"more like a gesture

acknowledging the coldness of its touch

I pull myself closer around the neck

as to contain myself

from disappearing

in the flux"

the air was thick with the smell of winter. strong and howling gusts of wind had blown open one of the windows of your room, slamming it repeatedly against the binds for hours and hours on end, long enough to induce yet another sleepless night. one too many. you had a dream about blood in your mouth and burning houses, desperately trying to survive and save your "loved" ones. which you don't even have.

how utterly sad.

mom's sick and father was too tired to get up and close the window for you. you didn't even bother. the time it would've taken to get the window to close - your head sticking outside trying to reach said window - would've been more than enough to catch a cold - and you know how much you hate allergies - let alone the fact that the probability of your head getting busted open in the process was... pretty high really.

you regret not doing it.

what a terrible night to have a curse. your first sick thought of the day: "i want to break something in my body soon so i can pump myself on that sweet sweet morphine high" to make up for that wasted opportunity. you can't get your hopes up, but you might as well get up yourself at this point. everything is growling. you open up the balcony to look outside. you can't even tell if it's night or day. god himself blocks the way.

your left eye twitches.

you wash your face and by mistake you look in the mirror. it's me, hyewon. i'm seventeen years old and i love what i dont have, you mumble to yourself. despite everything, it's still you. but who are you? the picture has no smell. you can hear your mom sounding the alarm with her voice, which means she's yelling. towards you. you don't have enough in you to even be able to sigh about it. you stand still, in hopes that time'll do the same. you fail. you have no power over anything.

you look like you've seen a ghost. which you are, really. just look at yourself.

oh, it's late. you need to hurry, she shouted. and look, your dad joined the party too. this is the best. your lack of sleep grants you the ability to filter out every sound above a hundred decibels. your two feet take you to your room, where you take your pajamas off, rushing through your wardrobe, searching for the blackest, most colorless clothes you may have. what's it gonna be? a blut aus nord t-shirt to spice things up? or maybe dødheimsgard? a lil bit of this, a lil bit of that?

your mom is banging on your door, prompting you to just take a plain black shirt.

groovy.

looks grim enough. you are most pleased with your choice. you post your selfie on your twitter profile, with the caption "body goals: decomposing". you imagine it clashing with the drapes, thinking it'd look wonderful. you turn the notifications on. you feel decently about starting the day but your little moment gets hindered by the extremely unpleasant stench of nicotine coming all the way from the balcony, courtesy of your dad.

that's the cue to leave.

you pack your backpack with whatever may be useful and you book it out of your house without saying goodbye to your parents. not that it's needed anyway. you gallop towards your school, which is just a three minutes walk from home. along the way you realize you forgot to bring your headphones. curse you all men, you rapidly tell the world through your very own twitter, gritting your teeth. you cry for the supernatural to occur.

and shockingly enough... nothing happens.

once again, you pull out your phone to tweet out "@god let me shapeshift you bastard". you are satisfied with this.

but you still forgot your headphones. your precious headphones. how could you forget about your babies like that?

and how will you survive through the day without charging yourself with A Umbra Omega at least once? still, you've almost reached the school. you can see the gates. you ponder whether or not going in is worth a shot or not. but it's not like you have anything better to do anyways, so you decide to roll with it. the pros? one, you get to see eunbi. from afar. with other girls. boys too, which is worse. but she's still there. two, six hours ticked off your day just like that.

it will be over before you know it.

you run up the stairs, but you hear a commotion two floors below you.

???: "skinny gurl skinny gurl where yo muscles at??"

oh, right, the cons. it's in yujin again, together with her girlfriend minju and that other ever-irrelevant no name lackey. she couldn't have picked someone more generic than these two no name punks right now for her lame crew. they're bickering with someone, another girl that's clutching at her backpack in retreat. you can tell she's not part of them by the way she's neatly dressed.

wonyoung: "they're... right here!"

she tries to push them away but to no avail. now they're acting even more obnoxious than before. great! and now the tall girl they've cornered looks real frightened. normally you wouldn't care. to hell with it all, you would think. this time though you can't help but feel sorry for the girl. you can tell she's not from the upper floors like you. of course, of course. 

yujin: "come on nerd, hand yourself over... remain calm... we only plan to steal... whatever we want!!"

wonyoung: "b-but... i can't give them away!! they're not mine!!! i can't!!!!"

they would never pick on someone who could actually fend them off in a real fight.

yujin: "i know you got some of those frisky japanese comics tucked in there! don't deny that !"

minju: "don't deny it! you cannot win!"

luckily, or unfortunately for yujin, minju and the other girl named chaewon, you're one of them.

chaewon: "ew japan that place's gross, just gross people there, trust me i've seen videos"

minju: "yo i actually went there one time, twas pukin"

yujin, chaewon and minju: "ahahahahahahahahaahiahaha"

wonyoung: "please let me go! it's so late! they're not gonna let me in! aaahhhhhhh!"

