Something feels off, but Chaewon is having a hard time pinpointing just what exactly is.

They are currently coming over to the other dorm for their day off. Eunbi insists that they need to spend the day bonding as twelve, having delivered a detailed instruction the night before that interacting with their j-line is a must. Chaewon doesn’t know if she was just imagining the manic glee on Yena and Yujin’s faces upon receiving such a mission, but she pities whoever it is they have decided to shower with attention for the day.

(It’s Sakura. Chaeyeon actually has to stick around for damage control because the older girl nearly sprains her tongue trying to speed through the tongue-twisters Yena introduces, pray for her.)

By the time lunch is around the corner, Chaewon camps at the kitchen with Eunbi and Yuri, cooking a pot of budae jjigae with cheese and making three rolls of kimbap.

That was the plan, at least.

“We can handle this,” Eunbi says, waving a hand nonchalantly in the air, almost as if she’s shooing Chaewon away. “Go tell others to prepare the living room instead.”

Scratch that; she is shooing Chaewon away.

“I’m sure Chaeyeon-unnie’s already mobilizing the tongue-twister group by now,” Yuri helpfully supplies, idly stirring the pot. “The rest are playing monopoly in Hii-chan’s room, if I’m not wrong.”

“Right,” Chaewon murmurs, stepping away from the kitchen. No use arguing with them about the importance of having a radish fairy in the kitchen, now. She heads to the appointed room, mumbling all the way about being a messenger owl whenever she’s not stuck working as a thirdwheeler.

Arriving at her destination, she stops at the door and raises her hand to knock, rapping her knuckles against the wooden surface exactly three times before Hitomi’s shout of ‘coming!’ rings from inside.

The sound is enough to make her smile.

Chaewon waits for the doorknob to turn with a resounding click. The door creaks open, and Hitomi adorably peeks through the crack. Chaewon gives a little wave at the same time Hitomi’s eyes widen in recognition.

“Oh,” Hitomi quickly says before Chaewon has the chance to say anything, “wait a bit, Chaewon-unnie! I will get Nako for you.”

The smile on Chaewon’s face falters, eyebrows furrowed in palpable confusion. She would have asked for an explanation, but Hitomi is already gone, calling out for Nako, who seconds later stands before her with a mirrored puzzlement on her face.

Silence.

“Chaewon-unnie?” Nako queries after a moment of mutual quietude.

“Ah,” Chaewon says, blinking, “Eunbi-unnie wanted me to tell you guys to come to the living room and help us prepare for lunch.” She says the words slowly with a set of gestures to get her point across.

Nako’s eyes narrow, slightly parted lips producing a short hum with a bemused tune. “You could have told that to Hii-chan.” Her words are slower, but it merely emphasizes the questioning manner in which she delivers them.

“I could have,” Chaewon agrees, shrugging.

The shorter girl mutters something in Japanese, the words paced way too fast for Chaewon to catch. Then Nako looks up, an exasperated smile on her lips. “Okay, unnie, I will tell everyone else.”

“Thanks,” Chaewon tells her. She wants to say more—like hello what is up with Hitomi—but she has a feeling that Nako doesn’t know, either, so she settles with a smile and a nod to end the conversation.

As she makes her way to the living room, she tries to shrug off the feeling that something is amiss.

She isn’t very successful.

 

-

 

“I propose that we play a mafia game,” Yuri announces very seriously after all the dishes are done and the living room has been cleaned up. “It’s simple enough to play, and we can include everyone.”

“Here’s to breaking friendships!” Wonyoung yells, long limbs flailing excitedly over her head.

“Breaking friendships?” Hitomi slowly repeats, blinking at the words.

“Let’s not play that,” Eunbi wisely intervenes. “We’re here to bond, not to end up swearing vengeance on each other.”

“Now, now, I’m sure we’re all mature enough to handle a game,” Yena says.

“You literally poured a glass of glitters onto my bed several days ago after losing in uno,” Minjoo reminds her, head shaking at the memory.

“You gave me the +4 card thrice."

"I had no other cards to put out."

"Oh, yeah? Each time I was just one card away from uno!”

“Then you should be mad at the circumstances, not me!”

Tearing her gaze away from the commotion, Chaewon sighs, glancing to her left to find Nako blinking back at her with mildly concealed amusement.

“Are you okay, Chaewon-unnie?” Nako asks.

