Junmyeon knew.

 

He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but there really wasn’t anything anyone could do to stop him.

 

If they were to tell Junmyeon that curiosity killed the cat, he’d tell them they had nine lives for a reason.

 

It hadn’t been long since he started, he calculated it to be roughly around a month and a half ago. And in all honesty, it was Minseok’s fault this ever started.

 

Or maybe Minseok was simply a scapegoat in all of this.

 

Whatever the truth was, it didn’t change how routinely this had become for him:

 

After a long, tiring schedule, he’d get home,

 

eat dinner,

 

clean up,

 

get ready for bed,

 

and log on to twitter.

 

It had started off as a joke, a ruse from the older man of how lost they (he, in particular) seemed when it came to things revolving around their fans.

 

( “Bunny what?”

 

“Prince”, Baekhyun repeated.

 

“What the hell is that?”

 

“Well they call themselves bunny citizens, so I guess you’re their bunny prince.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Jesus Jun”, chuckled a groggy Minseok. “I know you’re not on social media, but this is embarrassing on a whole new level.” )

 

He knew he shouldn’t have let it work him up, but he was actually doing pretty well snooping around anonymously if he did say so himself, the username of myeonkerri01 serving as the perfect trojan horse.

 

So they want us to wear bunny hats at our fansign next week?, he thought. Easy. Just one phone call to his manager and it should be considered as good as done.

 

He loved this. Loved knowing something so simple, so docile, could make their fans so happy. If something like this could decrease any sadness or any hardships they had in their lives, even if by just a tiny bit, he’d be on twitter fulfilling every single request all day.

 

Yet there was something more on this website that gnawed at his chest, something that broke the calm in his heart with every added thump-thump that accumulated at its wake. Something so vile, so toxic in a way nothing else had ever spread in his life before.

 

If only he could reach it, nimble fingers aching at its pretense, simply complete the search, just press enter, it shouldn’t be this hard, just press it Junmyeon, jesus christ, just do it, come on, you need this—

 

“Junmyeon?”

 

Junmyeon shut the laptop close with a snap, fear dawning upon him, did he see?

 

“Y-yeah, Sehun?”, he stuttered, pulling his blanket over the device.

 

“....Nothing. Just wanted to let you know that Kyungsoo came to cook again. You want anything?”

 

“No thank you, Sehunnie, I ate already”, he smiled warmly. The taller boy stared, deciphering. But after a moment in contemplation, he simply shrugged and bid Junmyeon goodnight, the door to their shared room claiming a slow thud.

 

The older sighed. It seems like he wouldn’t be able to do it today either. But that’s alright.

 

Tomorrow is a new day.

__________

 

Sehun knew.

 

It’s been a while since, but he knew. He can feel it, and his suspicions were confirmed the day he had walked in on him on the laptop, a stuttering nervous mess.

 

It was obvious, painstakingly so, but even if anyone else had noticed too, no one talked about it.

 

No one talked about how at first, Junmyeon continuously asked for extra takes in the studio despite their album being close to completion.

 

No one talked about how after, Junmyeon would stay behind to practice the choreography again and again despite their endless rehearsals.

 

No one talked about how a week ago, Junmyeon spent extra time with their MV director, hell, begged for extra time, despite the already lengthy hours of filming.

 

No one talked about it, but Sehun knew.

 

“Comeback jitters”, they told him, and he thought nothing of it, until now, as he watches Junmyeon pleading the staff at their comeback stage for another take, claiming that his rings weren’t showing properly.

 

It was then that Sehun knew, more than before, that something wasn’t right with his leader.

 

Though, he didn’t act upon it then, simply backing his hyung up, helping him coax them into filming again, please PD-nim, it’s been a while since we’ve done this. Cut us some slack, yeah?  

 

Nor does he try in the van on the way to the dorm, as he sees Junmyeon take the seat farthest from the front, one by the window, slim fingers typing away at his phone angrily, undershirt caught between his nibbling teeth.

 

He took his chance when he saw everyone disperse, members a jolly cohort after their confirmed weekend off.

 

All except one, who seemed to have taken the news with no interest.

 

“Hyung, let’s go eat with the rest downstairs!”, offered a jolly Chanyeol. Weekends off meant beer, which also meant the rest of the night would be spent on their monthly PUBG tournament.

 

“No thanks!”, a muffled Junmyeon called from his bedroom. “I’m gonna rest here tonight!”

 

“Whatever you want! Goodnight hyung! Don’t too much!”, Jongin sneered at the dorm entrance, earning a muffled chuckle behind him. “Let’s go, Sehun.”

 

But the younger boy stood still, eyes focused on the room where his leader’s voice came from.

 

“You’re staying aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question more than it was a statement, but Sehun knew what Chanyeol meant.

 

“Just be careful, Sehun-ah.” And the front door slammed shut before he could respond, but Sehun knew what Jongin meant.

 

Sehun knew. He had know for a while.