yujin and chaewon are able to snatch wonyoung backpack's off of her. they put it upside down, but nothing spills out, cause it's not only zipped shut, but it has a lock on it too. they grunt in disbelief. screw it. you turn your notifications off.

hyewon: "HEEEEEYYYY!"

you decide to barge in. your heart sounds like it just stepped on an imaginary gas. with full force.

hyewon: " is going on over here."

yujin, minju and chaewon turn around, greeting you with fake laughing.

they point at your general direction.

minju: "well this is a fine how do you do isnt it ladies?"

yujin: "look, weird girl! how convenient!! this day just keeps getting better and better... for us!"

chaewon: "ew now we even got a spooky nerd in our midst, how lame!"

hyewon: "and who the are you?"

minju: "we art..."

yujin: "the bad guys!"

chaewon: "certified!"

if you had the superpower to pause everything this very second, you would be tweeting out something along the lines of "bruv ngl this situation just went from worse to worser." yujin yanks wonyoung, the tall girl they were bothering, towards her, putting her arm around her.

she really doesn't seem eager to participate in their follies.

yujin: "hello? hi!! i'm sorry, did you get lost? i'm note sure if you're supposed to be here..."

chaewon: "oh look at me i listen to music-that-isn't-socially-accepted like a loooser!! prrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

minju: "doest thou fawn over our greatness, worm?"

you remain silent. wonyoung goes around the three bullies to take cover behind you. you can sense she's shaking.

yujin: "awwwww look at them! she's come to protect ya!! but man, have you just taken a good look at how ugleh your knight in shining armor is??? such a shame!!!!"

they all laugh at you. it's a song you've heard ad nauseam. you immediately regret your decision. as always.

you can feel a pit grow larger and larger where your stomach would be. great way to start this ing day.

yujin: "but hey, whaddyaknow, if you ride with my posse maybe you'll start being a lot cooler... not! your level of UNcoolness is OFF the charts! we're talking like NEGATIVE ZERO POINTS! cause you're a nerd! a BIG nerd! and you know what we do to nerds like you and your girl??? take it away chaewon!!"

chaewon: "listen! when i see a nerd, i FLOOR it!!"

yujin: "THAT'S WASSUP!!! minguri! tell it like it is!!"

minju: "i know not whomst thou art, but thy appearance remindeths me greatly of individuals the likes of "nerdsssss"... i believeth that upon encountering specimens such as "nnneeeeerrrrrds", as my dear terrifying and cruel but so so dear GF calls thee, for she is not only the renowned ruler of these corridors and balconies that worms the likes of thee dare contaminate every day, but she's also a SWEETHEARTE, thou hath such a beauty divine, that-"

wonyoung: "oh my GOD JUST SAY IT ALREADY!!"

minju: "oh! what insolence! fine then, since you worms aren't capable of understanding and will never even remotely come close to get to sniffing distance of such glamour... i'll lower myself to thine level, so you better listen up you ungrateful worms... cause i ain't gonna repeat twiceth..."

chaewon: "not gonna lie sometimes i have trouble following her too..."

minju: "EXCUSETH THEE??"

chaewon: "nothing, nothing... go on..."

yujin is smirking behind them without saying a word, her arms folded, witnessing their moment of triumph.

minju: "on days like these, nerds like you..."

you brace yourself, powerless for what's about to happen. 

minju: "...they get NAE NAE'D! in hell!"

your entire body cringes with embarassment. even wonyoung felt that to the point that she's now burying her face on your shoulder as a means to escape this prison that is being surrounded by chaewon, minju and yujin being a pain in the neck.

minju: "if you haven't realized that... nerds? they get nae nae'd! crossing our paths just like that without saying howdy? NAE NAE'D! jumping around jumping everywhere without giving us the time of day? you guessed it, nnnnae nae'd! all the others nerds such as you? we NAE NAE'D those nerds!"

everytime those cursed words are uttered by minju, she follows up by dabbing on you. maybe there really is no god on this earth after all.

chaewon: "...and you know honestly in my opinion why should we listen to them talk? nerds... i mean, once you get NAE NAE'D you're pretty much out of the conversation!"

you are filled with ultimate despair. what a mess we made when it all went wrong.

wonyoung: "okay WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?????!!!"

yujin: "shh! you got served, your utility has run out! now, if you'll excuse us, if you don't wanna get trashed even further, we have a backpack to rip through!"

wonyoung: "okay, seriously! you guys need to stop it!!! i can't leave without my backpack! come on!!! help!!!!!!"

you're growing increasingly more and more annoyed by the second. you've had enough of being the of the joke.

yujin: "yo whats wrong longface mcgee? what is it? you want round two? i can grant your wish if you want!"

you try to muster up something. anything at all. the first thing that comes int