Chaewon slightly cranes her neck to look past the younger girl, her gaze landing on Hitomi who sits on the other side of Nako. The Tochigi native is very carefully not looking at her, even though there’s a slight twitch to her lips that signals that she can feel the weight of Chaewon’s stare. There, in metaphorical giant letters and glaring neon lights, is the answer to her uneasiness all day.

Hitomi has been avoiding her, that’s what’s wrong.

(She should have realized it sooner, but perhaps she just doesn’t want to think about it being a possibility at all. It’s not until she gestured Hitomi to the vacant seat next to her only for the younger girl to tell her she’d get Nako to sit there that Chaewon figured it out.)

“Did I do something wrong?” Chaewon softly murmurs, folding into herself in a defeated manner, and Nako just sympathetically pats her shoulder, shaking her head but otherwise offering no satisfying answer.

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Yujin whoops from the other side of the room, waving an empty bottle. “We can get to know each other better!”

“Let’s just do truth or truth,” Hyewon compromises, sweating profusely at the prospect of getting dares from the beagles. Sakura’s tongue is a living proof of why it’s a bad future.

“Then couch team should come down, we would have to sit in a circle,” Eunbi instructs, Chaeyeon translating sparsely to Japanese.

“Ah,” Hitomi says, raising her hand. “I want to be excluded, please.”

The whole room pauses.

“Why?” Chaeyeon asks, voice lilting with worry. “Are you feeling unwell, Hii-chan?”

“Um.” Hitomi nods, clutching her stomach. “My stomach aches, a little. I think I will go rest. I’m sorry.”

“Then it can’t be helped,” Eunbi says, voice way softer than usual. She has always had a soft spot for Hitomi, after all. “You can return to your room. Rest well, Hii-chan.”

“I’ll accompany her,” Chaeyeon decides, and Chaewon’s stomach sinks a little. She should have offered that first. Chaeyeon looks at Hyewon and grins, “Please keep Sakura and Nako safe.”

“I hold literally zero power over Yena and Yujin,” Hyewon feels the need to remind her.

“Eunbi-unnie will help,” Chaeyeon optimistically says, rising from her seat. Eunbi twitches—no doubt having war flashbacks to her past experiences in trying to control the beagles—but nods to confirm her agreement. Chaeyeon returns the nod in satisfaction and addresses Hitomi, “Come on, Hii-chan. Let’s get you to bed, and I’ll give you some meds.”

“I can sing Hii-chan a lullaby to help her sleep,” Yena hopefully offers, only to get whacked in the head, courtesy of Yuri.

“The last time you did such a service, you traumatized Minjoo!”

“It was like hearing a tyflute version of Naekkoya,” Minjoo violently shudders. “I ended up dreaming I was being chased by a legion of ducks screaming the lyrics at me.”

Chaeyeon seems to translate the conversation as they walk away, because Chaewon picks up a faint sound of Hitomi’s laughter several seconds later.

As she forces herself to pay attention to the ongoing debacle before her, she tries to shrug off the feeling that she should have been somewhere else.

She isn’t very successful.

 

-

 

She doesn’t know what to expect when the bottle Eunbi has spun ends up pointing at her.

(In hindsight, she should have.)

“Kim Chaewon,” Eunbi says, eyebrows serious and voice even more so. “You want to check up on Hii-chan, don’t you?”

“Do we even need to hear the answer?” Yena solemnly asks, crossing her arms in front of her chest and nodding sagely as though she speaks nothing but the truest truth.

“Really,” Minjoo chimes in, “you have glanced at the direction of her room more times than Yena-unnie have lied in her life. And that’s saying something since she lies a lot.”

“Hey!”

Chaewon sighs, reaching for the bottle. “Then let me spin it since my answer’s already out.”

“Absolutely not!” Wonyoung yells, Yujin acting as the echo while Yuri smacks Chaewon with a cushion and Nako dives to snatch the bottle away from her reach.

Chaewon draws back and gapes, perplexed at the violent responses.

“Go check up on her, Chaewon,” Eunbi orders.

“Be where your mind is,” Yena grandly exclaims, immediately ducking down to avoid the small pillow Chaewon flings towards her.

“Fighting!” Nako cheers, using the bottle to mimic a microphone.

“You guys sound like you’re kicking me out,” Chaewon dryly says, rubbing the side of her head Yuri smacked earlier.