 

With a deep sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair and made his way into his room.

 

The usual mess was in display, Junmyeon’s clothes scattered as he picked the ones he’d wear after his shower. Which was already running at the time, Sehun noticed, serene humming coming from the closed bathroom door. What Junmyeon had left clear, however, was his laptop placed in the middle of his bed, its charger plugged in place, seemingly preparing for a digital-filled night.

 

It was then that Sehun grew nervous. He had five minutes to complete his investigation if Junmyeon had already started humming in the shower. It was now or never.

 

Anxiously, he sat himself on Junmyeon’s bed and opened the laptop with trembling hands, preparing himself to crack down Junmyeon password (which, knowing the older, could range from his favorite foods to a bunch of Star Wars characters put together). However, he was surprised to see the laptop password-free, and was introduced to a rather large array of tabs.

 

An Online cookbook, an international clock, a youtube trailer for the newest Pokémon game, the beginning of an episode of Black Mirror, a feed for twitter—

 

Twitter.

 

This was it. 

 

Now if only he could--

 

Wait. What's this....?

 

Oh.

 

Oh.

 

Now it all made sense.

 

Yet before he could reach a verdict, Sehun heard the shower turn off with a loud squeak, and was brought back to reality in a matter of seconds. Panicking, he shut the laptop slowly and jumped off to his bed on the other side of the room, covering himself with his blanket to the brim and pretended to be asleep.

 

Junmyeon emerged into the room almost instantly, air filling itself with his natural cozy musk, of laundry detergent and old spice. He was covered in his fluffy bathrobe, ruffling a smaller towel on his hair. He looked over at a sleeping Sehun lying in his bed and smiled. The poor boy, he always worked himself to exhaustion yet never complained about it. He was amazing.

 

Junmyeon walked closer and nudged him.

 

“Sehunnie….Sehun-ah~”, he called quietly.

 

“Mmmm.”

 

“Shh, it's just me. I’m gonna go to the living room, maybe watch a movie. You wanna come?”

 

“No, hyung,” he answered in a rough voice to feign his drowsiness, ”I’m gonna sleep in instead.”

 

“Sure thing, Hunnie. See you in the morning.” Junmyeon picked up his laptop and walked toward the entrance of the room, turning off the bedroom light before heading out, but a small voice caught his attention.

 

“....hyung.”

 

“Hmm? Did you say something?”

 

“I said...I said you’ll always be enough for me, hyung.”

 

Junmyeon chuckled lightly. “I know, Sehun-ah. I know.”

 

Because he did. He knew.

 

He knew it was game over for him.

__________

 

The ever scrutinizing eyes were always abundant in sobriety. He hated it, he despised it.

 

But the smile on his face never vanished.

 

Everywhere. Like god damn flies, drawn to his disgusting, succulent-like imperfection.

 

Yet his laughter never faltered.

 

He was going crazy, he was losing his touch.

 

And Sehun knew.

 

He knew Sehun knew.

 

It was like a trap waiting to set, its prey playing between the lines of life or death, taunting the genuine patience of man.

 

Man was ever patient; he always was.

 

Yet Junmyeon decided to let it all go to hell. It was his company’s halloween party, and Sehun wasn’t here to witness his downfall.

 

So the prey had fallen.

 

He took swing after swing, until he was sure he couldn’t taste the difference between a draft beer or anything that was laced.

 

He drank until the world became a blur, until he didn’t know who Yunho was or who his manager was, until the bodies that surrounded him on the dance floor ultimately lost their gender, until the tightness in his stomach coiled every inch of his body, coiling and coiling, until he couldn’t breathe.

 

His dancing came to a sudden halt, music muffled in his ears as he tried to make up the face in front of him.

 

“Stop”, he whispered. It was too much. It was all too god damn much.

 

How dare they?

 

Who the do they think they are?

 

“Just stop”, he continued, trembling hands reaching to rub his eyes, fatigue taking over.

 

They’re laughing at you, Junmyeon. You can’t even look them in the eye.

 

“Please”, he pleaded.

 

You’re a coward. Such a coward. How are you a leader again?

 

“I don’t know”, he whimpered.

 

Pathetic. Just look at you. They’re right you know, all of them; you’re nothing more than scum on this Earth; you don’t deserve the life you have; you’re a good-for-nothing piece of ; you should be replaced. That’s why you keep looking for those tweets everyday, isn’t it? Because you know.

 

Of course he did.

 

An uncontrollable sob took over his body then, the palms on his eyes digging harder with each fit. Snot running down his face, drumming in his ears and the voices in his head only further pushed his insanity. A wretched gag pulled through his throat, liquor and food adorning the floor, the breakfast Chanyeol made acting as the cherry on top.

 

("So?", Chanyeol asked excitedly.

 

“It was good”, he remembers saying.

 

Chanyeol's smile slowly faded as his eyes fell to the table. “You’re only saying that”, he sighed defeatedly.

