper under the blankets to try and get back to the same comfortable warmth he felt when he snuggled up to Sehun last night.

But then, Sehun comes back into the room and Chanyeol sees him shiver at the cold here too, careful not to spill anything from the two mugs in his hands though. Without a word, Sehun sets them on the bedside table before he finds his way under the covers again. Chanyeol doesn’t know if he does it on purpose or not, but Sehun sits so close to him, their thighs are pressed together and it’s warming him up more than he thought it would.

“Since you used to go on coffee dates with Kyungsoo… I thought you’d like a hot chocolate date with me instead,” Sehun says, shameless again. He looks at the mugs, then at Chanyeol, as if asking him to hand him one and of course, Chanyeol complies. He’s baffled, only realizes now that in the past two weeks, he hasn’t had a single drop of coffee.

When he warms his hands on his own mug, Chanyeol feels – and sees – Sehun intertwine their legs under the blanket. When he looks at Sehun, surprised, but his ears tinted red, he sees his friend smiling while he looks out the open window.