“We are kicking you out,” everyone—including Sakura and Nako—says in unison.

“Goodbye,” Hyewon says, unceremoniously pushing her to stand.

Chaewon tries her best to sit still, reasoning with herself that she wouldn’t know what to say to Hitomi anyway, and it’s probably better for her to let it be for now, hoping that tomorrow the issue will be miraculously resolved.

She isn’t very successful.

 

-

 

The trip from the living room to Chaeyeon and Hitomi’s shared room isn’t long. Chaewon tries to determine what wrong she has possibly done to have the younger girl avoiding her like this during the short walk, but the door appears sooner than enlightenment, and her hand is already reaching for the doorknob before she knows it.

Taking a deep breath, Chaewon turns the knob and pushes it open, poking her head in.

“Hello,” she says, and her gaze is immediately drawn to the scene occurring on the top bunk.

(Hitomi is grappling at the bed's safety handles installed to keep her from falling off, one of her legs already thrown over the edge as though she’s preparing herself to jump. Chaeyeon has her arms looped around Hitomi’s waist, seemingly preventing her from executing the fall.)

Chaewon’s greeting seems to have the intended effect, because both notice her presence fairly quick, frozen in their positions and looking to her direction with similarly surprised expressions.

Chaewon blinks, her mind processing the sight before her.

“Goodbye,” she weakly says, stepping back and pulling the door close.

“No, wait!” Chaeyeon yells, and in a miraculously short time the dancer of the group has arrived on the ground and swung the door wide open. “I swear it’s not at all like what it seems,” the older girl explains, beckoning for Chaewon to come in.

“It’s okay, I was just going to check up on—” Chaewon pauses and swallows. “But everything seems fine so I’ll just go back.”

“Absolutely not,” Chaeyeon tells her, and Chaewon gets a strange sense of déjà vu. “Please come in.”

“I’d rather not,” Chaewon faintly says. Now that her shock is over, she can see that Hitomi is fine and not at all having a stomach-ache and the younger is probably escaping to the bedroom as an extreme measure to avoid Chaewon which means that she’s better off away because Hitomi wouldn’t want her there.

“Chaewon,” Chaeyeon says, with an all-knowing tone and a disappointed stare. Oh no, not the ‘I’m not mad I’m just disappointed’ card. Chaewon has developed immunity for when Eunbi’s the one doing it, but Chaeyeon is another story. “You’re already here, so come in. Hii-chan wants to say something to you anyway.”

“She does?” Chaewon questions.

“I do?” Hitomi timidly asks from Chaeyeon’s bunk.

Chaewon sighs, while Chaeyeon executes a facepalm.

“Yes, you do,” Chaeyeon says to Hitomi, while her fingers curl around Chaewon’s wrist to tug her inside. All the dancing and the hard-carrying—to make sure the dorm she’s in is functional—have gifted the older girl with strong muscles, so Chaewon stumbles in with embarrassingly little fight. Chaeyeon stands between her and the door as though to prevent Chaewon from fleeing and says with an insurmountable air of authority, “Now talk to each other like a pair of good kids you both usually are. Excellent communication is an undervalued skill in this society that should be practiced at all times.”

“Like when you thought Kura-unnie was mad at you but she’s actually just sad she had to leave her gaming stuffs in Japan?” Chaewon asks, putting her most innocent expression on.

“Yes, thank you for your cheek, Chaewon,” Chaeyeon dryly says, though embarrassment colours the tip of her ears in red. “I can have zero regrets for doing this, then.”

And with that, Chaeyeon steps out of the room and shuts the door close.

“Nani the what,” Chaewon exclaims, grabbing the doorknob and trying to pull it open. When it doesn’t budge even after a furious shake of her hand, she lets out a sigh and turns towards the only other occupant in the room. “She's locked it.”

Hitomi blinks at her from the bunk, a pillow clutched tightly to her chest. “I can see that.”

“I’ll scream,” Chaewon decides, turning to face the door again.

“You don’t have to—” Hitomi starts to say, but there’s no other options.

“CHAEYEON-UNNIE OPEN THE DOOR!” Chaewon bellows, and there’s a loud thud from the other side following her scream. She hopes it’s Chaeyeon falling over from shock. She deserves it.

“Chaewon-unnie,” Hitomi says, “it’s okay. Come sit.”