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“I just know, hyung. You're easy to read. You’re not as slick as you think you are.”)

__________
 

Sehun was always one to watch. He had his aloof personality to thank.

 

He knew that.

 

And it hurt.

 

It pained him to see, it pained him to watch it all happen in front of him and yet he all could do was nothing.

 

Knowing that another man witnessed Junmyeon breakdown even though he had the power to help end it all so long ago.

 

Knowing that another man carried Junmyeon out of the party and cleaned him up before dropping him off.

 

Knowing another man had pushed his way through the dorm, through his room, with no further explanation.

 

Knowing that Junmyeon did not want to let the other man go.

 

“Junmyeon-ah...you’re home now. I have a schedule tomorrow. Look, Jun, Sehun is here. He’ll take care of you.“

 

“Yunho please! I’ll be good I promise, but you can’t leave me here!”

 

“Don’t be dramatic, you’re home now. I really need—“

 

“I’ll blackmail you, Yunho, I swear to god, I’ll tell Changmin—“

 

“Junmyeon!”

 

“You can go, hyung.”

 

The older man turned to the quiet yet powerful voice, bewildered. “Are you sure? He’s not stable right now, Sehun, maybe he’s right—“

 

“Please leave”, he demanded, exhausted. “I need to talk to him. This has gone long enough.”

 

The older man looked at him in the eye, understanding. He struggled to untangle himself from the drunkard in his arms, but when he was successful in laying him down, he patted Sehun on the back encouragingly.

 

Sehun bowed at the closing door, but he wasn’t ready for the bustling shorter man running up to it as it slammed shut.

 

“No!”, Junmyeon cried, body banging against the door painfully. “No, you can’t leave me…!”, he whimpered as he slid down.

 

“You can’t leave me here with him….”, came the final whisper.

 

The air filled with thick silence. Junmyeon still seated against the door frame, mumbling crowded nonsense, why him?, they were right all along, I wish I hadn’t eaten that breakfast.

 

It seemed like ages until one of the two made a sound, a sad chuckle booming in the deafening silence.

 

“Why….?”, called a weak voice.

 

“Wh--”

 

“Why not me, hyung….?”, the voice cracked.

 

Junmyeon’s head shot towards the younger boy behind him, and his heart broke with what he saw.

 

Sehun was holding back his tears, hands rubbing against his eyes in vain. His entire body was shaking, a broken sob cracking through his weakening facade.

 

“I-I don’t get it”, he hiccuped.  

 

“Sehun.”

 

“You-you go around with this ing veil, as if you need to be perfect in the eyes of everyone else.”

 

“Sehun….”

 

“But you just d-don’t know. You don’t ing know.”

 

“Sehun, please.”

“You don’t know how ing perfect you already are to me.”

 

Junmyeon’s heart beats wildly.

 

“Junmyeon, please.”

 

“Sehun, stop.”

 

“Stop what? Stop falling in love with you?” Sehun scoffs bitterly. “I can’t, hyung. I can’t. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I just can’t look away."

 

He takes a step forward. 

 

"I can’t look away when your eyes brighten up like stars whenever someone compliments you.” 

 

Another.

 

“I can’t look away whenever you pout in thought as you try to help Jongin or Chanyeol with their troubles.”

 

Come to me.

 

“I can’t look away when you blush so ing beautifully in frustration whenever Baekhyun and Jongdae tease you.”

 

Please hold me.

 

“I can’t, for the ing life of me, look away whenever you smile. It’s as if the whole ing world disappears, hyung, there’s only you and , what I would give to see it everyday.”

 

 I’m sorry.

 

He reaches Junmyeon's crouching body and sits down, softly pulling the blushing boy into his arms.

 

Junmyeon doesn’t fight it, leaning into Sehun’s warming touch. He rests his head against Sehun’s chest, following the rhythm of his breathing, but losing the battle against the younger’s fast-paced heart.

 

“Sehun?”, he calls cautiously, afraid to break the calming quiet that had settled between them.

 

The taller boy merely hums in response, lulling Junmyeon from side to side.

 

“Can you promise me something?”

 

He felt soft fingers slowly push his chin up, forcing him to look into Sehun's eyes. The younger hid fear and worry behind them, but he nodded his head in reassurance.

 

“Promise me…” he pleaded, “promise me you’ll wait.”

And with that, Sehun’s face broke into a smile, tears streaming down his face as he tried to hide his happiness. He nodded eagerly, cradling Junmyeon’s face in his hands. Junmyeon placed his own over Sehun’s. How warm, he thought. 

 

“I love you, Junmyeon.” Junmyeon felt his heart skip a beat.

 

He  knew everything would be okay. With Sehun by his side, he knew there was nothing that could hurt him anymore.

 

And Sehun knew, knew that he would do everything in his power to help Junmyeon see what he saw so many years ago.

 

They knew they would fall in love.

 

They knew.

 

They had known for a while.