Chaewon raps her knuckles rapidly against the wooden surface, insistent. “Open open open open open,” she chants, her voice growing louder with each repetition.

As it is with most of the things today, she isn’t very successful.

“Chaewon-unnie,” Hitomi says, and this time there’s exasperation in her tone. “Give it up and come sit.”

Sighing in resignation, Chaewon stops pounding the door with her fist and leans her forehead against it instead. Nothing is working in her favour today, she silently laments; she has probably spent a lifetime worth of luck to debut in the group and now all the misfortunes are catching up on her.

Slowly, she turns to face Hitomi, and presses her own back against the door, sagging against it as she plops down on the floor.

“I’m sitting now,” she says, giving the younger girl a half-smile.

Hitomi isn’t amused.

“Sit on the—bed,” Hitomi says. “Sit on the bed, is what I meant.”

Chaewon shakes her head, gathering her knees close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “I’m good. It’s fine.”

Hitomi purses her lips and gets up from the bunk. She’s still clutching on the pillow as she makes her way towards Chaewon, and Chaewon holds in a breath when the younger crouches before her.

“Comfortable?” Hitomi asks with a tilt of her head.

“Yes,” Chaewon answers. “It’s comfortable.”

“Really,” Hitomi says, and proceeds to sit on the floor. If Chaewon lifts her arm, she would be able to touch the younger’s shoulder easily, but her hold around her knees merely tightens.

“You should sit on the bunk,” she tells the younger girl.

“No,” Hitomi says, shaking her head. She pats the floor and nods very seriously, “Comfortable.”

A burst of light chuckle escapes Chaewon’s lips, and Hitomi’s mouth stretches into a smile at the sound. It only takes Chaewon a glance to capture the sight, and a second for her heart to skip a beat.

Not wanting to dwell on that brief moment, Chaewon lets her chuckle quieten down into a smile and asks, “Is your stomach okay?”

Hitomi nods. “There was—” she squints, trying to recall the word in Korean, “some air?”

“Ah, there was some air,” Chaewon repeats, nodding in understanding. A voice in the back of her mind triumphantly says see, it's not really to avoid you, she's really in discomfort earlier, but she ignores it for now. “Have you burped it out?”

“Yes.” The younger girl gives a thumb up, chin resting on top of the pillow in her clutch, and Chaewon lowers her head to her knees in an attempt to hide a snort because it’s adorable. You can’t ask Chaewon to remain irresponsive in the face of Hitomi doing adorable things; that’s just unrealistic.

“So,” Hitomi says, prompting Chaewon to look up again.

“So,” Chaewon echoes.

“Unnie, I’m sorry.” Hitomi descends into a deep bow, head buried into the pillow in her lap. When she straightens up, there’s a sad frown marring her face and regret lurking behind her eyes. It’s almost enough to make Chaewon forget everything and immediately forgive.

Almost.

“Sorry for?” Chaewon asks instead, because she needs answers still, if only so she can avoid doing the same mistake twice.

Hitomi lowers her gaze. “For always pushing Nako towards you.”

Chaewon slowly exhales. “And why did you do that?”

There is hesitation in the way Hitomi’s hold around the pillow imperceptibly tightens. “I,” she begins, her lips. She looks up briefly then down again, “The amigo TV.”

Chaewon blinks. “Pardon?”

“Amigo TV,” Hitomi repeats, voice faint. “In the show, you said, that you…” she trails off, and realization washes over Chaewon as she finally recalls the scene the younger most probably is referring to.

“Is this about,” Chaewon rapidly blinks, disbelief colouring her voice, “the member I want to take care of?”

The answering nod is so subtle that Chaewon almost misses it. She catches it, though, and she has to release a breath to refrain herself from smiling in amusement. This is not the right time to smile.

“Did you do it because you think that’s what I want,” Chaewon slowly says, “or is there another reason?”

“Chaeyeon-unnie told me that you’re sad,” Hitomi says, still avoiding Chaewon’s gaze. “Because I did all that. I didn’t realize you would be sad. For that, I’m sorry, unnie.”

Releasing her knees, Chaewon reaches out to poke the younger’s cheek. Her action causes Hitomi to look up in surprise, and Chaewon’s lips twist into a smile.

“That’s not what I was asking at all.” She pulls her hand back, resting it in her lap. “But okay. If you can’t tell me, it’s okay. You are forgiven.”

Hitomi blinks at her, mouth opening and closing without a sound.

“For the record, though,” Chaewon softly says, careful and slow so Hitomi can catch every word, “I do want to take care of you, too, if you’d let me.”

Hitomi visibly swallows at that, and Chaewon is startled to find a misty look on the younger’s eyes.

“Hey,” she says, a little panicked, “Hitomi? Don’t—oh my God don’t cry.” She scoots closer and cradles the younger’s cheeks in her hands, tilting her head up and releasing a relieved breath when there’s no tears in sight.

Hitomi just shakes her head and lets out a hoarse laughter. “It’s not—it’s not sad.” She grasps Chaewon’s hands and pulls them down. “I’m sorry. I’m just being silly.”

“No, no, you aren’t silly.” Chaewon moves her hands in Hitomi’s hold to clasp her fingers around the younger’s, giving them a comforting squeeze. “Well, maybe you hang around Minjoo too much and have accidentally caught her crybaby virus, but.”

Hitomi giggles at that, apparently understanding enough words to get what Chaewon was talking about. Something akin to warmth unfurls inside Chaewon's chest at the sound, and she would have melted if she were made out of butter.

“I just,” Hitomi softly says a few seconds after, looking down at their entwined fingers, “I was a little envious, I guess. And it’s—! It’s a little strange. I don’t really understand it.” Hitomi looks up and gives Chaewon a sheepish smile, “Maybe I—was just, worried. That. That I would be…”

Forgotten? Pushed aside? Unnoticed? Chaewon wonders. Her heart breaks at the thought, and she’s aware that her Japanese skill is at best questionable and at worst non-existent, but there’s a line she has long memorized that she thinks the younger needs to hear again right at this moment, so.

Taking a deep breath, Chaewon summons an amount of courage that rivals that of the amount she needed to run for To Reach You’s center position and gently says,

“Honda Hitomi, your presence isn’t small.”

Hitomi exhales sharply at that, her grip tightening around Chaewon’s fingers. Her face exudes disbelief and there’s also awe, as though she can’t believe Chaewon still remembers that line from their Produce 48 days after all this time.

Then, timidly, Hitomi murmurs,

“Even in your heart?”

And Chaewon is trying her best, really she does, but her Japanese is still subpar and the only words she can discern from the whispered sentence is your and heart. She carefully searches Hitomi’s eyes, willing the glint in those dark pools to fill in the blanks for her. There’s thoughtfulness, a flicker of hope, and a guarded look all swirled into one.

Hitomi slowly smiles, and the light is reflected from her eyes like they’re questioning Chaewon, too.

Then it hits her with understanding clarity, what Hitomi must have asked.

“Yes,” Chaewon confidently says, watching the smile on Hitomi’s face falter from sheer surprise. She presses on, not wanting to leave a room of doubt,

“Especially in my heart.”

Then the smile is back.

It’s even wider.

When Hitomi finally surges forward to hug her, Chaewon lets out a relieved chuckle and welcomes her with a tight embrace. It feels right, she fleetingly thinks, it feels right to hold the younger girl like this, to have her in her arms and warmth in her heart like both are meant to be.

She kind of wants time to stop.

And of course she has jinxed it for the both of them the moment she wishes it into existence, because the doorknob suddenly turns and the door collides painfully against Chaewon’s back as it attempts to swing open, Chaeyeon’s cheerful “Hello!” fading off into silence a beat later.

“Oops,” Chaewon hears the dancer squeak. “Goodbye?”

Then the door closes with a resounding click.

Hitomi draws back from Chaewon’s embrace, trying to stifle laughter upon seeing the grimace on Chaewon’s face.

“Don’t laugh,” Chaewon pleadingly tells her, “my is sore from the collision.”

Hitomi tries to hold it in, really, she does.

She isn’t very successful.

 

-

 

(“You’re in my heart, too, unnie,” Hitomi shyly tells her as they exit the room, hand-in-hand. Chaewon smiles brightly at her, which results in Hitomi’s satisfied grin, cheeks gathering up and eyes forming crescent moons, and just like that—just like that, the stars seem to align right once again.

And, well, if she was meant to look a little mad at Chaeyeon for locking the room and opening it so suddenly it gave Chaewon a health hazard…

She isn’t very successful.)

 

 

 

END.